on talking about people behind their back

[belenen]

icon: "Ma'at (a photo of one side of a brass balance scale, with a feather inside the bowl. The background is sky blue. On the bottom of the image, below the photo, is the word "Ma'at")"
prompt from aliki: What was the most hurtful thing you have ever said behind someone's back?I'm really not sure. It was probably something I said as a teen, because I

Comments

[aliki]

It's one of my huge annoyances too. I find it just unethical and wormy to talk about someone behind their back. It serves no purpose at all and is devisive and rude.

[belenen]

*nodnod*

[meteorology]

I really admire your ethics here. I don't like the idea of talking about someone behind their back but sometimes I just feel the need to vent and I don't know what I would do, emotionally, if I couldn't.

And unfortunately I feel like in my family there is a culture of talking behind each other's backs, probably like with a lot of families, so I guess I've been brought up with that ever since my parents split. Not that upbringing is an excuse.

My Grandma always says, "Never say anything behind someone's back that you wouldn't say to their face" and I guess I try to stick with that, although I know it's far from perfect and doesn't really work (since what you can imagine yourself saying to someone's face when you're angry is very unlikely to be what you would actually say).

I feel like this is one area where I will probably never become a better person, sadly - at least not where my family are concerned - but it's good to be aware of the possibility.

[belenen]

I also try to stick with the 'would say it to their face' in general, and my friends are aware that I consider it appropriate for them to repeat what I say (unless I specifically ask that they not and they agree before I share it, which almost never happens). It keeps me accountable.

[feladrone]

"If I know a person has strong privacy restrictions, I won't talk about them publicly in any specifics, and if I am upset with a person this may result in me writing about someone in a friends-locked entry

[belenen]

I will rant sometimes when I am alone, out loud, when I'm really upset. I don't ever consciously swallow my feelings, but if I am irrational with anger (or might be) then I just do it out loud alone or by writing it down privately.

I see LJ as a good way for me to understand my life and my feelings, so I consider it fine for me to write whatever ranting I want here, but I really, REALLY can't stand to be misunderstood and I am very not clear when I am angry ranting, so that's probably the biggest reason that I wouldn't put that here. I feel the need to at least get to a calm place first so that I can be sure I am saying what I mean.

(mental hugs)

[raidingparty]

Since I've had a ridiculous pattern of opposite days and subversions of late, I have to call you out publicly for being excellent and loverly.

I met you because of your request, and I thought the friend request was doing something for you.
Conversely, it turns out (to my perspective, at least) you've been doing far more for me. I'm learning from your posts, stretching my worldview, and seeing beauty in unexpected places.
And it's all your fault. ;9

I'm sorry I haven't been posting nearly as much, although I'm improving my time management (go Habitica go!), and expect to get back to posting regularly soon.