It was Phil's job to send Clint, to send all of his agents, really, into dangerous situations. He had to do his job in a somewhat detached manner when it came to things like that. He had to put the greater good above any one agent and that was difficult. Out of the field, though, the idea of losing Clint was entirely unbearable. He tried not to think about it at all most of the time. He didn't want to accept the fact that Clint could die and that he could be the one who had sent him out there.
The last few days with Clint missing had been terrible. He'd focused himself on finding the man just to stop himself from doing something stupid. Outwardly, he'd seemed mostly fine, if a little distracted. Inside, he was falling apart when he's thought Clint could be dead. Clint was here now, though. Phil kept his hand moving lightly through Clint's hair. Even if this wasn't perfect, Clint as alive and safe and soon he would feel better. In the mean time, Phil would stay here with him until he was sure that Clint was feeling better.
"Yeah and I'm always having to get you out of trouble, so knock it off." He was kidding. Mostly. He did have to get Clint out of trouble, but it wasn't as if that was stopping any time soon. If Clint was in trouble, Phil would be there to try to fix it. It was reflex at this point, even when Clint was actually doing something wrong. Okay, maybe he didn't treat all of his agents equally. He should maybe work on that, but he knows that he won't.
"I won't tell anyone who gave them to me." He smiled at Clint's concern over his image. "If anyone asks who gave me the best present I've ever gotten, I will cite my sister and leave you out of it." It really was the best present he'd ever gotten, too. It was the nicest and most thoughtful one possible, really. Who else would know him well enough to even know what a good present this was?
Clint didn't know. The life-or-death situations he got himself in were merely just reprimanded and he flashed Phil a cocky grin saying he always knew he would walk away alive. Even when he honestly didn't. The archer would have just told Coulson it was all part of the job. Just like he told himself it was all part of the job when Coulson died. But in the end, it was complete and utter bullshit. Clint didn't want to know that Coulson would beat himself over being the one who could possibly send him to his death. That he had been wrecked over the short amount of time that he was missing the last couple of days. He didn't want to think of the missed meals and the lack of sleep on his handler's part because he would have sworn to himself never to miss another drop by in his office ever again. Or phone call when he was bored enough at the range to give the man a head's up that he was stopping by. Email chain letter that he forwarded to Phil because he knew it would make him twitch a little.
He didn't know Coulson got as much out of the experience as he did. Sure, it hadn't been chasing around bad guys. The things they did on their off-time were more memorable than anything else Clint had experienced in SHIELD. He, of course, only had Tasha to talk about it too. Most of the time when they were sparring. Her lips did faintly twitch as an indication of a smile when he mentioned the purple crayon incident. It hadn't been a lot. But he knew she didn't really care what Clint did outside of Avengers or the missions. Just as he didn't when it came to Natasha's exploits. Nothing too big. None that didn't make Clint think the trio put together had as much of a social life as a snail.
"Well, that's what they pay you for isn't it?" He tried not to laugh when he said that. "Get me out of trouble, being my unofficial babysitter, Avenger Wrangler." A badass in a suit. Clint's next gift wasn't going to be as amazing as the replicated set of cards he had hunted down, he decided quickly. A new suit and maybe some Bermuda shorts. He'd see what he could do about getting the guy a vacation. Away from SHIELD. The Avengers. And regretfully, him. But he could deal with a couple days (weeks) without the agent. This, obviously, was a total lie. But if he told it to himself repeatedly he might start to believe it. Might. He'd make the next stuff seem like Pepper had given it to him. They seemed close enough.
The agent didn't truly want to move from this spot as he dug into his pocket again, where the storage device that he'd been sent with was not-so-pleasantly poking him in his leg as a constant reminder that it was still there before sliding it carefully over onto the nightstand. "Can't risk losing my image of being a badass to sentimentality. They'd believe if your sister did it." He balled up his fist in the side of Phil's shirt. He was exhausted. But his mind was starting to go a mile a minute. So he just decided to keep on talking. "Tasha might not though. She sees through us like a window."
Phil would always do everything in his power to make sure that his agents came back alive. He didn't want to admit that he was compromised, but if he had to choose between Clint and someone else, Clint would win out every time. He would feel guilt, but it would be easier than anything he would feel after sending Clint to his death. That just wasn't an option. He would sooner sacrifice himself than let Clint die if he had the option. The missed meals and sleep were nothing compared to how he would have been if he'd gotten confirmation that Clint was dead. The idea that he could never get another call or stupid email from the man made everything seem bleak.
Phil loved his job, though. He couldn't imagine doing anything else. That didn't make Clint any less of a highlight--maybe the highlight. His time spent with Clint was some of the most important and memorable time he had. Even through all the worrying and the yelling, no one made Phil smile the way Clint did. No one. Sometimes Clint did thoughtful things that he tried to pretend weren't and sometimes he wasn't trying at all and Phil would just find himself grinning.
"That's actually not what they pay me for. I do get a bonus for dealing with you, though." He slouched down a little more until his shoulder was on-level with Clint's head.
Clint probably couldn't top the gift. Phil couldn't think of a better gift than that. No material thing was worth what the thought and effort that went into the card collection was. Even a trip wouldn't stand a chance of living up to it unless Clint was going to come with him. A vacation alone with Clint sounded nice, actually, even if it was something he would never get.
He watched Clint toss something on the night table, but he would ask about that later. Right now, he had Clint lying on him, pressed up against his side, and he just wanted to enjoy being this close. "I won't let anyone tarnish your reputation. What else do you have?" Other than everything.
Clint could honestly remember being recruited by Coulson; thinking both "This guy's a yuppie" and "I think I might have a new best friend". All in the same stream of thought. Not that he said anything about it. He joined with a non-committal look in his eyes, saying he'd quit whenever he wanted too. It'd been years since then. Clint hadn't quit yet. SHIELD had a way of hooking it's claws in a person and burying deep inside them. But that wasn't all of it. Phil also had a way of showing up right before any sort of meltdown or anything like that and Clint just sort of rolled with it. He went with the fact that if had ever been given the chance to not go in and see Phil sitting at his desk or standing near the door of the range; SHIELD would lose it's main factor for keeping him around and alive.
As corny as it sounded. Clint mostly fought and trained as hard as he could so he could stay with Coulson. The other part was the pure satisfaction of being a badass and being paid for it. A little additional thing to what they usually had to deal with when it came down to everything like this. Luckily it never came off as that, otherwise Clint would have a lot of explaining to do and he really didn't want to do that.
When Phil moved so his shoulder was by his head, Clint unconsciously just moved to lay his shoulder. Eyes still shut as he just moved himself so he was as comfortable as he wanted to be. The only thing he wasn't doing was draping his leg over Coulson's. Which would have gotten an interesting reaction from him, probably not a good one. He didn't want to risk losing a decent night's sleep because he just wanted to indulge himself a little by thinking it was at all a plausible move for him to do that. "Flattery will get you everywhere, boss." God, Clint was suddenly hoping he didn't talk in his sleep. He didn't need Phil to have front-row tickets to that little show. It would have been embarrassing to say the least.
Clint pursed his lips together, thinking on what else you had. All he thought was Right now I have you, Phil. But he didn't really think that was as true as he wanted it to be. "My bow. My arrow. Tasha. The quinjet's mine too. Fury just doesn't know it yet. You." He paused for a moment, offering him a brief grin. "I'm still trying to talk the Cap into giving me his shield but he seems very attached to it, sadly. Maybe if you asked him he might do it."
On meeting Clint, all Phil remembered thinking was that he knew the man would be trouble. There was no doubt about that. As he'd grown on Phil, he'd only proven to be more trouble than Phil had ever imagined. When Clint wasn't doing everything that he wasn't supposed to, he was doing everything so right that it made Phil want to grab him and kiss him. For a long time, he's thought Clint really might quit some day, but he knew better now. SHIELD wouldn't be quite right without him. Phil wouldn't leave. He'd probably never leave SHIELD, but it would still feel empty without Clint.
No one else had that strange combination of trying hard and appearing effortless. No one else worked as well with Phil. A few came close, but no one surpassed the two of them. It was doubtful that anyone would.
He leaned his head gently against Clint's and let himself really relax. They could probably both use some sleep after the last few days. Phil could usually wake himself up after an hour or two. They should be fine as long as he did that to check on Clint. He couldn't help how comfortable he felt with Clint in his arms. It felt right, like they both belonged here. He could almost let himself believe that that wasn't all in his head.
"None of us are going anywhere." Well, he could really only speak for himself in there, but he was pretty certain that Natasha wasn't going anywhere and the rest of those things were inanimate. "Except the quinjet. That might leave you."
He yawned. "And don't take Rogers' shield. He needs that." He fought back the urge to kiss Clint's forehead. That would be a stupid mistake and he wasn't about to make it.
Clint was trouble. That was for sure. He'd been sneaking around in the air ducts the second week he had been taken on by SHIELD when his faith in the man who would be his handler for the long haul of his career in SHIELD. When he over heard Fury talking about him and how he treated the agents who were assigned to get him on his feet. He talked back. He lashed out. Fury was on Team Barton, but not if he kept up his behavior. Coulson didn't seem fazed by it, he just had a look of amusement in his eyes. Maybe because for that week, Clint had successfully risen his blood pressure to the point where it hadn't been before. Or maybe because Clint wasn't as bad a fit in SHIELD as everyone thought he was going to be. It wasn't until Fury had exited that room that Clint knew he was going to like working for Phil, since his handler's eyes shifted towards the grate in the air ducts. Acknowledging Clint's presence and ordering him to come down.
It was the first order Clint ever carried out.
After that it was them just finding something that clicked for the both of them. Clint liked sitting shotgun whenever they had to go on a mission and someone had to drive. He felt a swell of pride whenever Phil would walk up to him after a successful mission. Almost hoping for the man to come up to him and take him in his arms or something. Something Fury would undoubtedly frown upon. But Clint didn't really care what Fury usually said. Now more than ever. The man had lost respect points after the Coulson-death-fake out. He just hadn't come out and said that he didn't trust Fury as far as he could throw him. He knew they were part of a secret agency, but it still didn't give him the right to do that. As far as Clint was always concerned, SHIELD was nothing without Phil Coulson.
He found himself drifting in and out of sleep. Every time his body was ready to give in he reminded himself of what was waiting for him in the land of being awake. Compared to the land of sleep. When faced with the decision of a sleepy conversation with Coulson and a dream wrecked with guilt and Loki. He'd rather go sleep deprived. "Well, Tasha might sneak away one of these days." He smiled as he slowly opened his eyes, focusing on the world around him once again. "The quinjet isn't going anywhere, boss. She loves me. I'm the only one out of those jokes that could get her to fly as well as she does."
Clint fought back a laugh as he pressed his face against Coulson's shoulder. It did no favors for his pounding headache. "I'll get Rogers something cooler. Like a bow." He offered up as he turned his head, facing Coulson so that he could study his face. He looked tired. Just as tired as he did. "You look like crap, Phil." Clint was always more than happy to say Coulson's first name out loud. Most people didn't have that honor (nor did they know his first name was Phil). Clint had been surprised when he had first heard it on some mission in Russia. But he still remembered repeating it the entire mission as he shifted slightly, dropping his hand above Phil's heart. He didn't need to see or feel the scar to know it was there. The reason why Phil Coulson had been out of the field so long and Clint had torn himself apart for weeks. He remembered promising himself he wouldn't waste another moment if he had a chance until Coulson came waltzing into the range like nothing had ever happened.
Clint Barton was a great many things. But a shy man was definitely not one of them. People could come up with saying he was shy. But it was just because he didn't know how to deal with most social circumstances and when faced with something he wasn't expecting. Like really wasn't expecting (I.E. Coulson coming back from the dead or a certain red headed Russian spy and her history) he didn't know how to deal. When it came to the Russian spy, he just adopted her. When it came to Coulson however. He choked back insecurity like a hard liquor before leaning his head forward, brushing his lips against Phil's cheek for a brief moment and slightly pulling back. Just in case he had to make a wobbly run for it. "Get some sleep, Coulson. You'll need to wake me in like two or so hours."
Of course, Phil remembered that day. That was the day he'd realized that Clint might just be the good kind of trouble. He could be the kind of trouble that accomplished impossible things and took the missions that no one else could hope to do. Fury hadn't even seen Clint. Hell, Phil barely had. He was impressed. He never stopped being impressed and he never questioned what Clint was capable of. If a human being could do it and Clint was reasonably physically able to do it, Phil knew that Clint would do it and do it well.
The more they worked together, the more things clicked. They had habits and systems that worked for both of them, both in the field and the office. He found that they both bent to each other's habits and quirks easily and without really having to try. Everything between them just fell together and worked and Phil liked it that way. In the field, other agents would remark on the fact that it was like they could read each other's minds, but that was just how they were. Phil could give abbreviated orders, half in code that only Clint understood and Clint could follow everything thought, throwing back equally-coded information. He knew people who'd worked together longer and still hadn't worked up a rapport like the one they had. It was why Phil was able to keep Clint for so long. They were a proven team that worked and no matter what other things Phil might be doing, he'd been pulled from the field many times to go on a mission with Clint.
When Phil noticed Clint fighting sleep, he started to stroke his back, trying to lull him to sleep as he listened to Clint talk. Natasha wasn't going anywhere without telling Clint unless she thought she was protecting him. She was outwardly cold, but she wasn't unfeeling. Phil would be surprised to be wrong about that. Clint is the best pilot when it comes to the quinjet, though. Phil couldn't argue with that.
The kiss on his cheek surprised him. He hoped that he wasn't turning red at all, because his face was definitely heating up. He was trying not to read too much into what Clint did, but it was hard to not read into this. It was hard not to turn his head and follow those lips with his own. The urge tugged at him.
After a moment, Phil smiled. "You just want to give him a bow so that you'll look better than him when he misses everything. And glass houses, Clint. You don't look so great yourself." He sighed. "I've been running around all week looking for you."
Finally, he gave in and tightened his arm around Clint before leaning down to kiss Clint's temple. "We both need sleep."
Being on Phil's wave-length had become second nature to him. It was also the reason, he was sure, why Fury hadn't reassigned him or passed him off. Maybe even started taking on agents of his own even if he had been there for several years, aiding in the training of many agents when it came to field combat or training to fly. It was because when Clint wasn't around Phil, he just didn't feel like he performed as well. He performed exceptionally during the fight against the Chitauri and on several different missions. He just came back to base a little off. He'd hurt himself in some stupid way or he'd feel like his aim was an inch off target. When he was on missions with Phil, they continued conversations from miles apart over their comms. They didn't even need to be in the same area to know what the other was doing when they were in a work-state of mind. Even to Clint it was a little weird. But he liked the weird little talent he had. It made for one thing to become clear...Fury wouldn't pull them apart.
And Clint really didn't do that well with change. The idea of getting another handler was stressful even if he would have told everyone to "bring it on". He knew it was a lie...and so would everyone else, he was sure.
"You're cheating," he yawned when Phil started running his hand up and down his back. He could get used to this and quietly wanted to. Clint knew his level importance in the Avengers, just as he knew the major staples of his life were unlikely to go away. After all, one had already tried and here he was again. The archer was a bit put down by the lack of a reaction from his handler. He was close enough that he could feel any awkward tension in his body if the kiss had been something to make him feel awkward. Uncomfortable. Clint watched as a feint pink came across his handler's face and he almost tried not to toss his head back and laugh. It was a good sign, he was amusing.
Clint tried to look as if he had been offended when Coulson accused him of wanting to see Steve at his worst. "No. Jeez, I just think I'd look better in the blue spandex, sir." He joked with a wink. His smile quickly disappeared when Phil had said he was looking for him for a week. Had it really been that long? "Let me guess. Hill had to harass you to sleep and eat when I wasn't around. At least I have an excuse for not sleeping the entire time, Phil." Which was...Loki didn't see a point in ordering them to do either. He could have acted on his own but he didn't really see a point when he could have just worked through it all.
He felt Phil's lips against his temple and he didn't really have the same self-control as the other agent, allowing his face to follow his and stopping himself before doing anything that would have the situation get incredibly awkward as he looked him in the eyes. His face only inches away from Phil's. "Sounds like a plan, sir."
What Clint didn't know was that more than a few times early on, Fury had tried to have Clint work with other handlers. Phil refused it, citing reasons that ranged from the fact that they had the highest success rate together to the fact that Clint just wouldn't listen to most people. Eventually, Fury stopped trying to separate them at all. Phil didn't trust other handlers with Clint and he didn't trust Clint to trust the other handlers. His trust in Phil had been hard-won and Phil knew that. Clint would never even try as much with another handler. If being his handler kept Clint alive, Phil would gladly always do it.
Phil wasn't tense, but the air around them was. Clint was so close and he was afraid to speak too loudly. He was afraid to moved closer or further away. He just didn't want to break the moment, so he spoke softly. "I don't cheat. I've only cheated once in my life." It was a Dungeons and Dragons game when he was college. It really didn't count.
"Agent Hill might have brought me a few meals. I had more important things to worry about." It was a testament to how tired he was that he admitted that. He valued their friendship greatly and was generally open about that fact, but that statement might have gone a little too far. At least he managed to stop himself from agreeing that Clint would look better in the spandex. It wasn't that Rogers wasn't an attractive man, but Phil was far more interested in seeing Clint in spandex. Not that he thought Clint's current outfit wasn't attractive, because it was. Very much so.
Clint was right there. He was right there and he'd kissed Phil's cheek and he'd gotten Phil those cards and Phil wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them and kiss him like he was the only thing in the world, but the problem was that sometimes it seemed like he really was and if Phil miscalculated this, he could lose Clint entirely.
That was one thing Clint was not aware of. Phil's battle to keep him as his agent rather than allowing him to go off to work with another handler and gaining some ease in his life. It would have been easier for the man, in the early years, if he had just given Clint to another handler. But then again, most handlers would have passed him off when they had the chance. It wasn't something that Clint would have looked forward to but the largest act of betrayal would have come if Phil had done it. He hadn't trusted anyone in the world as much as he trusted Coulson. When the world continuously passed him off because he was too difficult to handle. Phil had kept him with him. There was the idle threat that if he had the chance he would find Clint a new handler. But he was sure, one time, when Clint had taken the threaten all too serious the threats stopped shortly thereafter. It wasn't that he wouldn't have left SHIELD if he had gotten a new handler, it was that he probably would perform with a bigger death wish then he had before.
Clint was lucky to have Coulson. He just never told him that if he didn't have him; working for SHIELD wouldn't be the experience it usually was. The archer tried not to smile when Phil defended the fact that he'd only cheated once, his brow perking up with curiosity. "This feels like cheating to me, Phil." Not that he minded. When Coulson's hand was going up and down his back, it was the easiest way to lull Clint into sleep. He was a simple sort of guy when it came to things like this.
"Like what? C'mon Coulson, what would I do if something happened to you? Only one of us is allowed to drive themselves into the ground. You're the reasonable one." He was sure he would have found him eventually. He wasn't sure if Phil knew that however. Clint didn't like the idea of being out there, off the grid, and his friend would be beating himself back at home because he couldn't find him. He made the mental note to always have the intention to return back to SHIELD and to Phil now. Or put more effort into it, just to make sure Phil was going to be eating and things like that. Not that Clint usually didn't call anyway. A day with even a small conversation with Phil was a day wasted in Clint's opinion.
The distance between them was nice, Clint could feel Phil's breath on his face. Study the tired lines in his face. All the while thinking Please don't leave me repeatedly. Silently he moved to close the distance between them both, pressing his lips against Phil's. He was waiting. Waiting for Coulson to push him away and hoping he wouldn't.
At first, it had been about giving Clint something consistent. Phil could see that Clint needed that more than anything and he wanted to give him as stable a groundwork as SHIELD could offer. After that, it was more about the way they worked together, the fact that their success rate was so high and that he knew Clint wouldn't do as well if he was given to another handler. Then it had become selfish. He wanted Clint around. Even if the other reasons weren't there, he would have fought to keep him because he liked working with him and he liked being with him.
Phil would look for any missing agent. He would, but not with the level of obsessiveness that he would throw into finding Clint. Maybe he couldn't pass that off as friendship and that was fine. Scared as he was of losing Clint's friendship, he was more scared of losing Clint entirely. If something really did happen to Clint, he probably would run on empty for a long time and there was nothing he could do about that. He would do his best, but he couldn't even promise that his field work wouldn't suffer for it.
Suddenly, it was like Clint had read his mind and he was leaning up to kiss Phil. For a moment, Phil was frozen. He was surprised and unsure of where this had even come from on Clint's side. Then, he was closing his eyes and kissing back, arm tightening around Clint. He moved his lips over Clint's, slow but sure. If this was a mistake, he was going to enjoy it, at least.
Clint thought he was the reasonable one, but he was far from reasonable where Clint was concerned. He probably always would be. Clint was special. He was important to Phil in a way that very few people were.
Phil pulled back slowly, just enough to speak. "Tell me you don't kiss everyone who gives you head trauma like that."
Their successes weren't usually something that ended up in the news, plastered on front pages like the successes of the Avengers. It just felt more for themselves than for the public who wouldn't really know they were in danger if it was a SHIELD mission that Clint and Phil had been told to perform -- they would have. If they didn't succeed they would get some back up but they usually got things done. It was that fact, Clint always was glad when people said they were starting reassignments of handlers that he was glad when he wasn't. He always held his breath though for the new paperwork that would come with it or some suit to walk over to him in the range to tell him that they were his new handler. He was almost waiting for someone to tell him he didn't need one anymore but none of that ever happened and he breathed a sigh of relief whenever those times passed and he was still with the same person. Still with Phil and still more than happy to hear his voice over the comms whenever they were out working.
Everything seemed to Phil return the kiss, when he felt his arm tighten around him. It really shouldn't rank in the top kisses Clint had experienced in his life, but it was better than any of the ones he really had shared with anyone else. Minus the raging headache, this moment was perfect. He wasn't even thinking too much about the headache, all his thoughts were on Phil around him. He almost followed after Phil when he pulled back, drawing his head back a little when the agent spoke. "Only the ones who look good in a suit." He joked in return, laying his head so he could look Coulson in the eyes. "You've got no idea how long I wanted to do that."
After all, once the can of worms was open. Clint felt comfortable sharing that interesting piece of information with his handler. It was like it always was when he was in an uncertain situation. First he tip-toes around it until he's found something familiar then he moves in. Since Coulson had kissed him back, he figured everything was open game right now.
Phil had never gotten into this game for the glory. He'd joined the army to pay for college and he'd started government work because he had the right skill set and he wanted to help people. Media attention or not, he was proud of his job and happy with it. Moreso, he was proud of the Avengers. People needed heroes to believe in in the same way that Phil had believed in Captain America. He was glad that they'd gotten the spotlight. They were all extraordinary. They had saved Manhattan. Hell, they had saved the world. Phil was just happy to have been part of it, even in the background.
As for another handler for Clint, no other handler exactly wanted to work with him. He had a reputation for being difficult and Phil had a reputation for being Phil. It worked out nicely in Phil's favor. Most people who worked for SHIELD long enough knew that there was a lot more muscle under the suit than anyone expected and they found that out by watching him do something unexpected and somewhat crazy. Phil was reserved and friendly, but he was also a capable fighter and notoriously dangerous when he was pissed off.
He looked down at Clint, hand going back to petting his back. "Good to know that wasn't brought on by head trauma. I might have been insulted." He would have been hurt. It would honestly have torn him apart. Whatever this was, it was a terrible idea. He was being selfish, but he'd rather have a terrible idea than have Clint not return any of his feelings. He'd kissed Phil. That had to mean something.
He let himself smile. "I've wanted to do that for a while, too." If Clint could put himself out there, Phil could, too, even if it was only a little bit. He wasn't throwing everything out there, but he could give what he got.
Clint liked the crazy, secretly muscular side of Coulson as embarrassing as that sounded. Agents of SHIELD were usually much like Coulson...people didn't know the majority about them until they revealed it in the last five seconds of the game when everyone was afraid to rely on the guy who seemed like a pencil pusher. When it was the first time around with Coulson? Clint knew there was more than meets the eye with the unassuming man who had showed up at the circus. Even if he didn't outwardly say it during that first meeting, Clint was sure the man had known all about him even after offering him a job. It was just the look in his eyes that told him there was much more to Clint than being some guy who performed for a screaming crowd day in and day out.
He hadn't joined SHIELD to become of something bigger. He might have joined them to help people. But ultimately, he wanted to see the pencil pusher surprise him. He hadn't stopped doing it yet. Clint had decided that every time they were together, he learned something new. Something that was both thrilling and nearly shock worthy by how it seemed. The archer had been stuck to the man ever since. It helped when it came to people who attempted to see if he wanted to team up with them on certain missions. He didn't. He told them straight to their faces that he wasn't interested but ended up going when Coulson met up with him to tell him where they were going and where he wanted him. He was a simple guy. People could give orders, he wouldn't follow them unless he respected the person talking. Coulson gave orders, he followed them because...well, it was Coulson. Clint had done a lot of ridiculously stupid things in his life, Phil (or Tasha) usually saved him from those stupid decisions.
This, however, was not a stupid decision. Clint looked up at Phil, falling in love with the fact that this moment had finally happened. The world could have been burning and unless someone called and told them they were needed, Clint would have been fine with just letting it burn while he laid beside Phil. "I jump off buildings when it comes to head trauma. I think this is a step in a good direction." He laughed, fingers running up and down Phil's side where his hand rested. He really didn't know the extent of Phil's feelings. His handler might have just gone along with it because of the state Clint was in right now. Not because it was something that he wanted for himself.
That doubt was quickly pushed away when Phil smiled. "Oh yeah? Whew," he breathed an almost sigh of relief at that. The chuckle that filled the space between them was half because he was relieved and the other half...because he didn't know what else to do but express that he was in a good place right now. Considering where he was a couple hours ago. This was a good change. Dramatic change yes. But good just the same. "If this was only one-sided it could have gotten very awkward, very quick."
Phil had pretty much perfected the mild-mannered image before he'd even met Clint. Most people didn't pick up on anything. That Clint had only proved what Phil had known all along. Clint was special. He had an eye for things that most people didn't and in a lot of ways, Clint seemed fearless, even if Phil didn't believe for a second that any sane human being really was. It was that effortlessness that intimidated junior agents. Most of them could never touch Clint's skill level even by visibly exerting themselves. Clint just did things and he did them well.
He was well-aware of the fact that Clint didn't follow most people's orders consistently. He was the only one who could unfailingly get Clint to do something. Enough people knew that he was often called in just to issue orders to Clint so that he would follow them. It wasn't the greatest situation that SHIELD could ask for, but Phil was perfectly happy knowing that he could always have final say on where Clint went. If Clint wouldn't go without him, he'd always be brought in on Clint's orders and he was more than fine with that arrangement.
Bringing his hand up to brush through Clint's hair, he sighed. "You're not jumping off any buildings any time soon. I hope you know that." This was partially because Clint was going to need some extra recovery time and partially because Phil just wasn't going to let him do that. He wasn't risking Clint that much when he'd just gotten the man back. It wasn't an option.
"You're an idiot." How could Clint even think that it was one-sided? Phil smiled, leaning down to kiss Clint's forehead. "Get some rest. We can talk about this when I haven't just given you a mild concussion."
In Clint's opinion, he was fearless. But in truth, he wasn't.
Being a part of SHIELD just meant he also had a chance to fine tune his acting skills when it came to rushing into situations headfirst. The only thing that Clint visibly showed that what he feared was in the space of time when he thought he wouldn't be able to work with Coulson anymore. But that fear was extinguished when Phil came back to life. It also extinguished the fears of quite a fear SHIELD agents that had to deal with Clint during the time when Phil was still in recovery after his encounter with Loki. He was sure Phil got a couple of relieved individuals walking over to say 'Thank you for not being dead...we couldn't deal with Barton'. But Clint hoped they wouldn't cause Phil to worry that Clint would probably just as bad as Coulson if he were gone. Just with more of a dangerous streak involved in his mourning.
He seemed far more than pleased when Phil ran his hand through his hair. A smile crossing across his face as he seemed like he put some thought into it. "Nah, I'll hold back on that for a while. Not that I'll be given a chance anytime soon. Don't worry about it." Clint seemed more than happy with the idea of having some free time on his hands right now to not care that he regularly got stir crazy when he wasn't about to do anything else.
"You like it, boss." Clint could have thought it was one-sided because he was sure there were better choices for Coulson to choose from than an ex-carny who liked to use a bow and didn't finish school. His face heated up when Coulson kissed his forehead before laying his head back down on Phil's chest. "Sounds like a good plan, boss."
The last few days with Clint missing had been terrible. He'd focused himself on finding the man just to stop himself from doing something stupid. Outwardly, he'd seemed mostly fine, if a little distracted. Inside, he was falling apart when he's thought Clint could be dead. Clint was here now, though. Phil kept his hand moving lightly through Clint's hair. Even if this wasn't perfect, Clint as alive and safe and soon he would feel better. In the mean time, Phil would stay here with him until he was sure that Clint was feeling better.
"Yeah and I'm always having to get you out of trouble, so knock it off." He was kidding. Mostly. He did have to get Clint out of trouble, but it wasn't as if that was stopping any time soon. If Clint was in trouble, Phil would be there to try to fix it. It was reflex at this point, even when Clint was actually doing something wrong. Okay, maybe he didn't treat all of his agents equally. He should maybe work on that, but he knows that he won't.
"I won't tell anyone who gave them to me." He smiled at Clint's concern over his image. "If anyone asks who gave me the best present I've ever gotten, I will cite my sister and leave you out of it." It really was the best present he'd ever gotten, too. It was the nicest and most thoughtful one possible, really. Who else would know him well enough to even know what a good present this was?
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He didn't know Coulson got as much out of the experience as he did. Sure, it hadn't been chasing around bad guys. The things they did on their off-time were more memorable than anything else Clint had experienced in SHIELD. He, of course, only had Tasha to talk about it too. Most of the time when they were sparring. Her lips did faintly twitch as an indication of a smile when he mentioned the purple crayon incident. It hadn't been a lot. But he knew she didn't really care what Clint did outside of Avengers or the missions. Just as he didn't when it came to Natasha's exploits. Nothing too big. None that didn't make Clint think the trio put together had as much of a social life as a snail.
"Well, that's what they pay you for isn't it?" He tried not to laugh when he said that. "Get me out of trouble, being my unofficial babysitter, Avenger Wrangler." A badass in a suit. Clint's next gift wasn't going to be as amazing as the replicated set of cards he had hunted down, he decided quickly. A new suit and maybe some Bermuda shorts. He'd see what he could do about getting the guy a vacation. Away from SHIELD. The Avengers. And regretfully, him. But he could deal with a couple days (weeks) without the agent. This, obviously, was a total lie. But if he told it to himself repeatedly he might start to believe it. Might. He'd make the next stuff seem like Pepper had given it to him. They seemed close enough.
The agent didn't truly want to move from this spot as he dug into his pocket again, where the storage device that he'd been sent with was not-so-pleasantly poking him in his leg as a constant reminder that it was still there before sliding it carefully over onto the nightstand. "Can't risk losing my image of being a badass to sentimentality. They'd believe if your sister did it." He balled up his fist in the side of Phil's shirt. He was exhausted. But his mind was starting to go a mile a minute. So he just decided to keep on talking. "Tasha might not though. She sees through us like a window."
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Phil loved his job, though. He couldn't imagine doing anything else. That didn't make Clint any less of a highlight--maybe the highlight. His time spent with Clint was some of the most important and memorable time he had. Even through all the worrying and the yelling, no one made Phil smile the way Clint did. No one. Sometimes Clint did thoughtful things that he tried to pretend weren't and sometimes he wasn't trying at all and Phil would just find himself grinning.
"That's actually not what they pay me for. I do get a bonus for dealing with you, though." He slouched down a little more until his shoulder was on-level with Clint's head.
Clint probably couldn't top the gift. Phil couldn't think of a better gift than that. No material thing was worth what the thought and effort that went into the card collection was. Even a trip wouldn't stand a chance of living up to it unless Clint was going to come with him. A vacation alone with Clint sounded nice, actually, even if it was something he would never get.
He watched Clint toss something on the night table, but he would ask about that later. Right now, he had Clint lying on him, pressed up against his side, and he just wanted to enjoy being this close. "I won't let anyone tarnish your reputation. What else do you have?" Other than everything.
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As corny as it sounded. Clint mostly fought and trained as hard as he could so he could stay with Coulson. The other part was the pure satisfaction of being a badass and being paid for it. A little additional thing to what they usually had to deal with when it came down to everything like this. Luckily it never came off as that, otherwise Clint would have a lot of explaining to do and he really didn't want to do that.
When Phil moved so his shoulder was by his head, Clint unconsciously just moved to lay his shoulder. Eyes still shut as he just moved himself so he was as comfortable as he wanted to be. The only thing he wasn't doing was draping his leg over Coulson's. Which would have gotten an interesting reaction from him, probably not a good one. He didn't want to risk losing a decent night's sleep because he just wanted to indulge himself a little by thinking it was at all a plausible move for him to do that. "Flattery will get you everywhere, boss." God, Clint was suddenly hoping he didn't talk in his sleep. He didn't need Phil to have front-row tickets to that little show. It would have been embarrassing to say the least.
Clint pursed his lips together, thinking on what else you had. All he thought was Right now I have you, Phil. But he didn't really think that was as true as he wanted it to be. "My bow. My arrow. Tasha. The quinjet's mine too. Fury just doesn't know it yet. You." He paused for a moment, offering him a brief grin. "I'm still trying to talk the Cap into giving me his shield but he seems very attached to it, sadly. Maybe if you asked him he might do it."
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No one else had that strange combination of trying hard and appearing effortless. No one else worked as well with Phil. A few came close, but no one surpassed the two of them. It was doubtful that anyone would.
He leaned his head gently against Clint's and let himself really relax. They could probably both use some sleep after the last few days. Phil could usually wake himself up after an hour or two. They should be fine as long as he did that to check on Clint. He couldn't help how comfortable he felt with Clint in his arms. It felt right, like they both belonged here. He could almost let himself believe that that wasn't all in his head.
"None of us are going anywhere." Well, he could really only speak for himself in there, but he was pretty certain that Natasha wasn't going anywhere and the rest of those things were inanimate. "Except the quinjet. That might leave you."
He yawned. "And don't take Rogers' shield. He needs that." He fought back the urge to kiss Clint's forehead. That would be a stupid mistake and he wasn't about to make it.
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It was the first order Clint ever carried out.
After that it was them just finding something that clicked for the both of them. Clint liked sitting shotgun whenever they had to go on a mission and someone had to drive. He felt a swell of pride whenever Phil would walk up to him after a successful mission. Almost hoping for the man to come up to him and take him in his arms or something. Something Fury would undoubtedly frown upon. But Clint didn't really care what Fury usually said. Now more than ever. The man had lost respect points after the Coulson-death-fake out. He just hadn't come out and said that he didn't trust Fury as far as he could throw him. He knew they were part of a secret agency, but it still didn't give him the right to do that. As far as Clint was always concerned, SHIELD was nothing without Phil Coulson.
He found himself drifting in and out of sleep. Every time his body was ready to give in he reminded himself of what was waiting for him in the land of being awake. Compared to the land of sleep. When faced with the decision of a sleepy conversation with Coulson and a dream wrecked with guilt and Loki. He'd rather go sleep deprived. "Well, Tasha might sneak away one of these days." He smiled as he slowly opened his eyes, focusing on the world around him once again. "The quinjet isn't going anywhere, boss. She loves me. I'm the only one out of those jokes that could get her to fly as well as she does."
Clint fought back a laugh as he pressed his face against Coulson's shoulder. It did no favors for his pounding headache. "I'll get Rogers something cooler. Like a bow." He offered up as he turned his head, facing Coulson so that he could study his face. He looked tired. Just as tired as he did. "You look like crap, Phil." Clint was always more than happy to say Coulson's first name out loud. Most people didn't have that honor (nor did they know his first name was Phil). Clint had been surprised when he had first heard it on some mission in Russia. But he still remembered repeating it the entire mission as he shifted slightly, dropping his hand above Phil's heart. He didn't need to see or feel the scar to know it was there. The reason why Phil Coulson had been out of the field so long and Clint had torn himself apart for weeks. He remembered promising himself he wouldn't waste another moment if he had a chance until Coulson came waltzing into the range like nothing had ever happened.
Clint Barton was a great many things. But a shy man was definitely not one of them. People could come up with saying he was shy. But it was just because he didn't know how to deal with most social circumstances and when faced with something he wasn't expecting. Like really wasn't expecting (I.E. Coulson coming back from the dead or a certain red headed Russian spy and her history) he didn't know how to deal. When it came to the Russian spy, he just adopted her. When it came to Coulson however. He choked back insecurity like a hard liquor before leaning his head forward, brushing his lips against Phil's cheek for a brief moment and slightly pulling back. Just in case he had to make a wobbly run for it. "Get some sleep, Coulson. You'll need to wake me in like two or so hours."
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The more they worked together, the more things clicked. They had habits and systems that worked for both of them, both in the field and the office. He found that they both bent to each other's habits and quirks easily and without really having to try. Everything between them just fell together and worked and Phil liked it that way. In the field, other agents would remark on the fact that it was like they could read each other's minds, but that was just how they were. Phil could give abbreviated orders, half in code that only Clint understood and Clint could follow everything thought, throwing back equally-coded information. He knew people who'd worked together longer and still hadn't worked up a rapport like the one they had. It was why Phil was able to keep Clint for so long. They were a proven team that worked and no matter what other things Phil might be doing, he'd been pulled from the field many times to go on a mission with Clint.
When Phil noticed Clint fighting sleep, he started to stroke his back, trying to lull him to sleep as he listened to Clint talk. Natasha wasn't going anywhere without telling Clint unless she thought she was protecting him. She was outwardly cold, but she wasn't unfeeling. Phil would be surprised to be wrong about that. Clint is the best pilot when it comes to the quinjet, though. Phil couldn't argue with that.
The kiss on his cheek surprised him. He hoped that he wasn't turning red at all, because his face was definitely heating up. He was trying not to read too much into what Clint did, but it was hard to not read into this. It was hard not to turn his head and follow those lips with his own. The urge tugged at him.
After a moment, Phil smiled. "You just want to give him a bow so that you'll look better than him when he misses everything. And glass houses, Clint. You don't look so great yourself." He sighed. "I've been running around all week looking for you."
Finally, he gave in and tightened his arm around Clint before leaning down to kiss Clint's temple. "We both need sleep."
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And Clint really didn't do that well with change. The idea of getting another handler was stressful even if he would have told everyone to "bring it on". He knew it was a lie...and so would everyone else, he was sure.
"You're cheating," he yawned when Phil started running his hand up and down his back. He could get used to this and quietly wanted to. Clint knew his level importance in the Avengers, just as he knew the major staples of his life were unlikely to go away. After all, one had already tried and here he was again. The archer was a bit put down by the lack of a reaction from his handler. He was close enough that he could feel any awkward tension in his body if the kiss had been something to make him feel awkward. Uncomfortable. Clint watched as a feint pink came across his handler's face and he almost tried not to toss his head back and laugh. It was a good sign, he was amusing.
Clint tried to look as if he had been offended when Coulson accused him of wanting to see Steve at his worst. "No. Jeez, I just think I'd look better in the blue spandex, sir." He joked with a wink. His smile quickly disappeared when Phil had said he was looking for him for a week. Had it really been that long? "Let me guess. Hill had to harass you to sleep and eat when I wasn't around. At least I have an excuse for not sleeping the entire time, Phil." Which was...Loki didn't see a point in ordering them to do either. He could have acted on his own but he didn't really see a point when he could have just worked through it all.
He felt Phil's lips against his temple and he didn't really have the same self-control as the other agent, allowing his face to follow his and stopping himself before doing anything that would have the situation get incredibly awkward as he looked him in the eyes. His face only inches away from Phil's. "Sounds like a plan, sir."
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Phil wasn't tense, but the air around them was. Clint was so close and he was afraid to speak too loudly. He was afraid to moved closer or further away. He just didn't want to break the moment, so he spoke softly. "I don't cheat. I've only cheated once in my life." It was a Dungeons and Dragons game when he was college. It really didn't count.
"Agent Hill might have brought me a few meals. I had more important things to worry about." It was a testament to how tired he was that he admitted that. He valued their friendship greatly and was generally open about that fact, but that statement might have gone a little too far. At least he managed to stop himself from agreeing that Clint would look better in the spandex. It wasn't that Rogers wasn't an attractive man, but Phil was far more interested in seeing Clint in spandex. Not that he thought Clint's current outfit wasn't attractive, because it was. Very much so.
Clint was right there. He was right there and he'd kissed Phil's cheek and he'd gotten Phil those cards and Phil wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them and kiss him like he was the only thing in the world, but the problem was that sometimes it seemed like he really was and if Phil miscalculated this, he could lose Clint entirely.
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Clint was lucky to have Coulson. He just never told him that if he didn't have him; working for SHIELD wouldn't be the experience it usually was. The archer tried not to smile when Phil defended the fact that he'd only cheated once, his brow perking up with curiosity. "This feels like cheating to me, Phil." Not that he minded. When Coulson's hand was going up and down his back, it was the easiest way to lull Clint into sleep. He was a simple sort of guy when it came to things like this.
"Like what? C'mon Coulson, what would I do if something happened to you? Only one of us is allowed to drive themselves into the ground. You're the reasonable one." He was sure he would have found him eventually. He wasn't sure if Phil knew that however. Clint didn't like the idea of being out there, off the grid, and his friend would be beating himself back at home because he couldn't find him. He made the mental note to always have the intention to return back to SHIELD and to Phil now. Or put more effort into it, just to make sure Phil was going to be eating and things like that. Not that Clint usually didn't call anyway. A day with even a small conversation with Phil was a day wasted in Clint's opinion.
The distance between them was nice, Clint could feel Phil's breath on his face. Study the tired lines in his face. All the while thinking Please don't leave me repeatedly. Silently he moved to close the distance between them both, pressing his lips against Phil's. He was waiting. Waiting for Coulson to push him away and hoping he wouldn't.
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Phil would look for any missing agent. He would, but not with the level of obsessiveness that he would throw into finding Clint. Maybe he couldn't pass that off as friendship and that was fine. Scared as he was of losing Clint's friendship, he was more scared of losing Clint entirely. If something really did happen to Clint, he probably would run on empty for a long time and there was nothing he could do about that. He would do his best, but he couldn't even promise that his field work wouldn't suffer for it.
Suddenly, it was like Clint had read his mind and he was leaning up to kiss Phil. For a moment, Phil was frozen. He was surprised and unsure of where this had even come from on Clint's side. Then, he was closing his eyes and kissing back, arm tightening around Clint. He moved his lips over Clint's, slow but sure. If this was a mistake, he was going to enjoy it, at least.
Clint thought he was the reasonable one, but he was far from reasonable where Clint was concerned. He probably always would be. Clint was special. He was important to Phil in a way that very few people were.
Phil pulled back slowly, just enough to speak. "Tell me you don't kiss everyone who gives you head trauma like that."
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Everything seemed to Phil return the kiss, when he felt his arm tighten around him. It really shouldn't rank in the top kisses Clint had experienced in his life, but it was better than any of the ones he really had shared with anyone else. Minus the raging headache, this moment was perfect. He wasn't even thinking too much about the headache, all his thoughts were on Phil around him. He almost followed after Phil when he pulled back, drawing his head back a little when the agent spoke. "Only the ones who look good in a suit." He joked in return, laying his head so he could look Coulson in the eyes. "You've got no idea how long I wanted to do that."
After all, once the can of worms was open. Clint felt comfortable sharing that interesting piece of information with his handler. It was like it always was when he was in an uncertain situation. First he tip-toes around it until he's found something familiar then he moves in. Since Coulson had kissed him back, he figured everything was open game right now.
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As for another handler for Clint, no other handler exactly wanted to work with him. He had a reputation for being difficult and Phil had a reputation for being Phil. It worked out nicely in Phil's favor. Most people who worked for SHIELD long enough knew that there was a lot more muscle under the suit than anyone expected and they found that out by watching him do something unexpected and somewhat crazy. Phil was reserved and friendly, but he was also a capable fighter and notoriously dangerous when he was pissed off.
He looked down at Clint, hand going back to petting his back. "Good to know that wasn't brought on by head trauma. I might have been insulted." He would have been hurt. It would honestly have torn him apart. Whatever this was, it was a terrible idea. He was being selfish, but he'd rather have a terrible idea than have Clint not return any of his feelings. He'd kissed Phil. That had to mean something.
He let himself smile. "I've wanted to do that for a while, too." If Clint could put himself out there, Phil could, too, even if it was only a little bit. He wasn't throwing everything out there, but he could give what he got.
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He hadn't joined SHIELD to become of something bigger. He might have joined them to help people. But ultimately, he wanted to see the pencil pusher surprise him. He hadn't stopped doing it yet. Clint had decided that every time they were together, he learned something new. Something that was both thrilling and nearly shock worthy by how it seemed. The archer had been stuck to the man ever since. It helped when it came to people who attempted to see if he wanted to team up with them on certain missions. He didn't. He told them straight to their faces that he wasn't interested but ended up going when Coulson met up with him to tell him where they were going and where he wanted him. He was a simple guy. People could give orders, he wouldn't follow them unless he respected the person talking. Coulson gave orders, he followed them because...well, it was Coulson. Clint had done a lot of ridiculously stupid things in his life, Phil (or Tasha) usually saved him from those stupid decisions.
This, however, was not a stupid decision. Clint looked up at Phil, falling in love with the fact that this moment had finally happened. The world could have been burning and unless someone called and told them they were needed, Clint would have been fine with just letting it burn while he laid beside Phil. "I jump off buildings when it comes to head trauma. I think this is a step in a good direction." He laughed, fingers running up and down Phil's side where his hand rested. He really didn't know the extent of Phil's feelings. His handler might have just gone along with it because of the state Clint was in right now. Not because it was something that he wanted for himself.
That doubt was quickly pushed away when Phil smiled. "Oh yeah? Whew," he breathed an almost sigh of relief at that. The chuckle that filled the space between them was half because he was relieved and the other half...because he didn't know what else to do but express that he was in a good place right now. Considering where he was a couple hours ago. This was a good change. Dramatic change yes. But good just the same. "If this was only one-sided it could have gotten very awkward, very quick."
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He was well-aware of the fact that Clint didn't follow most people's orders consistently. He was the only one who could unfailingly get Clint to do something. Enough people knew that he was often called in just to issue orders to Clint so that he would follow them. It wasn't the greatest situation that SHIELD could ask for, but Phil was perfectly happy knowing that he could always have final say on where Clint went. If Clint wouldn't go without him, he'd always be brought in on Clint's orders and he was more than fine with that arrangement.
Bringing his hand up to brush through Clint's hair, he sighed. "You're not jumping off any buildings any time soon. I hope you know that." This was partially because Clint was going to need some extra recovery time and partially because Phil just wasn't going to let him do that. He wasn't risking Clint that much when he'd just gotten the man back. It wasn't an option.
"You're an idiot." How could Clint even think that it was one-sided? Phil smiled, leaning down to kiss Clint's forehead. "Get some rest. We can talk about this when I haven't just given you a mild concussion."
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Being a part of SHIELD just meant he also had a chance to fine tune his acting skills when it came to rushing into situations headfirst. The only thing that Clint visibly showed that what he feared was in the space of time when he thought he wouldn't be able to work with Coulson anymore. But that fear was extinguished when Phil came back to life. It also extinguished the fears of quite a fear SHIELD agents that had to deal with Clint during the time when Phil was still in recovery after his encounter with Loki. He was sure Phil got a couple of relieved individuals walking over to say 'Thank you for not being dead...we couldn't deal with Barton'. But Clint hoped they wouldn't cause Phil to worry that Clint would probably just as bad as Coulson if he were gone. Just with more of a dangerous streak involved in his mourning.
He seemed far more than pleased when Phil ran his hand through his hair. A smile crossing across his face as he seemed like he put some thought into it. "Nah, I'll hold back on that for a while. Not that I'll be given a chance anytime soon. Don't worry about it." Clint seemed more than happy with the idea of having some free time on his hands right now to not care that he regularly got stir crazy when he wasn't about to do anything else.
"You like it, boss." Clint could have thought it was one-sided because he was sure there were better choices for Coulson to choose from than an ex-carny who liked to use a bow and didn't finish school. His face heated up when Coulson kissed his forehead before laying his head back down on Phil's chest. "Sounds like a good plan, boss."
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