Can't Point the Way to Your Heart (J2, NC-17) 3/5

[belyste]

Jared makes good on his promise and calls literally the minute Sandy leaves Friday night. Jensen knows the news is good as soon as he hears Jared’s voice, and he grins as Jared describes the absolutely perfect cannelloni he made and recounts every single thing Sandy said in praise of his cooking.

“It was so amazingly awesome, Jensen,” Jared gushes. “I had it timed just right, so she had just enough time to finish her first glass of wine and then the oven timer went off and I was whipping out cannelloni and warmed bread and a salad and more wine. It was like magic.”

Or good planning, but Jensen lets Jared have his moment. He’s glad things went well with Sandy, obviously, and it’s awesome that she suggested another date, both because it seems like she’s really interested and things are progressing nicely.

But somehow Jensen can’t manage to be very enthusiastic about anything, and he finds himself just wanting the conversation to be over, which isn’t something he normally thinks when he’s talking to Jared. It’s just - he was overtired last night, he knows that, and he’d had a bit to drink, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he was blatantly flirting with Jared last night. There’s no other word for it - when he was pretending to be Sandy and coyly fingering the buttons of his shirt and then reminding Jared saucily that his face was several inches north, he sure as hell wasn’t acting like a friend or relationship adviser. And then he went and made a comment about putting out, for God’s sake, when he wasn’t even pretending to be Sandy anymore, and Jensen cringes at the memory. Yeah, he wasn’t at the top of his game - working all day, shopping with Jared, putting together the bookshelf from hell and downing several beers on a few bites of takeout left him a little out of it - but that’s no excuse for letting his guard down and practically throwing himself at Jared. He doesn’t think Jared really noticed, beyond a little bemusement, but still. Jensen isn’t the kind of person that just waltzes over boundaries like that, and the only thing he can think to blame is the fact that he and Jared have spent practically all their free time this week together.

And that’s the only thing he can come up with that could possibly help - a little time apart. It shouldn’t be too hard. Jared’s well on his way with Sandy, and he shouldn’t need too much more advice. Maybe the occasional phone call or shopping trip or whatever, but not this every night of the week stuff they’ve been doing. Jensen’s laid down the basics, and Jared’s a smart guy - he can figure out the rest. Jensen’ll just back off a little, have a few excuses handy to turn down invitations, and let this stupid thing he has for Jared work itself out of his system.

Then, when he’s finally over his crush or whatever, they can just be friends, and Jensen won’t have to worry about saying suggestive things or Jared catching a lustful gaze here or there. It’s a good plan.

But Jared’s never been too great at the plan thing, especially when it’s a secret plan Jensen hasn’t even told him, and in the middle of a long rambling sentence, he suddenly says, “Hey, that reminds me. Are you doing anything on Sunday? I was thinking you should come over.”

Jensen hesitates. “Oh. You were?”

“Yeah,” Jared says, the that’s why I asked you, duh clear in his tone. “But if you’re busy, that’s cool.”

Jensen reaches for one of those handy excuses he planned out, but none come to mind. “Uh, no, it’s just - you don’t really need any advice on how to go watch a movie at Sandy’s place, right?”

“Well, not really,” Jared says, sounding a little confused. “I just thought - there’s a game on, and I thought you might want to watch. You know, just to hang out and relax, since this week was so hectic.” He pauses. “But it’s fine if you don’t want to, I just thought I’d ask.”

And now he sounds uncertain, and Jensen feels like a total ass for making it sound like he only endures Jared’s company for the sake of business. But if he lets himself go over there for no reason other than to hang out, he’ll totally be screwing his plan.

“No, I’d like to,” he says, and the reluctance there is genuine, “But I already have plans. Sorry, man.”

“No, hey, that’s cool,” Jared says. “Maybe some other time, then.”

“Yeah,” Jensen says, and he means that too. “Okay. Well, I’m glad your date went well, and good luck with the movie.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jared says. “Uh, I guess I’ll just see you around, then.”

“Call if you need anything,” Jensen says automatically, then amends, “If you need any help with Sandy.”

“Yeah.”

Jared’s unusually quiet as they say goodbye, and Jensen wants more than anything to just call back and say he’d love to hang out, that he’ll be there with beer and Jared better get some decent salsa, anything to erase that uncertainty from Jared’s voice. But he’s already proven that his likelihood to do stupid things increases exponentially with the amount of time he spends with Jared, and the only way to fix that is a little separation, no matter how it makes him feel. Jensen flips his phone shut, sighing, and resolves himself to some quality Jared-free time.

*      *      *

It works for a few days. Jensen fills his newly free time with all kinds of things he’s been meaning to do and never had time for, and it’s actually kind of nice. Well, until he realizes that alphabetizing his DVD collection and defrosting his freezer and organizing all his socks by color and function were things he never got around to for a reason - namely because they’re pointless and boring as all hell - and that his other friends, while nice to hang out with, kind of pale in comparison to Jared. Tom’s a good guy, but he’s not nearly as much fun since he got married and started worrying about college funds for nonexistent kids, and Chris and Steve are always up for a good time, but they also have an annoying habit of sliding into conversations in a language only they understand, comprised of half-sentences and expressive “hmm”s, and none of them want to watch reality TV or cheesy movies (purportedly to mock, but secretly because they love it) or laugh until banana milkshake shoots out their noses.

But whatever. Jensen will just have to get used to an existence free of bad entertainment and drinks shot out someone’s nose, that’s all. He’ll find some new hobbies or get all his Christmas shopping done early or something. It’s fine.

Well, it would be, except then Jared goes and totally fucks up Jensen’s plans by calling out of the blue on Wednesday and asking, “How do you feel about cats?”

Jensen blinks. “Uh, I don’t know. They’re okay, I guess?”

“Just okay?”

“Well, yeah. I’m more of a dog person.”

“Maybe you just haven’t given cats a chance,” Jared says. “I mean, have you ever actually owned a cat, or spent a lot of time around one?”

“Well, no,” Jensen admits. “Not really.”

“See? I think you’re judging unfairly, here. Cats are smart and playful and intuitive and amazing. You should be more open-minded.”

“Um, okay. I’ll…work on that,” Jensen says. “In the meantime, is there an actual reason you called? Like, something other than my heinous animal prejudices?”

“Yeah, there is.”

Jensen waits a beat. “Am I supposed to start guessing?”

Jared sighs. “No. It’s just - I kind of need a favor. A big one.”

This can’t possibly end well, but Jensen did say Jared should call him if he needs help, so he’s kind of screwed either way. “So tell me what it is.”

“Okay. Well, sometimes at the clinic we take in animals that get left places. They’re hurt or malnourished or whatever and people bring them in, and then we take care of them until we can find them a new home.”

Jensen is only vaguely familiar with what goes on at a vet clinic, but even he had that much figured out. “Uh-huh.”

“That’s how I ended up with Sadie and Harley,” Jared goes on. “Someone had abandoned them and no one else wanted them, so I took them home.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen says. “What does that have to do with me doing you a favor?” Then it hits him. “Wait. Oh, fuck no. Jared, are you trying to make me adopt a cat?”

“Jensen, this cat has nowhere else to go! The shelters are all full, and I’ve tried everyone I know. You’re my last hope!”

“No, I’m not, because there is no way in hell I’m taking the thing.” Jensen needs a cat like he needs herpes, which is to say, not at all and fuck you very much for asking.

“It’s not a thing, it’s a living breathing animal, and if you don’t adopt him, he’s going to get put down!” Jared sounds really worked up. “You’re just okay with that?”

Okay, innocent animals dying isn’t Jensen’s idea of a good time, but still. “No, but there has to be someone else who can take him. I don’t know anything about cats. I don’t even know if my building allows pets, for Christ’s sake.”

“So sneak him in, they’ll never know,” Jared says, an impatient edge audible in his voice.

“Oh, yeah, and then just lose my apartment and live on the street? Awesome plan!”

“Jensen, come on. I’m serious,” Jared says, like Jensen can’t tell from how not fun this conversation has been. “This cat is going to be killed if you don’t take him in. And you’d love him, I know it. He’s adorable and tiny and bitchy, just like you.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Wow, thanks. If you love the thing so much, why don’t you adopt him?”

“I would, but I’ve got two huge, rambunctious dogs, and it’s just a kitten. He needs a quieter place and more attention.”

“Give him to Sandy.”

“She’s allergic.”

Jensen does a double take. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, she figured it out after she was at my place. All the pet dander kept making her sneeze.”

“Oh. Dude, that sucks.” Jensen knows more than anyone how much Jared’s dogs mean to him, and the fact that they’re not compatible with the other most important thing in his life must be hard to handle. Sandy’s allergies are no fault of Jensen’s, but the fact that he didn’t even know about it and that Jared’s probably been worrying about it all week is, and he feels like a jerk for pushing Jared away. “So…the Miami Vice dogs from your fantasy life?”

Jared’s quiet for a moment. “Guess it’s not going to happen.” He sighs. “Can’t have her sneezing every second, and hairless animals wig me out, so I guess we’ll just have to have a lot of fish or something.”

“You could still name your fish Sonny and Rico,” Jensen says helpfully, trying to lighten the tone a little. “And you could even have a Starsky and Hutch set to go along with them. It’d be a whole crime-fighting legion of fish.”

Jared laughs a little. “Yeah, maybe.” He sighs again. “So, should I give you the innocent little animal spiel again, or should I start calling random people from the phonebook?”

Jensen takes a deep breath, then thunks his head back against the wall. It would really be nice if all his reasonable objections could stand up to Jared’s pleading, but the fact of the matter is, there was never any question of the outcome. Jensen was never going to say no, not when Jared needed something and he could give it. He might not want to do it, but he can’t refuse, especially when Jared goes all mopey and depressed on him. “Neither,” he says. “Just tell me what I have to do to make the little hairball mine.”

“Oh, my God, Jensen, I love you so much,” Jared gushes, mood doing a complete 180 so fast it leaves Jensen dizzy. “You’re the best person in the entire world. And I’ll pay for his shots and the adoption fee and I’ll get you food and a carrier and a litter box and everything, you don’t have to worry about any of it. And I promise to keep looking for somebody, so you won’t have to have him forever.”

“Yeah, all right,” Jensen says, like hearing a certain three words come out of Jared’s mouth didn’t affect him in any way. “Take it easy.”

“You’re seriously amazing. If there was any way to hug you through the phone right now, I would.”

“I believe you,” Jensen says dryly. “You’ll just have to molest a pillow and pretend it’s me, or something.”

“No way, I’m saving all this up for the next time I see you,” Jared promises. “Prepare to be hugged to within an inch of your life. And then I’ll tell you again how awesome a friend you are. There might even be worshiping involved.”

“Dude, it’s just a cat.”

“I know,” Jared says. “But I really, really appreciate it. It breaks my heart when we have to put them down, you know? They’re like helpless little kids.”

Yeah, Jensen knows. He learned early on how to separate himself from things - work, clients, relationships, people - but Jared’s not the type of person who can do that. He throws himself into everything, feels everything, puts his entire self into every little thing he does because he doesn’t know any other way. His work and his life are tangled together - he turned two of his clients into his family, and he cries at the end of Homeward Bound every damn time, and he actually keeps pictures of Sadie and Harley in his wallet, to show off to friends like a proud dad - but, the bitch of the thing is, he doesn’t want it any other way.

Jensen’s made an art of compartmentalizing, shoving pieces of himself in dark corners so they don’t touch, don’t rub up against anything else, don’t mix or blend or get messy, but even if Jared could do that, he wouldn’t. He’s honest down to his bones, and he’d see holding part of himself back as an untruth, a lack of faith. Jensen sees it as necessary to his survival, but he’s noticed that lately, around Jared, some of his boundaries are starting to crumble. Things that should stay separate are mixing, and what was supposed to be strictly business has crossed over into a mix of friendship and fun that leaves Jensen confused and off-balance. He thought some time apart from Jared would help, but as soon as he picked up the phone and settled into their normal banter without thinking, the rush of feeling he likes to pretend is just friendly affection came back at full force, and that whole thing about absence and fondness? Might just be true. Either way, spending time away from Jared now just leaves Jensen feeling disconnected and off-kilter, missing something fundamental. It felt wrong.

“Anyway, I’ll bring the little guy over tomorrow after work,” Jared says. “You’re going to love him. And thanks for doing this. It really means a lot to me.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jensen says, still trying to sort through what he’s feeling. “I’ll see you then.”

He flips his phone shut, but it’s a long time before he actually makes himself get up and make some dinner, caught up in questions that circle endlessly with no answer in sight.

*      *      *

Jared brings the cat over the next day, and stays just long enough to tell Jensen the cat’s name is Oscar, he bit Jared three times when he tried to get the cat into his carrier, and his main hobby (besides biting) seems to be glaring suspiciously.

“Great,” Jensen says, peering in through the bars at the small form huddled in the back corner. “Is there some reason you gave me the most antisocial cat you could find? Are you trying to tell me something?”

Jared laughs, unpacking a bag of food and toys onto the counter. “Yes, Jensen, I couldn’t think of another way to bring this up, but that habit you have of biting me needs to stop. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Wait until I start licking myself all over,” Jensen says without thinking, still focused on the cat, then wants to smack his head on the counter.

Jared just laughs, though. “We’ll have the hygiene talk later.”

He gives Jensen a sheaf of papers with instructions for feeding and care. “He’s already got all his shots, and it’ll be awhile before he’s old enough to need fixing, so for now he should be good. Don’t worry if he wants to stay in the carrier for a bit or hide under the couch - cats need to get used to bigger spaces. And call me if you have any questions or whatever.” Jared surveys the kitchen like he’s trying to remember what he forgot, then pats his pockets to reassure himself his keys and wallet are where he left them.

“In a hurry?” Jensen asks, bemused. He’s never seen Jared this businesslike before, but something tells him there’s more to it than that. He’s never seen Jared this harried before, either.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jared says, checking his watch. “I’ve got to get to an appointment. Sorry about leaving you the cat like this - I’ll stop by tomorrow and see how you’re doing, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Don’t worry.” Jensen stares at the bit of fur visible through the carrier sides. “We’ll be fine.”

Jared rushes out. Jensen sighs, then goes to stand in front of the carrier. He opens the little door, bends down to eye level, and takes a good look at the cat crouched in the shadows. “Well,” he says to it. “Looks like it’s just you and me.” The cat makes a noise, half-mew and half-growl.

“Okay, let’s just get something straight,” Jensen says. “I’m sure you’d rather be somewhere else, and quite frankly, I feel the same way about you. But that dork that brought you here has magical powers of persuasion, so we’re just going to have to make the best of the situation for now.” He pauses, and the cat just watches him, golden eyes wide. “You don’t have to like me,” Jensen tells it. “We’ll just have an understanding between us, okay? I’ll feed you and clean your litterbox, you refrain from mutilating me, my furniture, or my belongings, and we’ll just cohabitate with as little interference as possible. Deal?”

When he’s finished talking, the cat pauses for a long second, as if deep in thought, then comes forward. He comes out of the carrier, paws silent on the counter, and lifts his head to Jensen’s fingers, which are still extended. Jensen tenses, wondering if the start to their relationship is going to involve blood, but the cat just sniffs his hand delicately, then pushes his head up, rubbing along Jensen’s hand. Jensen catches on after a second, and realizes that the cat - the terror of a cat that bit Jared three times and has a nasty habit of glaring - is arching up into his hand eagerly, petting itself on his fingers, and purring like an outboard motor.

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “Not such a little monster after all, huh?” The cat just chirrups, eyes squinting shut in pleasure, and butts against Jensen’s stomach.

*      *      *

By the time Jared rings the buzzer the next day, Jensen has figured out that Jared was totally, completely wrong about the cat - he’s not an antisocial, biting little terror. In fact, Jensen’s pretty sure Oscar’s the most lovable little ball of fur to ever exist.

He follows Jensen around all day, trotting after him with his little tail held high, and he cuddles at any opportunity, even if Jensen’s just standing still for a second - he’ll dive at Jensen’s feet if they stop moving and try to crawl in his lap if Jensen so much as moves to sit. He purrs hard enough to shake his little frame if Jensen so much as lays a hand on him, and if he picks Oscar up, he’ll nuzzle right into a spot under Jensen’s chin, inside his shirt collar, and be perfectly content to curl up there as long as he can.

They’ve only spent one day together, but already Jensen knows that he can pick Oscar up with one hand curving under his ribcage, and that his fingertips fit just right under Oscar’s ears, where the fur is impossibly soft, while his thumbs stroke along his face as the little thing stands on his chest or lap. Oscar’s a talkative little thing, all chirps and meows and rumbling little grunts, and he’ll squawk indignantly if he’s hungry or Jensen’s hand slows its petting. The little furball’s also frisky as all hell, and he zooms up and down the hallways at the slightest suggestion of play. Jensen actually catches himself hiding in his bedroom, peeking out around the corners before ducking back in, teasing him with any spare string or shoelaces around the house, and he’s already thought more than once about picking up some jingling balls or furry toys on his way home from work. It’s just too adorable when Oscar ducks down, tail lashing behind him, eyes bright and that ready-to-pounce look in his eyes, Jensen can’t help but smile back. It’s kind of like when Jared gives him that playful smile of his, mischief in his eyes, and Jensen knows he’s in for something messy or crazy or embarrassing, but he knows it’ll be fun.

Actually, Oscar reminds him a lot of Jared, what with the constant chirruping and demanding attention and insatiable attitude for troublemaking. One time the cat even gives him a slant-eyed look that’s so Jared that Jensen’s actually kind of freaked out.

He doesn’t tell Jared that, though. Oscar ducks under the couch when Jared comes in, and Jensen shrugs and says the cat’s a little shy. Jared laughs. “That’s an understatement. He makes Scrooge look like a social butterfly and a nice guy.”

“Really?” Jensen asks. “He seems pretty friendly to me.”

Jared blinks. “He does?”

“Well, yeah,” Jensen says. “it took a couple minutes for him to come out of the carrier, but then he was all purring and rubbing. I can’t get him to stop following me around.”

Jared just stares at him. “Jensen, we named him Oscar because he reminded us of Oscar the Grouch.”

“Oh, come on, he’s not that bad,” Jensen says, reaching under the couch to shoo Oscar out. “Here, you’ll see. He loves to pet himself on peoples’ feet.”

Sure enough, Oscar heads straight for Jared’s feet. But instead of rubbing his face on them as Jensen expects, he bats at one for a second before grabbing Jared’s big toe between both sets of front claws and sinking his teeth in.

“Ow, fuck,” Jared yells, and their hands collide as they both reach down to disentangle teeth and claws.

Jensen ends up with Oscar in his lap, and the cat curls up there, purring loudly, watching Jared with a satisfied look. “Okay, that’s weird,” Jensen observes.

“Yeah,” Jared says, eyeing Oscar with mistrust.

Jensen finds it really weird to be in the middle of a staring contest involving a cat, so he tries changing the subject. “So, your date with Sandy is tomorrow, right?” Jensen asks. “Friday night?”

Jared nods.

“And you’re watching a movie?”

“Yeah, something one of her friends recommended.”

“Sounds good,” Jensen says cautiously.

Jared just nods again, and Jensen’s about to ask him what’s up, because Jared only gets this quiet when something’s wrong, but then Jared bursts out, “I’m really nervous.”

“About what?”

“Everything! What I’m wearing, what I should bring, if I should leave my shoes on or take them off, if I’m going to be able to stay awake this time - “

“Okay, okay,” Jensen says, laughing a little. “Relax. Why didn’t you say something earlier? Or call?”

“I didn’t want to bug you,” Jared says, a little hesitant, and Jensen realizes that’s what’s been off this whole week, that Jared’s been acting like he’s not sure he’s welcome or that Jensen wants him around.

“Don’t be stupid,” Jensen chides him, letting genuine warmth seep into his voice. “That’s what I’m here for.”

Jared smiles then, big and bright and real, and Jensen feels it as much as he sees it, like a physical touch, tugging at something deep in his chest. But he only has a second to contemplate what that means before Jared’s launching into a thousand questions, and Jensen falls into his role, calming Jared’s panic with advice.

*      *      *

An hour later, Jared has exhausted all his what if’s, and Jensen’s making them some coffee to reenergize

Jared stands next to him. “There’s - there’s just one more thing I wanted to ask you,” he says, and he’s acting shy and hesitant like before.

“Okay,” Jensen says, handing Jared his mug.

“This is - God. Okay.” Jared’s actually blushing, and Jensen forgets his coffee. “So, I’ve been trying to take things slow with Sandy, because I really want to do this right, and things have been - there hasn’t really been an opportunity to - “

“To…?” Jensen prods.

“To kiss her,” Jared blurts out. “I mean, I gave her a peck on the cheek after the date at the restaurant, but she didn’t go for anything more, and then when she left my house she was sneezing a lot and it was kind of gross. But then when she asked me over to watch a movie, I kind of got the feeling that was maybe implied.”

Before Jensen can reply, he goes on, “I don’t want to assume anything, obviously, but any way you slice it it’s still two people in a dark room together, and she did tease me about staying awake - I promised her I’d be wide awake for the whole thing, and she did this - this thing, with her eyes. Like a little sly look-thing. And then she smiled a little, and it was like - smug. Like, oh, you’ll be awake, all right, but because of her, not the movie.”

“Yeah, I got the hint, there, thanks,” Jensen says. “So? What’s the big deal?”

“What do you mean, what’s the big deal?”

“Well, it’s a good thing, right? You do want to make out with her, don’t you?”

“Yeah, of course I do,” Jared says. “But what if it’s awful?”

“It won’t be awful,” Jensen says dismissively, sipping his coffee. “Don’t be stupid. Your karma’s fine now.”

“No, I mean - what if I’m awful?”

Jensen blinks. “Is there some reason you would be?”

“Well, maybe!” Jared throws his hands into the air, narrowly missing spilling coffee everywhere. “It’s not like I’m new at it, or anything, but it has been kind of a long time, and I’ve never really thought about it before. What if I’ve had bad technique this whole time, and no one’s ever told me?”

“I think you’d know,” Jensen says.

“But this is Sandy, and it has to be perfect. This is my chance to really show her how I feel, and I’m pretty sure she isn’t going to give me a second chance if I fuck it up.” Jared pauses. “Um. Bad pun. But you don’t have any tips?”

Jensen clears his throat. “Uh, Jared? Most of my experience in this area isn’t really going to be helpful for you.”

“Oh,” Jared says, blushing a little. “Well, yeah. But kissing - that’s pretty much the same, right?” He looks hopeful. “You don’t have some handy rules for that? The 5 M’s of making out, or a some rules of tongue?”

Jensen nearly snorts hot coffee out through his nose. This nose-snorting thing is becoming commonplace around Jared, and it’s kind of troubling.

“I think it’s best if you just go with your instinct on this one,” he says. “Having a plan is good, but things like this are better if you’re not overthinking them.”

“Okay,” Jared says, licking his lips. “Help me with a plan, then.” When Jensen makes a face, he pleads, “Just an outline, okay? Just give me something to go on. I’ll feel a lot better if I have a basic idea of where I'm going.”

Jensen sighs, but caves. His inability to say no to Jared is also kind of troubling. “Okay, fine. Um. Well, just from the little I know about Sandy, I think you’re right about taking things slow. So you’d want to start with easy, gentle, getting-to-know-you kind of kisses, where she’s always got the option of stopping or letting it go further.”

Jared nods, focusing intently on Jensen’s words, and Jensen feels himself blushing a little. Talking about kissing with Jared’s a little weird, especially when it’s going to be Jared doing all the things Jensen’s saying. He can almost picture what it’ll be like, what Jared’s mouth will look like spit-slick and kiss-swollen, the soft sounds his lips will make on - on Sandy’s, Jensen reminds himself firmly, jerking his gaze away from Jared’s mouth. Jared’s looking at him expectantly, and he clears his throat.

“Right. So you’re not just going to bend her head back and stick your tongue down her throat, you’re going to ease into it. The first kiss is to make sure she’s on the same page - you pull back, leave a little space, and let her come to you if she wants to keep going. Then do it again, but with less space, and you keep doing it until there’s barely any room between you and there’s no hesitation.”

“Okay.” Jared wipes his palms on his jeans, then moves to stand in front of Jensen. “So, the first kiss is kind of like - “

Jensen leans back, away. “Dude - “

“Jensen, come on, what if I’m terrible? I just need to make sure I’m doing this right. Please.”

“And you want to practice on me?” Jensen puts another foot of space between them. “Bad idea, Jared.”

“Come on,” Jared repeats, moving forward again. “It’ll be like last time you pretended to be Sandy.” He smiles a little. “You can yell at me for staring at your boobs again.”

This is a bad idea. Jensen knows this is a bad idea. He hasn’t exactly labeled his feelings for Jared, but he knows they’re not what they’re supposed to be in the platonic friendship they’ve got going on. Making out with Jared - for practice or otherwise - is not going to help those feelings in the least. But Jared’s not thinking any of those things, he’s just thinking this will help him with Sandy. And maybe if Jensen just kisses Jared this once and gets it over with, he can get it out of his system. That doesn’t make very much sense, but Jensen has this problem with saying no to Jared, and he’ll take any excuse he can get.

“Yeah, well, you keep forgetting my face is up here,” he jokes, then swallows hard when Jared meets his eyes and sees his consent.

Jared’s eyes flick over his face, studying him. “So, um.” He licks his lips again, which is really fucking distracting, and Jensen’s so caught up in watching Jared’s tongue flick out to wet his lips that he almost misses Jared darting in.

He jerks back unconsciously, lower back hitting the counter’s edge and his coffee sloshing, and he sets the cup on the counter before he spills hot liquid on something sensitive. “Dude, a little warning would be nice,” he says, trying to play off how rattled he is.

When he turns around, Jared’s right there, not touching him but holding him in place all the same, and for once, Jared doesn’t have a reply or retort. He just reaches up to catch Jensen’s jaw with his thumb, tilting up, and leans in again.

It’s just like Jensen told him, a gentle press of lips, no pressure and no hurry, but it sends a flare of heat through Jensen, and he’s responding before he even thinks about it, pushing up into Jared.

Jared exhales, like he’s relieved, breath warm against Jensen’s cheek, then returns the kiss. He catches Jensen’s lips with his own, keeping it chaste and slow, waiting to be met halfway before continuing. Jensen figures Sandy wouldn’t say no to any of this, so he keeps saying yes, moving things along, and Jared responds with gentle, exploratory kisses, learning every detail of Jensen’s mouth, getting to know him like he’s supposed to do to Sandy.

But then Jared pulls back, just enough space for a ‘no’ between their lips, and even though Jensen knows this is where he should stop, should joke that Jared knows him well enough by now, he doesn’t. He doesn’t even think about Sandy or what she’d want, he only knows that this is what he wants, that he won’t and can’t stop now, and he crosses the infinitesimal gap between them and seals his mouth over Jared’s.

Jared makes a little noise in the back of his throat, then he’s sliding his hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and going for it, kissing Jensen hungrily, tipping his head back and curling his tongue against Jensen’s.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Jensen recognizes that things are spiraling out of control, but he’s more concerned with the way he’s suddenly hot all over, prickles of heat racing across his skin, and all he can think about, besides how amazing Jared’s mouth feels on his, is getting closer, having more.

But then, out of nowhere, Jared jerks back and says, “Fuck, ow!” and Jensen looks down to see Oscar sinking his teeth into Jared’s foot again. The sight of the tiny cat latched onto Jared’s sock, and Jared’s attempts to shake him off, break the spell, and suddenly Jensen realizes just how out of control things have gotten. He’s pressed up against the counter, wood digging into his back, his hands are on Jared’s hips, keeping him close, and worst of all, he’s half-hard. Oscar finally lets go, skittering off down the hall, and Jensen does the same, quickly, dropping his hands and turning toward the counter to hide his reaction. His coffee’s sitting there, from earlier, and he takes a big gulp, hoping the hot liquid will keep him from chasing the taste of Jared around his mouth.

Jared shuffles awkwardly behind him. “Um. Was - was that okay?” he asks, a little breathless.

Jensen closes his eyes, trying to slow his heartbeat back to normal. “Yeah,” he says, voice coming out rougher than he intended. “I think you’ve got it.”

“Okay,” Jared says. “Uh, good. Thanks.”

There’s another long moment of silence, only broken by the rustle of Jared fidgeting. After a minute, Jared says, “I should probably go, then.”

Jensen turns just enough to see Jared’s face, then realizes that was a mistake. Jared’s flushed, lips slick and swollen, and Jensen has to clench his hands around the mug of coffee to stop himself from jumping Jared right there, pushing him down on the linoleum and taking this thing as far as it can go. But that would be a bad idea; it would fuck everything up, and Jensen doesn’t even know if Jared’s really reacting to him or Sandy. He just hopes like hell the coffee mug can stand the pressure of unrequited lust.

Jared interprets his silence as agreement, and nods. “Okay. I’ll call you after my date tomorrow, okay?”

Jensen nods.

When Jared lets himself out, Jensen unclenches his fingers from the mug, dumps the coffee in the sink, and slides down the cupboards to sit on the floor. He leans his head forward to rest on his knees, ignoring the pressure of his cock in his jeans, and tries to figure out what the hell just happened.

Part Four