Phil couldn't remember ever not being an optimist, even if he was an overly-cautious one. He saw the best in things, even when there wasn't much to see. He had to. With all the horrible things they saw in their line of work, it was what kept him sane. It was why he'd always loved the idea of Captain America so much. He was a testament to the idea that everyone could make a difference if they wanted to. Yes, he saw the best in everyone, but especially Clint, who was impossible to completely control but so good at what he did and so ready to take risks for others. Clint was an enigma from the start, but Phil had seen something in him. He'd known there was something about Clint that was special and it wasn't just his ability to shoot
( ... )
The archer seemed to relax... instantaneously. In his mind, the moment was perfect. Clint knew that Phil wasn't exactly there because he wanted to be there -- out of some other emotion other than concern for his agent. It made his heart sink a little at the thought this was never going to be anything more than a boss-employee sort of relationship. Sure, their personal lives were heavily interwoven with each other. Clint relied way too heavily on the fact that he knew Coulson was always there. From the beginning of his career to (hopefully) the end. He couldn't deal with the announcement of Phil's death, but he was sure he could deal with Fury having to tell Phil he had been killed on some mission. Jumping off some impossibly high building or something equally as stupid. He didn't want that to be the case in any matter. But he knew Coulson would probably handle it all better than he had. Phil wouldn't shut himself off from the world and become some recluse that only went on missions and trained until it felt as though his
( ... )
It was Phil's job to send Clint, to send all of his agents, really, into dangerous situations. He had to do his job in a somewhat detached manner when it came to things like that. He had to put the greater good above any one agent and that was difficult. Out of the field, though, the idea of losing Clint was entirely unbearable. He tried not to think about it at all most of the time. He didn't want to accept the fact that Clint could die and that he could be the one who had sent him out there
( ... )
Clint didn't know. The life-or-death situations he got himself in were merely just reprimanded and he flashed Phil a cocky grin saying he always knew he would walk away alive. Even when he honestly didn't. The archer would have just told Coulson it was all part of the job. Just like he told himself it was all part of the job when Coulson died. But in the end, it was complete and utter bullshit. Clint didn't want to know that Coulson would beat himself over being the one who could possibly send him to his death. That he had been wrecked over the short amount of time that he was missing the last couple of days. He didn't want to think of the missed meals and the lack of sleep on his handler's part because he would have sworn to himself never to miss another drop by in his office ever again. Or phone call when he was bored enough at the range to give the man a head's up that he was stopping by. Email chain letter that he forwarded to Phil because he knew it would make him twitch a little
( ... )
Phil would always do everything in his power to make sure that his agents came back alive. He didn't want to admit that he was compromised, but if he had to choose between Clint and someone else, Clint would win out every time. He would feel guilt, but it would be easier than anything he would feel after sending Clint to his death. That just wasn't an option. He would sooner sacrifice himself than let Clint die if he had the option. The missed meals and sleep were nothing compared to how he would have been if he'd gotten confirmation that Clint was dead. The idea that he could never get another call or stupid email from the man made everything seem bleak.
Phil loved his job, though. He couldn't imagine doing anything else. That didn't make Clint any less of a highlight--maybe the highlight. His time spent with Clint was some of the most important and memorable time he had. Even through all the worrying and the yelling, no one made Phil smile the way Clint did. No one. Sometimes Clint did thoughtful things that he tried to
( ... )
Clint could honestly remember being recruited by Coulson; thinking both "This guy's a yuppie" and "I think I might have a new best friend". All in the same stream of thought. Not that he said anything about it. He joined with a non-committal look in his eyes, saying he'd quit whenever he wanted too. It'd been years since then. Clint hadn't quit yet. SHIELD had a way of hooking it's claws in a person and burying deep inside them. But that wasn't all of it. Phil also had a way of showing up right before any sort of meltdown or anything like that and Clint just sort of rolled with it. He went with the fact that if had ever been given the chance to not go in and see Phil sitting at his desk or standing near the door of the range; SHIELD would lose it's main factor for keeping him around and alive
( ... )
On meeting Clint, all Phil remembered thinking was that he knew the man would be trouble. There was no doubt about that. As he'd grown on Phil, he'd only proven to be more trouble than Phil had ever imagined. When Clint wasn't doing everything that he wasn't supposed to, he was doing everything so right that it made Phil want to grab him and kiss him. For a long time, he's thought Clint really might quit some day, but he knew better now. SHIELD wouldn't be quite right without him. Phil wouldn't leave. He'd probably never leave SHIELD, but it would still feel empty without Clint
( ... )
Clint was trouble. That was for sure. He'd been sneaking around in the air ducts the second week he had been taken on by SHIELD when his faith in the man who would be his handler for the long haul of his career in SHIELD. When he over heard Fury talking about him and how he treated the agents who were assigned to get him on his feet. He talked back. He lashed out. Fury was on Team Barton, but not if he kept up his behavior. Coulson didn't seem fazed by it, he just had a look of amusement in his eyes. Maybe because for that week, Clint had successfully risen his blood pressure to the point where it hadn't been before. Or maybe because Clint wasn't as bad a fit in SHIELD as everyone thought he was going to be. It wasn't until Fury had exited that room that Clint knew he was going to like working for Phil, since his handler's eyes shifted towards the grate in the air ducts. Acknowledging Clint's presence and ordering him to come down
( ... )
Of course, Phil remembered that day. That was the day he'd realized that Clint might just be the good kind of trouble. He could be the kind of trouble that accomplished impossible things and took the missions that no one else could hope to do. Fury hadn't even seen Clint. Hell, Phil barely had. He was impressed. He never stopped being impressed and he never questioned what Clint was capable of. If a human being could do it and Clint was reasonably physically able to do it, Phil knew that Clint would do it and do it well
( ... )
Being on Phil's wave-length had become second nature to him. It was also the reason, he was sure, why Fury hadn't reassigned him or passed him off. Maybe even started taking on agents of his own even if he had been there for several years, aiding in the training of many agents when it came to field combat or training to fly. It was because when Clint wasn't around Phil, he just didn't feel like he performed as well. He performed exceptionally during the fight against the Chitauri and on several different missions. He just came back to base a little off. He'd hurt himself in some stupid way or he'd feel like his aim was an inch off target. When he was on missions with Phil, they continued conversations from miles apart over their comms. They didn't even need to be in the same area to know what the other was doing when they were in a work-state of mind. Even to Clint it was a little weird. But he liked the weird little talent he had. It made for one thing to become clear...Fury wouldn't pull them apart
( ... )
What Clint didn't know was that more than a few times early on, Fury had tried to have Clint work with other handlers. Phil refused it, citing reasons that ranged from the fact that they had the highest success rate together to the fact that Clint just wouldn't listen to most people. Eventually, Fury stopped trying to separate them at all. Phil didn't trust other handlers with Clint and he didn't trust Clint to trust the other handlers. His trust in Phil had been hard-won and Phil knew that. Clint would never even try as much with another handler. If being his handler kept Clint alive, Phil would gladly always do it
( ... )
That was one thing Clint was not aware of. Phil's battle to keep him as his agent rather than allowing him to go off to work with another handler and gaining some ease in his life. It would have been easier for the man, in the early years, if he had just given Clint to another handler. But then again, most handlers would have passed him off when they had the chance. It wasn't something that Clint would have looked forward to but the largest act of betrayal would have come if Phil had done it. He hadn't trusted anyone in the world as much as he trusted Coulson. When the world continuously passed him off because he was too difficult to handle. Phil had kept him with him. There was the idle threat that if he had the chance he would find Clint a new handler. But he was sure, one time, when Clint had taken the threaten all too serious the threats stopped shortly thereafter. It wasn't that he wouldn't have left SHIELD if he had gotten a new handler, it was that he probably would perform with a bigger death wish then he had before
( ... )
At first, it had been about giving Clint something consistent. Phil could see that Clint needed that more than anything and he wanted to give him as stable a groundwork as SHIELD could offer. After that, it was more about the way they worked together, the fact that their success rate was so high and that he knew Clint wouldn't do as well if he was given to another handler. Then it had become selfish. He wanted Clint around. Even if the other reasons weren't there, he would have fought to keep him because he liked working with him and he liked being with him
( ... )
Their successes weren't usually something that ended up in the news, plastered on front pages like the successes of the Avengers. It just felt more for themselves than for the public who wouldn't really know they were in danger if it was a SHIELD mission that Clint and Phil had been told to perform -- they would have. If they didn't succeed they would get some back up but they usually got things done. It was that fact, Clint always was glad when people said they were starting reassignments of handlers that he was glad when he wasn't. He always held his breath though for the new paperwork that would come with it or some suit to walk over to him in the range to tell him that they were his new handler. He was almost waiting for someone to tell him he didn't need one anymore but none of that ever happened and he breathed a sigh of relief whenever those times passed and he was still with the same person. Still with Phil and still more than happy to hear his voice over the comms whenever they were out working
( ... )
Phil had never gotten into this game for the glory. He'd joined the army to pay for college and he'd started government work because he had the right skill set and he wanted to help people. Media attention or not, he was proud of his job and happy with it. Moreso, he was proud of the Avengers. People needed heroes to believe in in the same way that Phil had believed in Captain America. He was glad that they'd gotten the spotlight. They were all extraordinary. They had saved Manhattan. Hell, they had saved the world. Phil was just happy to have been part of it, even in the background
( ... )
Clint liked the crazy, secretly muscular side of Coulson as embarrassing as that sounded. Agents of SHIELD were usually much like Coulson...people didn't know the majority about them until they revealed it in the last five seconds of the game when everyone was afraid to rely on the guy who seemed like a pencil pusher. When it was the first time around with Coulson? Clint knew there was more than meets the eye with the unassuming man who had showed up at the circus. Even if he didn't outwardly say it during that first meeting, Clint was sure the man had known all about him even after offering him a job. It was just the look in his eyes that told him there was much more to Clint than being some guy who performed for a screaming crowd day in and day out
( ... )
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Phil loved his job, though. He couldn't imagine doing anything else. That didn't make Clint any less of a highlight--maybe the highlight. His time spent with Clint was some of the most important and memorable time he had. Even through all the worrying and the yelling, no one made Phil smile the way Clint did. No one. Sometimes Clint did thoughtful things that he tried to ( ... )
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