I keep hoping that your sister will think one of these days, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen. Given the house and the issues with it, also the mass exodus of people from the area, does she think the house is magically going to sell and she'll have money while you have lost everything? Shessh.
There is this, a couple of years ago there was talk about assisted living apartments. Is that still an option for you if she does push through and force you out of your home? The thought sucks, but it might be something to start looking into for yourself. Best I can remember, the option was pretty good on paper.
There's also this. An apartment would mean not being a slave to the fire all winter. I know you don't want to lose everything, and trust me, no one blames you for that one, but there's a small positive. :)
I don't know. There are places, but I doubt there'd be anything available in a familiar area. I don't want to lose the garden, and I'd need somewhere I can still keep my car, and frankly everything about it terrifies me so much I can barely think. I have very little money of my own, and those places cost, probably more than my share of the house would bring in. Plus, I can't live anywhere with gas power because I have no idea how to use it safely. I've never had to use gas for cooking or heating. Renting somewhere puts you at the mercy of your landlord too, there's no feeling of safety, you can get evicted any time for any reason. I'll have to talk to the charity that helps people facing the possibility of homelessness, see if there's anything they can do to help. I don't know why I keep expecting my sister to be understanding when she never has been. Mum would not be happy, I know that for sure.
moving into an unfamiliar area surrounded by strangers is terrifying in so many ways. I totally understand that one, having just done it a couple of years ago. That was leaving my family home and the town I was born in 3500 miles behind. I like Naples, but it's not home. I know exactly what you mean about the familiar surroundings, the people, the place.
I wish things had been hashed out when your mother was still alive, back before the stroke, so you wouldn't have to be going through this right now.
Talking to the charity is a good idea. I wish I could remember who it was you talked to about various options available to you. It was right before or right around the time your mum had the stroke. That's my memory being bad again.
It's the same charity, that's why I have their number to hand.
I wish we had too, but mum was fine until she wasn't, and besides, I expect she just assumed that my sister would take responsibility for making sure I was alright, the way older sisters are supposed to.
I kind of agree. Sometimes you just have to move on, as hard as it may seem. Sometimes, a bit down the line, you find that it actually was a really good thing for you. I speak from experience here. Nothing is forever, and moving on and starting anew can be a positive experience if you let yourself be open to it. Life is an adventure, so I've heard. I hope it works out without too much angst for you. May you have the strength you need to get through this.
Can't agree with you I'm afraid. This is every memory I have from my entire life, all my support system with the people who live nearby, and with my agoraphobia, panic attacks, OCD and other health issues, uprooting from my only place of safety would be cripplingly traumatic. I can barely even go out at the best of times, how am I supposed to find somewhere else to live, never mind pay for it until the sale of the house goes through? I have nowhere else I can go, I don't cope well with changes and I'm already dealing with the upheaval of my mother's death. Put me in an unfamiliar place and I'll probably never step outside again, because I can't deal with unfamiliar places and people. I'd be terrified of losing my way, and completely isolated. Just the thought of it scares me to death. I wouldn't be able to cope.
Then you need to find a way to convince your sister not to do this. Is there someone who could talk to her for you? Can you get a pro-bono lawyer to help you fight? In the US, lawyers (and therapists) are required by law to take a certain amount of pro-bono (unpaid) clients per year. Is there a mental health place nearby where you could get some help to fight your case? With issues such as yours, surely there is some way to use that to help.
It is so unfair that the sicker you are, the more you are required to fight for your needs. Everyone should have an advocate to fight for them, but I'm not sure anything like that exists. It seems that your sister does not really hear you, so maybe someone outside of the issue can talk to her instead. I will keep sending good thoughts, and wish you a good outcome.
There's a charity I can talk to, maybe they can come up with something if it comes to this. At the moment I don't know whether my sister will push for the house to be sold, but I will need to find someone to fight my corner in advance. I've got an appointment with my Doctor early next week, so I'll discuss it with him first. Leaving here would be like having my whole life taken away from me. I just don't trust my sister to take anything I say into account.
*huge hugs* this is so awful to hear! I'm sorry that it has clearly come to such a thing! Is she thinking really about doing that? Why would you have to move? I hope you dont because this is a very fragile time and I understand why you want to stay. My home is my safe place too and I wouldn't want to loose it again! I already lost my first on due to me moving down south but to do it again? No!
It would be hard on you if you had to move away! *hugs*
Right now I just don't know, she hasn't said anything to me except that we need to sit down and talk about what happens now. But if she wants her half of the house, I can't afford to buy her out. It's in our joint names now that mum is gone, so she could say she wants to sell it. I hope I'm worrying for nothing, but she sent my sort of boyfriend a text that has him wondering if that's what she intends to do. He showed it to me, so now I really don't know what will happen.
I really hope you're worrying over nothing! It's not hugely fair if she sells out your home! It may be nothing but sometimes when your left floundering in the middle you can't help but worry and in my eyes it's a big thing to worry about!
It's a huge worry, at a time when I really don't need it. I hope there isn't anything to worry about, but I know my sister so I need to prepare for the worst. I can't take for granted that she'll show me any kind of support.
My sister is the kind of person who hears what she wants to hear and takes what most people say as a personal attack on her. I'm going to look into whether there's anyone who can provide support in case I need it. I wish this wasn't something I had to worry about, especially so soon after losing mum. I should be able to trust my sister to think of what's best for me, but I can't
Thanks for your support. First I need to find out for sure what her intentions are, but yeah, insensitive is right. The fact that she's even got me wondering if I have any kind of security so soon after our mother's death is evidence of that.
I've got a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so I can talk to him, and there's a charity that helps prevent homelessness, I'm contacting them tomorrow to det up an appointment. There's little I can do at the weekend.
If the house was sold, we'd each get half the value, but then I'd lose my benefits and have to live entirely on my share of the proceeds from the sale. I have 12 years until I reach pension age and the money from the house would not last that long, it's not a good house so we wouldn't get all that much for it. Even if I gave up my car and economised on everything, it's unlikey I'd be able to make it stretch that long.
Comments 146
I keep hoping that your sister will think one of these days, but I don't know if that's ever going to happen. Given the house and the issues with it, also the mass exodus of people from the area, does she think the house is magically going to sell and she'll have money while you have lost everything? Shessh.
There is this, a couple of years ago there was talk about assisted living apartments. Is that still an option for you if she does push through and force you out of your home? The thought sucks, but it might be something to start looking into for yourself. Best I can remember, the option was pretty good on paper.
There's also this. An apartment would mean not being a slave to the fire all winter. I know you don't want to lose everything, and trust me, no one blames you for that one, but there's a small positive. :)
Message if you want to talk. *hugs*
Reply
Reply
I wish things had been hashed out when your mother was still alive, back before the stroke, so you wouldn't have to be going through this right now.
Talking to the charity is a good idea. I wish I could remember who it was you talked to about various options available to you. It was right before or right around the time your mum had the stroke. That's my memory being bad again.
Reply
I wish we had too, but mum was fine until she wasn't, and besides, I expect she just assumed that my sister would take responsibility for making sure I was alright, the way older sisters are supposed to.
Reply
Reply
Reply
It is so unfair that the sicker you are, the more you are required to fight for your needs. Everyone should have an advocate to fight for them, but I'm not sure anything like that exists. It seems that your sister does not really hear you, so maybe someone outside of the issue can talk to her instead. I will keep sending good thoughts, and wish you a good outcome.
Reply
Thank you.
Reply
It would be hard on you if you had to move away! *hugs*
Reply
Right now I just don't know, she hasn't said anything to me except that we need to sit down and talk about what happens now. But if she wants her half of the house, I can't afford to buy her out. It's in our joint names now that mum is gone, so she could say she wants to sell it. I hope I'm worrying for nothing, but she sent my sort of boyfriend a text that has him wondering if that's what she intends to do. He showed it to me, so now I really don't know what will happen.
Reply
Reply
Reply
I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
If the house was sold, we'd each get half the value, but then I'd lose my benefits and have to live entirely on my share of the proceeds from the sale. I have 12 years until I reach pension age and the money from the house would not last that long, it's not a good house so we wouldn't get all that much for it. Even if I gave up my car and economised on everything, it's unlikey I'd be able to make it stretch that long.
Reply
Leave a comment