I hate empty words like "hello" oops I'm super rude

[belenen]

icon: "ewwwww (a photo of me making a disgruntled/disgusted face)"I hate it when people say 'hi' to me. It does not convey any meaning except 'pay attention to me now' and you're not even explaining WHY you want my attention. I hear 'hello' either as meaningless noise or as an irritating demand. Just go ahead and talk

Comments

[raidingparty]

Yes, this! I've had a few times where the person who asked how I was disappeared before I've collected my thoughts enough to come up with an answer.

[belenen]

I like the interaction of eye contact and a nod. That doesn't make me feel obligated, yet it makes me feel connected. It's a thing most women don't do, though, I have noticed.

I have decided that I will say "hi, you too" when people say "hi, how are you" but don't actually care how I am or intend me to answer. That way I'm not being rude by ignoring it, I'm not frustrated at being unable to answer, and it will make them think "huh? what do they think I said?"

[ellie_nor]

I don't mind pleasantries so much: I see them as lubricant for people who can't just stick it straight in there, and need some working up to the Main Event.

I actually think the "Hi" at the beginning of an interaction is really important; it makes sure that both people are engaging in the conversation before it starts. At its best, it's a form of asking for / ensuring consent.

[ladywind]

From cactus_rs: "I see you and recognize you."
This.
All the time, for me, "Hi" is, "I recognise that you are a person and not an object." So if, in the process of scanning a crowd I'm walking into, a stranger and I make eye contact, the stranger gets a tiny nod and quiet "Hi," as I go past. The teller at a bank gets "Hi," before we do business; the cashier at the grocery store gets "Hi," when my turn comes. None of you are machines; I see & recognise you as people.

(Granted, I'm trying to work past some social anxiety Stuff at the moment, so performing according to the local script makes a situation with ALL THE VARIABLES OH GOD WHAT IF I PEOPLE WRONG AND EVERYTHING EXPLODES significantly less fraught for me. I can actually attend to the early stages of the interaction if I don't have to weigh my first few sentences before speaking them, which means the meaty bits of the interaction go better for everybody.
well. assuming they're okay with the script, themselves. ~facepalms~)

"...it makes sure that both people are engaging in

[belenen]

*nods* I realized after reading someone else's comment that nonverbal greetings are things I like, because they don't feel demanding like verbal ones. I will also make eye contact and nod to strangers or passers-by.

[belenen]

For me, the "hi" is the Main Event, the conversation is already happening whether I like it or not. There is no polite way out and I feel I've been trapped.

But I have learned that it serves an important function for others, so I have begun practicing!

[belenen]

I didn't realize even that it was possible to actively enjoy them until making this post!

[fayriekisses]

EVERYONE in my office does the whole "hi how are you?" but I work with one person in particular who does that every single time we speak in a single day. I hate it!

[power_l]

Why don't you tell him that it annoys you?

[fayriekisses]

Because I know her intent is to be polite. In my office environment (insurance) we are encouraged to provide excellent customer service, and unfortunately these kinds of empty words and phrases are deemed as polite and expected things to say. If I said something to her I would come across as an asshole, for sure.

[power_l]

Maybe try to make a joke?

[meri_sielu]

I don't really always enjoy them as such, I guess it depends on the person and who is trying to engagement in conversation a lot of the time. Pleasantries with random strangers like this can be odd and offputting but then quite often so many times we get to know new people that we grow to love and connect with can be met in this way. I guess it's a case of judging boundaries and knowing how and when to use them.

[belenen]

*nods* I think that really my attitude was shaped by being disallowed to ignore anything my parents said. I do like when people strike up conversation randomly if it is interesting conversation, I just hate the stuff that is such habit it has no meaning.