filling out things like apartment applications that ask for lists of my assets and credits/debts and blah blah blah makes me realize two things ( Read more... )

im going to die of world cup induced stress.

football = best. sport. ever

*reading drink menu*

mom: appletini. hornitini. margitini. the owner must be italian!

*scrolls up to top of menu*

mom: oh. "martini list"

five minutes later --

waitress: would you like that with a side of french fries, fresh fruit, or pasta salad?

mom: chips.

my overly dramatic sister cut her finger at school today, and she was being a complete wuss about it.

*sister carrying on like a baby*

mom: *eyeroll* god, good thing you werent shot.

im officially UNofficially changing my journal name to ohmomyousocrazy. i shall chronicle her witty banter!

because it's not less fucking hilarious as when i posted it months ago ( Read more... )

mom: is this the "tender love and care" channel?
me: TLC. the learning channel.
mom: what? really?

please try your hardest never EVER to refer to your or somebody else's significant other as your/my "honey".
e.g "how is your honey doing?" "my honey is good."

BARF.

dear homies that i flaked on this weekend,

i sowwy. i wasnt feeling very well, and i just didnt feel like leaving my bed. i suck. throw rotten food at me.

yo.

africa is amazing. yesterday i ate lunch at the cape of good hope. random. i also saw 237489237497238497329473289 baboons (and i wasnt even at a zoo).

this probably should be longer, since i haven't written in a while, but i forgot my purse at the apartment, so i can't afford to stay on here very long.

xo

last night...

me: mom, say 'fo shizzle my nizzle'
mom: fo shizzle my nizzle. what that means? is it something bad?
me: no, it's not bad. go tell paniz (my sister) 'fo shizzle my nizzle'
mom: no!
me: pleaaaaase. it doesn't mean anything bad, i promise.
mom: (to sister) fo shizzle my nizzle
dad: milk of magnesia? what?