such freedom in no longer needing to be needed

[belenen]

icon: "wild (me with vivid violet hair standing in a forest, viewed from above with my head tipped back and a wide, wild grin.)"
A friend of mine was describing their feelings about being a support and it reminded me of this post: fear of love being taken away if I'm not comforting & helpful / my worth / who I am vs what I do and I realized that

Comments

[cactus_rs]

That link resonated with me before and it still does now. I've been chewing a lot over friendship recently and I keep coming back to this point: what am I to someone if I'm not needed?

I wonder how much of it is tied to growing up in a hypercapitalist society, that things and people should have uses and values-even social justice movements within that paradigm are often centered on "even groups you think can't do anything can do lots of things (and therefore have value)!", it feels like.

It's a question (for me) of how do I value myself outside that model. And maybe a belief that deep down there is nothing of value to me aside from the service I can provide to others: that I'm not actually pleasant to be around, that I'm not actually stimulating to talk to, that on my own I have nothing to offer and that I'm not worth caring about.

I'm glad you seem to have hacked this. It sounds like you feel much freer and lighter for it.