FAKE Ficlet: Awakening
Title: Awakening
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ryo, Dee.
Rating: PG-13
Setting: Throughout the manga, up to and including Back Stage Pass 2.
Summary: Thanks to Dee, Ryo is finally starting to understand a few things about himself.
Word Count: 547
Written Using: The dw100 prompt ‘Fifth Doctor Titles: The Awakening’.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
That first night with Dee, when they’d shared a bed with Bikky sleeping between them, something long buried had begun to stir within Ryo, but he’d still ruthlessly pushed it back down, not ready to face up to the truth about himself, not sure he ever would be.
Some things, once disturbed, couldn’t be reburied, however. At unexpected moments over the next couple of years, Ryo had found himself thinking about things he would have been more comfortable ignoring, even forgetting about entirely: the warmth of Dee’s body, the taste of his lips, the way his heart pounded whenever Dee pounced. He wanted to dismiss that last as discomfort, even fear, but he knew that wasn’t it at all.
It was desire.
He’d managed perfectly well for the past dozen or so years to convince himself he was straight, or so he told himself, but now everything he’d worked so hard to lock away inside him was waking up and yearning to break free.
It was a slow awakening, embers of a fire igniting deep inside him, nurtured and fed against his will, growing stronger each time Dee kissed him, but still Ryo didn’t let it break free. He had to control it, afraid that if he didn’t it would consume him until there was nothing left, and his life was in ashes. Deep down though, he was aware he was fighting a losing battle.
Came a night when, following Diana’s advice, Ryo stopped pushing Dee away, said yes instead of no, and felt the fire inside him burn hotter than he’d ever believed possible, and yet even then, he knew he was still holding back, clinging to control by his fingernails, perhaps still believing that what was beginning to surface could yet be forced back into its prison, locked away once more, out of sight and out of mind.
Even after Ryo admitted to himself that he loved Dee, even after their second night together, when Dee held nothing back, Ryo remained unwilling, or perhaps unable, to completely let go. Everything was so new, and while he didn’t hate what he and Dee did together, he couldn’t feel entirely comfortable with it either.
Then, without realising what he’d done, he accidentally mixed cough medicine with alcohol, and in one intense evening, everything he’d been struggling to control broke free, all his inhibitions swept away on a tide of passion the likes of which he’d never experienced or even imagined. The fire blazed through his body, and yet it didn’t burn him. Instead, it made him feel more alive than he ever had, every sensation magnified, sparks sizzling along his nerves like electricity.
Finally he understood everything he’d been denying himself for so long by locking an important part of himself away. Desire wasn’t something that needed to be controlled, or rationed in carefully measured amounts, it was something to embrace with body and mind.
It was still a little scary, he knew it wasn’t something he could get used to overnight; he was too used to fighting against himself and still needed to make a conscious effort to let go, but he was getting there. Perhaps someday soon he’d be able to fully embrace everything he’d once feared, and never have to hide from himself again.
The End
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ryo, Dee.
Rating: PG-13
Setting: Throughout the manga, up to and including Back Stage Pass 2.
Summary: Thanks to Dee, Ryo is finally starting to understand a few things about himself.
Word Count: 547
Written Using: The dw100 prompt ‘Fifth Doctor Titles: The Awakening’.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
That first night with Dee, when they’d shared a bed with Bikky sleeping between them, something long buried had begun to stir within Ryo, but he’d still ruthlessly pushed it back down, not ready to face up to the truth about himself, not sure he ever would be.
Some things, once disturbed, couldn’t be reburied, however. At unexpected moments over the next couple of years, Ryo had found himself thinking about things he would have been more comfortable ignoring, even forgetting about entirely: the warmth of Dee’s body, the taste of his lips, the way his heart pounded whenever Dee pounced. He wanted to dismiss that last as discomfort, even fear, but he knew that wasn’t it at all.
It was desire.
He’d managed perfectly well for the past dozen or so years to convince himself he was straight, or so he told himself, but now everything he’d worked so hard to lock away inside him was waking up and yearning to break free.
It was a slow awakening, embers of a fire igniting deep inside him, nurtured and fed against his will, growing stronger each time Dee kissed him, but still Ryo didn’t let it break free. He had to control it, afraid that if he didn’t it would consume him until there was nothing left, and his life was in ashes. Deep down though, he was aware he was fighting a losing battle.
Came a night when, following Diana’s advice, Ryo stopped pushing Dee away, said yes instead of no, and felt the fire inside him burn hotter than he’d ever believed possible, and yet even then, he knew he was still holding back, clinging to control by his fingernails, perhaps still believing that what was beginning to surface could yet be forced back into its prison, locked away once more, out of sight and out of mind.
Even after Ryo admitted to himself that he loved Dee, even after their second night together, when Dee held nothing back, Ryo remained unwilling, or perhaps unable, to completely let go. Everything was so new, and while he didn’t hate what he and Dee did together, he couldn’t feel entirely comfortable with it either.
Then, without realising what he’d done, he accidentally mixed cough medicine with alcohol, and in one intense evening, everything he’d been struggling to control broke free, all his inhibitions swept away on a tide of passion the likes of which he’d never experienced or even imagined. The fire blazed through his body, and yet it didn’t burn him. Instead, it made him feel more alive than he ever had, every sensation magnified, sparks sizzling along his nerves like electricity.
Finally he understood everything he’d been denying himself for so long by locking an important part of himself away. Desire wasn’t something that needed to be controlled, or rationed in carefully measured amounts, it was something to embrace with body and mind.
It was still a little scary, he knew it wasn’t something he could get used to overnight; he was too used to fighting against himself and still needed to make a conscious effort to let go, but he was getting there. Perhaps someday soon he’d be able to fully embrace everything he’d once feared, and never have to hide from himself again.
The End