ghosts in the machine

[basso1721]

so at what point, dear ladies, do i tell my thirteen year old daughter about the circumstances surrounding her mother's loss of virginity? the reason being: madison (the daughter) has been blowing off weekends with ang and i to hang out with her friends in springville where she (verified info) ends up at boys houses until who knows when? emily (

Comments

[lolly7]

Wow! That is horrifying! Wow.
Knowing that about your ex, it's no wonder you are extra cautious.
Your daughter needs to know to be very careful, but I'm not sure how you should go about that.
All I know, is that I don't want to have any girls.

[basso1721]

how did you tell boys at that age to back off when they tried to get physical if you didn't want it? sex for my ex was a rebellion at her authoritarian lds parents who didn't have the time to care. i have the time to care and am worried sick about my girl. i have a good relationship with her and we talk often, but the sex stuff i have left to her mother, which probably isn't the best.

[lolly7]

Has her mother spoken to her about those experiences?
At that age, I did mess around a little bit, but mostly just kissing. I felt kind of uncomfortable telling boys no when they started going too far, but I said no anyway. A lot of them would keep trying, but nobody ever got forceful with me. The thing is, there are boys who won't take no for an answer, and that's the scary part.

[basso1721]

i don't know what her mom has said to her, but you have given me a place to start. thank you :)

[aleta666]

Perhaps just help her become a good judge of character? who knows... you can just let her know that there are freaky people out there and to be careful. Maybe tell her a little of what happened to her mom, so she knows that things like that can happen in real life... Other than that, you just have to hope for the best...

[basso1721]

it's so hard to help her become a good judge of character when i see her maybe 6 days a month if i'm lucky.

[aleta666]

hmm.. maybe every time you see her just remind her to trust her instincts.. if she feels something isn't right or is uncomfortable, to not be afraid to leave. I think it will be more of a self-confidence thing on her side. If she has the confidence to leave/say no/not put herself in those situations/ whatever, she'll be better off.
and I second all the education every one else said...

[g_knee]

hi. I tried to catch your eye at the orchestra concert the other night. :)

Anyway, this is my opinion, so take it or leave it. You can NEVER go wrong with education. And really, I think she would respect you more if you talked straight with her. Maybe tell her you are concerned about her. And that there are significant reasons that she should be concerned. I am not sure if she needs to know the details of her mothers abuse. But maybe that it did happen and that it changed her life forever.

There is also the reality that she is a sexual person. NO matter what her upbringing its going to come up. So at 16 I lost my virginity. I didn't start taking birth control or even use much for protection until I was 18.

Dad's have an ability to talk to their daughters more significantly than their mothers.

Be realistic with her, educate her. And allow her to be honest with you.

[basso1721]

yeah i ran into havilah but she didn't mention that you were there:(. next time, while trying to catch my eye, hit me over the head with a sledgehammer. on a lighter note, springville's group took third in the country.
i don't know if i am ready to deal with the reality of her being sexual. i would think she is not, but...
why do you suppose dad's have a better ability blah blah blah?

[g_knee]

I just see the connection that Marko has with my girls. There's something about Daddy's. Girls love their Daddy's.

[basso1721]

sage advice, thank you-honestly.