Fic: Hotel Rules
Title: Hotel Rules
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Nosy, OC.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: On an alien planet, Jack, Ianto, and Nosy meet with some unanticipated discrimination.
Word Count: 1017
Written For: Challenge 231: Fine Print at beattheblackdog.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
Arriving at the hotel which would be their home for the duration of their stay on Kalliphoos, Jack and Ianto approached the reception desk.
“Good day to you. We have reservations under the name Harkness-Jones; two adjoining bedrooms with bathrooms and kitchenette.”
The tall, thin alien on the other side of the desk raised his ears, stared disapprovingly down his long nose at them and sniffed disparagingly in a surprisingly human manner.
“No pets allowed; it says so in the fine print on the hotel’s guidebook page. Perhaps you should have read that before you made a booking. If you intend that… thing to stay with you then you’ll have to go elsewhere. Your room deposit is non-refundable.” He dismissed them with a twitch of his ears and a supercilious sneer.
Jack opened his mouth to say something but Ianto, well used to dealing with officious personages of various kinds, both human and alien, spoke first, standing as tall as he could and acting even more aloof and condescending than the receptionist.
“I did, in fact, read all the fine print, but perhaps you haven’t read our booking correctly. Party of three, Captain and Mister Harkness Jones, Ambassadors from Earth, and our associate, Nosy Fluff.” Ianto gestured towards the furry alien coiled tidily by his side. “You seem to be under the misapprehension that our colleague here is an animal, in which case you are guilty of discrimination against a sentient being. I believe the penalty on Kalliphoos for that infraction of the Shadow Proclamation’s Rules for the Ethical Treatment of Sentients is ten demerits, loss of wages for one solar month, and demotion to a lower rank in the Kalliphoos hierarchy, with attendant loss of benefits. I’m sure you’re aware of that, unless you are the one who failed to read the fine print when you signed your employment contract.”
Nosy hummed through its translator. “I am insulted. I was informed that the people of Kalliphoos were respectful towards other races, regardless of appearance. Apparently, that is not the case.”
“My mistake, honourable sirs and…” The receptionist looked at Nosy, trying and failing to come up with a suitable pronoun to fit the Fluff. “Um… well, your associate. Obviously there was an error on our part when we logged your booking; we were expecting three guests of the same species, a most regrettable error, and I apologise for the misunderstanding. No offence was meant, I assure you. Please allow me to upgrade your party to more suitable accommodations. As Ambassadors I am quite frankly shocked at the oversight; you should have been booked into one of our luxury suites in the first place. There will of course be no additional charge, and the clerk responsible for the error will be disciplined accordingly, you have my word as a law-abiding citizen.”
Ianto nodded slowly. “I believe that will be acceptable, provided my colleague is in agreement. Do you accept the good man’s apology, Nosy?”
“Humm mmmm hmm,” Nosy agreed, his translator making odd noises for a moment before saying, “Mistakes happen, but I trust such problems can be avoided for the rest of our stay.”
“Oh, indeed, Honourable Fluff, Sir. I will see to it that all the hotel’s staff are informed of your presence in this establishment. Be assured you will be afforded all due respect.”
“That will be satisfactory.” Nosy had chosen the voices for its translator carefully. Even after so long it still gave Jack and Ianto a pang to hear Owen’s voice coming from the device, but certain situations definitely called for the snarky Londoner’s no-nonsense attitude. Owen might be long dead, but he’d never be forgotten.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” the receptionist asked, handing over the key cards for their suite and signalling a couple of porters to take care of their luggage. “Anything at all.”
“Refreshments would be good. It’s been a long and tiring journey from the spaceport.” Like most spaceports, the ones on Kalliphoos were situated well away from urban areas.
“Leave it to me, honourable sirs. I’ll contact the kitchens right away and have them send up a selection of suitable foods and drinks, on the house, naturally. Do any of you have any specific dietary requirements?”
“Our colleague does not eat flesh of any kind,” Ianto informed the alien.
“Then I will ensure that plenty of fresh fruits and vegetable dishes are included. Once again, please accept my most sincere apologies for this unfortunate and regrettable incident.”
“It’s already forgotten.” Ianto spoke calmly but with an underlying edge that said as clearly as words that it was forgotten only so long as it didn’t happen again.
“Of course, Ambassador. You all honour us by choosing the Kalliphoos Royale hotel for your stay on our fair planet. May fortune attend all your dealings here.” The receptionist bowed low, cupping his ears in a sign of deepest respect before chivvying the porters to show the honoured guests to their luxury suite.
Once inside the spacious lounge area, Jack flopped onto a deep red sofa and grinned at his husband, patting the seat next to him. With a smirk, Ianto joined him.
“You certainly told him!” Jack crowed.
“Yes, well, I’ve found a touch of diplomacy and a few veiled threats to be far more effective in civilised society than a lot of yelling and throwing punches. We don’t want to get the wrong kind of reputation while we’re here; that would wreck any chances of setting up diplomatic relations and trade agreements between Kalliphoos and earth.”
“You’re right, as always. I just hate the way people look down on Nosy just because it’s furry and lacks hands. It’s speciesism. Fluffs are more civilised than most supposedly civilised races.”
Ianto nodded. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
“Everyone has to look down on me though,” Nosy pointed out through its translator, in a pleasant, faintly Welsh accented voice this time. “I’m quite a bit shorter than everyone else, in height if not in length.”
Jack and Ianto laughed; no one could argue with that.
The End
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Nosy, OC.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: On an alien planet, Jack, Ianto, and Nosy meet with some unanticipated discrimination.
Word Count: 1017
Written For: Challenge 231: Fine Print at beattheblackdog.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
Arriving at the hotel which would be their home for the duration of their stay on Kalliphoos, Jack and Ianto approached the reception desk.
“Good day to you. We have reservations under the name Harkness-Jones; two adjoining bedrooms with bathrooms and kitchenette.”
The tall, thin alien on the other side of the desk raised his ears, stared disapprovingly down his long nose at them and sniffed disparagingly in a surprisingly human manner.
“No pets allowed; it says so in the fine print on the hotel’s guidebook page. Perhaps you should have read that before you made a booking. If you intend that… thing to stay with you then you’ll have to go elsewhere. Your room deposit is non-refundable.” He dismissed them with a twitch of his ears and a supercilious sneer.
Jack opened his mouth to say something but Ianto, well used to dealing with officious personages of various kinds, both human and alien, spoke first, standing as tall as he could and acting even more aloof and condescending than the receptionist.
“I did, in fact, read all the fine print, but perhaps you haven’t read our booking correctly. Party of three, Captain and Mister Harkness Jones, Ambassadors from Earth, and our associate, Nosy Fluff.” Ianto gestured towards the furry alien coiled tidily by his side. “You seem to be under the misapprehension that our colleague here is an animal, in which case you are guilty of discrimination against a sentient being. I believe the penalty on Kalliphoos for that infraction of the Shadow Proclamation’s Rules for the Ethical Treatment of Sentients is ten demerits, loss of wages for one solar month, and demotion to a lower rank in the Kalliphoos hierarchy, with attendant loss of benefits. I’m sure you’re aware of that, unless you are the one who failed to read the fine print when you signed your employment contract.”
Nosy hummed through its translator. “I am insulted. I was informed that the people of Kalliphoos were respectful towards other races, regardless of appearance. Apparently, that is not the case.”
“My mistake, honourable sirs and…” The receptionist looked at Nosy, trying and failing to come up with a suitable pronoun to fit the Fluff. “Um… well, your associate. Obviously there was an error on our part when we logged your booking; we were expecting three guests of the same species, a most regrettable error, and I apologise for the misunderstanding. No offence was meant, I assure you. Please allow me to upgrade your party to more suitable accommodations. As Ambassadors I am quite frankly shocked at the oversight; you should have been booked into one of our luxury suites in the first place. There will of course be no additional charge, and the clerk responsible for the error will be disciplined accordingly, you have my word as a law-abiding citizen.”
Ianto nodded slowly. “I believe that will be acceptable, provided my colleague is in agreement. Do you accept the good man’s apology, Nosy?”
“Humm mmmm hmm,” Nosy agreed, his translator making odd noises for a moment before saying, “Mistakes happen, but I trust such problems can be avoided for the rest of our stay.”
“Oh, indeed, Honourable Fluff, Sir. I will see to it that all the hotel’s staff are informed of your presence in this establishment. Be assured you will be afforded all due respect.”
“That will be satisfactory.” Nosy had chosen the voices for its translator carefully. Even after so long it still gave Jack and Ianto a pang to hear Owen’s voice coming from the device, but certain situations definitely called for the snarky Londoner’s no-nonsense attitude. Owen might be long dead, but he’d never be forgotten.
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” the receptionist asked, handing over the key cards for their suite and signalling a couple of porters to take care of their luggage. “Anything at all.”
“Refreshments would be good. It’s been a long and tiring journey from the spaceport.” Like most spaceports, the ones on Kalliphoos were situated well away from urban areas.
“Leave it to me, honourable sirs. I’ll contact the kitchens right away and have them send up a selection of suitable foods and drinks, on the house, naturally. Do any of you have any specific dietary requirements?”
“Our colleague does not eat flesh of any kind,” Ianto informed the alien.
“Then I will ensure that plenty of fresh fruits and vegetable dishes are included. Once again, please accept my most sincere apologies for this unfortunate and regrettable incident.”
“It’s already forgotten.” Ianto spoke calmly but with an underlying edge that said as clearly as words that it was forgotten only so long as it didn’t happen again.
“Of course, Ambassador. You all honour us by choosing the Kalliphoos Royale hotel for your stay on our fair planet. May fortune attend all your dealings here.” The receptionist bowed low, cupping his ears in a sign of deepest respect before chivvying the porters to show the honoured guests to their luxury suite.
Once inside the spacious lounge area, Jack flopped onto a deep red sofa and grinned at his husband, patting the seat next to him. With a smirk, Ianto joined him.
“You certainly told him!” Jack crowed.
“Yes, well, I’ve found a touch of diplomacy and a few veiled threats to be far more effective in civilised society than a lot of yelling and throwing punches. We don’t want to get the wrong kind of reputation while we’re here; that would wreck any chances of setting up diplomatic relations and trade agreements between Kalliphoos and earth.”
“You’re right, as always. I just hate the way people look down on Nosy just because it’s furry and lacks hands. It’s speciesism. Fluffs are more civilised than most supposedly civilised races.”
Ianto nodded. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
“Everyone has to look down on me though,” Nosy pointed out through its translator, in a pleasant, faintly Welsh accented voice this time. “I’m quite a bit shorter than everyone else, in height if not in length.”
Jack and Ianto laughed; no one could argue with that.
The End