Another Day Dies 20
Another Day Dies but We Need To Keep Breathing 20
----- SIANP.OV. -----
I sat in the corridor my back against the wall to Sophie’s room. I closed my eyes trying to hear some of their talking but no luck so I pulled my knees towards my body so my chin could rest on them.
Just breathing in and out doesn’t stop the falling tears when I turned my iPod on. I scrolled through the play lists searching for a song that express my feelings, a song I can loose my self into, a song to forget what just happened and a song to relax a bit. Songs from every kind of music came up but nobody seemed to fit to my mood, to my feelings and the situation so I clicked on shuffle and see what song it would choose for me. I have the luck and it mostly choose a song that fits perfect just like now - Never let me go by Florenceand the Machine.
Gosh I love this song so I plug in my earphones and start listening to the lyrics. After the song ended another song by Flo comes up but I don’t concentrate. There is this feeling inside me. This feeling I can’t describe it but it comes when I think of sophie and me. I don’t know what it is but I think I need to write down what I feel so I grab a pen and my pocket-book from my handbag. Yeah I know, normally people haven’t got this stuff in their handbags but as you know I love to sing and perform and therefore I sometimes write own songs.
I tap the pen against the cover of my book listening to my thoughts I started to write:
I know, even if your hope is gone
You belong, you belong to me, to me.
I’m coming home and I know it won’t be long
Before you belong, you belong to me.
Smiling to myself I think of the days we spent at the beach and how we build better we tried to build a sandcastle.
I’m building a castle
On the beaches where the oceans
Tell us come and rest under the sun
You bury your head in the sand,
Waiting for your girl to understand
Had to be a woman ‘cause love is not enough.
I imagine how we looked at the sea. Remembering being in our own little worlds and how the ocean calms us down after running and playing around I wrote again.
And the calm ocean flows
For the dreams that we lost
The fuse where we bury
The world just feels so small
I don’t even know how I let you run so far,
But I’ll run after you until your legs give up.
A tear rolled down my face as I remembered how she told me about her family and her mum having cancer and all. I could see her face before my eyes when she told me and I break my heart all over again seeing how vulnerable, fragile, helpless and lonely she was.
So I decided one thing for me and her.
And I’ll carry you all the way home,
Back where we belong.
You’ve given up but I still got enough hope for us.
You’re dancing closer
I’m now without any clothes and this heart in this hand
All you need to know
Is never let go, never let go.
And I know, even if your hope is gone
You belong, you belong to me, to me.
I’m coming home and I know it won’t be long
Before you belong, you belong to me.
My fear started to overwhelm me. The fear that she will not ever see me again because I told the doctor I was married to her or that she will walk away because she doesn’t believe me when I will tell her what her sister really has done, that her sister is the reason why she is in this fucking hospital. I just want her in my fucking arms.
Don’t turn away to show me your face again,
‘Cause I’m starting to forget
I can’t live with this regret.
The time will come when we will find our place again.
Into my arms back where you belong,
Into my arms back where you belong again.
I see it in her eyes, her hope is gone. But I decide I will bring it back to her. she deserves way much better. A better life and I will do everything I can to make her hope come back and to give her the life she deserves. I will help her with everything I can even if this will be the last
things I do. I will do everything to make her happy again. I promise.
And I know, even if your hope is gone
You belong, you belong to me, to me.
I’m coming home and I know it won’t be long
Before you belong, you belong to me.
I’m coming home and I know it won’t be long,
Before you belong...
You belong to me.
I smile to myself at the memories of the last months. Looking at the words I written down only a few seconds ago I know that this will be Sophie’s song and as soon as she is able to get out of here I will take her home and show it to her, play it for her and only her and then I will see that beautiful smile of hers and take her in my arms holding her tight and never let go.
Closing my eyes I imagine all these things. I smile even more when I think about this moment.
“WOW. Sianthat is amazing.”
What the hell? My eyes shot open to be met with the grey eyes of Rosie.
“That is truly amazing Sian. You should show her.”
“Erm….What do you mean?”
“This one here.”
Pointing on the song I just wrote she gave me my pocket- book back.
“When…Where…What….Rosie, where did you get this from? And when?”
“You were just to busy daydreaming so I looked over your shoulder to see what you have written. In fact I stood here for nearly five minutes trying to get you attention.”
“So you thought: Oh I need to have better look so lets just grab it and have a look?”
I spat at her clearly becoming angry.
“You don’t know the word privacy, do you?”
“Sorry Sian but I can’t help it. Honestly I know I was wrong doing this and all so I’m sorry.”
She gave me an apologetically look.
“She wants to see you. So you should go in and talk to her. I will stay out here.”
With that she sat down at one of the seats opposite Sophie’s door.
I stood up and reached for the door handle.
“Thanks Rosie.”
“No problem Sian. You are going to tell her don’t you?”
I turned around to look at her slumped down in the chair.
“I will if you don’t do it yourself Rosie. She deserves to know the truth you know. I will give you the time to tell her on your own but only till the end of this week. So you have 3 more days. Tell her Rosie for hers and your own sake, please tell her.”
I told her knowing if I tell Sophie she will freak out and don’t believe me. I sigh before turning towards the door again. Taking a final breath I pushed the handle down leaving Rosie to think about what I just have said.
Hi guys
This is the promised update. it took me actually longer then i thought it would so sorry for the delay. You know life is a bit of a bitch that days just hurt my wrist and foot. you can laugh at me for not being able to climb the stairs of my house. i know that sounds stupid but i'm telling the truth. i will not take this as an excuse for letting you wait this long. my world just al little bit upside down this days. returning from holiday, arguments with my parents, packing for my moving out and go clubbing with friends all the time...i just didn't find time to write so i'm really sorry.
by the way my holiday was great. have enjoyed every single day of it even if i were ill. but no worry i'm fine know just a little bit tiered so thats why i'm going to bed right now. so have a goodnight's sleep you all and sweet dreams.
xxxx
P.S. the dong Sian wrote is originally by Cobra Starship and called "You belong to me"