This whole post was quite fascinating. I'd been toying with the idea of polyamory ever since I heard of (the someone who told me about it advised me to read a book called "The Ethical Slut"). I appreciate hearing someone else's view of this lifestyle.
Ohhhhh I can relate soooo well. :P There are probably 10 books sitting on the shelf waiting to be read, and that doesn't include all of those e-books. *sigh* I wish I had more TIME.
In theory, I find polyamory a very attractive concept. In practice, I'm just not sure if I am capable of it. When I first fall in love it is with this incredible intensity and I have trouble accepting that my lover is involved in other relationships and is not able or willing to give me the attention I desire and need, especially in that starting phase of a relationship - or, at least, this is what recent experiences have shown me. But maybe it was more about the other parties involvement period. Perhaps some people have a greater ability to share and show love than others. I don't know, there just seems like so much potential for jealousy and confusion in these constructions. I would like to think that I am the type of person who wouldn't stoop to jealousy, but I'm still not sure if I am. I'm not that noble, it seems. The jury is still out on this one.
Well, I don't think it's so much about nobility as it is about... the amount of energy one has, and how easily one can express love. If it is hard for one to express love, then it takes a great deal of energy, and they may not have enough energy to make that effort for more than one person. But if it is easy for a person to express love, and they have a lot of energy, then they are more able to give themselves to multiple relationships (if they so desire
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AGH! Polyamory (or any intimate relationship, really) NEVER works without honesty and openness, and obviously she wasn't being either of those with you. About the love and energy thing, I definitely should have included openness and honesty. I think of those as automatic for any close relationship, so I assumed them in. (those assumptions are killer :-p)
Someone suggested that the difference between a polyamorous person and a monogamous person is this: when in a fulfilling relationship, the polyamorous person still has the desire to seek out other lovers/partners, whereas the monogamous person no longer feels that desire. I think that is absolutely spot on.
very interesting post. i dont know if i could ever practice polyamory, but you explain it a LOT better than 1 of my (now ex-)friends, who, when i asked her and her husband why they were polyamorous, the only thing she could give me was a rather vulgar reason. you explain it more...i'm not sure how to say it, but the way you explain your reason is more understanding than someone like my ex-friend who said her and her husband just want to have sex with different people.
i always love reading your posts. theyre so insightful and i always learn something new.
yeah, it's really not about that for me. I think for some people it is about sexual desire itself, which is fine if they're honest with everyone, but that would not work for me. For me, sexual desire is a choice, it's something I can choose to turn on if I feel that sex with someone would be positive, but physical desire is not the reason that I am polyamorous. For me, it's actually a product of being polyamorous, not a cause. ;-)
I loved reading this. Though I'm not sure just why, I've been thinking about polyamory quite a lot lately. I consider myself poly-open--absolutely willing to engage in such relationships but not necessarily needing to--but I suspect that I may be oddly meant for monogamy. (I say "oddly" because it surprises me a little, knowing how deeply and potentially romantically/ sexually I love most of my close friends, that I'm not already in at least three relationships.) I'm wired to spend a lot of time alone, and I need few but very deep connections to sustain me; I just don't know if I have the energy and disposition to keep more than one partnership alive. Truth is, I'm worried about getting involved with someone who is poly- or with more than one person, and causing pain because I didn't realize my own nature. ...all right, enough of that rambling! Anyway, thank you for such an articulate post (as always).
hmmm, yeah, I see what you mean! Poly relationships definitely require more energy.
Someone suggested that the difference between a polyamorous person and a monogamous person is this: when in a fulfilling relationship, the polyamorous person still has the desire to seek out other lovers/partners, whereas the monogamous person no longer feels that desire. I think that is absolutely spot on.
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Someone suggested that the difference between a polyamorous person and a monogamous person is this: when in a fulfilling relationship, the polyamorous person still has the desire to seek out other lovers/partners, whereas the monogamous person no longer feels that desire. I think that is absolutely spot on.
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i always love reading your posts. theyre so insightful and i always learn something new.
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and as I was writing this, I thought of you and knew you would feel a similar way ;-)
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...all right, enough of that rambling! Anyway, thank you for such an articulate post (as always).
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Someone suggested that the difference between a polyamorous person and a monogamous person is this: when in a fulfilling relationship, the polyamorous person still has the desire to seek out other lovers/partners, whereas the monogamous person no longer feels that desire. I think that is absolutely spot on.
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