the grief seems to be everywhere these days

[babycatcher33]

This afternoon as I was filing patient forms at work I came across my own.  I'd seen the doctor for sudden URQ pain that I'd never had before - nothing serious.  But as I pulled my file I started flipping through the forms and eventually got to the Emerg form from when I was taken to the hospital after Abby was born.  I read the paramedic reports,

Comments

[birthingway]

I think trips down the rabbit hole are normal and OK. The trick is, don't stay there long. You didn't--well done.

[darlingmiette]

This is very well-put, Dina.

I've also used distraction as a way to not stay down the rabbit hole. I often miss those first months after Julia died when all I expected of myself was to cry, fall apart, just be totally submerged in grief. Sucks sometimes that life goes on, because we just can't do that anymore.

[babycatcher33]

I KWYM Maria. It's often difficult to visit Abby's memory without feeling pain or grief. The intensity of my grief hasn't changed but I've learned to control it (or push it aside, as it were) because as time passes, Life makes it much difficult to 'go there'. I think that's why I am so fierce about the dates of Abby's birth and death - I give myself permission to really remember and FEEL. It feels .... permissable, to do it then.

And thank you, D. You've (both) walked alongside me through this and I appreciate your kindness and understanding.