on disrespect, winning people with politeness, and being a "real" activist.

[belenen]

Last week I embroiled myself in an argument about the use of slurs (which is normal for me) and was careless about my tone (which is quite out of character for me). The person responded by critiquing my tone and ignoring my argument, telling me that I was being disrespectful and I wasn't going to win any people to my cause with that attitude.

Comments

[classical_wolf]

The reason I am usually polite is partly because I fear being judged. I have seen what happens with people who are perceived as "too strident" and I am afraid that my friends will judge me that way. I also don't enjoy being rude for its own sake: I am only tempted to do it when I am out of energy to calm myself down and be careful to phrase politely, and too upset to let it pass. I am not proud of being rude to this person, but I am not ashamed either. This was a new experience for me and in the future I intend to be more constructively rude when I am rude (because groaning and mocking is a waste of my time), but I don't intend to make sure I am polite to people using slurs or making oppressive jokes. My politeness is earned by respect and lost by disrespect. - All of this!

♥

[belenen]

:D

[belenen]

Oh yeah, I've been told the same thing, and it was the hardest for me to shake as well.

[belenen]

100% this! yes!

[alephz]

The reason you catch flies in honey is so they'll get stuck there and die either from suffocation or from inability to move and find food. I've never understood why people are so eager to the the flies in that metaphor.

[slammerkinbabe]

This is an excellent point.

[raidingparty]

Also, this: http://xkcd.com/357/

[belenen]

:D yepppp.

Having difficulty with this one...

[raidingparty]

Outrage is definitely the appropriate response to violence.
But to the offender's mind, it's a disproportionate response, and hence illogical, and thereby dismissable.
Until perhaps enough people respond the same way? No, then they get to play victim complex.
Not sure where to go. Careful about overreaction, but I'm aware that that same caution is preserving the status quo.

Re: Having difficulty with this one...

[belenen]

It's really about their priorities: if they prioritize maintaining their self image, they will not listen. If they prioritize avoiding hurting others, they will listen. And you have to realize that if you are in public (including online), the ones most likely to take in what you are saying and change are probably staying silent out of not wanting to show what they used to think.

Re: Having difficulty with this one...

[raidingparty]

I totally forgot about the fourth wall!