Fic: Impossible To Keep
Title: Impossible To Keep
Fandom: Torchwood
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Ianto’s mum, Lisa, Jack.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Cyberwoman.
Summary: He’d promised to save her, but some promises are impossible to keep.
Word Count: 1235
Written For: Prompt 181 - Broken Promise at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Ianto’s mum had told him when he was a boy. “And never make promises you don’t intend to keep.”
“I won’t, mum. I promise.”
“Do you? Because promises shouldn’t be made if you’re just going to break them. Promises aren’t just words, my boy, they’re bigger than that. It’s better to never promise anything at all than to break the promises you do make.” She talked to Ianto about commitments and honouring them, and how people would judge him not just by what he did but also by what he said. He didn’t understand all of it at the time because he was only seven, but it stayed with him, and he grew up with her words of wisdom imprinted on his memory.
Since then, he’d always done his best to only make promises he could keep, and to keep the promises he made, but they’d all been minor things. Promises to phone family and friends, promises to take care of himself, promises to keep secrets, or repay favours.
Until now.
“I’ll get you out of here, Lisa, I promise. It’s going to be alright. You’ll see.”
Foolish promises, made out of fear and desperation, but promises that he had every intention of keeping, because this was Lisa, the woman he loved with all his heart, and the thought of failing her when she needed him the most never crossed his mind.
He’d freed her from the cyber-conversion unit, being as gentle as he could but knowing he had to be causing her unimaginable pain, and he’d continued to reassure her, even after she passed out. He’d half-carried and half-dragged her to one of Torchwood’s nondescript vans, and following her gasped instructions, managed to rig up life-support in the back using parts of a conversion unit. Things had improved a little once the machinery was operational, helping her to breathe.
After that, he’d found ways around the roadblocks UNIT and the National Guard had put in place, drove out of London, and a few hours later they arrived in Cardiff.
“We’ll be safe here. I’ll get us into Torchwood Three, they’ll have all the resources I need to take care of you. This is just the first step, Lise. I’ll find someone who can remove the implants, and when you’re better, we’ll run away together, start over somewhere nobody knows us, that’s a promise. It’s just going to take a while. You trust me, don’t you?”
“Yes, Ianto, of course I do.” Lisa managed a wan smile. “You always keep your promises.”
“And this one won’t be any different. Rest now; you need to conserve your strength. I’ll take care of everything. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Getting a job at Torchwood’s Cardiff branch had proved harder than Ianto had been expecting. Captain Harkness hadn’t wanted anything to do with a Torchwood One survivor, certainly hadn’t wanted one on his team, and Ianto had eventually resorted to bribery in the form of a prehistoric creature.
It hadn’t been his finest moment; for a while, rolling around with the Captain on the filthy warehouse floor, he’d felt so exhilarated from the thrill of capturing a living Pteranodon that he’d almost forgotten why he was doing it. The guilt when he’d remembered had almost brought him to his knees, but his plan had worked, he’d gained access to the Hub, and that had been all that mattered.
Within days he had Lisa and her machinery installed in an unused room in the lower levels, where no one would stumble across her. Then it had simply been a matter of caring for her, protecting her from discovery, administering painkillers and sedatives in an effort to keep her as comfortable as possible while he did his job. Every minute he could spare he’d spent researching experts in cyber-technology.
Doctor Tanizaki’s arrival should have been the beginning of Lisa’s recovery, but instead everything had started to fall apart. The team had returned too soon, Lisa had gone berserk, trying and failing to convert Tanizaki, and then attacking Gwen before rampaging through Torchwood’s base. Ianto had tried to defend her, tried to reason with her, only to have her lash out at him, hurling him across the Hub. Jack had held him at gunpoint, threatened to kill him if he didn’t kill Lisa…
He shuddered. How had it all gone so wrong? All he’d been trying to do was keep a promise to his girlfriend, and now Lisa was dead along with two other people. He’d tried so hard, done all he could, but it hadn’t been enough.
Ianto sat dripping wet and shivering in the bathtub of the small flat he’d rented. He didn’t remember turning the shower off and sitting down. He knew he should move, but he couldn’t, he felt frozen in place. Lisa stood in the bathroom’s open doorway, staring at him; she looked so hurt, so disappointed in him.
“You gave your word.” Her lips didn’t move, but he heard the words anyway.
“I know. I’m so sorry, Lise. I tried my best; I did everything I could!”
“It wasn’t enough.” She stepped forward and the bathroom light flickered, glinting off the metal implants. “You promised you’d save me, but you didn’t, and now I’m dead. How could you do that to me, Ianto? I trusted you.”
“You only have yourself to blame, Ianto. I told you: Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” his mother’s voice reminded him. “No one will ever trust you again.”
“I’m sorry!” He wasn’t sure which of them he was apologising to.
Ianto jerked awake, sitting bolt upright, and realised he must have been dreaming. He was on the cramped single bed in his flat, the room in darkness except for a faint orange glow from the streetlamps outside, seeping through the threadbare curtains. There was a figure standing in the bedroom doorway, and for an instant he thought Lisa had somehow followed him out of his nightmares.
“There was nothing you could have done.” Seeing that Ianto was awake, Jack came into the room and walked towards the bed, looming over him. “The Lisa you knew was doomed the moment the cyber-conversion process began.”
“I failed her.” Ianto stared down at his hands, unable to look at the man he’d manipulated and lied to for the past seven months. “I promised I’d save her, that I’d do whatever it took, and I broke my promise.”
Jack sighed heavily. “You had good intentions, but that isn’t always enough. You promised the impossible, Ianto; you can’t blame yourself for not being able to deliver.”
“Can’t I?”
“It’ll eat you up inside if you try. Let it go. Grieve for what you’ve lost, but stop torturing yourself. You’re only human, you can’t work miracles. You tried your best; sometimes that has to be enough.”
Turning away, Jack left the room, and after a moment, Ianto heard the front door close, but for a long time he didn’t move, thinking about what the Captain had said. Maybe he’d been wrong to try, foolish to believe that Lisa could be saved, but he couldn’t have lived with himself if he hadn’t at least made the attempt. Now he’d have to learn to live with the bitter taste of failure, and the heavy burden of guilt over three lives ended too soon.
He didn’t know if he could.
The End
Fandom: Torchwood
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Ianto’s mum, Lisa, Jack.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Cyberwoman.
Summary: He’d promised to save her, but some promises are impossible to keep.
Word Count: 1235
Written For: Prompt 181 - Broken Promise at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Ianto’s mum had told him when he was a boy. “And never make promises you don’t intend to keep.”
“I won’t, mum. I promise.”
“Do you? Because promises shouldn’t be made if you’re just going to break them. Promises aren’t just words, my boy, they’re bigger than that. It’s better to never promise anything at all than to break the promises you do make.” She talked to Ianto about commitments and honouring them, and how people would judge him not just by what he did but also by what he said. He didn’t understand all of it at the time because he was only seven, but it stayed with him, and he grew up with her words of wisdom imprinted on his memory.
Since then, he’d always done his best to only make promises he could keep, and to keep the promises he made, but they’d all been minor things. Promises to phone family and friends, promises to take care of himself, promises to keep secrets, or repay favours.
Until now.
“I’ll get you out of here, Lisa, I promise. It’s going to be alright. You’ll see.”
Foolish promises, made out of fear and desperation, but promises that he had every intention of keeping, because this was Lisa, the woman he loved with all his heart, and the thought of failing her when she needed him the most never crossed his mind.
He’d freed her from the cyber-conversion unit, being as gentle as he could but knowing he had to be causing her unimaginable pain, and he’d continued to reassure her, even after she passed out. He’d half-carried and half-dragged her to one of Torchwood’s nondescript vans, and following her gasped instructions, managed to rig up life-support in the back using parts of a conversion unit. Things had improved a little once the machinery was operational, helping her to breathe.
After that, he’d found ways around the roadblocks UNIT and the National Guard had put in place, drove out of London, and a few hours later they arrived in Cardiff.
“We’ll be safe here. I’ll get us into Torchwood Three, they’ll have all the resources I need to take care of you. This is just the first step, Lise. I’ll find someone who can remove the implants, and when you’re better, we’ll run away together, start over somewhere nobody knows us, that’s a promise. It’s just going to take a while. You trust me, don’t you?”
“Yes, Ianto, of course I do.” Lisa managed a wan smile. “You always keep your promises.”
“And this one won’t be any different. Rest now; you need to conserve your strength. I’ll take care of everything. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Getting a job at Torchwood’s Cardiff branch had proved harder than Ianto had been expecting. Captain Harkness hadn’t wanted anything to do with a Torchwood One survivor, certainly hadn’t wanted one on his team, and Ianto had eventually resorted to bribery in the form of a prehistoric creature.
It hadn’t been his finest moment; for a while, rolling around with the Captain on the filthy warehouse floor, he’d felt so exhilarated from the thrill of capturing a living Pteranodon that he’d almost forgotten why he was doing it. The guilt when he’d remembered had almost brought him to his knees, but his plan had worked, he’d gained access to the Hub, and that had been all that mattered.
Within days he had Lisa and her machinery installed in an unused room in the lower levels, where no one would stumble across her. Then it had simply been a matter of caring for her, protecting her from discovery, administering painkillers and sedatives in an effort to keep her as comfortable as possible while he did his job. Every minute he could spare he’d spent researching experts in cyber-technology.
Doctor Tanizaki’s arrival should have been the beginning of Lisa’s recovery, but instead everything had started to fall apart. The team had returned too soon, Lisa had gone berserk, trying and failing to convert Tanizaki, and then attacking Gwen before rampaging through Torchwood’s base. Ianto had tried to defend her, tried to reason with her, only to have her lash out at him, hurling him across the Hub. Jack had held him at gunpoint, threatened to kill him if he didn’t kill Lisa…
He shuddered. How had it all gone so wrong? All he’d been trying to do was keep a promise to his girlfriend, and now Lisa was dead along with two other people. He’d tried so hard, done all he could, but it hadn’t been enough.
Ianto sat dripping wet and shivering in the bathtub of the small flat he’d rented. He didn’t remember turning the shower off and sitting down. He knew he should move, but he couldn’t, he felt frozen in place. Lisa stood in the bathroom’s open doorway, staring at him; she looked so hurt, so disappointed in him.
“You gave your word.” Her lips didn’t move, but he heard the words anyway.
“I know. I’m so sorry, Lise. I tried my best; I did everything I could!”
“It wasn’t enough.” She stepped forward and the bathroom light flickered, glinting off the metal implants. “You promised you’d save me, but you didn’t, and now I’m dead. How could you do that to me, Ianto? I trusted you.”
“You only have yourself to blame, Ianto. I told you: Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” his mother’s voice reminded him. “No one will ever trust you again.”
“I’m sorry!” He wasn’t sure which of them he was apologising to.
Ianto jerked awake, sitting bolt upright, and realised he must have been dreaming. He was on the cramped single bed in his flat, the room in darkness except for a faint orange glow from the streetlamps outside, seeping through the threadbare curtains. There was a figure standing in the bedroom doorway, and for an instant he thought Lisa had somehow followed him out of his nightmares.
“There was nothing you could have done.” Seeing that Ianto was awake, Jack came into the room and walked towards the bed, looming over him. “The Lisa you knew was doomed the moment the cyber-conversion process began.”
“I failed her.” Ianto stared down at his hands, unable to look at the man he’d manipulated and lied to for the past seven months. “I promised I’d save her, that I’d do whatever it took, and I broke my promise.”
Jack sighed heavily. “You had good intentions, but that isn’t always enough. You promised the impossible, Ianto; you can’t blame yourself for not being able to deliver.”
“Can’t I?”
“It’ll eat you up inside if you try. Let it go. Grieve for what you’ve lost, but stop torturing yourself. You’re only human, you can’t work miracles. You tried your best; sometimes that has to be enough.”
Turning away, Jack left the room, and after a moment, Ianto heard the front door close, but for a long time he didn’t move, thinking about what the Captain had said. Maybe he’d been wrong to try, foolish to believe that Lisa could be saved, but he couldn’t have lived with himself if he hadn’t at least made the attempt. Now he’d have to learn to live with the bitter taste of failure, and the heavy burden of guilt over three lives ended too soon.
He didn’t know if he could.
The End