defense mechanisms of old: not showing gratitude, blocking emotion, not inviting myself, disclosing

[belenen]

icon: "progressing (a deeply, vividly green forest of thick vines and trees, with a tunnel running through where unused train tracks lay)"
Have any defense mechanisms you have created that seemed good at the time you created them turned inside out with time? (from hereMost of my defense mechanisms date from childhood and were created subconsciously

Comments

[wantedonvoyage]

I related to a lot of these. It sounds like you've worked out the causes and motives pretty well, which I think is a key step to changing behaviors you think are holding you back.

I like a lot of things (music, etc.) that neither my SO or my friends enjoy. I recently made up my mind to go to concerts, etc., by myself rather than miss them. It does feel awkward sometimes but it's better than missing out.

[belenen]

I agree! working out the whys is the only way I have found to grow.

[cielamara]

I also have a deep, deep fear of Being Unwanted. It's a source of great hurting for me--I was bullied a lot growing up, was frequently in the position of being That Kid No One Wanted Around, and it's still a really touchy subject for me. I...don't really know how to get past this? If people don't seek me out or give me clear vibes that I'm welcome, I just won't try.

[belenen]

I'm really sorry you have the experience to understand this feeling *empathy* I think I would have defaulted to not trying except then I would be completely lacking, because apparently I'm intimidating? AND people think because I am confident I am not hindered from being the one to reach out. But there is confidence, and then there is confidence with social stuff -- SOOOO different.

It's easier for me with people I know because I have a lot of practice with straight-up asking people what they want, and people who have been around me long enough know that I prefer them to be like "okay I'm done interacting" than just hope I'll be done. I also kind of train people by being very blunt when I am done interacting or they're doing something that bothers me.

[ragnarok_08]

I relate to a lot of these, especially about feeling wanted - I had a lot of self-esteem issues, and I still struggle with them, but I had to get past wanting to be liked by every single person that I met and being appreciated by my own family.

[belenen]

*nods* yeah my biofamily, pah, if I waited to feel loved and accepted by them I'd end up alone and dead.

[lady_leia_solo]

One of my fears is being rejected. I guess that leads back to being unwanted since I feel like my father doesn't want me sometimes. I honest to god think a lot of my problems started with that rejection.

[belenen]

*nods* I totally get that. *empathy*

[bobby1933]

What some (many?) parents do to their children can most accurately be described as torture. My family was about as dysfunctional as they come. but, they never really tried to drive me nuts.

[belenen]

I agree, I have come across so many instances of parents torturing their children. Usually in the name of 'what will the neighbors think?' or 'I didn't live my life the way I wanted so I will take over yours and play you like a Sim'.