why I call myself an erotic mirror: I do not have intrinsic desire for any role in sex

[belenen]

icon: "queer (the logo for Transcending Boundaries Conference overlaid with the words "genderfree, queer, + trans / never a 1 or 0")"I don't call myself a switch, because 1) that implies a binary where I choose to either be one or the other but I can't merge them, which is not true of my experience, and 2) other people who identify as switches

Comments

[belenen]

mm *nods* this is what I look for in sex, that transcendent connection.

[belenen]

glad that definition works for you *smiles*

you're welcome! thanks for reading and considering.

[laeryn]

I hope this doesn't come off as rude or anything, but this is fascinating to read. This is something I don't usually talk about around, but despite the fact that I do have a great desire for sex, I have a lot of issues with it and, well, I don't have much sex at all. And I guess it really appeals to me reading about people who're actually comfortable with it and know themselves so well. I wish I could be like that one day, I guess. Such interesting posts you write.

[belenen]

not rude in the least! I am very glad you find my writing interesting *beams*

[ravensong]

I have totally masturbated just to help me fall asleep or alleviate some kind of bodily pain.

(Though I do have a desire for sex. :P)

[belenen]

*nods* it works really well for my cramps, better than anything except a long massage of my abs.

Wow!

[ysabetwordsmith]

That is a fascinating orientation. Not sure I've seen it before, but I will watch now. I suspect it may happen with other demi folks.

It may also be related to "service tops" in kink, who enjoy doing things to other people not based on their own plans but whatever the bottom wants. That's a reflective function too.

Re: Wow!

[belenen]

hm, I could see it being a thing for demisexual people more than for others.

I don't see service tops or people who "top from the bottom" as reflective -- I think they are still following their own intrinsic desire, they're just remixing the usual initiator=dominant, recipient=submissive dynamic. So, they want to be submissive, and they are willing to be the initiator in that submission, or they want to be dominant, and they are willing to be the recipient in that dominance. I kinda see those as more extreme versions of submission or dominance.

My instinctive reaction to the idea of giving any kind of service is strongly negative. I will do a lot of things for my lover, to the point of muscles cramping and beyond, but if it is put in the context of serving I will instantly lose interest in even the mildest act. My submission is much more feral, and something as structured as service would take me right out of it.