what makes social interactions easier or harder for me in one-on-one and group settings

[belenen]

icon: "imperious (photo of me w imperious expression wearing "Red Queen" makeup: searingly red lips, darkened pointed eyebrows, black eyeliner, deep red & black eyeshadow accented with gold & silver, and black-outlined silver hearts & diamonds with red shadows on my cheeks)".

prompt from secret_keep: what can make a social interaction easier for you? Harder

Comments

[belenen]

thank you! it was a kind of ritual for me, doing that makeup.

Yes! I wish more people would hold up their end, so to speak.

[jenniferkaos]

Hello, I came across your journal through a mutual friend and wondered if you would like to be friends? We have several things in common!

[belenen]

I'm taking a break on adding people since I recently added so many, but you're welcome to stick around if you like! most of my stuff is public.

[ragnarok_08]

Small groups are easier for me as well, and I can't resist the impulse to try to make people feel better too.

[belenen]

it's a hard impulse to resist!

[webgirluk]

I related to this entry a lot and I'm with you over your description of how a conversation works best. What I find is often in person or by letter/email, people often kind of speak back but don't always interact with my words. If someone tells me something that mattered to them, like went on a date and found they had common ground, my way of replying might be "That's brilliant you got to go on a date with X and found you had unexpected commonalities. How did you come to know them to begin with? What commonalities did you find or most surprised you? I haven't been on a date now since .... etc etc. I like the exchange of giving feedback but as well asking interesting questions/making observations to lead the chat on and make the person feel seen and heard. I do this best over things that interest me, also although I'll always try with things I'm not AS interested in as I know it can matter to someone else. Oddly enough, I don't ask many question on lj at random and I'm having to think about why this is. I think it's partly as I see the

[belenen]

people often kind of speak back but don't always interact with my words

OMG I know exactly what you mean and I find it so frustrating! when I read an email and reply, I go line by line and ask myself, "do I have any thoughts or questions about this line?" I value thoroughness which is part of the reason I put off replying -- I can't just fire off a quick response. I often copy the whole thing into my compose window and then delete each sentence as I have replied to it (or determined that I have no response).

And I feel you on using one's own imagination rather than paying to borrow someone else's. If I set aside time for someone, I do not want to spend it focused on something else. The only time this is not true is when I have easy chances to spend time with someone and we both need down time. But with most people, spending time is no easy chance!

[meri_sielu]

I really struggle in large groups now whereas I never used to but I agree so much with what you have written here. It really helps to have an ambassador friend to help introduce you to the newer people you haven't met before, in the past that would have been Kim for me I think but obviously as you've been reading things are very different now. I also feel very much the same as you in small group situations where there is someone that feels left out and unincluded, I always try my best to make them feel better but it always takes a lot out of me too so it can be hard to balance.

[belenen]

*nods* I feel you, and I hope you can find a new ambassador friend who is much more supportive and kind!