why I call myself an erotic mirror: I do not have intrinsic desire for any role in sex

[belenen]

icon: "queer (the logo for Transcending Boundaries Conference overlaid with the words "genderfree, queer, + trans / never a 1 or 0")"I don't call myself a switch, because 1) that implies a binary where I choose to either be one or the other but I can't merge them, which is not true of my experience, and 2) other people who identify as switches

Comments

[belenen]

Yay biting! nobody ever loves biting as much as me. What does biting feel like, for you? I'm super interested because the people I bite like it because it is sexy to them. But while it can be sexy for me, it is not necessarily sexual, and I would still want to bite if there was no sex. I sometimes call them "teeth hugs" because that's sort of how it feels.

Curious also about your discomfort with dominating. I am uncomfortable with it in some ways too, mostly because when others want to be dominated they don't seem to realize how much work that is. Maybe it's because I'm not intrinsically dominant, but dominating someone is a massive effort if you're doing it right (being cognizant of all signals to maintain consent) and while submitting might be an emotional release and be somewhat draining due to that, it doesn't take nearly as much physical, mental, and emotional labor. At least, that's how it seems to me.

[meteorology]

I don't masturbate out of desire for sex; I do it as a gift to my body, or because I want menstrual cramps to go away, or to be able to fall asleep quickly, or because I want to meditate and can't focus enough without involving my body.

I've always seen masturbation this way too. Although, whenever I've tried to explain it to people, I've gotten the impression that this is unusual somehow, and that for most people masturbation is inherently linked with sex. I knew about masturbation long before I knew about partnered sex though, so maybe I just never made the connection. But it's good to know that someone else feels the same in this sense.

(Edited to fix formatting error)

[belenen]

Yeah! Glad you get it! I know it is unusual that I do not fantasize when I masturbate. It can actually be a form of meditation for me, because my mind is empty when I do it.