Because we are poor fannish moths

[bellatrys]

who can't stay away from the flames, I went and found stuff about the new Flash Gordon's Hawkmen Dactyls, and it's not just every bit as bad as you could have imagined, tis worse.

Here is a snarky recap of the episode.

Here is a picture of them in costume [sic], and a close-up of their "tribal" tattoos.

And here is the insult-adding of the

Comments

seriously, wtf

[nenya_kanadka]

I know nothing about Flash Gordon, but the one thing I *do* know is that it involved people with wings! Ack.

Re: seriously, wtf

[bellatrys]

Now we get to morbidly wonder what their "not stupid" take on the Lionmen will be...

Well, if his notion of 'not silly Hawkmen'...

[deiseach]

... is to turn them into 'flying squirrel men, probably his notion of 'not silly lion men' will be to have them - uh, lessee, oh yeah! - be 'turtle men'.

Or 'hedgehog men', who worship the Hedgehog, which is why their hair is gelled to stand up in spikes.

Seriously, he thought tatty leather capes that look like the dog's been chewing them and do *not* look in any way aerodynamic are an improvement over wings?

Idiot is too kind a word.

[acaciaonnastik]

So, blankets are less silly than biological wings?

Yeah. At least according to him.

[bellatrys]

Not, mind you, according to *everyone* so far who has seen the ep and commented on it online to date. Many of whom (if not most) had also seen the old movie and/or cartoon and comics and/or the '30s serial, and compared it unfavorably to the Aristotelian Plausibility of its predecessors as well as the artistic unity aspects

For the love of Mike, couldn't they at least scrounge up a few bob?

[deiseach]

For some face paints and cheapo Viking style helmets? So that the hawk worshippers might at least look like hawk worshippers, with winged helmets (or if you positively must do it on the cheap, one helmet for the leader) and faces painted in avian designs?

No, sorry, that would require *imagination*. And besides, they probably blew the budget on the red harem-concubine outfit for Dale when Ming (the new, improved, realistic dictator type Ming) wants to make her one of his love-slaves (yeah, he's a military leader type now, but he still has a harem. Go figure.)

[serizawa3000]

*shudders to think of a revamped War Rocket Ajax... or lack thereof*

Maybe someone needs to have Brian Blessed bellow at him for a bit. :)

Mr Snarky Recap must be getting some from the production staff

[voxwoman]

So I'm really digging the chemistry between Dale, Baylin and Flash. They're all playing their parts really well. (from the Snarky Recap link).

He has GOT to be kidding me. I've seen more facial expressions at a botox clinic, and their dialog delivery couldn't be more monotone if they were singing it as one note on purpose.

Besides, Dale is supposedly engaged to the Cop, Joe, or Jim, or some other dull male name starting with J, and the way she and Flash are acting around him it looks as if they're having it off when Joe's at work. Now if *I* were a police detective and suspected The Old Boyfriend(TM), I might have my friends "keep an eye on him" when I couldn't, and I'd also make sure the guy's motor vehicle paperwork was in order on a daily basis. At a minimum.

I refuse to get further worked up over this. I'm not watching the series any more.

that was how I felt about the Moonlight premier

[bellatrys]

I've seen more facial expressions at a botox clinic, and their dialog delivery couldn't be more monotone if they were singing it as one note on purpose.

and again, there were a bunch of people saying they did a good job acting their characters, so it might be something in the water.

Now if *I* were a police detective and suspected The Old Boyfriend(TM), I might have my friends "keep an eye on him" when I couldn't, and I'd also make sure the guy's motor vehicle paperwork was in order on a daily basis. At a minimum.

The Plausibility Rating of these supposedly-professional show writers is way down below *many* fanfics out there...

Re: that was how I felt about the Moonlight premier

[voxwoman]

Oh my god, there are so many reasons to hate Moonlight.

The bad acting including a lead and supporting actor who are completely incapable of approaching anything close to menancing or dangerous which is pretty necessary for vampires, the sexism, the worst grrr-face I've ever seen in my life, the crappy plot. And who has their name in 100 point font as their screen saver?

But, you were talking about Flash Gordon. That sucked too.

it's like they took Forever Knight and Angel and a million noir films

[bellatrys]

and put them into a blender with a bunch of Karo corn syrup, and dumped the resulting glop onto the screen.

(Was there *ever* a less-believable 500-year-old-vamp than that twerp from Veronica Mars? And him being 1) supposedly all worried about exposure, and 2) Openly Hemophagic in front of his mundane employees? Plausibility is soooo 20th century! Just like Continuity!)

Oh, and speaking of the X-Men

[voxwoman]

I thought Archangel looked pretty dammned realisitic. But I suppose they don't have the budget for that on this show because they spent it all on a pick up truck. Which, if they really lived in Maryland, should at least have a gun rack!

There's something really sad

[bellatrys]

when Sci-Fi Original sfx are *way* below what amateurs on sub-$2000 systems can do these days, using inexpensive commercial models. I'm not saying that users of Poser et al could match the X-Men sfx, but certainly do better than the 1980 movie - or the blanket-flapping!