Teenage Fic! (Whoa, that was fast.)
Title: Speak No Feeling (Part 5)
Rating: PG-13 for dark themes and cursing, eventual NC-17
Summary: Bam ran away for two weeks, not leaving any word to anyone of his plans. Now that he's back, he and Ryan are forced to reevaluate what they mean to each other. Set during their high-school careers, but the timelines and details are probably a bit off. Deals with dark issues at parts.
Pairings: Eventual Bam/Ryan, implied Jess/Deron
Disclaimer: Bam and Ryan and others are real people who I have no ownership of. To my knowledge, this never happened. And I am most certainly not making any profit from it!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
They were back in the cars, driving home, slower, telling each other about the hilarity of Jason’s Woods even though they’d all just been there. Ryan sometimes wondered why they did that, but it was oddly enjoyable, recounting what had happened barely an hour ago.
“And then when the guy revved up the chainsaw and the girl tripped running out? Priceless,” Jess declared as they all shared a laugh at the memory. When it had happened, they could barely make themselves leave the haunted house, they were laughing so hard. They clung to banisters decorated with fake spiders and webs, howling in hysterics, completely ruining the scene of horror for everyone directly behind them.
“Dude, when Raab ran straight into that vampire chick’s titties?” Bam asked, laughing, not even bothering to complete his thought.
“That sound she made! What was it?” Ryan agreed, smiling, “Like ‘Aiiii!’ or somethin’.”
“More like ‘Aeeiyahh!’” Jess said, trying to mimic it properly. They all laughed again.
“Dico will be able to do it by the time we get back,” Bam said, still smiling. Ryan wondered if Bam ever said anything like that about him when he wasn’t around, like singing his praises or something, and then tried just as quickly to get himself to stop wondering anything of the sort. The hayride had totally sucked; he’d been thinking about Bam, worrying about Bam, even, oh god, sort of but not really that kind of thinking about Bam, and making jokes with the portion of his brain that hadn’t been hijacked by the young skater.
“He’s probably entertaining Rake and Deron with it right now,” Jess agreed, and Ryan saw him look into the rearview mirror. He wasn’t sure if Deron was right behind them or somewhere in front of them. It was dark and he was surprisingly tired, due mostly in part to their enthusiastic games while waiting in lines.
“Dude, my arms fucking kill,” he said, deciding to share his pain. He wasn’t surprised when Bam leaned over and hit him in the shoulder.
“That’s what you get for losing at hard-cord rock, paper, scissors, fuckass,” Bam told him, and Ryan could see the teasing glint in the other boy’s eyes.
“Seriously, how the fuck do you lose so much?” Jess asked, looking in the rearview mirror again. They weren’t really concerned with safe driving, anyway.
“I don’t know,” Ryan whined, “but it fucking blows.” He looked away, back towards the window, and stared at his reflection for a moment. There were occasions, like now, where he was genuinely startled by what he saw. A Ryan that was happy, with friends who were a different kind of ‘hardcore’, and who took care of himself (for the most part). Still, looking at his own gaze in the reflection, he sometimes missed the openness of Ohio. Friends who said whatever they were thinking, and not just for the shock value. He couldn’t do that here.
“Dude, is Chris out?” Bam asked, who looked suddenly alert and mischievous. Ryan couldn’t tell from where he was sitting, as he could only see the back of Raab’s head.
“I think so,” Jess said, looking over at the other boy. He took one hand off the steering wheel and slowly waved it in front of Raab’s eyes. Ryan didn’t see any sudden telltale jerks or movements that would mean he’d woken up.
“Yep. Out cold,” Jess affirmed, voice suddenly lowering, but Ryan knew it wasn’t out of respect. They were obligated to do something to him while he was sleeping. It would be weird not to. Ryan looked over at Bam, and watched as he pulled the cap of a sharpie off with his teeth.
“Where do you keep that?” He asked, amused.
“In my pocket,” Bam replied, spitting the cap out on the car’s floor. He moved forward, kneeling between the two front seats, and gently curling around to draw on his friend’s face. Ryan shimmied to the left a bit and leaned forward, watched the masterpiece being drawn. A crude penis on both cheeks, one leading towards his lips, and then ‘FUCKTARD’ written squiggly and backwards on his forehead.
“Not very creative,” Jess criticized, looking over from the steering wheel. Ryan made a small noise of agreement.
“I’m too tired to be creative,” Bam said, shrugging a shoulder and moving back into place. Ryan felt Bam’s shirt-his shirt-brush across his arm, could feel Bam’s body heat breathe across his chest, but then they were both back in their seats, far enough apart that the only thing Ryan could feel was the shitty car’s heater.
“You think he’ll notice before school tomorrow?” Ryan asked, not actually thinking about Raab’s new facial art in the least.
“God, I hope not,” Bam replied forcefully, holding back laughter.
“He might not, since we’re getting home all late. He’ll probably just go to bed and get up in time for second period,” Jess guessed.
“But if he goes to take a piss,” Ryan said, trailing off because he knew they’d figure it out without him saying all of it.
“Then I hope he’s got a strong bladder,” Bam said, them, “God, Phil’s gonna kill me isn’t he?” Ryan marveled at the lack of transition between the two thoughts and knew it must’ve been eating at Bam for a while.
“Nah. Not until tomorrow anyway,” Jess told him, and Ryan could barely register the way Jess’ voice had changed, but he knew it had. It was the whole brother thing.
“Good,” Bam said, stretching his legs out in front of him. Ryan wanted to say something funny and reassuring, but his mind didn’t work as fast as Dico’s, so he just sat there, watching Bam.
“It’s not like you ever really get in trouble, anyway,” Jess added, not looking into the rearview mirror. Ryan could understand why; it was one thing to be serious in this group, it was another to be serious and keep eye contact the whole time.
“Yeah, I know,” Bam said with a soft laugh. Ryan caught sight of Bam’s eyes shining, and he quickly turned to look out his own window, terrified maybe he’d seen Bam about to cry in the back of a car three other guys were in. He didn’t know what that meant, especially considering how very normal he’d been that day, at Jason’s Woods. They lapsed into silence, an awkward one, where each of them felt like they should say something, but weren’t sure how. Or, in Ryan’s case, too afraid to.
“Dude, don’t you have one of Deron’s mixtapes or something? The radio is all gay talking shit at night,” Bam finally said, his words slashing through the quiet.
“Check in the glove compartment,” Jess answered, then glanced over at Raab. “Wait, hang on…” Ryan watched as Jess kept one hand loosely on the wheel, leaning over to rummage around the glove compartment with the rest of his body.
“Yep!” Jess cried, coming up triumphant with a mixtape which Ryan suspected was 99% heavy metal. Raab finally stirred, mumbling and then yawning, stretching his arms out above his head.
“What’s up?” He asked sleepily. His answer came in the form of recorded electric guitar chords at full volume. Ryan couldn’t help but laugh as Raab visibly winced at the dramatic change of noise levels. The heavy metal seemed to dissipate whatever mood had been settling in around them, and frankly, Ryan was glad. Deep thoughts and his friends didn’t mix well; he liked them because they distracted him from thinking too much.
“Jesus!” Raab exclaimed, turning the volume down frantically.
“We found one of Deron’s mix tapes,” Jess told him, and Chris nudged the volume back up again. They generally shared the same taste in music, although they all branched off somewhere. Ryan had his mellow rock stuff, what Bam would sometimes call ‘chick rock’. Bam had his obscure, foreign bands that he’d find in some cheap pile at the local record store. Ryan wasn’t actually sure what Brandon listened to, or if he even listened to music at all. He could imagine him sitting on his bed, bored, making up freestyles instead of wasting money on a CD.
“We almost home?” Raab asked.
“About,” Jess said, gaze flickering to the mirror, towards his brother. Ryan knew they were both wondering what Bam’s reunion with his parents would be like.
“I’m so not waking up ‘til lunch,” Ryan heard Raab mutter, and he caught Bam’s gaze, then turned away, snickering. The image of a disheveled Raab coming into school, sharpie penis all over his face would be pretty damn priceless. He watched as the streets became more familiar, and soon they were back in West Chester, where they knew every curve of every road. It had only taken a year for Pennsylvania to feel like home, and Ohio like a beach condo you rented two weeks out of the year.
“See you tomorrow,” Jess said, and Ryan looked up as cold air rushed into the car. Raab had gotten out and was holding the edge of the car door in one hand.
“See ya,” he said, waving lethargically at each of them. Jess suddenly gunned the car forward and Ryan turned around, grinned at the shocked expression on a sleepy Raab’s face. He waved a final good-bye, and then they were around the corner, pausing long enough for Jess to shut the side door properly.
It only took five more minutes for them to get back to his house. Ryan regarded the black windows with a degree of, well, he didn’t know what. There wasn’t anyone up, he knew, and it almost hurt. But they got so many ‘Ryan missed school today…’ calls and he came back late so many times that he could understand, yeah, his parents couldn’t always stay up. Hell, he didn’t want them to. It was just that recently, he was forgetting what they looked like.
“Thanks,” Ryan heard Bam say, and he turned around, looked at him. He glanced up at Jess, who was staring at the mailbox as if the conversation was none of his business. Or, perhaps he just really liked their mailbox.
“Yeah. You’re cool, right?” Ryan asked, shifting his body more towards Bam, away from the car door. He watched as Bam nodded and smiled, but he wouldn’t have responded any other way with his brother so close. Ryan tried really looking again, but ran into that bemused expression again, Bam taunting him with his eyes, saying ‘stop being so serious’ without opening his mouth. But at the same time, Ryan knew, was about as positive as he could be, that Bam couldn’t be fine. He just wasn’t sure how to make him admit that.
“See you tomorrow, then. Good luck,” Ryan told him, opening the door and sliding out of the car. He took a deep breath, shut the door, and watched as it came out in a shaky cloud of vapor in the cold night. Jess’ car drove slowly around the corner, and Ryan wondered if maybe Bam had wanted him to be there when he officially returned home.
Author's Notes: It's a total fluke I got this done so quickly after the last part. I have lots of extra time this week, followed by very little next week (when I'm seeing HIM in Philly! :D). I also wanted to ask if anyone wants to beta this from here on out...the Word document I'm doing it on has a broken spellcheck and I keep missing stuff. So, yeah, that'd be rad.
Oh, and, because I'm a silly self-promoting whore, my friend says I should show you guys some of our show. Which is just us being silly and taping it. Sound familiar? Haha. Anyway, if you're terribly terribly bored, you could download one of these two things and watch it and make fun of us.
Most Fucked Up Super Hero Ever Skit
Music Video to Panic! At The Disco
Rating: PG-13 for dark themes and cursing, eventual NC-17
Summary: Bam ran away for two weeks, not leaving any word to anyone of his plans. Now that he's back, he and Ryan are forced to reevaluate what they mean to each other. Set during their high-school careers, but the timelines and details are probably a bit off. Deals with dark issues at parts.
Pairings: Eventual Bam/Ryan, implied Jess/Deron
Disclaimer: Bam and Ryan and others are real people who I have no ownership of. To my knowledge, this never happened. And I am most certainly not making any profit from it!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
They were back in the cars, driving home, slower, telling each other about the hilarity of Jason’s Woods even though they’d all just been there. Ryan sometimes wondered why they did that, but it was oddly enjoyable, recounting what had happened barely an hour ago.
“And then when the guy revved up the chainsaw and the girl tripped running out? Priceless,” Jess declared as they all shared a laugh at the memory. When it had happened, they could barely make themselves leave the haunted house, they were laughing so hard. They clung to banisters decorated with fake spiders and webs, howling in hysterics, completely ruining the scene of horror for everyone directly behind them.
“Dude, when Raab ran straight into that vampire chick’s titties?” Bam asked, laughing, not even bothering to complete his thought.
“That sound she made! What was it?” Ryan agreed, smiling, “Like ‘Aiiii!’ or somethin’.”
“More like ‘Aeeiyahh!’” Jess said, trying to mimic it properly. They all laughed again.
“Dico will be able to do it by the time we get back,” Bam said, still smiling. Ryan wondered if Bam ever said anything like that about him when he wasn’t around, like singing his praises or something, and then tried just as quickly to get himself to stop wondering anything of the sort. The hayride had totally sucked; he’d been thinking about Bam, worrying about Bam, even, oh god, sort of but not really that kind of thinking about Bam, and making jokes with the portion of his brain that hadn’t been hijacked by the young skater.
“He’s probably entertaining Rake and Deron with it right now,” Jess agreed, and Ryan saw him look into the rearview mirror. He wasn’t sure if Deron was right behind them or somewhere in front of them. It was dark and he was surprisingly tired, due mostly in part to their enthusiastic games while waiting in lines.
“Dude, my arms fucking kill,” he said, deciding to share his pain. He wasn’t surprised when Bam leaned over and hit him in the shoulder.
“That’s what you get for losing at hard-cord rock, paper, scissors, fuckass,” Bam told him, and Ryan could see the teasing glint in the other boy’s eyes.
“Seriously, how the fuck do you lose so much?” Jess asked, looking in the rearview mirror again. They weren’t really concerned with safe driving, anyway.
“I don’t know,” Ryan whined, “but it fucking blows.” He looked away, back towards the window, and stared at his reflection for a moment. There were occasions, like now, where he was genuinely startled by what he saw. A Ryan that was happy, with friends who were a different kind of ‘hardcore’, and who took care of himself (for the most part). Still, looking at his own gaze in the reflection, he sometimes missed the openness of Ohio. Friends who said whatever they were thinking, and not just for the shock value. He couldn’t do that here.
“Dude, is Chris out?” Bam asked, who looked suddenly alert and mischievous. Ryan couldn’t tell from where he was sitting, as he could only see the back of Raab’s head.
“I think so,” Jess said, looking over at the other boy. He took one hand off the steering wheel and slowly waved it in front of Raab’s eyes. Ryan didn’t see any sudden telltale jerks or movements that would mean he’d woken up.
“Yep. Out cold,” Jess affirmed, voice suddenly lowering, but Ryan knew it wasn’t out of respect. They were obligated to do something to him while he was sleeping. It would be weird not to. Ryan looked over at Bam, and watched as he pulled the cap of a sharpie off with his teeth.
“Where do you keep that?” He asked, amused.
“In my pocket,” Bam replied, spitting the cap out on the car’s floor. He moved forward, kneeling between the two front seats, and gently curling around to draw on his friend’s face. Ryan shimmied to the left a bit and leaned forward, watched the masterpiece being drawn. A crude penis on both cheeks, one leading towards his lips, and then ‘FUCKTARD’ written squiggly and backwards on his forehead.
“Not very creative,” Jess criticized, looking over from the steering wheel. Ryan made a small noise of agreement.
“I’m too tired to be creative,” Bam said, shrugging a shoulder and moving back into place. Ryan felt Bam’s shirt-his shirt-brush across his arm, could feel Bam’s body heat breathe across his chest, but then they were both back in their seats, far enough apart that the only thing Ryan could feel was the shitty car’s heater.
“You think he’ll notice before school tomorrow?” Ryan asked, not actually thinking about Raab’s new facial art in the least.
“God, I hope not,” Bam replied forcefully, holding back laughter.
“He might not, since we’re getting home all late. He’ll probably just go to bed and get up in time for second period,” Jess guessed.
“But if he goes to take a piss,” Ryan said, trailing off because he knew they’d figure it out without him saying all of it.
“Then I hope he’s got a strong bladder,” Bam said, them, “God, Phil’s gonna kill me isn’t he?” Ryan marveled at the lack of transition between the two thoughts and knew it must’ve been eating at Bam for a while.
“Nah. Not until tomorrow anyway,” Jess told him, and Ryan could barely register the way Jess’ voice had changed, but he knew it had. It was the whole brother thing.
“Good,” Bam said, stretching his legs out in front of him. Ryan wanted to say something funny and reassuring, but his mind didn’t work as fast as Dico’s, so he just sat there, watching Bam.
“It’s not like you ever really get in trouble, anyway,” Jess added, not looking into the rearview mirror. Ryan could understand why; it was one thing to be serious in this group, it was another to be serious and keep eye contact the whole time.
“Yeah, I know,” Bam said with a soft laugh. Ryan caught sight of Bam’s eyes shining, and he quickly turned to look out his own window, terrified maybe he’d seen Bam about to cry in the back of a car three other guys were in. He didn’t know what that meant, especially considering how very normal he’d been that day, at Jason’s Woods. They lapsed into silence, an awkward one, where each of them felt like they should say something, but weren’t sure how. Or, in Ryan’s case, too afraid to.
“Dude, don’t you have one of Deron’s mixtapes or something? The radio is all gay talking shit at night,” Bam finally said, his words slashing through the quiet.
“Check in the glove compartment,” Jess answered, then glanced over at Raab. “Wait, hang on…” Ryan watched as Jess kept one hand loosely on the wheel, leaning over to rummage around the glove compartment with the rest of his body.
“Yep!” Jess cried, coming up triumphant with a mixtape which Ryan suspected was 99% heavy metal. Raab finally stirred, mumbling and then yawning, stretching his arms out above his head.
“What’s up?” He asked sleepily. His answer came in the form of recorded electric guitar chords at full volume. Ryan couldn’t help but laugh as Raab visibly winced at the dramatic change of noise levels. The heavy metal seemed to dissipate whatever mood had been settling in around them, and frankly, Ryan was glad. Deep thoughts and his friends didn’t mix well; he liked them because they distracted him from thinking too much.
“Jesus!” Raab exclaimed, turning the volume down frantically.
“We found one of Deron’s mix tapes,” Jess told him, and Chris nudged the volume back up again. They generally shared the same taste in music, although they all branched off somewhere. Ryan had his mellow rock stuff, what Bam would sometimes call ‘chick rock’. Bam had his obscure, foreign bands that he’d find in some cheap pile at the local record store. Ryan wasn’t actually sure what Brandon listened to, or if he even listened to music at all. He could imagine him sitting on his bed, bored, making up freestyles instead of wasting money on a CD.
“We almost home?” Raab asked.
“About,” Jess said, gaze flickering to the mirror, towards his brother. Ryan knew they were both wondering what Bam’s reunion with his parents would be like.
“I’m so not waking up ‘til lunch,” Ryan heard Raab mutter, and he caught Bam’s gaze, then turned away, snickering. The image of a disheveled Raab coming into school, sharpie penis all over his face would be pretty damn priceless. He watched as the streets became more familiar, and soon they were back in West Chester, where they knew every curve of every road. It had only taken a year for Pennsylvania to feel like home, and Ohio like a beach condo you rented two weeks out of the year.
“See you tomorrow,” Jess said, and Ryan looked up as cold air rushed into the car. Raab had gotten out and was holding the edge of the car door in one hand.
“See ya,” he said, waving lethargically at each of them. Jess suddenly gunned the car forward and Ryan turned around, grinned at the shocked expression on a sleepy Raab’s face. He waved a final good-bye, and then they were around the corner, pausing long enough for Jess to shut the side door properly.
It only took five more minutes for them to get back to his house. Ryan regarded the black windows with a degree of, well, he didn’t know what. There wasn’t anyone up, he knew, and it almost hurt. But they got so many ‘Ryan missed school today…’ calls and he came back late so many times that he could understand, yeah, his parents couldn’t always stay up. Hell, he didn’t want them to. It was just that recently, he was forgetting what they looked like.
“Thanks,” Ryan heard Bam say, and he turned around, looked at him. He glanced up at Jess, who was staring at the mailbox as if the conversation was none of his business. Or, perhaps he just really liked their mailbox.
“Yeah. You’re cool, right?” Ryan asked, shifting his body more towards Bam, away from the car door. He watched as Bam nodded and smiled, but he wouldn’t have responded any other way with his brother so close. Ryan tried really looking again, but ran into that bemused expression again, Bam taunting him with his eyes, saying ‘stop being so serious’ without opening his mouth. But at the same time, Ryan knew, was about as positive as he could be, that Bam couldn’t be fine. He just wasn’t sure how to make him admit that.
“See you tomorrow, then. Good luck,” Ryan told him, opening the door and sliding out of the car. He took a deep breath, shut the door, and watched as it came out in a shaky cloud of vapor in the cold night. Jess’ car drove slowly around the corner, and Ryan wondered if maybe Bam had wanted him to be there when he officially returned home.
Author's Notes: It's a total fluke I got this done so quickly after the last part. I have lots of extra time this week, followed by very little next week (when I'm seeing HIM in Philly! :D). I also wanted to ask if anyone wants to beta this from here on out...the Word document I'm doing it on has a broken spellcheck and I keep missing stuff. So, yeah, that'd be rad.
Oh, and, because I'm a silly self-promoting whore, my friend says I should show you guys some of our show. Which is just us being silly and taping it. Sound familiar? Haha. Anyway, if you're terribly terribly bored, you could download one of these two things and watch it and make fun of us.
Most Fucked Up Super Hero Ever Skit
Music Video to Panic! At The Disco