How to Help Belenen When They are Stressed: the Don'ts and Do's

[belenen]

icon: "disassociative (a digital painting of a stylized person in profile with wide open screaming mouth and arms up with palms spread wide. Head and hands flow into strands like blood vessels)"Several people have been concerned and reached out to me lately, as I'm dealing with a lot of stress. I never really know how to answer when people ask "

Comments

[feladrone]

"4) Don't give vague affirmations.
When someone gives me a vague affirmation like "it will get better," that has no positive effect on me and sometimes it stresses me out, because I try to believe them and I cannot."

Usually I'm pretty careful not to say things like "it'll get better" or "I'm sure [bad thing] won't really happen" because I can't know these things. Instead I tend to say something like "I hope you find peace of mind" or "sending good vibes your way". I try to phrase these things in a way that doesn't blame the person for their situation, or blame them for not finding a solution to their situation, but just show that I'm thinking about them and hoping for the best.

But now that I'm thinking about it, those things are pretty vague. Do they bother you at all, should I switch to saying something else?

[belenen]

Good wishes are wonderful! so expressing your hopes or vibes is always helpful for me because I don't find it hard to believe that someone could wish good to me (just hard to believe that the good will happen). Good wishes can be vague with no problems ;-)

[belenen]

No worries! It's really only "emotional and sympathetic" reactions in-person or in real-time conversations (like on messenger) that are a problem. Otherwise I can still keep my distance from focusing on what I don't want to think about.

[thatunicornfizz]

Thank you for this, it's very helpful - especially as I can see some behaviours that we might tend towards, so now we can be mindful of those.

In a similar vein to feladrone I would like to ask if it's ok to say things like "I hope you feel less stressed soon" or "I hope you find peace / closure soon"? Also, we frequently tend to say things like "I'm sorry you're feeing that way / dealing with that thing", and again, just wondering if that is ok?

[belenen]

expressing your hopes for me is always helpful for me because I don't find it hard to believe that someone could wish good to me (just hard to believe that the good will happen). The "I'm sorry you're feeling that way" is okay, but it is not nearly as helpful as positive wishes.

[thatunicornfizz]

Thank you, that's very helpful to know!

[tarakins42]

I would just like to say that this is very insightful because I don't know (no, I do know) that I'm not even in a place to know what I need and don't need. For you to have written this is just amazing to me!

[belenen]

well thank you!

[ragnarok_08]

Thank you so so so much for this - this is both helpful and very insightful ♥

[belenen]

you're most welcome!