my relationships are not treated as valid / biofamily doesn't want to know me/ I have never belonged

[belenen]

Last night I brought up the idea to Topaz of having our parents meet and ze seemed hesitant about it. This upset me because it brought up feelings of invalidation. If we were engaged and one of us was assigned male, our parents would want to meet and expect to build a relationship because of the assumption that the kin of kin is important. But the

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[ladywind]

I don't know for certain whether what I'm about to do is helpful or just vexing. I do know that when I'm under a lot of stress and sharing my fears, it's comforting to me to be reminded of conflicting evidence. Lets me maybe reframe the story I tell myself. So that's what I'm aiming for, and if it's inappropriate right here/now, let me know.

I don't know Topaz except through your writing; same for Topaz's family, so I can't state their motivations perfectly. But on 03JAN, you wrote this: I spent so many years wanting to feel included and seen, and though I certainly got that from my tribe, I never got it from 'family' but Topaz' family treats me like I belong. The biggest thing was that it felt genuine, not just a 'well you're here so we gotta get you something so it doesn't seem like a snub.' They acted like it was no big deal and I think to them it really wasn't, they just included me without thinking hard about it, but it was a big damn deal to me. I wrote them a card and sent it in the mail.Then there are these: ... )

[belenen]

I do appreciate this, I did forget about Christmas this year. But it's a different thing I'm talking about. They accepted me as family (which was new and great) but not as permanent or 'serious' family, it feels very different.

I wasn't upset with Topaz though, just with the situation.

thanks for the hug and good vibes *hugs back*

[classical_wolf]

I'm so sorry hon :( HUGS!

[belenen]

thanks *hugs back*

[kiwi]

I just wanted to say that I feel for you. I know how it feels to seek a unit that you can relate to and not find it for one reason or another. It's not a good feeling at all. Sending you hugs.

[belenen]

*hugggs back*

[belenen]

*offers a HUGE hug* thanks so much for this comment, it made me feel very understood and connected.

[roina_arwen]

The family/kin issue seems like a tough situation to weather, but it also sounds to me like if your family doesn't even want to really know YOU, it might be futile for them to know Topaz and/or zir's family.

I'm also wondering how valid a unit is if they would fall apart and "cease to exist" without one person trying to hold everyone together?

[belenen]

yeah, the family issue is sorta moot but it still stings.

That is what I am saying is the difference between a unit and not-a-unit: if one person falling away can break it, it's not a unit.