FIC: Magic and Mayhem at the Rift (15/?)
Name: Magic and Mayhem at the Rift
Rating: R for swearing (Owen's in this chapter, what do you expect?)
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tosh, Gwen/Rhys, implied Owen/Faith
Warning: Crossover insanity, the presence of vampires and demons on the rift and some mature content.
Summary: The gang from Buffy come through the rift. Set after Torchwood episode Meat (2.04) and immediately after Buffy episode Older and Far Away (6.14) (just before the end, in fact), spoilers for all six seasons of Buffy and the first season of Torchwood. Also Spoilers for DW Utopia (3.11), Sound of the Drums (3.12) and Last of the Time Lords (3.13).
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, if I did there would be a helluva lot more of Jack and Ianto teasing each other. If I owned Buffy, which I don't, Xander and Anya and Spike and Buffy would be together forever (not to say they will be together forever in this fic *evil grin*) and Willow wouldn't have so much damn bad luck.
CHAPTER Summary: A demon appears nearby and Buffy and Owen fight.
Woo, next chapter. I hereby dedicate this more cheery chapter to my official cheer-er up-er: Kat! Yay! Love you tons, girl.
This chapter took a bit of writing because I wanted it to be cheerier and it just kept trying to sink into darkness... I resisted however and this one should make you laugh at least once. If it doesn't I'm doing something wrong and should be shot on the spot. Enjoy!
~Chapter one~ ~Chapter two~ ~Chapter three~ ~Chapter four~ ~Chapter five~ ~Crack!fic smut (not required reading, but slots in here)~ ~Chapter six~ ~Chapter seven~ ~Chapter eight~ ~Chapter nine~ ~Chapter ten~ ~Chapter eleven~ ~Chapter twelve~ ~Chapter thirteen~ ~Chapter fourteen~
Wednesday January 30th 2008
16:37
Jack still didn’t feel whole. Yes, he’d made up with Ianto, yes, he’d spent a whole day in bed with him (Ianto was saying he’d be sore for a week, but he wasn’t really complaining), yes, he’d made up with his team (although he didn’t spend a day in bed with them ... a day in bed with Owen, Jack couldn’t help thinking that would be a worse torture than being chained up for a year), yes, he was leader again, but he couldn’t help thinking about Cole as he gazed into Ianto’s eyes.
And that was why, once Ianto had headed off to the hub to do some late-afternoon paperwork, Jack went down to the nearby shopping centre and found a florist, buying two large bouquets of flowers. One was a very, very large clump of perfect yellow roses and the second was a smaller clump of black roses. He pulled out a pen and, on the yellow roses’ tag, he wrote; ‘Thank you for what you don't remember’ and on the black roses’ tag, he wrote ‘I will remember you.’
Jack found himself on the last street he’d even seen Cole on through the viewer. A tear slipping down his cheek, he placed the black roses on the street, somewhere he hoped no one would notice them, and then he sat down on the kerb, just remembering.
The second bouquet he left on Gwen’s doorstep, ringing the bell and running to hide where he could see her but could not be seen himself. He watched her step outside and smile, in puzzlement, at the roses, smelling them gently and reading the tag. She was confused, he could tell, but she smiled nonetheless. He wanted to give them to her in person but for two things: one, Rhys would probably kill him (and he’d had enough of that over the past year) and two, she would want an explanation, which he could not provide. He watched her shrug and take the roses inside with a smile on his face.
An hour later, Gwen arrived at the hub, storming into Jack’s office (not caring it was currently occupied by a very naked Ianto and Jack). “When did you RetCon me?” she demanded.
Ianto blinked at her and carefully climbed off Jack’s lap, rushing down the hole in the floor to his bedroom. Jack glowered darkly at Gwen. “Do come in, Gwen,” he said, standing up and reaching for his pants, taking special pleasure in the fact she averted her eyes with a blush. “Now, what are you talking about?” Gwen produced the tag and threw it on her desk. Jack grimaced internally, keeping his face blank. “Yes?”
“It says ‘thank you for what you do not remember’, Jack,” Gwen informed him, angrily. Jack glanced at the tag, almost pointing out it said ‘don't’ not ‘do not’. “The only way I wouldn’t remember something is if you RetCon’d me!”
“Believe it or not, Gwen,” Jack said, angrily, starting to pity Cole for having to stay with this shrill woman. “There are other ways for someone to forget that does not include RetCon!” He sighed as he did up his shirt, sitting back down by his desk. “If you don't believe me, ask Ianto, he’d know if I’d taken any RetCon.” He smirked. “Anyway, I was away, remember? It would have been an interesting trick to RetCon you.”
Gwen growled and stalked out of the office, stopping just outside, turning around, walking back in, picking up the tag, bad temperedly, and leaving again, slamming the door, loudly, behind her. “It’s safe to come out now, Ianto,” Jack said, with a smile, as the very red-faced Welshman poked his head up out of the hole.
He watched Gwen go and instantly felt sorry about snapping at her; after all he had left her a very cryptic message. Ianto was looking at him funny, but he just ignored that, as he wondered how he could make it up to her. She had looked after Cole, even if she didn’t remember, and, every time he had seen him, he had seemed happy. Until he ceased to exist, of course. Jack bit his lip, burying the memory, and turned to Ianto, a wide smile on his face, the kind that told Ianto he’d be even sorer before the day was done.
Friday 23rd February
13:37
“They’ve been up there hours.”
Martha turned to Owen and sighed. “Trust me when I say ... they won’t be down for a while.”
Owen shuddered dramatically. “I did not need that mental image!”
She glowered at him. “I didn’t mean like that.” She looked up at Jack’s office, sadly. “They have a lot to talk about.”
“Are you going to tell us what it is they’re talking about?” Owen asked.
“Not my place,” Martha said. “It’s Jack and Ianto’s place to tell you if they want to. I don't expect they will, though.”
“We’ve just received a call,” Tosh announced, approaching with Willow. “A creature has been terrorising a residential street nearby...”
“... threatening children, eating dogs, that kind of thing,” Willow finished.
Buffy blinked. “Did you just say ... eating dogs? As in ... poodles and things like that?” She had no idea why Gwen started snickering at the word ‘poodles’ or why, when the hub door opened and Spike swaggered in, commenting that he loved poodles, she buried her head in Owen’s chest to hide her hysterics. “How did you get here?” Buffy asked. “Without becoming ... dusty?”
Spike grinned. “I’ll never tell,” he replied.
“What does the creature look like?” Buffy asked, turning away from Spike and missing the looks Willow was casting the two of them.
“According to witnesses, big with yellow and green skin, red eyes ... the dogs were eaten whole,” Willow said, with her ‘ick’ face on.
“Are we talking about just another demon or an apocalypse-y type demon?” Buffy asked. “Because I can’t help stop an apocalypse here ... I don't have Giles’ books or anything.”
“I think it’s just another demon,” Willow said. “Not another apocalypse.”
“Another apocalypse?” Tosh breathed. “What is your world like?” She found herself imagining a world of slavery and destruction.
“Pretty much like this one,” Willow replied. “We just live on a hellmouth, so we get a lot of apocalypses to stop.”
Tosh nodded almost numbly. “So this demon, what do we do about it?” she asked Buffy, recognising that she didn’t have the experience to suggest demon-stopping procedures.
Buffy reached into the back of her trousers and produced an axe, making every pair of eyes in the room go wide. “We kill it.”
14:53
The black SUV pulled up in the middle of the residential road and five people clambered out, each wielding a weapon of choice. Tosh had a gun, Buffy had a huge axe, much like the one she’d wielded in hell so many years before, Martha had a sword, which everyone though suited her somewhat, Owen was also wielding a gun and Willow was carrying a crossbow, something both she and Tosh knew she didn’t really need.
“I’m still not happy about us not letting Jack know about this, especially as we can’t get in contact with Spike,” Owen griped as they approached the house that had called the police (none of them were really sure how they had managed that, what with all the phones being down).
“We can’t disturb them,” Martha said, “and Buffy knows more about demons than us, anyway, it makes sense for her to lead the group.”
The strange group made their way to the front door of the house and rang the bell. The door opened to reveal a young woman with a toddler on her hip. She saw the weapons and said, “You’re here for that ... creature? It went that way.” She pointed up the street.
“Thank you,” Tosh and Buffy said at the same time, turning and following the group up the street. Indeed, it was up there, a dead dog hanging from its jaw.
“Oh my god!” Willow cried. “Poor puppy!” Buffy pointed just down the street and Willow let out a whining sound. “Poor man!”
The demon was slightly bigger than the houses, its paws bigger than the cars. “How do we deal with this?” Owen demanded.
“I don't really know,” Buffy said, gazing up at it. “We’ve only ever tackles small demons or used explosives.” She threw her axe at the creature, watching as it bounced harmlessly off its skin and clattered to the floor.
“Fuck,” Owen said.
“I managed to stop over six apocalypses without even one swearword, Owen; I’d appreciate it if you’d do the same.”
“What, is your world completely bereft of anything fun?” Owen demanded.
“I have you know we have a lot of ... fun ... things in my world!” Buffy retorted, turning on Owen.
“Is that why you never smile?!” he snapped.
“Uh ... guys?”
“I don't smile because I don't ... don't want to, alright?”
“That, to me, suggests you don't have anything to smile at!”
“Guys?”
“I have a lot to smile at!”
“Does your world ever sleep? Or shag? Because those are fun, just like swearing, and you lot don't seem to do any of that ... well ... except Faith.”
“Faith? Shagging Faith is like shagging a public toilet, Owen!”
“Guys....?”
“And you would know that how?”
“Because ... because I know Faith!”
“You know her, eh? You never seem to talk to her.”
“Guys!”
Buffy and Owen turned to look at Martha, Tosh and Willow, all of whom had shouted. “What?” they both snapped, in sync. The three less volatile members of the group pointed past Buffy and Owen’s heads at the demon, who was watching them, closely.
“I have a suggestion,” Buffy said.
“Uh huh?” Owen replied.
“Run.”
15:34
Ianto awoke with the nagging feeling that he should remember why, exactly, he was asleep on Jack (fully clothed no less) in the middle of the afternoon. Then he remembered and gazed up at Jack, sadly, wishing the older man had told him about what had happened sooner. “Jack,” he said, softly, watching with a smile as Jack’s eyes fluttered open and he glanced down at Ianto, mumbling something. “We should get up.”
Jack sat up and looked at the clock. “Half past three?” he muttered. “I wonder if anyone missed us.”
When they got back up to the hub, they found Spike sat on the sofa, drinking blood from a mug and watching the computer screens, idly. “Where is everyone?” Jack asked.
“Went out on some demon chase,” Spike said, disgruntled. “I would have gone too if it wasn’t for the obvious.” Ianto and Jack looked at him blankly. “I’d turn to dust in the sunlight,” Spike pointed out. Jack and Ianto nodded their understanding.
“Where did they go?” Jack asked.
Spike shrugged. “I was in contact with them. That Japanese girl of yours showed me how ... but when they got here” - he stood up and pointed at the map - “all communication cut off.”
Ianto moved across to the computer and started working on the communication systems. “There seems to be a large area of radiation around the area,” he said. “It’s stopping our headsets and mobiles from working. I doubt any televisions or radios are working either, they’re probably all emitting a constant screeching noise.”
“What kind of radiation does that?” Jack asked, looking over Ianto’s shoulder.
“None from this world,” Ianto replied. “It seems to be supernatural in origin.”
“How long will it take to dissipate?” the older man enquired.
“Days, maybe even weeks.” Ianto pulled up a new page. “This is where they were before the communication channels cut out” - he pointed at the map - “they were heading this way” - he pointed again - “so we’re assuming, as it’s been about three-quarters of an hour, they’ll be here” - he pointed a third time - “or here” - one more time he pointed - “that is, of course, as long as nothing happened to disrupt their course.”
Jack muttered something under his breath before speaking up and saying to Spike, “Next time, you let me know before they go out or when communication cuts out or anything like that. Last time I checked, I was the leader of Torchwood.”
Spike shrugged, picking god-knows-what out of his teeth from the blood.
“Any suggestions on a course of action?” Jack asked.
Ianto sighed and looked at the screen. “We could go after them ... but we’ll lose communication when we get within the area, too,” he said, “and I wouldn’t recommend that. On the other hand, if they’re still not back in an hour I would suggest going after them.”
“They’ll be fine,” Xander said, appearing out of nowhere with Anya by his side. He looked just as hung-over as everyone else, if not more. “Buffy knows what she’s doing.”
“But, ah, she doesn’t,” Anya pointed out. “She doesn’t have any information on demons in this realm and, and well, it’s not like the world without shrimp ... this world is completely different ... she could be up against demons from billions of years ago.” She pointed at Myfanwy circling overhead. “He proves my point.”
“She,” Ianto said.
“Fine, she,” Anya replied, a little annoyed. “Really, though, they could be up against anything. We could have demons coming from hell itself.”
“She’s right,” Jack said. “We don't know what kind of things the rift will throw up.” He turned to Anya. “What do you know about demons?”
“Um, quite a bit, having been one myself for a few thousand years,” she said, awkwardly.
“Right,” Jack replied. “Let’s see if we can find the report about the demon.”
15:42
“FUCK!”
“I thought you managed to survive six apocalypses without swearing, Summers?” Owen said, his usual snarky self.
“Those didn’t include being picked up in the jaws of a demon and having a, quite probably poisoned, fang through my leg!” Buffy snarled.
“She has a point,” Willow said, from Buffy’s side.
The five of them were in the sewers, the water a murky red from the blood flowing from Buffy’s leg wound. They had deduced that they needed to get somewhere safe after they had failed to harm the demon in any way (not even Martha’s sword made of alien metal had worked); getting harmed themselves in the process. Owen had a twisted ankle, Willow was sporting a nasty gash to the stomach, Martha’s head was bleeding from when she had fallen, hitting her head on the kerb and Tosh was trying to get her scanner to work with a sprained wrist and a broken finger.
“This didn’t work out very well,” Owen said, limping across to Martha to check on her head.
“Gee, how did you guess?” Buffy snapped, through gritted teeth. “Was it the head wound or the poison that gave it away?”
“It was your idea to throw your axe at that thing,” Owen growled, looking away from Martha, who yelped when he poked her wound by accident. “Sorry,” he said to her, sheepishly. She batted away his hands, sitting up a bit straighter against the wall. They were all sat in the filth of the sewers, but most of them were past caring as they had landed with a splash when they had jumped down the manhole in the first place.
After Buffy had announced that they should run, the team had run three streets before realising they were nowhere near as fast as the advancing demon. They had turned and attacked, firing guns and crossbows, hacking with swords and axes and doing no damage whatsoever. They’d tried to run again, struggling this time because of their wounds, but they realised that, no matter where they ran, the demon could follow, so they had jumped down the manhole, the one place its bulk would be a hindrance to it.
Buffy wiped some muck from her cheek, wincing when she found a large cut there. “This is disgusting,” she muttered. Everyone agreed, silently.
“Any luck contacting Spike?” Willow asked.
“No, because this idiot threw his earpiece in the water!” Buffy snapped, jerking a thumb at Owen.
“I wasn’t the only one,” Owen retorted, pointing at Tosh and Martha. “They both threw theirs down as well when they started screeching.”
“Yeah, but you’re more fun to yell at,” Buffy growled, the pain in her leg making her irritable.
“We shouldn’t be yelling at each other,” Willow said. “We should be working together to get out of the sewers and back to the hub.”
“I can’t even stand anymore, Will, let alone escape the sewers,” Buffy said. “Martha’s in no condition to move, she can hardly stay conscious and Owen can’t walk so well, himself.”
“Stay with me, Martha,” Owen said, slapping her cheeks gently to keep her conscious. “She’s right,” he admitted, much to his chagrin, “has anyone here got a mobile?”
Tosh pulled her phone out and dialled Jack, tossing the phone at Owen. He caught it and held it to his ear as it dialled, as soon as it made a connection it squealed shrilly and made him yelp, tossing the phone across the sewer where it clattered against the wall and fell to the floor, still emitting the high pitched noise.
“You scream like a girl,” Buffy informed him. “Even my sister doesn’t scream like that.”
16:42
Xander was not a happy bunny. He was walking the streets with Faith, Anya and Ianto, searching for the demon and hoping that the demon would lead them to their missing colleagues. The problem was that Xander had commented on his ‘none happy bunny-ness’ to Anya about having to stick near Faith and she was both annoyed for the reminder that he had once slept with Faith and that he had used the forbidden ‘B’ word.
Bunny.
As such, she was walking with Ianto and he was stuck with Faith, who was making random comments about things he did not want to know about.
“I love this world,” she was saying. “They’re all so violent here and the sex ... the sex is very, very good. It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people. This is my kind of world.”
Xander rolled his eyes and silently prayed for a vampire to jump out and kill him before she could go into details. Nearby he could hear Anya rattling on to Ianto about her vengeance days and could almost guarantee he was thinking the same thing.
“The radiation starts up ahead,” Ianto said, slipping the technology he was using into his pocket. “The demon should be around here ... somewhere.”
“And what do we do when we find this demon?” Xander demanded. “Run screaming?”
“We kick ass!” Faith exclaimed.
“What a wonderful plan,” Xander said, sarcastically. “Probably the same one as Buffy and the others had and, last time I looked, they haven’t checked in since ... and there was a lot more of them ... and they had weapons.”
“You have a weapon,” Faith said. “You can use your wit against the demon!”
Xander glowered darkly at her. “Why did I have to come along on this suicide mission?” he demanded of Ianto. “There are a lot of places I’d rather be.”
“We’d all rather be somewhere else,” Ianto pointed out, thinking about how he’d much rather be trying to offer Jack some comfort.
“I’d rather be in a sewer!” Xander said, irritably. “Anything is better than here.”
~Necks Chapter~
Rating: R for swearing (Owen's in this chapter, what do you expect?)
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tosh, Gwen/Rhys, implied Owen/Faith
Warning: Crossover insanity, the presence of vampires and demons on the rift and some mature content.
Summary: The gang from Buffy come through the rift. Set after Torchwood episode Meat (2.04) and immediately after Buffy episode Older and Far Away (6.14) (just before the end, in fact), spoilers for all six seasons of Buffy and the first season of Torchwood. Also Spoilers for DW Utopia (3.11), Sound of the Drums (3.12) and Last of the Time Lords (3.13).
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, if I did there would be a helluva lot more of Jack and Ianto teasing each other. If I owned Buffy, which I don't, Xander and Anya and Spike and Buffy would be together forever (not to say they will be together forever in this fic *evil grin*) and Willow wouldn't have so much damn bad luck.
CHAPTER Summary: A demon appears nearby and Buffy and Owen fight.
Woo, next chapter. I hereby dedicate this more cheery chapter to my official cheer-er up-er: Kat! Yay! Love you tons, girl.
This chapter took a bit of writing because I wanted it to be cheerier and it just kept trying to sink into darkness... I resisted however and this one should make you laugh at least once. If it doesn't I'm doing something wrong and should be shot on the spot. Enjoy!
~Chapter one~ ~Chapter two~ ~Chapter three~ ~Chapter four~ ~Chapter five~ ~Crack!fic smut (not required reading, but slots in here)~ ~Chapter six~ ~Chapter seven~ ~Chapter eight~ ~Chapter nine~ ~Chapter ten~ ~Chapter eleven~ ~Chapter twelve~ ~Chapter thirteen~ ~Chapter fourteen~
Wednesday January 30th 2008
16:37
Jack still didn’t feel whole. Yes, he’d made up with Ianto, yes, he’d spent a whole day in bed with him (Ianto was saying he’d be sore for a week, but he wasn’t really complaining), yes, he’d made up with his team (although he didn’t spend a day in bed with them ... a day in bed with Owen, Jack couldn’t help thinking that would be a worse torture than being chained up for a year), yes, he was leader again, but he couldn’t help thinking about Cole as he gazed into Ianto’s eyes.
And that was why, once Ianto had headed off to the hub to do some late-afternoon paperwork, Jack went down to the nearby shopping centre and found a florist, buying two large bouquets of flowers. One was a very, very large clump of perfect yellow roses and the second was a smaller clump of black roses. He pulled out a pen and, on the yellow roses’ tag, he wrote; ‘Thank you for what you don't remember’ and on the black roses’ tag, he wrote ‘I will remember you.’
Jack found himself on the last street he’d even seen Cole on through the viewer. A tear slipping down his cheek, he placed the black roses on the street, somewhere he hoped no one would notice them, and then he sat down on the kerb, just remembering.
The second bouquet he left on Gwen’s doorstep, ringing the bell and running to hide where he could see her but could not be seen himself. He watched her step outside and smile, in puzzlement, at the roses, smelling them gently and reading the tag. She was confused, he could tell, but she smiled nonetheless. He wanted to give them to her in person but for two things: one, Rhys would probably kill him (and he’d had enough of that over the past year) and two, she would want an explanation, which he could not provide. He watched her shrug and take the roses inside with a smile on his face.
An hour later, Gwen arrived at the hub, storming into Jack’s office (not caring it was currently occupied by a very naked Ianto and Jack). “When did you RetCon me?” she demanded.
Ianto blinked at her and carefully climbed off Jack’s lap, rushing down the hole in the floor to his bedroom. Jack glowered darkly at Gwen. “Do come in, Gwen,” he said, standing up and reaching for his pants, taking special pleasure in the fact she averted her eyes with a blush. “Now, what are you talking about?” Gwen produced the tag and threw it on her desk. Jack grimaced internally, keeping his face blank. “Yes?”
“It says ‘thank you for what you do not remember’, Jack,” Gwen informed him, angrily. Jack glanced at the tag, almost pointing out it said ‘don't’ not ‘do not’. “The only way I wouldn’t remember something is if you RetCon’d me!”
“Believe it or not, Gwen,” Jack said, angrily, starting to pity Cole for having to stay with this shrill woman. “There are other ways for someone to forget that does not include RetCon!” He sighed as he did up his shirt, sitting back down by his desk. “If you don't believe me, ask Ianto, he’d know if I’d taken any RetCon.” He smirked. “Anyway, I was away, remember? It would have been an interesting trick to RetCon you.”
Gwen growled and stalked out of the office, stopping just outside, turning around, walking back in, picking up the tag, bad temperedly, and leaving again, slamming the door, loudly, behind her. “It’s safe to come out now, Ianto,” Jack said, with a smile, as the very red-faced Welshman poked his head up out of the hole.
He watched Gwen go and instantly felt sorry about snapping at her; after all he had left her a very cryptic message. Ianto was looking at him funny, but he just ignored that, as he wondered how he could make it up to her. She had looked after Cole, even if she didn’t remember, and, every time he had seen him, he had seemed happy. Until he ceased to exist, of course. Jack bit his lip, burying the memory, and turned to Ianto, a wide smile on his face, the kind that told Ianto he’d be even sorer before the day was done.
Friday 23rd February
13:37
“They’ve been up there hours.”
Martha turned to Owen and sighed. “Trust me when I say ... they won’t be down for a while.”
Owen shuddered dramatically. “I did not need that mental image!”
She glowered at him. “I didn’t mean like that.” She looked up at Jack’s office, sadly. “They have a lot to talk about.”
“Are you going to tell us what it is they’re talking about?” Owen asked.
“Not my place,” Martha said. “It’s Jack and Ianto’s place to tell you if they want to. I don't expect they will, though.”
“We’ve just received a call,” Tosh announced, approaching with Willow. “A creature has been terrorising a residential street nearby...”
“... threatening children, eating dogs, that kind of thing,” Willow finished.
Buffy blinked. “Did you just say ... eating dogs? As in ... poodles and things like that?” She had no idea why Gwen started snickering at the word ‘poodles’ or why, when the hub door opened and Spike swaggered in, commenting that he loved poodles, she buried her head in Owen’s chest to hide her hysterics. “How did you get here?” Buffy asked. “Without becoming ... dusty?”
Spike grinned. “I’ll never tell,” he replied.
“What does the creature look like?” Buffy asked, turning away from Spike and missing the looks Willow was casting the two of them.
“According to witnesses, big with yellow and green skin, red eyes ... the dogs were eaten whole,” Willow said, with her ‘ick’ face on.
“Are we talking about just another demon or an apocalypse-y type demon?” Buffy asked. “Because I can’t help stop an apocalypse here ... I don't have Giles’ books or anything.”
“I think it’s just another demon,” Willow said. “Not another apocalypse.”
“Another apocalypse?” Tosh breathed. “What is your world like?” She found herself imagining a world of slavery and destruction.
“Pretty much like this one,” Willow replied. “We just live on a hellmouth, so we get a lot of apocalypses to stop.”
Tosh nodded almost numbly. “So this demon, what do we do about it?” she asked Buffy, recognising that she didn’t have the experience to suggest demon-stopping procedures.
Buffy reached into the back of her trousers and produced an axe, making every pair of eyes in the room go wide. “We kill it.”
14:53
The black SUV pulled up in the middle of the residential road and five people clambered out, each wielding a weapon of choice. Tosh had a gun, Buffy had a huge axe, much like the one she’d wielded in hell so many years before, Martha had a sword, which everyone though suited her somewhat, Owen was also wielding a gun and Willow was carrying a crossbow, something both she and Tosh knew she didn’t really need.
“I’m still not happy about us not letting Jack know about this, especially as we can’t get in contact with Spike,” Owen griped as they approached the house that had called the police (none of them were really sure how they had managed that, what with all the phones being down).
“We can’t disturb them,” Martha said, “and Buffy knows more about demons than us, anyway, it makes sense for her to lead the group.”
The strange group made their way to the front door of the house and rang the bell. The door opened to reveal a young woman with a toddler on her hip. She saw the weapons and said, “You’re here for that ... creature? It went that way.” She pointed up the street.
“Thank you,” Tosh and Buffy said at the same time, turning and following the group up the street. Indeed, it was up there, a dead dog hanging from its jaw.
“Oh my god!” Willow cried. “Poor puppy!” Buffy pointed just down the street and Willow let out a whining sound. “Poor man!”
The demon was slightly bigger than the houses, its paws bigger than the cars. “How do we deal with this?” Owen demanded.
“I don't really know,” Buffy said, gazing up at it. “We’ve only ever tackles small demons or used explosives.” She threw her axe at the creature, watching as it bounced harmlessly off its skin and clattered to the floor.
“Fuck,” Owen said.
“I managed to stop over six apocalypses without even one swearword, Owen; I’d appreciate it if you’d do the same.”
“What, is your world completely bereft of anything fun?” Owen demanded.
“I have you know we have a lot of ... fun ... things in my world!” Buffy retorted, turning on Owen.
“Is that why you never smile?!” he snapped.
“Uh ... guys?”
“I don't smile because I don't ... don't want to, alright?”
“That, to me, suggests you don't have anything to smile at!”
“Guys?”
“I have a lot to smile at!”
“Does your world ever sleep? Or shag? Because those are fun, just like swearing, and you lot don't seem to do any of that ... well ... except Faith.”
“Faith? Shagging Faith is like shagging a public toilet, Owen!”
“Guys....?”
“And you would know that how?”
“Because ... because I know Faith!”
“You know her, eh? You never seem to talk to her.”
“Guys!”
Buffy and Owen turned to look at Martha, Tosh and Willow, all of whom had shouted. “What?” they both snapped, in sync. The three less volatile members of the group pointed past Buffy and Owen’s heads at the demon, who was watching them, closely.
“I have a suggestion,” Buffy said.
“Uh huh?” Owen replied.
“Run.”
15:34
Ianto awoke with the nagging feeling that he should remember why, exactly, he was asleep on Jack (fully clothed no less) in the middle of the afternoon. Then he remembered and gazed up at Jack, sadly, wishing the older man had told him about what had happened sooner. “Jack,” he said, softly, watching with a smile as Jack’s eyes fluttered open and he glanced down at Ianto, mumbling something. “We should get up.”
Jack sat up and looked at the clock. “Half past three?” he muttered. “I wonder if anyone missed us.”
When they got back up to the hub, they found Spike sat on the sofa, drinking blood from a mug and watching the computer screens, idly. “Where is everyone?” Jack asked.
“Went out on some demon chase,” Spike said, disgruntled. “I would have gone too if it wasn’t for the obvious.” Ianto and Jack looked at him blankly. “I’d turn to dust in the sunlight,” Spike pointed out. Jack and Ianto nodded their understanding.
“Where did they go?” Jack asked.
Spike shrugged. “I was in contact with them. That Japanese girl of yours showed me how ... but when they got here” - he stood up and pointed at the map - “all communication cut off.”
Ianto moved across to the computer and started working on the communication systems. “There seems to be a large area of radiation around the area,” he said. “It’s stopping our headsets and mobiles from working. I doubt any televisions or radios are working either, they’re probably all emitting a constant screeching noise.”
“What kind of radiation does that?” Jack asked, looking over Ianto’s shoulder.
“None from this world,” Ianto replied. “It seems to be supernatural in origin.”
“How long will it take to dissipate?” the older man enquired.
“Days, maybe even weeks.” Ianto pulled up a new page. “This is where they were before the communication channels cut out” - he pointed at the map - “they were heading this way” - he pointed again - “so we’re assuming, as it’s been about three-quarters of an hour, they’ll be here” - he pointed a third time - “or here” - one more time he pointed - “that is, of course, as long as nothing happened to disrupt their course.”
Jack muttered something under his breath before speaking up and saying to Spike, “Next time, you let me know before they go out or when communication cuts out or anything like that. Last time I checked, I was the leader of Torchwood.”
Spike shrugged, picking god-knows-what out of his teeth from the blood.
“Any suggestions on a course of action?” Jack asked.
Ianto sighed and looked at the screen. “We could go after them ... but we’ll lose communication when we get within the area, too,” he said, “and I wouldn’t recommend that. On the other hand, if they’re still not back in an hour I would suggest going after them.”
“They’ll be fine,” Xander said, appearing out of nowhere with Anya by his side. He looked just as hung-over as everyone else, if not more. “Buffy knows what she’s doing.”
“But, ah, she doesn’t,” Anya pointed out. “She doesn’t have any information on demons in this realm and, and well, it’s not like the world without shrimp ... this world is completely different ... she could be up against demons from billions of years ago.” She pointed at Myfanwy circling overhead. “He proves my point.”
“She,” Ianto said.
“Fine, she,” Anya replied, a little annoyed. “Really, though, they could be up against anything. We could have demons coming from hell itself.”
“She’s right,” Jack said. “We don't know what kind of things the rift will throw up.” He turned to Anya. “What do you know about demons?”
“Um, quite a bit, having been one myself for a few thousand years,” she said, awkwardly.
“Right,” Jack replied. “Let’s see if we can find the report about the demon.”
15:42
“FUCK!”
“I thought you managed to survive six apocalypses without swearing, Summers?” Owen said, his usual snarky self.
“Those didn’t include being picked up in the jaws of a demon and having a, quite probably poisoned, fang through my leg!” Buffy snarled.
“She has a point,” Willow said, from Buffy’s side.
The five of them were in the sewers, the water a murky red from the blood flowing from Buffy’s leg wound. They had deduced that they needed to get somewhere safe after they had failed to harm the demon in any way (not even Martha’s sword made of alien metal had worked); getting harmed themselves in the process. Owen had a twisted ankle, Willow was sporting a nasty gash to the stomach, Martha’s head was bleeding from when she had fallen, hitting her head on the kerb and Tosh was trying to get her scanner to work with a sprained wrist and a broken finger.
“This didn’t work out very well,” Owen said, limping across to Martha to check on her head.
“Gee, how did you guess?” Buffy snapped, through gritted teeth. “Was it the head wound or the poison that gave it away?”
“It was your idea to throw your axe at that thing,” Owen growled, looking away from Martha, who yelped when he poked her wound by accident. “Sorry,” he said to her, sheepishly. She batted away his hands, sitting up a bit straighter against the wall. They were all sat in the filth of the sewers, but most of them were past caring as they had landed with a splash when they had jumped down the manhole in the first place.
After Buffy had announced that they should run, the team had run three streets before realising they were nowhere near as fast as the advancing demon. They had turned and attacked, firing guns and crossbows, hacking with swords and axes and doing no damage whatsoever. They’d tried to run again, struggling this time because of their wounds, but they realised that, no matter where they ran, the demon could follow, so they had jumped down the manhole, the one place its bulk would be a hindrance to it.
Buffy wiped some muck from her cheek, wincing when she found a large cut there. “This is disgusting,” she muttered. Everyone agreed, silently.
“Any luck contacting Spike?” Willow asked.
“No, because this idiot threw his earpiece in the water!” Buffy snapped, jerking a thumb at Owen.
“I wasn’t the only one,” Owen retorted, pointing at Tosh and Martha. “They both threw theirs down as well when they started screeching.”
“Yeah, but you’re more fun to yell at,” Buffy growled, the pain in her leg making her irritable.
“We shouldn’t be yelling at each other,” Willow said. “We should be working together to get out of the sewers and back to the hub.”
“I can’t even stand anymore, Will, let alone escape the sewers,” Buffy said. “Martha’s in no condition to move, she can hardly stay conscious and Owen can’t walk so well, himself.”
“Stay with me, Martha,” Owen said, slapping her cheeks gently to keep her conscious. “She’s right,” he admitted, much to his chagrin, “has anyone here got a mobile?”
Tosh pulled her phone out and dialled Jack, tossing the phone at Owen. He caught it and held it to his ear as it dialled, as soon as it made a connection it squealed shrilly and made him yelp, tossing the phone across the sewer where it clattered against the wall and fell to the floor, still emitting the high pitched noise.
“You scream like a girl,” Buffy informed him. “Even my sister doesn’t scream like that.”
16:42
Xander was not a happy bunny. He was walking the streets with Faith, Anya and Ianto, searching for the demon and hoping that the demon would lead them to their missing colleagues. The problem was that Xander had commented on his ‘none happy bunny-ness’ to Anya about having to stick near Faith and she was both annoyed for the reminder that he had once slept with Faith and that he had used the forbidden ‘B’ word.
Bunny.
As such, she was walking with Ianto and he was stuck with Faith, who was making random comments about things he did not want to know about.
“I love this world,” she was saying. “They’re all so violent here and the sex ... the sex is very, very good. It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people. This is my kind of world.”
Xander rolled his eyes and silently prayed for a vampire to jump out and kill him before she could go into details. Nearby he could hear Anya rattling on to Ianto about her vengeance days and could almost guarantee he was thinking the same thing.
“The radiation starts up ahead,” Ianto said, slipping the technology he was using into his pocket. “The demon should be around here ... somewhere.”
“And what do we do when we find this demon?” Xander demanded. “Run screaming?”
“We kick ass!” Faith exclaimed.
“What a wonderful plan,” Xander said, sarcastically. “Probably the same one as Buffy and the others had and, last time I looked, they haven’t checked in since ... and there was a lot more of them ... and they had weapons.”
“You have a weapon,” Faith said. “You can use your wit against the demon!”
Xander glowered darkly at her. “Why did I have to come along on this suicide mission?” he demanded of Ianto. “There are a lot of places I’d rather be.”
“We’d all rather be somewhere else,” Ianto pointed out, thinking about how he’d much rather be trying to offer Jack some comfort.
“I’d rather be in a sewer!” Xander said, irritably. “Anything is better than here.”
~Necks Chapter~