( And here I was, trying to be a good boy for you, dude. )

stupid fucking- he had no right to complain about that haircut, no right, it was fine, who cares if I cut him a little? It's his own fault for wanting his hair cut like that assclown Corrida, I should've taken his whole scalp off while I was at it. Bastard.

Whatever. Not like it matters, right? Only one thing that matters here anymore- well, two ( Read more... )

[filtered to Russia]Hey. You. You're the guy fighting the guy who says he's America, right? You want us all to "become one" with you or whatever ( Read more... )

Man, is it a great day, or what? Y'know, it's weird, but I think I, like, might actually be starting to get used to this place. I've got my cat, I've got my bike, I've got a job, and the drinks here are practically vintage. What more could a dude want, really ( Read more... )

[The phone is knocked off the hook as Matt stumbles back, the opened package laying in front of him. The phone catches him midway through a scream of pain, clutching his bleeding face.]

SON OF A- God- dammit!- my- my fa-

...

[The sound of heavy breathing.]...hhhaaahahahahahaha ( Read more... )

That smell...

Hmm.

Dahlia! Chrona! Ryoko! Pack your things and meet me in the living room in five minutes. Take a weapon with you.

This house is a death trap waiting to happen. Let's get out of here while we can.

DUDES. Dudes. I just had.

The most incredible insight.

The most incredible insight I have ever... sighted.

Okay, so everyone is like, dying. And that's bad. Except it isn't bad. Because, if you think about it, all of us, you and me, are like dying a little every second of every day. There's like a little timer put in us the day we're born. In our ( Read more... )

Dude, I'm on TV!

Whoa, dude! This is, like, pretty trippin'. Where am I now? Oh, hey, lady-dude! What's goin'...

[Matt catches sight of the slumbering Dahlia]

Oh, it's just you. Hey, Hawthorne, wake up. Something weird's happening.

[Matt, ever gallant, wakes Dahlia up as gently as possible.

By which I mean he pinches her nostrils shut.]

Dude! Nice!

[private; difficult to hack, but not impossible]

Okay. I don't know if this is a reward for... the other week or what, but I'll take it anyway. Finally, this godforsaken town actually did something right.

Come on, let's get you some food. Better enjoy it while it lasts, right? Heh...

[[Matt will be locked up in his room for the rest of the ( Read more... )