Toy Of My Life 4/4
Title: Toy of My Life 4/4
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yunho
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Once again, they are not mine to own or purchase or play with.
Summary: When I bought U-know, I thought it was just another purchase. I always had a bad habit of growing attached to my toys, but I have never fallen in love with one.
WARNING: underage!Yunho (Jaejoong is 29, Yunho is 17, and GDragon is 14[but smut with him is only implied])
A/N: This is a companion fic to Toy With My Heart
Poster credit goes to haleycp! Thank you! ♥
Part 4:
I had more than just taxes to do. Inventory was due to the Slave Traders Government Association every three months. I had to compile receipts and transactions for everything I purchased, not just my toys. Food, supplies, utility bills. Every little thing that went into my business had to be documented and approved. After Yamapi purchased Tegoshi, I had sold a total of four slaves in the last three months. I never went through inventory that fast. It made the paperwork a bitch, since every detail had to be documented. Sometimes I wished I did things the “normal way”: the other toy facilities faked their documents and didn’t even list most of their sold toys. Everything was done with cash and under the table. It would have made my life easier, but to see the look on my toys’ faces compared to those in other facilities, it was worth it to do things right. Some proprietors forgot that their toys were people too.
U-know, once again, sat on the floor next to my office chair. His head rested on my lap, his fingers gripped my pant leg.
I set my pen down and turned off the screen of my laptop. I needed a break. I ran my fingers unconsciously through U-know’s hair and then tugged up. He rose and followed my lead until he was straddling my lap. My arms went around his waist, over the blue shorts he was wearing.
“My handsome darling,” I said with a smile and pulled him to me for a kiss.
We kissed for long minutes, and I barely realized that he was controlling it. I was tired of controlling things. I needed someone to take the lead for a moment. His hands ran over my shoulders, and then up, into my hair. I moaned and pulled him closer, but at the same time leaned forward, until his back was against my desk. I ended the kiss and stared at his body. One of my hands ran down his stomach.
His cock was hard, bulging under the blue cloth.
“Master Jaejoong?”
“Yes, my darling?”
He looked down for a moment, and his voice shook as he said, “M-may I say something without getting in trouble?”
I smiled. “That depends on what you want to say.”
He bit his lower lip, unsure. I covered the distance between our lips again and sucked it into my mouth. He moaned, hands falling to my chest. He slid them up to my shoulders, but this time under my sport coat. I leaned forward until I could pull it off. Our lips stayed together as both of us tried to unbutton my shirt.
The heat and tension between us skyrocketed as his hands landed hot against my chest. The shirt was tossed somewhere. My tank top followed it. He pressed his hands against my chest, warm palms on my nipples. I groaned, and gripped behind his thighs and lifted him to my desk, pressing over him. His legs wrapped around my waist. I kissed him harder, possibly desperately I wasn’t sure, because everything faded save for the feel of his skin on my hands, his lips on mine. I tugged on his shorts and his hips rose and legs straightened and the shorts fell to the floor, slipping from my fingers. I ran my hands up and down his naked body.
I felt the tears prick in the corners of my eyes.
I had stopped having sex with U-know to train, and had started doing it for my own pleasure. It was selfish. We both knew it. We both refused to say it out loud, because then I would stop. Nothing we did hit the levels of passion from the night I lost control and marked him.
I wanted to lose control again. I dropped to my knees and pushed at his inner thighs, clenching tightly. He moaned and gripped behind his knees. I spread him open and licked at his entrance.
“Oh, m-master, please.”
I wanted to tease, draw an orgasm from him just like this, but I was impatient. I forced a mouthful of spit into his body and then pushed two fingers into him. He cried out, arching off the desk. I pumped and spread them over and over, heart clenching, eyes wide with disbelief.
The thought of someone else doing this to my darling had my vision blurring, tears falling.
His fingers touched my cheek, and I leaned into them and stood up. I kept my fingers inside him, moving slowly and kissed the bend in his hip, eyes shut. I did not want to look at him. If I looked at him, I would have said something … stupid.
I licked his cock, drawing a low moan from him that turned to a gasp as I sucked it into my mouth. I felt it pulse, hard, in my throat. I took him deep, spread my fingers and forced a third into him, even though it wasn’t lubed enough. He panted, hands falling in my hair. I sucked harder, against so desperate from the thought of someone else doing this to him.
His cock pulsed again, flooding my mouth with precome.
“M-master, please, please, I …”
He wasn’t allowed to come unless he had permission. That was what I taught them, but I did not want to do that with him. I wanted him to come because of what I was doing to him, not because I told him to. And because he was trying to stop himself from coming, I was able to suck on him for a very long time.
I pampered his cock and balls, sucking lightly, and then more forcefully. Pressing my tongue on the vein while squeezing his balls lightly with my other hand. Spit gathered and dripped down, adding a bit of slickness to his entrance. I fingerfucked him steadily. My cheeks ached, my back ached from the angle, but just as I was about to pull away, my darling moaned and his cock pulsed against in my mouth. I sucked him deep again, tightening my throat and felt his orgasm as it jerked through his cock. I smiled at the last moment, and then twisted my fingers just right as he came hard, fingers almost ripping out my hair. I swallowed his release, sucking him through it until I realized he was gasping in shame.
I let his cock fall from my lips and then kissed up his body.
“I-I’m sorry, m-master, I …”
I kissed him silent, sharing his taste with him. “You held out for a lot longer than I thought you would,” I said, smiling to show him I was not upset. “Don’t feel bad, my darling. I was trying to make you come.”
His chest rose and fell in heavy gasps. I traced the lines of his face with my fingers, and then pressed one more kiss to his lips.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here and into a proper bed.”
I found his shorts, but when he tried to stand up, he staggered. I laughed and held him steady and then lifted him onto my back, hands under his thighs. His arms went around my neck. I carried him to my car and settled him in the passenger seat. I drove back to the dorms and again carried him to my rooms.
He’d recovered from his orgasm, but his breath still caught then I started undressing. I smiled over at him as I pulled my pants and boxers off.
“You’re so beautiful, master,” he whispered.
I climbed over the bed, over him, and pressed a kiss to his lips. “So are you, my darling. You wanted to ask me something before and I got distracted.”
He shook his head and said, “It’s not important, master, please kiss me again.”
Like I would say no to that. I kissed him softly, letting his tongue touch mine first, keeping our lips apart, tongues together, licking at his upper lip, chewing on his lower. He moaned and then settled shaking hands on my back. I taught my toys to ask permission before touching or kissing or anything. He tightened his hold until our bodies joined, and then he rolled us over.
I knew he was nervous, but I did not stop him from doing what he wanted. Our kiss continued, his hands ran up and down my chest, fingers teasing my nipples. He tugged on the piercing, and then pulled his lips away, looking at me. His eyes were slightly wide, probably from his own daring.
“Do you want one, darling?” I whispered.
He swallowed and raised a shoulder. The answer to that was an answer to everything else. My toys were not pierced or tattooed in my care. Again, I wanted to sell a perfect product and a prospective owner may not have liked it.
“Yes, master, I want one.” His voice held a determination that I did not understand. I didn’t want to hope that’s what it meant.
“Maybe for your birthday,” I whispered, because if he was eighteen, he could make his own choice.
He chewed on his lower lip. “M-master?”
“Yes, my darling.”
“When is my birthday, master?”
I frowned and shook my head. “In a few weeks, I’ll mark the paper work.”
“I wish you would do it tomorrow, master,” he whispered and then captured my lips in a kiss before I could reply. Not that I’d be able to say anything.
Conflicting thoughts soared through my head as he demanded rough kisses from me. Did that mean he wanted to stay? Why did he want to stay? Why was he … what if he …
I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him up, away from me. I stared at him, eyes slightly wide. He looked away, lower lip shaking, like he was holding back his gasps. I rolled out from under him, and sat on the edge of the bed. I had to take a few deep stabilizing breaths. He lay behind me, entirely too quiet, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
I opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube. I heard his breath hitch and turned around. I could not hear him because he had his face buried in a pillow, but his back was shaking. Crawling over him, I left wet kisses up his legs and ass and shoulders. I poured lube on my fingers and then pressed three of them into him at once. His head lifted with a gasp, and his back bowed.
“Don’t cry, my darling,” I whispered, lips against his shoulder. “Please, don’t cry.” Don’t cry because then I’ll want to hold you and comfort you and keep you and worship you for the rest of my life.
He moaned as I spread my slick fingers. His head turned and our lips met in a sideways kiss. He was still gasping, but I’m sure it was more from my fingers than his previous tears.
I removed my fingers slowly, and then wrapped them around my cock. I stroked myself twice, and then held the base. I had to bend my knees more before I could push into my darling’s perfect body. He gasped again, folding his arms, hiding his face from mine. His entire body clenched as I pressed into him all the way. If I hadn’t known better, i would have thought I had hurt him. But as my heart clenched and my chest tightened and my breath stopped, maybe I had hurt him the same way.
I hoped I did.
I pulled out slowly, and he whimpered something. It could have been my name, but he knew better than that.
I slid in and out of him similar to how I had kissed him and played with him. Slow, even, steady. I could have sped up and come right away, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be inside my darling for as long as I could, just in case this was the last time.
U-know clawed at the bed, hips rising, and I slid into him deeper. We both moaned as I sped up my thrusts. He pushed back, moans full of emotion. I could not ignore that. I leaned over him, unsurprised to see tears on his cheeks..
“My darling,” I said, worried. I slowed, but he grunted and pushed back, meeting my thrusts. He tried to lift himself upt but his elbows shook too much. I wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him. He whimpered and then sighed as our bodies aligned, our movements fell into sync. I rocked in and out of him, shallow but firm. He was no longer crying, but his eyes were shut. I kissed his neck and shoulder, and once again lost control and marked him, sucking and chewing on his skin.
“Mas-master, master.”
“Don’t wait for me, my darling,” I whispered. “Come whenever you want.”
He shook his head, like that wasn’t what he was panicking about. He turned his head again and our lips met in a wet kiss. He pushed up suddenly, and I fell back to my knees. He went with me, in my lap. His arm wrapped around my neck, fingers twisting in my hair. He lifted himself up and down, and I froze, letting him control it. I buried my face in his shoulder again, marking his other side.
“F-fuck, m-master, I … d-don’t. Please-d-don’t.”
“Don’t what?” I whispered. I doubt he heard it over his own cries. I ran my hand around his hip and stroked his cock. He whimpered, speeding up. I spread my legs for a bit of stabilization and so I could thrust up, into his body. He moaned low. I licked up sweat dripping over his shoulder. My other hand found his nipple, squeezing and twisting the nub.
“Don’t what?” I asked again, twisting harder.
“D-don’t-fuck … don’t, don’t stop, please, please.”
“That is not what you were going to say, my darling.”
He shook his head, chest rising and falling with deep gasps. He moaned and jerked into my hand with a whimper. His entrance clenched around me tightly, squeezing enough that I saw stars. He was trying to distract me, trying to get me to come, and as he moaned and fell forward again, I knew it was working. I gripped his hips and slammed into him, harder.
He screamed, hands gripping the headboard, trying to steady himself. I had never been this rough with him. I let him feel my fingernails, scraping them down his thighs as I pounded into him. He started pleading, but his words melded into incoherent really fast. I dragged my hand up his back, and tangled my fingers in his hair. I pulled, stretching his head back.
“Tell me,” I growled.
He was crying now, and I yanked harder. He put his hand higher on the headboard, so his body was angled. I canted into him deeper, yanking my hand back at the same time.
“Tell me,” I demanded.
His body shivered, and his mouth opened, breath gasping between his moans. His whole body tensed, on edge. My orgasm rushed through me, rolling and twisting until I couldn’t see straight. I pulled tighter and sped up even more.
“U-know, god. .. just … fuck.”
My body stopped moving, pressed against his skin. I shuddered, his name slipping past my lips in a pained whisper. I came, pumping into him and then jerking my hips again, prolonging the pleasure tearing through me. He thrust back, taking me hard as I froze from the pleasure. I curled around his back, kissing his skin with an open mouth as he lowered his body to his knees. I knew he was stroking his cock, and I moved as much as I could. For a brief moment, it did not feel like I was his owner and he was my slave. For a moment, it felt like I was with my lover, with my partner, with the man I would be with for the rest of my life.
Maybe that’s why my lips found his ear, and maybe that’s why the words I tried so hard to deny finally passed my lips in the softest whisper.
“I love you.”
He whimpered, and then his body clenched around me again, and I moaned, whispering to my lover over and over. Desperation grew in my voice and then he turned his head, our lips met and his body shuddered violently.
Our movements slowed, our breath steadied, and then U-know fell to the bed with a whimper.
A moment later, panic filled me because I had told him over and over that I loved him, and now … now …
“Don’t sell me, please, don’t sell me.”
I froze, staring at him as his back rose and fell with heavy breaths.
“P-please, p-please don’t. I don’t want to leave.”
I swallowed, and then looked away from him. The bed moved and his cries increased, and still I sat there, gripping my own thighs as my cock softened and guilt filled me. Stubborn tears fell down my cheeks.
“I don’t want to be anyone else’s,” he said in the silence.
I dared a glance at him. His eyes were rubbed raw, red and wet. My heart clenched to go comfort him.
“Please,” he said again, and then turned away with a cry when I continued to say nothing.
It’s not like I didn’t try, I just couldn’t. My throat was too tight.
I reached for him, and let my hand fall short of his body. He flinched, like he felt it.
“Oh, my darling,” I whispered and finally curled around him. But he stayed tense, breath labored.
I kissed his shoulder, at the edge of a purpling hicky. Fuck. I sighed and said, “What do you want, my darling?”
He tried to pull away from me as he rapidly shook his head.
“You don’t want me to sell you?”
“N-no.”
“Why not?”
He said nothing else, but he let me put my arms around him, under his head and one around his waist. He thought he was in trouble.
I sighed and said, “My darling. Why don’t you want me to sell you?”
When he still didn’t answer, I sighed and pressed a kiss to the skin below his ear. “Then I will talk and you will listen, since you don’t want to talk. I love you so much, my handsome darling. But it isn’t fair to you, it isn’t, you should not be stuck with me and …”
“Stuck with you,” he said, turning his head. Our lips brushed and he pulled away far enough so we could stare at each other. “I don’t want to be stuck with you. I want to be with you, master.”
My heart almost broke. “My darling--”
He struggled and I let him go. He rolled away, on his stomach, face buried in the pillow.
“Please, please. Don’t make me go.”
“When you’re eighteen--”
“Who says I’m not, master?” he asked, turning his head. “How do you know I’m not eighteen right now?”
I hated to see the anguish in his eyes and I moved forward.
“I could be eighteen now. You’re the one who has to to mark it, master.”
Right there. Throwing it to me. My choice.
I did not want to make this choice, but he had made his. He wanted to stay.
I swallowed.
He sighed and looked away. After a moment, he whispered, “May I go clean up, master?”
“Y-yes.”
I lay on the bed, not watching as he moved across the room. He walked. He did not crawl.
“You said you loved me,” he said, and I picked up on the pain in his words just before the bathroom door slammed.
I rolled over to the space he had occupied, buried my face in the same pillow and screamed. I let myself cry. Because he wanted to stay. And I couldn’t let him, or could I? If I did, was I only being selfish? Many toys wanted to stay with me until I found the perfect owner for them. What would happen if someone found him after he was already mine?
I needed someone to smack some sense into me. If I purchased him, went through the proper work and signed the right papers, then he was mine, and I wouldn’t show him to anyone else.
God, I was stupid.
I pushed myself up and went to the bathroom. Steam filled the room. U-know was in the shower. His blurry image was bent over, arm on the wall. I opened the door. He flinched, but did nothing else as I slid my hand over his hip and around his waist. I hugged his body and pulled him away from the wall. We stood in the shower spray, cheeks pressed together. He’d been crying again.
“I love you,” I whispered, “but …”
“You should have stopped with I love you, master.”
There was sarcasm in his voice that he could have only picked up from Changmin.
I chuckled. “I do love you, my darling, but you have to understand what you’re giving up, what you’re accepting and what you’re asking of me by keeping you.”
He turned in my arms, and his eyes were serious. The laughter and joy that shone from them was gone and I wanted to bring it back. The words I had said to Miyavi last night echoed in my head: you want to make him the happiest toy in the whole world.
And I did. I wanted that happy light back in his eyes.
“You won’t have all of my attention, first of all,” I said. “I have a business to run which means that I have other slaves and other duties and I still have to train them and I still have to fuck them and hold them and …”
He was nodding. “And?” After a moment, he added, “Master.”
I was stunned because I was not used to him being so abrasive. “And what, my darling? You deserve someone that gives you their attention.”
“You do, master. How many times have you told me how distracting I am?”
I smiled. “Well, that is true. You are very distracting.”
He almost smiled. And then he looked away, turning around to douse his head in the shower. I took the loufa and body wash, and after pouring a liberal amount, I scrubbed his body, fingers digging into his muscles.
“I’ve never fallen in love with a toy, my darling. It’s thrown my mental and emotional system all out of whack. I am afraid that … in the next few weeks, someone will come who is perfect for you.”
“Why can’t you be perfect for me, master?”
I shook my head and then said, “That’s what I’m most afraid of, my darling. I can’t give you the attention you deserve.”
“It’s been fine, so far, master.”
I ran the loufa over my body quickly and then rinsed it out. “Think about it.”
“I have been.” He spun around, and his eyes were full of hurt. And anger. “I’ve been thinking about it for weeks,” he whispered and crossed his arms, rubbing his biceps.
I brought my hand up and cupped his cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you, my darling. This … this …”
He actually tore his face from my hands. “Then sell me to the next person who offers, and you don’t have to look at me anymore.”
“Dar--”
“Please don’t call me that, master. Not … not if you’re …”
I gripped his face and made him look up. “I would never just toss you out, give you to the highest bidder. You don’t deserve that.”
“But I deserve to feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.”
I knew what that felt like. “Every time I think of selling you, I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.”
“Then don’t. Keep me. You want me to be happy, master, then let me … let me stay. Don’t try to sell me. I … You make me happy.”
I shut my eyes as U-know pushed by me. The door opened and I was slammed with cold air. The shower door banged shut, and then I cried.
And I couldn’t understand why I was crying. U-know wanted to stay with me. He wanted to be with me. The only one stopping this from being a happy occasion was me. And it was my own ideals. My own reasons as to why he shouldn’t want to. But he wanted to. And I wanted him to.
So why was I protesting so much?
I was afraid that I would not make him happy, and he deserved to be happy.
I rubbed my face in irritation. How many owners had said that to me? Had been so worried of not being enough, not being the right one, possibly making their toys upset or sad? And I always told them that the fear would make them perfect. The fear would make them make their toys happy.
And I knew it was the same with U-know. I would do everything I could to make him happy.
With a determined, deep breath, I rinsed off. I shut the water off and stood in the steam for a little while and then opened the door into the cool air. I shivered and found a robe. It was the middle of the day in the middle of the week. I needed to get to the office.
I opened the door, and stopped in my tracks.
U-know was by the main door, kneeling. He was naked and a collar around his neck. His hands were behind his back. That wasn’t what stopped me though. He was looking at the ground. Almost like … almost like he was waiting to be needed.
“My darling?” I said, making it a question. His shoulders tensed like he heard me but he did not respond. “U-know.”
“Yes, master?”
“Are you doing this to a prove a point?”
“No, master.”
I sighed and moved over to him. I kneeled in front of him. With a soft touch, I lifted his chin. I looked at him the way my heart wanted to.
He whimpered, and almost immediately his eyes filled with tears.
“I may not be able to make you happy the way you deserve to be happy,” I whispered.
“You already do, master Jaejoong. Please, you always say you have to find the perfect owner, but you are. You are, and I want to be your toy.”
I nodded. When I blinked, tears fell down my cheeks. “Okay,” I said, voice breaking.
He smiled and then closed his eyes. “Promise me, please. I … please.”
“I promise,” I said. “Tomorrow, I’ll draw up the paperwork and legally make you mine forever.”
“Good,” he said with a whimper and lunged forward, pressing our lips together. His hands slipped into my robe, along my stomach. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and then a moment later, lowered him to the floor. I peppered his face with kisses until his lips spread in a smile and then he laughed, holding me close. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling deeply.
“I wonder how many times this is going to happen,” I mused, propping up on an elbow.
He frowned. “What, master?”
“I have to go to the office, but instead I’m going to carry you back to that bed and really make you mine.”
He laughed again. “Hopefully everyday.”
I nodded. “Hopefully, everyday I’ll fall in love with you all over again, and I will teach you how to love me, and not just because I’m your master.”
My darling touched my cheek and he smiled. “You already taught me, master, and I already do. I love you.”
Part of me was screaming that he didn’t know what that meant, but the look in his eyes said otherwise.
I smiled and kissed his palm. “I love you, too, my handsome darling.”
Part 3: Kiss Me
Part 2: Show Me
Part 1: Heal Me
.
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yunho
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Once again, they are not mine to own or purchase or play with.
Summary: When I bought U-know, I thought it was just another purchase. I always had a bad habit of growing attached to my toys, but I have never fallen in love with one.
WARNING: underage!Yunho (Jaejoong is 29, Yunho is 17, and GDragon is 14[but smut with him is only implied])
A/N: This is a companion fic to Toy With My Heart
Poster credit goes to haleycp! Thank you! ♥
Part 4:
I had more than just taxes to do. Inventory was due to the Slave Traders Government Association every three months. I had to compile receipts and transactions for everything I purchased, not just my toys. Food, supplies, utility bills. Every little thing that went into my business had to be documented and approved. After Yamapi purchased Tegoshi, I had sold a total of four slaves in the last three months. I never went through inventory that fast. It made the paperwork a bitch, since every detail had to be documented. Sometimes I wished I did things the “normal way”: the other toy facilities faked their documents and didn’t even list most of their sold toys. Everything was done with cash and under the table. It would have made my life easier, but to see the look on my toys’ faces compared to those in other facilities, it was worth it to do things right. Some proprietors forgot that their toys were people too.
U-know, once again, sat on the floor next to my office chair. His head rested on my lap, his fingers gripped my pant leg.
I set my pen down and turned off the screen of my laptop. I needed a break. I ran my fingers unconsciously through U-know’s hair and then tugged up. He rose and followed my lead until he was straddling my lap. My arms went around his waist, over the blue shorts he was wearing.
“My handsome darling,” I said with a smile and pulled him to me for a kiss.
We kissed for long minutes, and I barely realized that he was controlling it. I was tired of controlling things. I needed someone to take the lead for a moment. His hands ran over my shoulders, and then up, into my hair. I moaned and pulled him closer, but at the same time leaned forward, until his back was against my desk. I ended the kiss and stared at his body. One of my hands ran down his stomach.
His cock was hard, bulging under the blue cloth.
“Master Jaejoong?”
“Yes, my darling?”
He looked down for a moment, and his voice shook as he said, “M-may I say something without getting in trouble?”
I smiled. “That depends on what you want to say.”
He bit his lower lip, unsure. I covered the distance between our lips again and sucked it into my mouth. He moaned, hands falling to my chest. He slid them up to my shoulders, but this time under my sport coat. I leaned forward until I could pull it off. Our lips stayed together as both of us tried to unbutton my shirt.
The heat and tension between us skyrocketed as his hands landed hot against my chest. The shirt was tossed somewhere. My tank top followed it. He pressed his hands against my chest, warm palms on my nipples. I groaned, and gripped behind his thighs and lifted him to my desk, pressing over him. His legs wrapped around my waist. I kissed him harder, possibly desperately I wasn’t sure, because everything faded save for the feel of his skin on my hands, his lips on mine. I tugged on his shorts and his hips rose and legs straightened and the shorts fell to the floor, slipping from my fingers. I ran my hands up and down his naked body.
I felt the tears prick in the corners of my eyes.
I had stopped having sex with U-know to train, and had started doing it for my own pleasure. It was selfish. We both knew it. We both refused to say it out loud, because then I would stop. Nothing we did hit the levels of passion from the night I lost control and marked him.
I wanted to lose control again. I dropped to my knees and pushed at his inner thighs, clenching tightly. He moaned and gripped behind his knees. I spread him open and licked at his entrance.
“Oh, m-master, please.”
I wanted to tease, draw an orgasm from him just like this, but I was impatient. I forced a mouthful of spit into his body and then pushed two fingers into him. He cried out, arching off the desk. I pumped and spread them over and over, heart clenching, eyes wide with disbelief.
The thought of someone else doing this to my darling had my vision blurring, tears falling.
His fingers touched my cheek, and I leaned into them and stood up. I kept my fingers inside him, moving slowly and kissed the bend in his hip, eyes shut. I did not want to look at him. If I looked at him, I would have said something … stupid.
I licked his cock, drawing a low moan from him that turned to a gasp as I sucked it into my mouth. I felt it pulse, hard, in my throat. I took him deep, spread my fingers and forced a third into him, even though it wasn’t lubed enough. He panted, hands falling in my hair. I sucked harder, against so desperate from the thought of someone else doing this to him.
His cock pulsed again, flooding my mouth with precome.
“M-master, please, please, I …”
He wasn’t allowed to come unless he had permission. That was what I taught them, but I did not want to do that with him. I wanted him to come because of what I was doing to him, not because I told him to. And because he was trying to stop himself from coming, I was able to suck on him for a very long time.
I pampered his cock and balls, sucking lightly, and then more forcefully. Pressing my tongue on the vein while squeezing his balls lightly with my other hand. Spit gathered and dripped down, adding a bit of slickness to his entrance. I fingerfucked him steadily. My cheeks ached, my back ached from the angle, but just as I was about to pull away, my darling moaned and his cock pulsed against in my mouth. I sucked him deep again, tightening my throat and felt his orgasm as it jerked through his cock. I smiled at the last moment, and then twisted my fingers just right as he came hard, fingers almost ripping out my hair. I swallowed his release, sucking him through it until I realized he was gasping in shame.
I let his cock fall from my lips and then kissed up his body.
“I-I’m sorry, m-master, I …”
I kissed him silent, sharing his taste with him. “You held out for a lot longer than I thought you would,” I said, smiling to show him I was not upset. “Don’t feel bad, my darling. I was trying to make you come.”
His chest rose and fell in heavy gasps. I traced the lines of his face with my fingers, and then pressed one more kiss to his lips.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here and into a proper bed.”
I found his shorts, but when he tried to stand up, he staggered. I laughed and held him steady and then lifted him onto my back, hands under his thighs. His arms went around my neck. I carried him to my car and settled him in the passenger seat. I drove back to the dorms and again carried him to my rooms.
He’d recovered from his orgasm, but his breath still caught then I started undressing. I smiled over at him as I pulled my pants and boxers off.
“You’re so beautiful, master,” he whispered.
I climbed over the bed, over him, and pressed a kiss to his lips. “So are you, my darling. You wanted to ask me something before and I got distracted.”
He shook his head and said, “It’s not important, master, please kiss me again.”
Like I would say no to that. I kissed him softly, letting his tongue touch mine first, keeping our lips apart, tongues together, licking at his upper lip, chewing on his lower. He moaned and then settled shaking hands on my back. I taught my toys to ask permission before touching or kissing or anything. He tightened his hold until our bodies joined, and then he rolled us over.
I knew he was nervous, but I did not stop him from doing what he wanted. Our kiss continued, his hands ran up and down my chest, fingers teasing my nipples. He tugged on the piercing, and then pulled his lips away, looking at me. His eyes were slightly wide, probably from his own daring.
“Do you want one, darling?” I whispered.
He swallowed and raised a shoulder. The answer to that was an answer to everything else. My toys were not pierced or tattooed in my care. Again, I wanted to sell a perfect product and a prospective owner may not have liked it.
“Yes, master, I want one.” His voice held a determination that I did not understand. I didn’t want to hope that’s what it meant.
“Maybe for your birthday,” I whispered, because if he was eighteen, he could make his own choice.
He chewed on his lower lip. “M-master?”
“Yes, my darling.”
“When is my birthday, master?”
I frowned and shook my head. “In a few weeks, I’ll mark the paper work.”
“I wish you would do it tomorrow, master,” he whispered and then captured my lips in a kiss before I could reply. Not that I’d be able to say anything.
Conflicting thoughts soared through my head as he demanded rough kisses from me. Did that mean he wanted to stay? Why did he want to stay? Why was he … what if he …
I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him up, away from me. I stared at him, eyes slightly wide. He looked away, lower lip shaking, like he was holding back his gasps. I rolled out from under him, and sat on the edge of the bed. I had to take a few deep stabilizing breaths. He lay behind me, entirely too quiet, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
I opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube. I heard his breath hitch and turned around. I could not hear him because he had his face buried in a pillow, but his back was shaking. Crawling over him, I left wet kisses up his legs and ass and shoulders. I poured lube on my fingers and then pressed three of them into him at once. His head lifted with a gasp, and his back bowed.
“Don’t cry, my darling,” I whispered, lips against his shoulder. “Please, don’t cry.” Don’t cry because then I’ll want to hold you and comfort you and keep you and worship you for the rest of my life.
He moaned as I spread my slick fingers. His head turned and our lips met in a sideways kiss. He was still gasping, but I’m sure it was more from my fingers than his previous tears.
I removed my fingers slowly, and then wrapped them around my cock. I stroked myself twice, and then held the base. I had to bend my knees more before I could push into my darling’s perfect body. He gasped again, folding his arms, hiding his face from mine. His entire body clenched as I pressed into him all the way. If I hadn’t known better, i would have thought I had hurt him. But as my heart clenched and my chest tightened and my breath stopped, maybe I had hurt him the same way.
I hoped I did.
I pulled out slowly, and he whimpered something. It could have been my name, but he knew better than that.
I slid in and out of him similar to how I had kissed him and played with him. Slow, even, steady. I could have sped up and come right away, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to be inside my darling for as long as I could, just in case this was the last time.
U-know clawed at the bed, hips rising, and I slid into him deeper. We both moaned as I sped up my thrusts. He pushed back, moans full of emotion. I could not ignore that. I leaned over him, unsurprised to see tears on his cheeks..
“My darling,” I said, worried. I slowed, but he grunted and pushed back, meeting my thrusts. He tried to lift himself upt but his elbows shook too much. I wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him. He whimpered and then sighed as our bodies aligned, our movements fell into sync. I rocked in and out of him, shallow but firm. He was no longer crying, but his eyes were shut. I kissed his neck and shoulder, and once again lost control and marked him, sucking and chewing on his skin.
“Mas-master, master.”
“Don’t wait for me, my darling,” I whispered. “Come whenever you want.”
He shook his head, like that wasn’t what he was panicking about. He turned his head again and our lips met in a wet kiss. He pushed up suddenly, and I fell back to my knees. He went with me, in my lap. His arm wrapped around my neck, fingers twisting in my hair. He lifted himself up and down, and I froze, letting him control it. I buried my face in his shoulder again, marking his other side.
“F-fuck, m-master, I … d-don’t. Please-d-don’t.”
“Don’t what?” I whispered. I doubt he heard it over his own cries. I ran my hand around his hip and stroked his cock. He whimpered, speeding up. I spread my legs for a bit of stabilization and so I could thrust up, into his body. He moaned low. I licked up sweat dripping over his shoulder. My other hand found his nipple, squeezing and twisting the nub.
“Don’t what?” I asked again, twisting harder.
“D-don’t-fuck … don’t, don’t stop, please, please.”
“That is not what you were going to say, my darling.”
He shook his head, chest rising and falling with deep gasps. He moaned and jerked into my hand with a whimper. His entrance clenched around me tightly, squeezing enough that I saw stars. He was trying to distract me, trying to get me to come, and as he moaned and fell forward again, I knew it was working. I gripped his hips and slammed into him, harder.
He screamed, hands gripping the headboard, trying to steady himself. I had never been this rough with him. I let him feel my fingernails, scraping them down his thighs as I pounded into him. He started pleading, but his words melded into incoherent really fast. I dragged my hand up his back, and tangled my fingers in his hair. I pulled, stretching his head back.
“Tell me,” I growled.
He was crying now, and I yanked harder. He put his hand higher on the headboard, so his body was angled. I canted into him deeper, yanking my hand back at the same time.
“Tell me,” I demanded.
His body shivered, and his mouth opened, breath gasping between his moans. His whole body tensed, on edge. My orgasm rushed through me, rolling and twisting until I couldn’t see straight. I pulled tighter and sped up even more.
“U-know, god. .. just … fuck.”
My body stopped moving, pressed against his skin. I shuddered, his name slipping past my lips in a pained whisper. I came, pumping into him and then jerking my hips again, prolonging the pleasure tearing through me. He thrust back, taking me hard as I froze from the pleasure. I curled around his back, kissing his skin with an open mouth as he lowered his body to his knees. I knew he was stroking his cock, and I moved as much as I could. For a brief moment, it did not feel like I was his owner and he was my slave. For a moment, it felt like I was with my lover, with my partner, with the man I would be with for the rest of my life.
Maybe that’s why my lips found his ear, and maybe that’s why the words I tried so hard to deny finally passed my lips in the softest whisper.
“I love you.”
He whimpered, and then his body clenched around me again, and I moaned, whispering to my lover over and over. Desperation grew in my voice and then he turned his head, our lips met and his body shuddered violently.
Our movements slowed, our breath steadied, and then U-know fell to the bed with a whimper.
A moment later, panic filled me because I had told him over and over that I loved him, and now … now …
“Don’t sell me, please, don’t sell me.”
I froze, staring at him as his back rose and fell with heavy breaths.
“P-please, p-please don’t. I don’t want to leave.”
I swallowed, and then looked away from him. The bed moved and his cries increased, and still I sat there, gripping my own thighs as my cock softened and guilt filled me. Stubborn tears fell down my cheeks.
“I don’t want to be anyone else’s,” he said in the silence.
I dared a glance at him. His eyes were rubbed raw, red and wet. My heart clenched to go comfort him.
“Please,” he said again, and then turned away with a cry when I continued to say nothing.
It’s not like I didn’t try, I just couldn’t. My throat was too tight.
I reached for him, and let my hand fall short of his body. He flinched, like he felt it.
“Oh, my darling,” I whispered and finally curled around him. But he stayed tense, breath labored.
I kissed his shoulder, at the edge of a purpling hicky. Fuck. I sighed and said, “What do you want, my darling?”
He tried to pull away from me as he rapidly shook his head.
“You don’t want me to sell you?”
“N-no.”
“Why not?”
He said nothing else, but he let me put my arms around him, under his head and one around his waist. He thought he was in trouble.
I sighed and said, “My darling. Why don’t you want me to sell you?”
When he still didn’t answer, I sighed and pressed a kiss to the skin below his ear. “Then I will talk and you will listen, since you don’t want to talk. I love you so much, my handsome darling. But it isn’t fair to you, it isn’t, you should not be stuck with me and …”
“Stuck with you,” he said, turning his head. Our lips brushed and he pulled away far enough so we could stare at each other. “I don’t want to be stuck with you. I want to be with you, master.”
My heart almost broke. “My darling--”
He struggled and I let him go. He rolled away, on his stomach, face buried in the pillow.
“Please, please. Don’t make me go.”
“When you’re eighteen--”
“Who says I’m not, master?” he asked, turning his head. “How do you know I’m not eighteen right now?”
I hated to see the anguish in his eyes and I moved forward.
“I could be eighteen now. You’re the one who has to to mark it, master.”
Right there. Throwing it to me. My choice.
I did not want to make this choice, but he had made his. He wanted to stay.
I swallowed.
He sighed and looked away. After a moment, he whispered, “May I go clean up, master?”
“Y-yes.”
I lay on the bed, not watching as he moved across the room. He walked. He did not crawl.
“You said you loved me,” he said, and I picked up on the pain in his words just before the bathroom door slammed.
I rolled over to the space he had occupied, buried my face in the same pillow and screamed. I let myself cry. Because he wanted to stay. And I couldn’t let him, or could I? If I did, was I only being selfish? Many toys wanted to stay with me until I found the perfect owner for them. What would happen if someone found him after he was already mine?
I needed someone to smack some sense into me. If I purchased him, went through the proper work and signed the right papers, then he was mine, and I wouldn’t show him to anyone else.
God, I was stupid.
I pushed myself up and went to the bathroom. Steam filled the room. U-know was in the shower. His blurry image was bent over, arm on the wall. I opened the door. He flinched, but did nothing else as I slid my hand over his hip and around his waist. I hugged his body and pulled him away from the wall. We stood in the shower spray, cheeks pressed together. He’d been crying again.
“I love you,” I whispered, “but …”
“You should have stopped with I love you, master.”
There was sarcasm in his voice that he could have only picked up from Changmin.
I chuckled. “I do love you, my darling, but you have to understand what you’re giving up, what you’re accepting and what you’re asking of me by keeping you.”
He turned in my arms, and his eyes were serious. The laughter and joy that shone from them was gone and I wanted to bring it back. The words I had said to Miyavi last night echoed in my head: you want to make him the happiest toy in the whole world.
And I did. I wanted that happy light back in his eyes.
“You won’t have all of my attention, first of all,” I said. “I have a business to run which means that I have other slaves and other duties and I still have to train them and I still have to fuck them and hold them and …”
He was nodding. “And?” After a moment, he added, “Master.”
I was stunned because I was not used to him being so abrasive. “And what, my darling? You deserve someone that gives you their attention.”
“You do, master. How many times have you told me how distracting I am?”
I smiled. “Well, that is true. You are very distracting.”
He almost smiled. And then he looked away, turning around to douse his head in the shower. I took the loufa and body wash, and after pouring a liberal amount, I scrubbed his body, fingers digging into his muscles.
“I’ve never fallen in love with a toy, my darling. It’s thrown my mental and emotional system all out of whack. I am afraid that … in the next few weeks, someone will come who is perfect for you.”
“Why can’t you be perfect for me, master?”
I shook my head and then said, “That’s what I’m most afraid of, my darling. I can’t give you the attention you deserve.”
“It’s been fine, so far, master.”
I ran the loufa over my body quickly and then rinsed it out. “Think about it.”
“I have been.” He spun around, and his eyes were full of hurt. And anger. “I’ve been thinking about it for weeks,” he whispered and crossed his arms, rubbing his biceps.
I brought my hand up and cupped his cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you, my darling. This … this …”
He actually tore his face from my hands. “Then sell me to the next person who offers, and you don’t have to look at me anymore.”
“Dar--”
“Please don’t call me that, master. Not … not if you’re …”
I gripped his face and made him look up. “I would never just toss you out, give you to the highest bidder. You don’t deserve that.”
“But I deserve to feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.”
I knew what that felt like. “Every time I think of selling you, I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.”
“Then don’t. Keep me. You want me to be happy, master, then let me … let me stay. Don’t try to sell me. I … You make me happy.”
I shut my eyes as U-know pushed by me. The door opened and I was slammed with cold air. The shower door banged shut, and then I cried.
And I couldn’t understand why I was crying. U-know wanted to stay with me. He wanted to be with me. The only one stopping this from being a happy occasion was me. And it was my own ideals. My own reasons as to why he shouldn’t want to. But he wanted to. And I wanted him to.
So why was I protesting so much?
I was afraid that I would not make him happy, and he deserved to be happy.
I rubbed my face in irritation. How many owners had said that to me? Had been so worried of not being enough, not being the right one, possibly making their toys upset or sad? And I always told them that the fear would make them perfect. The fear would make them make their toys happy.
And I knew it was the same with U-know. I would do everything I could to make him happy.
With a determined, deep breath, I rinsed off. I shut the water off and stood in the steam for a little while and then opened the door into the cool air. I shivered and found a robe. It was the middle of the day in the middle of the week. I needed to get to the office.
I opened the door, and stopped in my tracks.
U-know was by the main door, kneeling. He was naked and a collar around his neck. His hands were behind his back. That wasn’t what stopped me though. He was looking at the ground. Almost like … almost like he was waiting to be needed.
“My darling?” I said, making it a question. His shoulders tensed like he heard me but he did not respond. “U-know.”
“Yes, master?”
“Are you doing this to a prove a point?”
“No, master.”
I sighed and moved over to him. I kneeled in front of him. With a soft touch, I lifted his chin. I looked at him the way my heart wanted to.
He whimpered, and almost immediately his eyes filled with tears.
“I may not be able to make you happy the way you deserve to be happy,” I whispered.
“You already do, master Jaejoong. Please, you always say you have to find the perfect owner, but you are. You are, and I want to be your toy.”
I nodded. When I blinked, tears fell down my cheeks. “Okay,” I said, voice breaking.
He smiled and then closed his eyes. “Promise me, please. I … please.”
“I promise,” I said. “Tomorrow, I’ll draw up the paperwork and legally make you mine forever.”
“Good,” he said with a whimper and lunged forward, pressing our lips together. His hands slipped into my robe, along my stomach. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder and then a moment later, lowered him to the floor. I peppered his face with kisses until his lips spread in a smile and then he laughed, holding me close. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling deeply.
“I wonder how many times this is going to happen,” I mused, propping up on an elbow.
He frowned. “What, master?”
“I have to go to the office, but instead I’m going to carry you back to that bed and really make you mine.”
He laughed again. “Hopefully everyday.”
I nodded. “Hopefully, everyday I’ll fall in love with you all over again, and I will teach you how to love me, and not just because I’m your master.”
My darling touched my cheek and he smiled. “You already taught me, master, and I already do. I love you.”
Part of me was screaming that he didn’t know what that meant, but the look in his eyes said otherwise.
I smiled and kissed his palm. “I love you, too, my handsome darling.”
Part 3: Kiss Me
Part 2: Show Me
Part 1: Heal Me
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