defense mechanisms of old: not showing gratitude, blocking emotion, not inviting myself, disclosing

[belenen]

icon: "progressing (a deeply, vividly green forest of thick vines and trees, with a tunnel running through where unused train tracks lay)"
Have any defense mechanisms you have created that seemed good at the time you created them turned inside out with time? (from hereMost of my defense mechanisms date from childhood and were created subconsciously

Comments

[belenen]

*love!*

I always feel foolish too, especially if I am carrying something (as is usually the case). I think it's about being prepared for something. I feel constantly unready when in public.

[crippled_witch]

I very much relate to this. It took me a long time to learn that it was okay to be excited about things because when i was a kid if i showed excitement in front of my unparents they would take away/stop whatever I was excited about as a punishment for the smallest infractions.

I also have a hard time feeling that I belong and that I'm wanted because my unparents told me all the time that no one actually liked me they just felt sorry for me.

I think unlearning these things is an ongoing process

[belenen]

oh Godde, I feel you so much about having things taken away after excitement *deeply sad face* and the thing your unparents told you?? what awful awful people.

Yes indeed, ongoing.

[belenen]

Well for me they aren't deprecating, I like the things I am listing. But it is not most people's cup of tea! I'm confusing, frightening, threatening with my difference.

[lusimeles]

This was such an interesting post to read, and I really admire your introspection on the topic. I have a similar insecurity about being in spaces where I'm not sure I'm wanted - I dislike having to put on my "face" to impress people, and being in those kinds of spaces (big parties; networking; etc.) is usually all about that. So, I sympathize. Still, I think knowing that you have to be your own ambassador about it is really wise, and something I'm personally still working on.

[belenen]

thank you!

Yeah, I did the first step of realizing that I have to do it -- now I have to learn how! *rueful grin*

[theselivingarms]

It is unfortunate that we cannot choose our parents. I spent a good portion of my youth trying to get my father to love me, for instance, so I feel like I can identify with what you've written here.

However, I think the more you allow others to see you, the more susceptible you become to being well and truly loved.

Just my two cents.

<3

[belenen]

I think the more you allow others to see you, the more susceptible you become to being well and truly loved.

I absolutely agree! One can only love what one knows.