(Untitled)

[becomeanwarrior]

So, uh. Hey. People who have known me long enough, could I ask you a question?

...How do you guys feel about, you know, how I grew up and stuff, since I got here.

I don't know, it two in the morning and I can't shake these thoughts. Honest answers appreciated.

Comments

[becomeanwarrior]

Thank you for that insightful rambling, Jinn.

But no, yeah, I guess I'm a little insecure, I guess I just. I keep looking at the past and I'm seeing how... I don't know. Not even idiotic, just. It doesn't feel like... I don't know. I guess I still feel like a mess.

...I don't react too violently.

[becomeanwarrior]

All I ever asked for was an iota of respect. I was trying to be a nice guy. I'm still trying to be a nice guy.

But everyone gives me shit.

[thefifthmonarch]

I think you hated being at the Academy, and every moment of your life post High School has been proving how much you don't suck, which while noble and understandable, makes you seem like a self-important and self-righteous jackass on a whorehorse, staring down at everyone else.

[becomeanwarrior]

...Little extra honesty there Noriko.

But yeah no, the Academy was absolute hell for me. It's like I was basically the go-to guy to punch in the mouth.

[thefifthmonarch]

I personally found it hysterical. In a "I'm laughing at the circumstances" way, because why would the universe focus on you?

[becomeanwarrior]

It's a least a couple of years later and I'm still kind of clueless on that, yes. When I find the answer I'll let you know.

I mean, it's not like I'm all that special in the long run, really.

[weavethebonds]

When I met you, you were a putz.

You're a still putz, except now you're slightly more insecure.

And you quit dating idiots.

[becomeanwarrior]

Exactly how am I more insecure?

[weavethebonds]

Well you started acting on your insecurity.

Meathead.

[becomeanwarrior]

I'm not a meathead, god dammit. Why does everyone say that?

And give me an example.

[whitrthanwhite]

... Silly? Honestly, I have to say the vast majority of your growth comes off as some sort of contest with other males.

[becomeanwarrior]

...I don't know if that's entirely true.

[whitrthanwhite]

Maybe not entirely true, but you do seem like a lot of your changes feel like you're trying to be Briar, or Juudai, or someone else? I like what you've done, but a lot of it feels like "Compensating"?

[becomeanwarrior]

I can't be Juudai. I admitted that to myself long ago.

Geo might have influenced my growth, but I'm still me.

[observershikou]

... Well, to be honest.

You've always struck me as well... Trying too hard, a lot of times.

Like you feel that you need to impress or gain the respect of others, and as a result, it sometimes feels forced, on your part.

[becomeanwarrior]

I do need to gain the respect of others. Have you seen how people regard me regardless of what I do?

[observershikou]

I understand wanting to be respected, but... sometimes, it feels like your ways of trying to do so have been pushing it? Like if you didn't force it as hard, you'd most likely succeed in gaining the respect of others, that you desire.

If I had to put it in a simpler way, it's always felt like to me that you go for the 9 or 10, when a 6 or 7 would actually do just fine.

[becomeanwarrior]

It's because all my life I had been getting 1s and 2s. Even when I was in Duel Academy, it was maybe a 4 at best.

And yet even when I don't try people apparently consider me the worst kind of person, so I don't see what the hell the point is shooting for mediocre when nothing less than absolute success is going to get anyone to treat me like something more than dirt.