Fic: Bunny Trouble - Follows ‘More Problems’
Title: Bunny Trouble - Follows ‘ More Problems’
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Tosh.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1053
Summary: There’s a population explosion deep in the Torchwood Hub. Ianto is not impressed.
Spoilers: None.
Written For: nagi_schwarz’s prompt ‘Any, any, baby bunnies’ at comment_fic.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters.
“Baby bunnies,” Ianto said with a long-suffering sigh. “This is NOT what I signed up for.”
“It was sort of inevitable though,” Tosh pointed out. “I mean, when we rounded them up they were certainly getting… busy.”
“Seventeen rabbits was bad enough, and we segregated them according to gender as soon as we got them back here, but now we have three litters of babies.” Ianto sighed again, running both hands through his hair. “The number of rabbits has practically doubled overnight! I know rabbits are legendary for being fast and prolific breeders, but I didn’t think they’d be this fast.” There was a note of barely repressed despair in his voice.
“If it’s any comfort, some of them were probably already pregnant when they arrived. I mean, they must have been if they’re already having babies.”
“Somehow I don’t find that comforting at all. It just means this is only the first wave. We’ve got a whole lot more to look forward to when the other females start producing offspring.” Slumping against the Perspex front of the cell housing the female rabbits, Ianto gave his best friend a woeful look. “Seventeen rabbits to start with, and of those, only five were male. We could still have nine pregnant females.”
It might not have been quite so bad if Torchwood could have palmed the new arrivals off on someone else, preferably someone with more experience in breeding rabbits. But as with anything that came through the Rift, they were saturated with Rift energy, so here they had to stay until the levels were low enough to be undetectable. That meant approximately eight weeks, by which time the population explosion was going to be a lot worse.
“How many babies so far?” Ianto asked Tosh wearily. They hadn’t actually seen the babies, disturbing the mothers wouldn’t be a good idea at such an early stage, but their presence was easily detectable by other means.
Tosh tapped away at her laptop for a moment, accessing the sensors in the cells, and counting heat signatures in the nests the three nursing mothers had built deep in the abundant straw Ianto had provided as bedding.
“Five in the first two litters, six in the last one.”
“Sixteen new bunny lives.” Ianto shook his head. “And I thought finding homes for seventeen adult rabbits would be difficult enough. Now we potentially have thirty-three, and they’ve only been here a week. If all the other females are pregnant…” He trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment before coming to a decision. “We should probably move some of the females to other cells; it’s going to get a bit overcrowded in there before long.”
With Tosh’s help, Ianto moved eight of the females out of the original cell, splitting them between two other cells, furnished with straw and several cardboard boxes for nests. Less than a week later, two more rabbits had produced litters, and a week and a half after that another doe gave birth. By that point Ianto was looking distinctly frazzled.
“Thirty-four babies already, and we still have half the females to go. What are we going to do with them all?”
“Maybe not all of them are pregnant.” Tosh did her best to sound optimistic, but Ianto didn’t buy it; there was no way they’d be that lucky.
“Oh, they are, I guarantee it. Whoever was on the other end of the wormhole, shoving them through for us to deal with, really wanted rid of them. I’m beginning to understand how he felt. Being knee-deep in rabbits is no fun.”
“But the little ones are so cute!”
The first three litters now had fur and were hopping about the cell, learning how to be rabbits and nibbling on the food Ianto provided in ever-increasing quantities. At least now the first babies were mobile he’d been able to go in, suitable attired in overalls and wellies, and clear out the no longer occupied nests, making it a bit less pungent in that section of the cells.
“Cuteness will only get them so far,” Ianto intoned, scowling through the thick Perspex at sixteen small bundles of fluff scampering clumsily about under the watchful eyes of the four does, one of whom was looking increasingly rotund. “I heard Owen talking the other day about rabbit pie. Not sure whether he was serious or not, but he should probably be kept away from this level. What I do know is that this lot are already costing more to feed than the Weevils.”
“I was thinking I might have one, maybe two, when they’re old enough,” Tosh mused. “Rabbits are supposed to make good house pets if they’re trained soon enough. They can be housebroken just like cats, taught to use a litter box.”
“Rabbits like chewing on things; they’ll destroy your furniture,” Ianto warned. “And you’d have to get them fixed.” He pointed at the baby bunnies. “You’ve seen what can happen when two rabbits get frisky together.”
“It’s not their fault; they were just doing what comes naturally.”
Ianto watched the frolicking baby bunnies, an undecipherable expression on his face. “Just don’t let Jack see them. You know what he’s like with anything cute and fluffy, and a lot of things that are neither; he’ll want to keep them all, and I’ll be the one stuck with looking after them, as if I don’t already have enough to do.”
Tosh patted his arm sympathetically. “Don’t worry, I’ve made sure he can’t access the CCTV down here, and we’re the only ones with the door codes for this level.”
“Doesn’t his wrist strap have a universal override function?”
“Blocked.” Tosh smirked. “Only for this level, but with any luck, by the time he figures out how to work around the block, we’ll have the situation under control, and homes lined up for at least some of the babies.”
“I hope you’re right.” Ianto turned away from the bunnies. “A few more weeks and the first litters will be ready for rehoming. Which reminds me, I’d better send Anne the first batch of bunny mugshots; the Torchwood rabbit adoption agency will soon be open for business.”
Cute they might be, but Ianto wouldn’t breathe easily until the very last bunny was on the way to its forever home.
The End
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Tosh.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1053
Summary: There’s a population explosion deep in the Torchwood Hub. Ianto is not impressed.
Spoilers: None.
Written For: nagi_schwarz’s prompt ‘Any, any, baby bunnies’ at comment_fic.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters.
“Baby bunnies,” Ianto said with a long-suffering sigh. “This is NOT what I signed up for.”
“It was sort of inevitable though,” Tosh pointed out. “I mean, when we rounded them up they were certainly getting… busy.”
“Seventeen rabbits was bad enough, and we segregated them according to gender as soon as we got them back here, but now we have three litters of babies.” Ianto sighed again, running both hands through his hair. “The number of rabbits has practically doubled overnight! I know rabbits are legendary for being fast and prolific breeders, but I didn’t think they’d be this fast.” There was a note of barely repressed despair in his voice.
“If it’s any comfort, some of them were probably already pregnant when they arrived. I mean, they must have been if they’re already having babies.”
“Somehow I don’t find that comforting at all. It just means this is only the first wave. We’ve got a whole lot more to look forward to when the other females start producing offspring.” Slumping against the Perspex front of the cell housing the female rabbits, Ianto gave his best friend a woeful look. “Seventeen rabbits to start with, and of those, only five were male. We could still have nine pregnant females.”
It might not have been quite so bad if Torchwood could have palmed the new arrivals off on someone else, preferably someone with more experience in breeding rabbits. But as with anything that came through the Rift, they were saturated with Rift energy, so here they had to stay until the levels were low enough to be undetectable. That meant approximately eight weeks, by which time the population explosion was going to be a lot worse.
“How many babies so far?” Ianto asked Tosh wearily. They hadn’t actually seen the babies, disturbing the mothers wouldn’t be a good idea at such an early stage, but their presence was easily detectable by other means.
Tosh tapped away at her laptop for a moment, accessing the sensors in the cells, and counting heat signatures in the nests the three nursing mothers had built deep in the abundant straw Ianto had provided as bedding.
“Five in the first two litters, six in the last one.”
“Sixteen new bunny lives.” Ianto shook his head. “And I thought finding homes for seventeen adult rabbits would be difficult enough. Now we potentially have thirty-three, and they’ve only been here a week. If all the other females are pregnant…” He trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment before coming to a decision. “We should probably move some of the females to other cells; it’s going to get a bit overcrowded in there before long.”
With Tosh’s help, Ianto moved eight of the females out of the original cell, splitting them between two other cells, furnished with straw and several cardboard boxes for nests. Less than a week later, two more rabbits had produced litters, and a week and a half after that another doe gave birth. By that point Ianto was looking distinctly frazzled.
“Thirty-four babies already, and we still have half the females to go. What are we going to do with them all?”
“Maybe not all of them are pregnant.” Tosh did her best to sound optimistic, but Ianto didn’t buy it; there was no way they’d be that lucky.
“Oh, they are, I guarantee it. Whoever was on the other end of the wormhole, shoving them through for us to deal with, really wanted rid of them. I’m beginning to understand how he felt. Being knee-deep in rabbits is no fun.”
“But the little ones are so cute!”
The first three litters now had fur and were hopping about the cell, learning how to be rabbits and nibbling on the food Ianto provided in ever-increasing quantities. At least now the first babies were mobile he’d been able to go in, suitable attired in overalls and wellies, and clear out the no longer occupied nests, making it a bit less pungent in that section of the cells.
“Cuteness will only get them so far,” Ianto intoned, scowling through the thick Perspex at sixteen small bundles of fluff scampering clumsily about under the watchful eyes of the four does, one of whom was looking increasingly rotund. “I heard Owen talking the other day about rabbit pie. Not sure whether he was serious or not, but he should probably be kept away from this level. What I do know is that this lot are already costing more to feed than the Weevils.”
“I was thinking I might have one, maybe two, when they’re old enough,” Tosh mused. “Rabbits are supposed to make good house pets if they’re trained soon enough. They can be housebroken just like cats, taught to use a litter box.”
“Rabbits like chewing on things; they’ll destroy your furniture,” Ianto warned. “And you’d have to get them fixed.” He pointed at the baby bunnies. “You’ve seen what can happen when two rabbits get frisky together.”
“It’s not their fault; they were just doing what comes naturally.”
Ianto watched the frolicking baby bunnies, an undecipherable expression on his face. “Just don’t let Jack see them. You know what he’s like with anything cute and fluffy, and a lot of things that are neither; he’ll want to keep them all, and I’ll be the one stuck with looking after them, as if I don’t already have enough to do.”
Tosh patted his arm sympathetically. “Don’t worry, I’ve made sure he can’t access the CCTV down here, and we’re the only ones with the door codes for this level.”
“Doesn’t his wrist strap have a universal override function?”
“Blocked.” Tosh smirked. “Only for this level, but with any luck, by the time he figures out how to work around the block, we’ll have the situation under control, and homes lined up for at least some of the babies.”
“I hope you’re right.” Ianto turned away from the bunnies. “A few more weeks and the first litters will be ready for rehoming. Which reminds me, I’d better send Anne the first batch of bunny mugshots; the Torchwood rabbit adoption agency will soon be open for business.”
Cute they might be, but Ianto wouldn’t breathe easily until the very last bunny was on the way to its forever home.
The End