pushing back on cis bigotry using... confusion

[belenen]

icon: "confused (photo of a purple diamond-shaped sign with a line leading to four arrows all curving and pointing in different directions)"Earlier today I had a strange interaction with a cashier at a farmers' market. The Killers song with the line "you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend" was playing and the cashier said, "that would

Comments

[queerbychoice]

I think what you said is actually the most effective thing you could have said, to get someone thinking who has apparently never done any thinking on the topic. If you'd been clearer about exactly where you stand, it might have been easier to write you off. When all you did was express that you don't stand where they expected you to stand, it's more likely to make them keep wondering where you do stand and what motivated you to say those things . . . and the more they keep wondering, the more they're doing some thinking on the topic.

[belenen]

Very true! *ponders* now if I can just remember this in the future when I am on the spot, heh, and not try to condense a book into a sentence!

[wantedonvoyage]

Agreed. The way you handled it THEY didn't feel attacked, and thus left the situation focused on their own confusion instead of a negative encounter.

As someone who knows he has tons to learn, I likely say stupid things. But if someone comes at me with "you're an asshole" I'm going to probably tune them out because they are assuming malice or disrespect on my part, when in fact I WANT to learn and treat people well. I just don't know what I don't know.

[wantedonvoyage]

One of the things I learned doing LGBT advocacy in the church was this great reminder from the Rev. Debra Peevy, a pastor in the Disciples of Christ church who was one of the leaders against Prop 8 in California

[belenen]

that is a wise pastor! very true, when 'rightful authority' is believed in, then all beliefs from that authority become a house of cards.

[annapandawoo]

As a minority who lives in the south, I can honestly say random blathering makes the bigotry worse. People feel attacked and become very defensive. The way you handled it was perfect. Unless the person wants to be taught, the best any of us can do is, as you said, "plant a seed".

[belenen]

Very true! without that desire to learn, there can be no teaching.

[kehlen]

I really, really, really despise these "little" racist, misogynist, ~phobic "jokes", and the expectation you will join the hyenas' laughter.

You did good.

[belenen]

*nods emphatically*

thanks!

[meteorology]

I love your comeback, and I think you handled this the best way possible, but I'm sorry you had to go through that uncomfortable interaction.

[belenen]

thank you! I felt much better about it than usual.