essential qualities to be a good cuddler: good at consent, emotionally present & aware, not in need

[belenen]

icon: "woven souls (a photo of me and Hannah laying nude on black fabric, holding hands and facing each other with legs intertwined at the knee. the photo is overlaid with a scarlet and violet color filter)"The qualities that are most vital are being good at consent, being good at staying emotionally present, and not radiating need. Consent is

Comments

[toll_booth]

You know what all of this wonderful, lovely, sensuous post made me think of? The kink community, and how much importance so many of them place on ongoing communication. This is because permission does not always mean consent. Permission is necessary for, but is not by itself enough for, consent to maintain participation in the physical activity, whether it be cuddling, sex, kink, etc.

Then there's the emotional side. Yes, I've had conversations where I felt happy during them, but as soon as they ended, I felt...drained. Looking back, I realized that in those moments, all I was doing was giving of myself without asking for anything in return. Sometimes, frankly, I would do this to make myself feel better in light of a shitty situation I was in elsewhere in life--poor judgment, yes, but some of us do this all the time.

Love the pic, BTW!

[stray_infinity]

Thank you for your thoughts here! I love how cuddling is an activity where you listen to other person, the kind of listening that involves honest attention and courage to act accordingly to those nonverbal cues.

[koyaaniisqatsi]

I love cuddles and I love this entry. :)

[lilywolfsolomon]

Presence is so much of everything. I like some active cuddling... but I think I really love tried and true spooning, filling up as many crevices as possible, and just lying there.