"instructions for return" - an erasure - PG?

[be_themoon]

instructions for return
an erasure of the poker game, awakenings, and coping. pg?
original fic by

Comments

[katakokk]

1. No more dying

THE LAST LINE. You killed me with that last line, bb. It's just so PRETTY and SCARY. *flaps hands*

I loved it! I love the way Merlin (I'm assuming "he" is Merlin) is determined throughout the whole thing even though time passes and things change. It's awesome.

[be_themoon]

The last line is one of the few things that came wholesale from the original fic - I transposed it with part of the original meaning kept and also a little bit of different meaning put in.

Fandom-wise, 'he' could be anybody. I'm not sure if it's a fandom-specific poem, but it could probably be applied to any fandom you wanted to apply it too.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. <33333

[hungrytiger11]

I love the idea of a person feeling time is standing still for him wile the world seems to move on (of course, I'm taking this to be Merlin, in which case this is a lot more literal, but it works for a universal "he" as well!). The entire idea is just great.

And you have this knack for ending lines of stanzas. I was gonna quote favorite lines and they all were these stanza-enders. But it is that very last line that just blows one away.

Ooooh. It makes one's heart break a little.

[be_themoon]

It could be either, really, Merlin or an OC or whoever. And thank you! I like that the idea works - it was worrying me. *wibble*

Oh yay! That's awesome, because I was worried about the strength of my ending lines and whether they worked. Thank you! And it is a bit sad, isn' t it? I didn't mean it to be, but that's how it erased.

[zempasuchil]

The circles and cyclical themes in this are really, really cool. it has a feeling of a expansive general sweeping theme, of time and eternity and (at the beginning) alchemy, but when you get down to it it's about a very alone man and the simplest movements, gestures of his existence. The struggle in this is kind of intense, in a subtle way, and the end is just so powerful and fitting! instructions for returns. mmmmm.

bits I liked:

RHYME SWEET:
too cold
too hot
"I can turn lead into gold."

even before conversation is broken - oooh I like that. broken.

The only constancies stories
of births, deaths, wars,
differ only in the names
This guy is so world-weary. it is sad and profound and profoundly sad.

before
fingers
turned to catch
the tips of fingers
They entwined.
fsdlkjsdf <333333

if he could find the strength to breakWOW dang I love this line

[be_themoon]

eee thank you! I am very pleased you liked it. *beams* it is very circley, which I didn't even do on purpose, it just kind of went with the fic and the erasing and stuff. I am not sure myself, as to his position in these circles! I think perhaps out of them? but it is possible he is in them, hmm. I guess it's a matter of interpretation and stuff.

thank you so much! <33333

[gallifreycalls]

This is pure, unadulterated awesomeness. My favorite part is your impeccable mirroring in the two stanzas starting with "before;" each line resonates with its complement in the other stanza so well.

I love what you've done with the theme of repetition and circles. Repetition, circles, cycles, mirrors...I adore all that so much (possibly to a fault), and the Merlin fandom really lends itself so well to them. My favorite line is what you chose for the cut text: "if he could find the strength to break." I think you've captured the raw emotions of reliving lifetimes and the inevitable tragedy that comes in each so well, and to me, it all culminates in that line.

Awesome. :)

[be_themoon]

I'm really glad you liked it! I didn't actually intend for the repetition and circles themes to show up at first - they were in the fics and they were the part that kept coming through. You're right, it is a very Merlin fandom thing! So much fun to do. Thanks again! Your pieces were a lot of fun to work with.