I appear to have forgotten joy.
There's a great little film called
The Four Corners of Nowhere that failed to find distribution in 1995, and may only run occasionally on IFC or Sundance these days if it runs anywhere at all. It was written and directed by Steve Chbosky, best known for his novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower and for his
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The eyes of my writing have gone dead and blank, like those of shell-shocked soldiers fresh from the trenches
That's no good. You need your eyes to go dead and blank like Peter Petrelli's when he paints the future! :)
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As much as the pinpointing of possible syndromes may be an answer, I wonder of the humanity of the situation. And, though your words are right, correctly displaying your emotions... I don't know. I must believe that you are experiencing similar to the man in the movie. It's not that joy is not there, you had just forgotten. You became lost in this world, turning love into a job. Now that you remember and yearn for that lost experience, that love may return. If not, maybe you should look into those syndromes. But, at the moment, finding happiness just may lead you to it. You're on the right track. And, as they say, the journey is more important than the destination.
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Be well my friend, I'm looking forward to seeing the new show.
E
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