The Reason Why I Lie 15 + 16
15
The voice suddenly seemed so distant that I open my eyes to see that she was gone and I was standing in the very same spot like in my dream. ‘Guess I sleep walked…’ I thought looking back to my stuff. ‘I can’t go back, can I? I just hurt her too much. She needs to get on with her life, do her therapy and all without me. That’s the best for her.’ I though when I start walking towards my camping equipment. ‘Fucking great.’ I just did stumble over my shoelaces and fell straight face forward. Picking myself from the ground I removed the dirt from my clothes. I kicked a stone out of my way angry with myself and the situation I was in I screamed out all the pain. Tears were welling up as my knees go weak. I started to sob violently, tears streaming down my face as my knees buckle and wobble. I couldn’t stand upright anymore and fell to my knees back into the dirt.
I sat there for a few minutes doing nothing but wait for the pain to substitute a tiny little bit. Looking at my hands I noticed a smashed a few flowers. Once again I get all angry because flowers are a symbol for Sian. She had a secretly passion for them and I just destroy them like our love or like every thing I touch. My tears start welling up as I realized what special flower I have destroyed.
Sian P.O.V.
It’s been hours since I took off to find her but no sign. I even called her parents to let them know and to ask if she got in touch with them just to be told that they don’t know anything. I called this girl amber to get some information about the crash and everything sophie has said. She sounded worried so we agreed to meet up and talk about everything because she wanted to help me searching. I hope she can help me.
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It’s been 1 week till I last heard from Soph. She hasn’t got in touch with anyone. I call her parents 4 times a day to check if she is back or has phoned them. I’m worried sick about her would be an understatement. Amber and I have been searching for 6 days now. We went to the place where the crash was and wandered around to woods but no sign. We even spoke to the police and phoned all hospitals and pensions, hotels. We have done every thing possible but with no results. I can’t sleep, eat and drink ever since. My parents are worried about me, Amber is worried and Sophs parents are and all of our friends. They all try to help but we can’t find her. My heart feels like it is ripped apart and torn out of my chest. Tears are as constant in my eyes as the black rings under them. Every time my phone vibrates I jump only to see another caller id and every time I start to cry and break don in Ambers arms. She is there for me the whole time and we became friends at least. She let me life with her during the week we are searching for Soph. She constantly reminds me to eat and drink. Says I need to be strong when Sophie comes back and that Soph didn’t want me to go ill. I know she is right but she can’t feel the pain inside me, the worry about the one you love, not knowing if they are alive or dead by now. Nobody can. I wonder if this is what she feels everyday when she wakes up and remembers that the ones she loved the most aren’t there anymore and then she need to put on a fake smile to make everybody believe she is fine.
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She is been missing for 1 month and 2 weeks by now and we haven’t heard a peep from her. Nobody has seen her. It is like she is invisible to the world. I still life with Amber. Everyday I go out and search for her. A picture in my hands I visit every town in reach to ask the people on the streets if they have seen her just to get the same answers. It is devastating. Sophies Parents Kevin and Sally asked why I’m so worried about her because I’m just a friend. I shouldn’t make such a fuss about it because my parents financed some detective to help me find her. They ask me nearly everyday and I just can’t tell them the truth that I love her. Soph wouldn’t want this.
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2 months by now and still no sign. The questions get worse and worse every day she is gone. I told her parents by now that I love her and that she loves me. They were shocked at first but okay with it. Just needed to get their head around the situation I think. They joined me up here and help me searching. We got to know each other better with the time. I dunno if I should tell them about the real reason Sophie left me and them. I really don’t know I don’t want to lie to them but I don’t want to tell Sophie’s secrets around and hurt her…
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Uni starts in nearly a week and I dunno what to do. It’s been 3 months 2 weeks 3 days 54 hours 36 minutes and few seconds and still nothing. Amber started her new job a few days ago so she can’t help searching. The Webster’s have gone back to Weatherfield, too.
The Police still have no clues and I think they just stopped searching. I cry myself every night to sleep but I started eating normally again. My parents moved m stuff into my flat, Sophie and my flat to tell the truth, near the campus.
I’m just thinking about going back, start uni and hope I will see her at the campus through.
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My bags are packed and I’m saying my goodbyes to amber and her family. I promised to let them know if Sophie gets in touch and they promised that we would stay in touch and they would come down south to visit me.
They drove me to the train station and hugged and wished me luck before I got on the train.
With one foot in the train and one of the platforms I looked around silently praying Sophie is here too.
Sian: “I love you. Please come back.”
But she wasn’t.
Sian: “Please come back…Please?”
16
The train ride back home was awful. I mostly started at my phone while the music blasted through my earphones. The landscape kept going by as I starred outside remembering all the little things Soph and I have done how happy we were and how much I miss her. A few lonely tears escaped as I thought about where she is and what she is doing. I was all alone in this part of the train and was happy about this fact at least so I pulled my feet onto the seat so my chin lies on my knees as I continued thinking.
I even did notice that the door was opened and a girl entered. It was a brunette with short hair, slim figure and two large bags. She smiled at me as she walked by and took a seat a few rows in front of me. I slowly smiled back at her just to be polite before I turned my gaze back to the window. I shifted into a slightly more comfortable position. My legs under my bum and head rested against the window my eyes feel shut as exhaustion took over me.
I was woken by a nudge on my arm. I sleepy opened my eyes not entirely sure where I was.
I rubbed my eyes to clear the blurry view before I looked around only to see the plain old seats of the train and the brunette beside me.
…: “Hey sleepy head.”
Sian: “Hi.”
…: “I just wanted to ask if you would like to have a coffee?”
Sian: “Huh?”
…: “Coffee? I’m on my way to grab one so I thought you maybe would like some too?”
Sian: “Oh yeah. Sorry I’m just a little bit tiered.”
…: “No problem my dear. So want some?”
Sian: “If you don’t mind?”
…: “Okay. I will be back in a few minutes? Black or white? Sugar?”
Sian: “Black with one sugar please.”
…: “Alright see you in a bit beautiful.”
The girl exit through the door in the direction of the bistro part of the train as I looked after her smiling a sad smile. She remembers me a little bit of Sophie even if her hair was way much shorter then hers and the eyes were not the same blue Sophie’s are. Soph has more ocean blue eyes, I can get lost in them every time. The colour is so deep and peaceful. I just can’t describe her eyes they are to special. The eyes of this stranger mhm they are, I dunno, dirtier if that makes sense. They don’t twinkle and shine. It’s more like a dirty blue. I looked out of the window again silently praying Sophie is alright and hasn’t done something stupid by know. I put my hand onto the glass.
Sian: “Where are you?”
…: “Where is who?”
A curious voice suddenly asked beside me as the smell of hot coffee filled my nostrils.
Sian: “What?”
…: “Oh sorry…I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Sian: “It is okay. I was just in my own little world and miles away.”
Silence filled the train as I reached for my iPod to stop the music as I put the earphones into my bag. After a few minutes the tension in the air grows with every second. I shyly looked around till my gaze landed on her hands wit the 2 cups of coffees.
Sian (pointing to the 2 cups in her hands): “Erm…Is that mine?”
…: “Yeah it is.”
Sian: “Thank you…”
Emily: “Emily.”
Sian (reaching for her purse): “I’m Sian. Thank you for the coffee Emily. How much is it?”
Emily: “Oh don’t worry my treat. Would you mind if I stay and keep your company for a bit?”
Sian: “Of course not and thanks again. So maybe you can tell me where we are at the moment? I kind of lost track?”
Emily: “Don’t know either but in the bistro they talked about that we will reach Manchester in one hour and a half. I only can say that I’m lucky about that fact.”
Sian: “Can’t say the same through.”
Emily: “Why that? Manchester is such a nice city and the Uni is great. I love it!”
Sian: “Hm. Once I loved it too but without her… I dunno it is nothing even if I live in Southport and Weatherfield is my second home I know it is not the same without her.”
Emily: “Who are you talking about? Some secret lover?”
Sian: “No.”
Emily: “Oh come on. I know we don’t know each other but please I love such stories. Please?”
Sian: “My girlfriend. We had a row and she walked away. She is been missing for nearly 4 months by now. A friend told me they have seen her up in Ayr so I went and looked for her but no results.”
Emily: “oh god I’m so sorry. What are you going to do?”
Sian: “Going to Uni in London I suppose and use every minute I can spare to search her praying she hasn’t done something stupid.”
I looked out of the window again as she stayed silent. I skipped on the coffee for a while. I finished it in no time because it tasted awful but I wanted to be polite since she paid for it.
The silence was comfortable at least. I drifted back into my own thoughts.
45 minutes later our tickets were controlled. They changed the inspector so I pulled mine out of my purse and shoed it to him as he smiled and nodded.
Sian: “Sir? Excuse me but how long does it take till arrive in Manchester?”
Man: “30 minutes madam. I hope you enjoyed your train ride so far.”
Sian: “Couldn’t have been better Sir. Have a nice day.”
He walked away to check the tickets of the other passengers as Emily looked down to my purse and at the photo of Sophie and me kissing at Crosby beach with a few satues and the sunset in the background.
Emily: “This is her, isn’t it?”
Sian: “Hm…”
Emily: “She is beautiful. You two are perfect for each other. I can see.”
Sian: “Thank you.”
Emily: “I’m really sorry Sian if I can help just tell me.”
Sian: “Thank you for the lovely offer Emily but I’m afraid there is nothing you can do.”
Emily: “But maybe we can exchange numbers so if I see her I could phone you. I mean I stay in Manchester and you said you are going to life in London because of uni…we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
Sian: “Breathe. It is okay just give me your phone and I put my number in.”
She reached for her phone and I quickly write my digits into her contact list. Then I send me a short text to have her number as well before I saved it straight away as the speakers announce that we arrive in Manchester in like 10 minutes. I started to pick up my stuff as Emily did the same. We smiled at each other as the train made his way into the station of Manchester.
The train came to a halt and we jumped out looking around trying to find someone we know.
I heard Emily squeal as some boy raced towards her and picked her from the ground. My smile grew slightly and a tear escaped my eyes as the boy put her back on the ground and kissed her. They were in their own little bubble I don’t wanna be the one who destroyed their moment so I grabbed my bag and walked away. Not even bothering to say goodbye I made my way out the building and towards my car. I put my stuff in the booth and hopped into the car. I started the ignition and slowly made my back to the house of my parents like I promised.
Sophie P.O.V.
It’s been nearly 4 months and Uni is starting in a few days. I moved a lot these past few months. I know Sian is searching for me and I have seen her a few times but always did hide. Even Amber I saw and my parents walking through town with my picture asking people if they have seen me. I know I can’t hide forever so I died my hair in a black pitch colour. I even change my clothes which means I had to buy new ones. Now I’m walking around in black trousers and black tank tops or shirts. Now I’m owner of 3 pairs of sunglasses and 3 different hoodies and jumpers. I brought some new rings and fake pircings to change my look.
I’m on my way to London to look for a home or something and most important a job. I need somewhere to life and earn money. I also decided that I’m going to uni but under a different name: I call myself Loreen. It is not so unusual because my second name is Lauren. I know not very creative but I think it works. My train arrives in 1 minute so I get ready t take off and go job and home hunting.
5 Hours I searched now but no chance to get a job in all this bars. I’m think of stopping for now and look for a shelter when I saw this little bar a few meters away and just thought one more try and then I’m stopping. It is the 13th bar I asked for a job by now so just wish me luck that it works this time.