Slipped my mind.

[bdar]

I appear to have forgotten joy.

There's a great little film called The Four Corners of Nowhere that failed to find distribution in 1995, and may only run occasionally on IFC or Sundance these days if it runs anywhere at all. It was written and directed by Steve Chbosky, best known for his novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower and for his

Comments

[bettsbaby]

you are letting everybody down. You are a fraud, a tourist, and people are hoping you will simply have the good sense to recognize that and fall on your own sword before they no longer find you even minutely tolerable.

I felt like this most of my time during my grad program. I don't know what or why (though I have some hypotheses) but this last semester I have suddenly come into my own in terms of being happy with what I am doing and feeling like I (finally) belong there. Part of it is I stopped caring what they thought (in part because I went so far down the "I suck" hole) and doing what I was doing for me; the other part is that I have a much lighter load where I can just focus on one big thing and really give it the attention and care that I want.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate...yes?

From my (yes, one) experience at TMLMTBGB your pieces were my favorite. I don't really know you that well...but from my limited experience and impression...if you are a fraud and a tourist, then the rest of us are just charlatans.

[boannan]

I don't know if this is the case for you, but those types of thoughts -- "I have forgotten joy, I am a fraud, I am letting everybody down" -- ran through my head like a broken record back when I had untreated major clinical depression. And I don't know if you're comfortable talking to a doctor about it, but I think it could only help!

[marshalaw]

The memory of joy is worth something. I hope that it helps you find a way back to the thing itself. You deserve it.

[two_wugs]

Does this sound familiar?

[adickers]

Is it possible to take a vacation/sabbatical? Get out in nature, or venture by yourself to places unknown, or hang out with friends just playing around?

(I think of the baby shower you missed last night, at which you would have found many of your friends, drawing with crayons on paper plates atop their own heads. It was joyous and silly, and we missed having you there.)

I know it's too easy to answer "no" to the question of time-off, but it sounds like you really need a serious break from the burdens of life and work. (It'd be nice to hang out on the rooftop of Clark street and talk for hours, no?)

Well, speaking of work, I'm supposed to be doing some this afternoon... Sigh.