why it took me 3 decades to claim my identity as queer, non-binary, and demisexual

[belenen]

icon: "queer (the logo for Transcending Boundaries Conference overlaid with the words "genderfree, queer, + trans / never a 1 or 0")"
do you consider your own sexuality fluid? If so, how has it changed over time? Regardless, how did you come to discover and embrace your sexual identity(ies)?I think my sexuality has always been the same, but my

Comments

[sandracaprice]

Yes! This! As I have discovered the language-often from you, Vex-I have been better able to define myself. And it has changed for me as I’ve learned in ways similar to how you describe. I identified as bisexual at 14, but I have never had a relationship with anyone who didn’t identify as a cis man at the time (one past lover has since identified as trans). I think if I had some kind of model of what other sexualities and relationships looked like, perhaps it would be different, but only now am I seeing healthy examples of these. Thank you for writing this!

[hana_broom]

Interesting post :) Personally I'm not sure *what* I am and what labels apply/don't apply - which is sort of annoying really given that I'm almost forty... definitely food for thought though :) thanks for posting.

[browncouch]

Yes! I told two friends that I was bisexual when I was thirteen. I ended up identifying as straight after being with the same man for almost twenty years. I had bisexual friends in straight relationships, but for some reason I didn't feel comfortable calling myself queer. Whenever they posted things on bi visibility day I felt a pang. The feelings, identity and fantasies were there, but I brushed it off. I wore pansexual colors at pride last year, because my current partner is non-binary and I was considering exactly how to define my attraction. Like you, I feel most comfortable with the word queer.

[coolbandanas]

This is really interesting, thank you for posting this. I've never really considered all the different labels people use for themselves and/or labels society puts on people... I suppose it's because I'm lucky(?) enough to be off the shelf into men adn that's it. I can find women attractive, but I don't think I'd class myself as bisexual.

It's not exactly the same, but I can relate to you when you say - society will never pressure you with "are you SURE?" or "but WHY are you that way? - for me it's when it comes to having kids. People (especially women) are always questioned when they say they don't want them and know they aren't going to change their minds. It happened yesterday at work actually! It seems unless you see the world as black and white, right and wrong, with no shades or grey, you are there for those people to see and question the fuck out of =/

[kehleyr]

I must admit I'm a bit unsure of all of these definitions... non-binary people, binary people etc... but it's still interesting to read about. Thank you for sharing.
btw I've identified myself as bisexual for years... however with all the other "labels" out there I'm not sure if there is another one that would fit me more :-).