did I miss something??
Did someone slip something into my diet coke when I wasn't looking? I've been on high-speed all day and my mind is *still* going a mile-a-minute. Since I just wasn't exhausted enough by 7 o'clock, I took my empty 5 gallon water jug out to the cemetery, filled it from the garden hose out there and watered Abby's grass.
In all my DOING today, I allowed no time to just BE. I didn't allow myself time to think or grieve, but as I watered Abby's grass it hit me all over again. I was watering the grass on my daughter's grave.
My daughter's grave.
It was as if I had temporarily forgotten and the pain all came rushing back. My baby was born, looked at me, struggled for hours and then died before she was one day old.
I knelt there on the soggy grass and cried, and I would have stayed there for hours if Julia hadn't been there with me, pulling her doll in her little red wagon around the cemetery.
This is my life. But now the house is in reasonable order, the girls are in bed and all is quiet. I will go to bed with Abby's pictures around me, hold her blanket and let the tears come.
Oh Abby-girl, I miss you so much. My arms still ache to hold you and your empty blanket is a poor substitute. I love you so much baby girl. I want you back.
In all my DOING today, I allowed no time to just BE. I didn't allow myself time to think or grieve, but as I watered Abby's grass it hit me all over again. I was watering the grass on my daughter's grave.
My daughter's grave.
It was as if I had temporarily forgotten and the pain all came rushing back. My baby was born, looked at me, struggled for hours and then died before she was one day old.
I knelt there on the soggy grass and cried, and I would have stayed there for hours if Julia hadn't been there with me, pulling her doll in her little red wagon around the cemetery.
This is my life. But now the house is in reasonable order, the girls are in bed and all is quiet. I will go to bed with Abby's pictures around me, hold her blanket and let the tears come.
Oh Abby-girl, I miss you so much. My arms still ache to hold you and your empty blanket is a poor substitute. I love you so much baby girl. I want you back.