Let me guess. I need to hear that rant most of all because sacrificing your immediate wants for the well being of your children is WRONG and HARMFUL and if I don't "grow a backbone" my one opportunity to be me will slip away forever, right?
*sigh*
All kinds of people inhabit this world. Some women really do find meaning and fulfillment in being a mother. That's not wrong. It's not the only way, but I see no reason why it should be frowned upon, either. Kids don't stay young forever. For most mothers, there's a time in their lives to sacrifice everything for their kids, and there's a time to step out and do their own thing.
I'm not any less me just because I put my kids first right now. Nor do I "need to hear" some angry woman spouting hate just because someone made different choices than she did. Respect. Tolerance. Understanding. The world could use a lot more of those and a lot less self-righteous venting.
The original story is filled with regret. Where you hear a woman who has decided to put her kids first, Rachel (and I) hear a woman who regrets her choice but doesn't believe she's allowed to have another option, and consequently is screaming as loudly as she can that "No, no, this is really what I want, really it is, I MEAN IT!!"
If one is a good mother, devoting a lot of time and energy to doing a very difficult job, where is the wrong in wanting some appreciation for it?
There's a big difference between saying "I devote my attention to my kids because that makes me happy and fulfilled" and "I devote my attention to my kids because if I don't, I am selfish." The Invisible Woman's story is one of the latter sort, not the former.
That's your interpretation. I didn't get that from her story in any way shape or form. I saw a woman struggling with the challenges of her choice and being comforted by the idea that the sacrifices she's making now will one day reap rewards, even if they're not published in a newspaper or awarded a Nobel prize. I certainly didn't find happiness and joy staying up late working on my honors thesis in college, but I was damn proud and happy when it was done and I got the line on my diploma. According to your theory, the fact that I struggled while I was doing it and sometimes just wanted to throw the damn thing across the room and give up meant that it wasn't really what I wanted to do. That's bunk.
Nor did she say that no one should appreciate her work, only that she shouldn't do it for the accolades.
Nor did she say that no one should appreciate her work, only that she shouldn't do it for the accolades.
-->Yeah, except that very fact that she wrote the thing gives the lie to that. If she really doesn't care that her family doesn't appreciate her, she'd keep her fingers off the keyboard. cShe clearly wants attention for all the sacrifices. But instead of saying, "I do all this stuff, and I'm happy that my family appreciates it, because then I know they have comfort and understand the value of another person's labor," she plays the Mary Martyr card. "No, I don't need to be recognized for all my work...I can be invisible...My satisfaction is that God knows I've done a good job."
BULL and SHIT. No one actually feels that way. Even Gandhi and Mother Theresa didn't feel that way, as their own writings attest
( ... )
In the early toddler period of my second child I found a book "The Sacrificial Mother" The books main (and only) point was that it is easy to fall into the trap of putting one's needs last when there can be so many demands (this seemed especially true when responding to the urgent - and loud - needs of infants who became toddlers who became preschoolers, etc.), but to take time for yourself and find ways to identify yourself other than "mother". I *like* working and taking time for myself, I can also be a caring and supportive parent. Just like Dad.
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*sigh*
All kinds of people inhabit this world. Some women really do find meaning and fulfillment in being a mother. That's not wrong. It's not the only way, but I see no reason why it should be frowned upon, either. Kids don't stay young forever. For most mothers, there's a time in their lives to sacrifice everything for their kids, and there's a time to step out and do their own thing.
I'm not any less me just because I put my kids first right now. Nor do I "need to hear" some angry woman spouting hate just because someone made different choices than she did. Respect. Tolerance. Understanding. The world could use a lot more of those and a lot less self-righteous venting.
Reply
If one is a good mother, devoting a lot of time and energy to doing a very difficult job, where is the wrong in wanting some appreciation for it?
There's a big difference between saying "I devote my attention to my kids because that makes me happy and fulfilled" and "I devote my attention to my kids because if I don't, I am selfish." The Invisible Woman's story is one of the latter sort, not the former.
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Nor did she say that no one should appreciate her work, only that she shouldn't do it for the accolades.
*shrug* I guess it depends how you read it.
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-->Yeah, except that very fact that she wrote the thing gives the lie to that. If she really doesn't care that her family doesn't appreciate her, she'd keep her fingers off the keyboard. cShe clearly wants attention for all the sacrifices. But instead of saying, "I do all this stuff, and I'm happy that my family appreciates it, because then I know they have comfort and understand the value of another person's labor," she plays the Mary Martyr card. "No, I don't need to be recognized for all my work...I can be invisible...My satisfaction is that God knows I've done a good job."
BULL and SHIT. No one actually feels that way. Even Gandhi and Mother Theresa didn't feel that way, as their own writings attest ( ... )
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trap of putting one's needs last when there can be so many demands (this seemed especially true when responding to the urgent - and loud - needs of infants who became toddlers who became preschoolers, etc.), but to take time for yourself and find ways to identify yourself other than "mother". I *like* working and taking time for myself, I can also be a caring and supportive parent. Just like Dad.
Reply
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