My Shining Light
Title: My Shining Light
Length: One-shot [1,236 words]
Pairing: YunJae
Rating:G-PG
Genre: Romance
Summary: YunHo is thinking about his feeling for JaeJoong
A/N: I just edited it ... =.= it has so many mistakes =P
My Shining Light
You sit in front of the coffee table watching the night life of Seoul live beneath you. It’s been five years, you thought. Five long years of living though poverty, strain, exhaust, tears, smiles and laughter. Five years since all five of you got to the top, the top of every obstacle. Five years since we five have been put together with the name of “The Gods of the East”, barred on your shoulders. It took five years to get to the top of this industry; five years you were really “The Gods” of the Korean music industry.
You sigh as you remember the faces of the other four members. The other people you live and laugh with, your other family. There would be no you without the others; they made up part of your heart, your soul. You wouldn’t have been at the top without the rest of them; you would have already given up.
The youngest; the witty kid, the one that you have to admit is even more mature than you at times, and could have so much potential if he never joined this industry. Your heart cringed at the thought of him being so young (younger than you) and has to live and mature so much faster than he’s suppose to.
The second youngest, he’s one you known the longest, in realty and probably the one that is the actual youngest in your group. You smile at remembering his laughter, his smiles, his cold jokes, and his random soccer quirks. His voice makes you shiver, you think god has really rewarded him with such a haunting beautiful voice after all the pain he went though.
The third youngest, the sensitive cry-baby of the group. At times you want to just cuddle him when he cries, so emotional. You want to be there for him when he’s feeling lonely. But you smiled with him when his brother and mother came to Seoul from America for him. You smile instead of feeling lonely when he decided to move out of the apartment all five of you share. At times you envy his sensitive side; you envy how he can write songs like it was eating, so simple. But at times you’re so thankful to him, this name wouldn’t be complete without him.
The eldest by two days, confuses you the most. He’s suppose to be your elder but he acts so much younger than you but at times he’s seems so much more matured than you ever are. He’s your best friend, like fire and water your two are inseperable, you think. But he confuses your heart at times, you can’t help but imagine him in the kitchen every morning of your life, and you waking up to his cooking everyday, even when it’s 20 or more years down the road. Even when the other three are grown up and leaves to pursue their own careers or retire, you can still see him, here, right by your side. And that thought scares you.
You hear footsteps on the cool wood floor behind you. You hear it go towards you, until you feel a shift on the couch. Your nose fills with the scent of strawberries, and you know it’s him. You feel his head fall onto you lap as your hands automatically go to his brown locks. Your fingers thread through the short hair, slightly wishing it was back to the length of his raven black hair during “Rising Sun” days. But even still, to you, he still looks an angel, an unearthly being; too perfect for the human eye too look upon.
You feel comfortable with his head on your lap, you hands though his hair. It scares you, you feel even more confused with your feeling towards him.
You look down at the angel on your lap, his pale skin that puts the moon in shame. You look at his eyes, remembering his wide doe-like eyes, the sparkle with a mischievous glint but also with love and warmth. You think that the stars would loose their shine if they were ever compared with his eyes. Your eyes travel down to his red lips, you think of flowers, they would wilt at the sight of his lips, they would never compare. But as much as his face showed beauty, his body, it reeked masculine. You look at the widened shoulder and his arms, you felt jealous of his muscles that are shown in the short T-shirt he was wearing.
You don’t know when you started feeling this way towards him, at times he can drive you to the brink of insanity but at times he can be your comfort, he’s the one that calms you. You don’t know what to do. It scares you, it really does, cause you don’t understand these intense feelings.
You remember those nightmares, the laughing, the sneers, the glares that people would give you. You remember the cold stares your own parents would give you, the hurtful words that rung in your ears even when you woke up, repeating over and over again. The next day you avoided him, not talking to him for the whole day.
But that hurted the most. Seeing his hurt face when you refused to even sit by him. It broke your heart…your soul, more than the dreams ever could. You have no idea what is happening to the both of you…to yourself. you would sometimes question if you would ever feel the same, would he ever felt the same.
He was never the kind of person you ever thought of falling for, you always thought of falling for someone that was quiet, someone with manners, someone that is delicate with their every thought and move. And it confuses you why you would ever fall for someone like him. He’s too rash, he never thinks with his head, he talks too much; he has an icy, mysterious face. But then you remember how you could fall in love with him, he understand you like no one has, he makes you laugh, he takes care of the “kids” whenever you’re too tired, he cooks meals even when he;s too tired, he has the most warmest heart you’ve ever seen. And once again the feelings for him you have confuse you.
You don’t know what to do anymore. You feel lost; you’re in the dark trying to look for a flashlight or something to guild your way out of this maze. You don’t know what to do. At times you want to stay away from him, but it hurts to do so.
You feel him shift closer to your body, his arms wrapped around for waist, as if you were his own living teddy-bear. His face moved closer to your stomach as he let out a quiet snore. You watch his face once again; you feel a tug at the bottom of your heart. And you think you finally found the light to your life, the flashlight that will guide you. It’s been with you all this time; you just had to turn on the switch.
He was always your light in your life. You were just too confused on how it worked; you were just too scared to turn it on. But it was always him, and you hope it will forever be him.
.