Naruto fic: Little White Lies

[aviss]

Title: Little White Lies
Author:aviss
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka,
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Angst
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Kishimoto.
Word Count: ~11.500
Summary: The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves
Author Notes: Inspired by Warui Yume by Makoto Tateno.



Little White Lies

"Iruka-sensei, wait up!"

Iruka turned to look at Ryoko running after him, his lips curling into a smile and butterflies fluttering in his stomach. It was strange, lately every time he was with Ryoko he felt like a teenager with a crush, which was incredibly stupid.

"Are you going back home already?" he asked when she caught up with him, both of them walking toward the east of the village, where their residences were located.

"Yes, I felt like today wasn't going to end" she sighed, rolling her eyes. "And I still have to grade some papers."

Iruka chuckled, looking down at his full hands. "I think I know what you mean, what with the chuunin exams and the end of the term so close. Sometimes I feel like I should give them a day off just so I could have one myself."

She laughed, pushing against his shoulder with hers and Iruka felt a tingling spreading where their bodies touched. He frowned for a second. When the last time he had felt like that was? Right, when Kakashi started courting him. It felt like aeons ago.

Kakashi. The thought of his lover waiting for him at home gave him pause. Why was he feeling like that towards Ryoko when he had Kakashi at home? It wasn't right.

He made the rest of the way in silence, lost deep in his thoughts and only participating in the conversation when Ryoko pulled him in repeatedly. He was divided, concerned at what he was realizing just now and also cursing himself for wasting such a good opportunity to chat with her.

They parted ways after a few minutes of awkward silence, Ryoko finally falling silent though the smile on her face never dimmed a lit.

Still thinking about it, Iruka opened the door to his home and went into the living room. Kakashi was sitting on the couch, as Iruka already knew he would be. He was dressed in only a pair of loose pant and the black fabric he used to cover his Sharingan when he was home. Iruka stared at him intently, willing the butterflies to return to his stomach.

No, they were gone.

"Hey Kakashi," he said replacing the frown on his face with a smile which felt fake and stiff. He was feeling strange but didn't want Kakashi to notice anything amiss.

"Yo Iruka, how was your day?" Kakashi said looking up from his book with a smile.

Iruka sighed tiredly, walking toward the couch and dumping the pile of scrolls on top of the small table. He approached Kakashi and deposited a chaste kiss on his lips, pulling apart almost immediately. "Long."

Kakashi laughed, which was weird. Not that Kakashi never laughed, but usually when Iruka tried to get away with a kiss like that one Kakashi would grab him and demand a real kiss. Or just pout like a five year old. But that was before, how long had it been since Kakashi acted like that?

Iruka couldn't remember.

"Aren't you going to ask me about mine?" Kakashi said teasingly and Iruka let out a chuckle.

"I don't need to. I know exactly how you spent your day," he said flopping down on the other side of the couch and smirking at Kakashi.

"You do? Do tell."

"I saw Gai crying Manly Tears of Joy on my way back home, and he had a big bruise on his face. Your hair is still a bit wet, and you have a little, very little, cut on your right arm," he said, enjoying the way Kakashi's superior smile vanished. "Which means he challenged you the moment I left home this morning, and it was a physical challenge. In spite of Tsunade-sama forbidding you to exert yourself for another week."

Now Kakashi pouted. "But I won."

Iruka stood up. "So you will be asking for another mission tomorrow, I can already tell." He went to the kitchen and started preparing dinner, his mind still going back to his previous worries.

He had not felt butterflies or the sense of excitement he had before when he arrived home, and what worried him most was that he couldn't remember the last time he had. His life was comfortable, and Kakashi was a welcome and cherished presence in it. But he wasn't sure anymore what that meant.

He was still lost in his thoughts while they ate, the conversation stilted and slightly awkward. Iruka kept wondering what everything meant, and what his feelings were.

"God, I feel tempted not to assign homework for a month just so I don't have to grade it," he said sitting down on is favourite spot and grabbing the first scroll, his mind divided between the task at hand and Kakashi.

Somewhere between the tenth and the eleventh scroll the answer came to him.

Before he could think twice about it, Iruka opened his mouth and let the words slip.

"Kakashi, I've been thinking we should break up."

…

"Kakashi, I've been thinking we should break up."

Kakashi looked up from the book he wasn't really reading at those words and stared at Iruka's serious face. He blinked slowly, trying to make sense of the words he had just heard.

"Hn?" He asked unintelligently, closing the book and putting it next to his leg on the couch.

Iruka was sitting on the other couch, a stack of scrolls strewn around him and a red ballpoint pen in his hand. One of the scrolls was open on top of his legs, which were resting on the small table in front of him. He had been studying Kakashi intently while he pretended to mark the essays, and Kakashi had pretended not to notice while he read his book. Not that he needed to actually pay attention to the book in his hands, he had read it close to a million times and he already knew the words by heart.

"You know, we've been acting like an old married couple for a while already and it's made me think," Iruka explained softly, as if he wasn't sure how Kakashi was going to react. It was easy to understand why; Kakashi had no idea how he was going to react. He didn't even understand yet what he was going to react to. He was sure he didn't like it, though. "How long have we been together?"

"Five years in this house," Kakashi answered because it looked like it was expected of him and it was an easy one. He could add months and days, and if he thought hard about it, he could probably calculate minutes and seconds too.

Somehow giving that much information seemed inappropriate right now.

"And a couple more before that," Iruka added, nodding mostly to himself. "And when was the last time we made love?"

He had to think a bit more about that one.

"Three weeks ago," Kakashi said. But it wasn't his fault, he wasn't as young anymore and recuperating after an S-class mission and chakra depletion took longer these days. Not to mention the fact that Iruka was so busy preparing for the upcoming Chuunin exams they barely saw each other, and when they did Iruka was usually so exhausted he just fell asleep on the bed.

"You remember when we started going out? You couldn't keep your hands to yourself for even five seconds."

He remembered. Sometimes he still felt the same, but he was older and wiser, and knew Iruka wasn't going anywhere and that he didn't appreciate being groped in public. So he had learned some self control thinking it would be appreciated.

Obviously he had been wrong, and not only about that. It seemed Iruka was going somewhere.

Or maybe he was.

"And also, when you left for a mission I couldn't sleep at all, I would be so worried all the time. There was that one time Tsunade-sama had to knock me out because I'd been driving her insane and not eating or sleeping."

Kakashi wanted to make Iruka stop talking. Wanted to shout at him and force him to shut up because he knew what was coming. He had not misheard anything; Iruka was breaking up with him.

He couldn't open his mouth, the only thing he could do was to school his features not to betray the shock and the hurt and hope for the speech to be over so he could leave and lick his wounds somewhere else.

"It's faded now. This last time I slept like a baby, I knew you were coming back home in one piece, but if you didn't--" Kakashi felt the breath stuck on his throat, his heart stopping in his chest. He knew Iruka wasn't being deliberately hurtful; he was just being his dense, painfully honest self. But it was breaking Kakashi's heart, and it fucking hurt. He wanted him to stop. "Don't get me wrong, Kakashi," Iruka said hurriedly, as if reading the shock and the pain in Kakashi's face. Times like this he really missed his mask. "I miss you when you're not here, and it would hurt me deeply were something to happen to you. But it wouldn't break me, not anymore. And I've been wondering what it meant."

Kakashi knew what it meant, unfortunately. He hadn't known Iruka felt like that, but he sure as hell knew the meaning of it. It didn't make it easier to hear it.

"And I realized the other day when we were out with Naruto and Hinata and those girls were flirting with you. I didn't get jealous at all, and I used to be so jealous--"

"So, you're saying you don't love me anymore," Kakashi said, his voice coming out surprisingly normal. There was no accusation or surprise in his voice, not even a hint of pain. It was just the statement of a fact.

Iruka sighed. "Don't be ridiculous Kakashi, of course I love you," Iruka said staring at him as if he was an idiot. As if the last five minutes had not happened. Kakashi dared to hope for a brief instant, until the next words killed the unborn feeling leaving him hollow inside. "You are my best friend and I will always love you. But I think we're not in love anymore. And if you think about it, you'll realize it's true."

No. It wasn't.

It was bad enough that Iruka was breaking up with him; he was also denying Kakashi's feelings. He frowned, opening his mouth to protest. He closed it again when he realized it wasn't going to make Iruka change his heart.

"We've been treating each other like friends lately, almost like brothers, so I think it's better to make it official."

That was it. It was over.

And there was nothing he could do about it, not if Iruka wasn't in love anymore.

"You want me to move out?" Were the only words he managed to say after a few minutes of silence. Neither of them had moved or stopped staring at each other the whole time, the very house holding its breath waiting for something to happen.

Iruka stood up at that, "No!" he gasped, "Of course not. This is your house as much as mine. We can keep living together, there are more than enough spare rooms since Naruto moved out for us to share the house."

There were times Kakashi really hated Iruka. This was one of them. But there was no way he'd leave if he wasn't being kicked out of his home.

"Ok, I'll move my things to the other room tomorrow morning; I'm too tired now," Kakashi said, grabbing his book from the couch and opening it again. He couldn't see any of the words printed in it, but it gave him something to look at that wasn't Iruka.

That way he could at least retain some of his dignity.

He heard Iruka sigh, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "You're ok with this, Kakashi?" Iruka asked almost hesitantly, which didn't fit at all with the terrible things he had just said.

And no, Kakashi wasn't ok with it. Wasn't ok at all.

But if Iruka didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore and just wanted them to be friends, then he'd have to settle with that.

He was used to loss and heartbreak, and this was better than nothing.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" He asked, keeping his voice as normal as possible.

Another relieved sigh. "I thought, for a moment, I was wrong about it and I was hurting you."

You were.

"Nah, don't worry. You're right; we've turned into an old couple too comfortable with each other to change things. But it's a bit awkward," he laughed and he was surprised it didn't come out brittle and pained. He was also surprised Iruka wasn't able to read him like and open book; he used to be able to, and the fact that Kakashi was fooling him now spoke about his change of feelings more than all his previous words.

Iruka laughed as well. "Oh yes, I guess it is. But I'm glad you took it well, I don't want to lose you as a friend." He gave Kakashi one of his blinding smiles and he realized he hadn't seen one in a long time.

He returned it, forcing his frozen muscles to move only with the promise to give himself the time to break down completely after Iruka had gone to sleep.

They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, Kakashi staring at the blurred pages of his book and remembering to turn them from time to time, keeping the pretence of reading. Iruka was marking his scrolls, muttering amused or outraged or just plain shocked at what he read.

It was all heartbreakingly normal.

"God, I'm so tired," Iruka said finally, standing up and putting aside the last of the scrolls. He stretched and rotated his head, like he always did after long hours of marking. "I'm going to bed, I'm beat," he approached Kakashi and deposited a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thanks for being the best friend in the world," he said with a tired smile.

Kakashi waited until the door to his former bedroom was closed and then sighed, touching his cheek where Iruka had kissed him lightly.

If this was a nightmare he wanted to wake up, and wake up now.

…

The shock and confusion faded in the morning, and Kakashi did break then.

But that was ok because Iruka wasn't around to see it.

…

"Fuck, Kakashi-sensei, you look terrible!" Naruto greeted him with his usual lack of tact and complete lack of surprise when Kakashi appeared at his window in the afternoon.

He had been unable to stay at home for one minute more, especially knowing Iruka would be back after work and he'd need to pretend to be fine again. He just couldn't do it, not today.

"Naruto!" Hinata's voice rang loud and true from the kitchen, and Naruto smiled sheepishly, like he always did when Hinata scolded him. It was a scene Kakashi had seen a thousand times, its familiarity comforting and at the same time painful. Everything seemed to remind him now of what he didn't have anymore. "Don't stand there gaping, Naruto. Invite him in," she said appearing at the kitchen's door and shooting him a slight smile. A smile which disappeared immediately upon seeing Kakashi. "Oh, you don't look so good, Kakashi-sensei," she said, and that in Hinata-speak meant he really had to look like death warmed over. It was more or less how he felt.

"I know," he admitted, jumping in from the window and moving past a still frozen Naruto. "Can I stay here tonight?" He hoped they didn't have other plans since he'd already left a note for Iruka saying Naruto asked him for dinner.

There was a time they would go together everywhere, almost as if they were joined at the hip, and Naruto would complain loudly that he couldn't see one without the other. Thinking back, lately he used to go alone more often than not, and that should have clued him in before. When had Iruka stopped loving him?

"It has to be serious, then," Naruto said, his face losing its shocked expression to reveal only concern. "What have you done this time, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi smiled without humour. That question was so typical Naruto.

"Nothing."

"I don't believe you."

Kakashi snorted. "I wish I knew Naruto," he said seriously, "but I don't know what I did for Iruka to leave me, so there. I've done nothing."

Naruto plopped down ungracefully on his couch, staring at Kakashi with a disbelieving expression. "Fuck, you're serious? Iruka-sensei actually broke up with you?"

"Yes."

"Why--sorry, Kakashi sensei--I don't--" Hinata took the seat next to Naruto, staring at him worriedly.

"Apparently we're not in love anymore," he said, the words tasting sour in his mouth.

"That's bullshit!" Naruto shouted outraged, "Tell me what happened."

Kakashi did, knowing he was revealing more about himself than he cared to. But he needed to say it out loud, to confirm the truth of what had happened in the faces of those closest to him. The first step after denial was acceptance, and a sleepless night in denial had been enough for him.

"That's awful Kakashi-sensei," Hinata said, barely a whisper, when he had finally told everything he could stomach telling. She had changed in the past few years, most of them had. The painfully shy girl afraid to speak up had turned into a beautiful timid woman, but one who didn't fear making herself heard when it was necessary. Naruto had been a good influence for her.

It's difficult to have someone die for you and not love them a little. Naruto had said once when Kakashi asked what changed his feelings for Hinata. It's fucking impossible to love Hinata just a little, either you fall for her and fall hard, or you’re a stupid, heartless bastard. And, regardless of what I look like, I'm not stupid. Kakashi could now see how right Naruto had been.

"It's very cruel of Iruka-sensei to do something like that," Hinata continued, "I can't ima--Naruto, where are you going?"

Kakashi realized Naruto had stood up from the couch and was moving to the door, so wrapped up he was in his thoughts and Hinata's words he had not noticed before. He was slipping.

"To find Iruka-sensei and beat some sense into him!" Naruto exclaimed loudly, as if it was the most logical thing in the world. For him, it probably was.

"Naruto, you can't do that," Kakashi said, surprised again at how calm his voice was. Naruto looked like he was upset for both of them anyway, so it was good at least someone kept his head.

"Why not?"

"Iruka wasn't trying to be cruel, he said he still loves me, but as a friend," Kakashi continued, the words hurting him more than he would have anticipated. "And I kind of lied to him."

Naruto rounded up on him. "You told him you were fine with this, didn't you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes."

"Why, Kakashi-sensei?" Hinata asked softly, "we can see you're not. Why lie?"

He sighed. That was the question, wasn't it?

"If he doesn't want to be with me like that, there is nothing I can do to change his mind. I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all." He shrugged; he would keep repeating those words to himself until he believed them.

"You're a fucking mess, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said plopping down on the couch next to Hinata again.

Kakashi snorted; a bitter, painful sound. "Don't I know that?"

"You're not going to start crying on us, are you?" the horror dripping from those words was more than enough to tear an amused chuckle from his lips.

"Naturo!" There was another kind of horror in Hinata's.

"No, I'm not," he laughed, still a bit pained but mostly amused. "I'm a grown man not a fifteen years old girl, Naruto. I can have my heart broken and keep my eyes dry at the same time."

Naruto smiled at him though his eyes were still serious. He had never reminded him of his father so much as in that moment. "Good, I don't want to think about all that snot clinging to your mask. Though you're free to cry if you remove it, of course."

"Naruto!"

"Wouldn't you want to see it?" Kakashi said, letting Naruto's attempts at lightening the mood pull him from the edge of depression.

"I'll start dinner," Hinata said standing up. He knew she was just giving them time to talk alone and was grateful for that.

"What are you going to do now, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, all humour gone from his face the moment his girlfriend stepped out of the room.

"I guess I'll get a mission in the morning, one which will take me a few days, and when I come back I'll be feeling more like myself." He had resisted saying if but Naruto heard it anyway.

He arched up and eyebrow at him.

That was what he'd been thinking in the morning. That maybe if he didn't come back from the mission wouldn't be so bad. It was the main reason he had gone to see Naruto, and from the way he was studying him, that fact must have been painfully obvious.

"I'll go with you; you're not taking any solo missions," Naruto said immediately.

"Naruto, I can take care of myself. You don't need to be there to make sure I don't get myself killed."

He was serious. He might have been feeling like that in the morning, but after seeing Naruto and Hinata he remembered there were people waiting for his return. Even if Iruka wasn't one of them.

Naruto smiled, and it had teeth in it. "I know. But you need me to be there to make sure I don't kill Iruka-sensei while you're gone."

…

Iruka was feeling strange.

He knew it was normal to feel strange and a bit awkward now things with Kakashi were officially over. Well, not exactly awkward. He might have if he had managed to catch more than a glimpse of Kakashi in the past few days, but he had not.

And that was what bothered him the most.

Since he arrived home the day after the break up to find a note saying he was a Naruto's, Iruka had been feeling strange. He had shrugged off the feeling, knowing the reason Kakashi had chosen to stay somewhere else that night.

He had to admit, thinking about it in the light of day, that keep on living with his ex really was uncomfortable.

He could deal with that, but then Kakashi had gone on a mission straight after that, leaving only another note for Iruka. And since then Iruka had been unable to sleep a wink. Which was ridiculous.

He had been sleeping just fine before, when they were still lovers, and Kakashi had left the village on missions. Maybe not at the beginning, but the past few years that terrible feeling of fear for Kakashi had vanished.

Now it was back with a vengeance. Iruka couldn't understand it.

That was the reason he was at the bar, having a drink with his colleagues at the Academy instead of going back to his empty house. It had been a long time since he went out with his colleagues; he usually preferred to spend his time with Kakashi at home.

Only he couldn't now, could he? Iruka frowned, an uncomfortable thought niggling at the back of his head.

"Iruka-sensei," Ryoko appeared by his side, a brightly coloured drink in her hand and a wide smile on her face. "You look lost in thought."

Iruka returned her smile, that odd feeling of butterflies in his stomach making itself known again.

"No, no, I was just--"

"Thinking?" she said teasingly.

Iruka laughed, tossing back his drink and letting the alcohol warm him up. "Yeah," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry, it's just that Kakashi's gone on a mission."

Her face fell a bit and Iruka blinked surprised.

"Oh yes, Kakashi-san. You're worried about him?" She sounded disappointed and Iruka hoped he wasn't reading in the situation more than it actually was there.

"Yes, well, he's my friend."

She looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "You friend?"

They had not told anyone except Naruto, who Iruka was sure Kakashi told when he stayed over, but it wasn't as if they intended to keep it a secret. They had just not seen the point announcing it, especially since it had been more like a transition to a different relationship than a break up.

He signalled for another drink and tossed it back as quickly as the previous one. "Yes, we're just friends now."

"Oh," was all Ryoko said to that.

And she didn't need to say more; the way she smiled up at him spoke volumes.

…

The mission had been one of the worst Kakashi remembered in the past years, even with Naruto by his side he'd had his doubts he would return to Konoha in one piece, though this time it seemed would by their enemies' stubbornness.

He was exhausted, mentally and physically, and wanted nothing more than to have a bath, some proper food and curl up next to Iruka until morning.

He knew the last one was definitely off the menu, but Kakashi hoped he could at least spend a few minutes with him. He really needed to see him and remind himself they were still together, after a fashion, and Iruka still cared.

The first thing he noticed when he opened the door where the shoes. There was another pair of shoes next to Iruka's. That wasn't a good sign.

The house was in darkness, the windows closed and most of the blinds as well. He could smell the alcohol and saw an empty bottle of sake on the floor, where it had probably fallen. Nobody had bothered to pick it up.

He heard the noise then. A high pitched giggle coming from Iruka's--his--bedroom. The voice belonged to a woman, that much Kakashi could tell. Next he heard Iruka's voice, also laughing.

Kakashi stood frozen in the middle of the living room, his blood turning to ice in his veins. It had been just five days since the break up, Iruka was certainly fast. He had known that would happen sooner or later, but he had hoped to have more time to get used to the new situation before having it rubbed on his face.

He heard a moan coming from the room and couldn't help himself. He fled.

Kakashi teleported straight into Naruto's living room, a startled Hinata pulling away from her boyfriend blushing deep red.

"I thought you were going home, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said disgruntled and, Kakashi could tell, a bit embarrassed.

"Iruka has company."

Naruto nodded, his mouth setting in a grim line. "I see."

And he did. Both of them did.

…

Iruka woke up with a bitch of a hangover and the feeling that something was wrong. Why had Kakashi let him drink so much? He grumbled sleepily and turned to give his lover a piece of his mind, it might be his day off but he still had thousands of things to do. There was no way he'd get anything done with that headache.

Iruka's hand moved to his companion's chest, the touch revealing soft skin where he had expected to find hard muscles.

The body next to his was definitely not Kakashi's.

That startled him completely awake, and all his memories returned to him. Ryoko mumbled something next to him and curled up against his body, a smile on her face.

Right. He had not intended to sleep with her the previous night, but he had been drinking perhaps more than was advisable, and after the past days worrying about Kakashi it had felt good being with her. Ryoko was pretty and nice, and she was fun.

He didn't regret it, though there was a nagging voice on the back of his mind telling him he should. He looked at her, the dim light filtering through the blinds giving her body a lovely golden shine. The butterflies were gone.

Iruka closed his eyes and sighed. It hadn't been a bad night, but didn't hold a candle to most of his nights with Kakashi. And he didn't know what he was doing comparing them now, or remembering him when he had a cute and naked woman next to him.

He was definitely strange. It was all because Kakashi had not returned from his mission and Iruka was worried. It had to be that.

It had to, because the alternative didn't bear thinking.

…

Kakashi looked at his empty glass and sighed.

He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to be at that bar, but he definitely didn't want to go home.

In the past month since the break up Kakashi had spent more time on missions or just sitting in a bar than in the past year, and it wasn't right. It was his home, and he had always felt comfortable in it. And he missed Iruka. But after the last time he had found Iruka with someone at home, he had been going less and less.

It was just painful.

He was beginning to wonder if he had not made a mistake pretending to be fine with everything. He had wanted to preserve their friendship and their closeness, to at least have part of what they had built together if he couldn't have it all. It had been naïve to believe that was possible.

The way things were going, Kakashi was either going to destroy himself or hate Iruka. Neither of the options seemed conductive with preserving a friendship. Maybe it was the moment to give himself the time and space to get over it.

"Hey Kakashi!" Genma's voice took him out of his musings and Kakashi looked up from his glass.

"Yo Genma."

"What are you doing here, Kakashi?" Genma said taking the empty sit next to him and signalling for a drink. "We've just come back from a mission; you should be home with your boyfriend."

Kakashi knew Genma meant not harm, but that was rubbing salt on the wound. "Don't have one," he said curtly. It didn't matter; sooner or later everyone was going to find out.

Genma blinked at him. "You're joking."

Kakashi didn't bother answering, just stared at him.

"You're not joking. Fuck. How? Why?" Had this been anyone else Kakashi would have just told the person to sod off and not pry into his business, but this was Genma, and even if he was a gossip half of the time and a jerk the other half, he was a friend.

"These things happen," Kakashi said shrugging.

"No. Not to you and Iruka," Genma said, not fooled in the slightest by Kakashi's façade. "Come on, you've been together for years, and you haven't so much looked at anyone else since you two started going out. And you used to sleep with everything that moved if it had the correct number of limbs. And Iruka was head over heels for you; he'd glare and threaten to anyone who just looked your way!"

Kakashi shrugged again and finished his drink. "Well, it has happened. We're ok, we're still friends." He hoped his words didn't sound as bitter as they tasted, but judging by Genma's expression, he was fooling no one.

"Oh, friends," Genma said taking a step towards Kakashi, his eyebrows climbing up his forehead and a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Let's finish this conversation at your home."

Genma didn't give Kakashi the chance to reply, he just grabbed him and teleported them to Kakashi's living room. Genma was one of the few people who could get away with that, which was exactly the reason he had done it, Kakashi knew. Anyone else would have received a kunai to the throat for prying and getting overly familiar.

"Genma--"

"Spill it," Genma said dropping on the couch. "I was wondering why the Hokage assigned us to be together in such easy missions lately, and why you spent more time with Naruto and Gai than you did with Iruka, and why Naruto asked me to keep and extra eye on you. Either you've done something really bad to Iruka, or he's going to have some serious explaining to do."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and sat next to him. He had forgotten how protective his friend was, and it was impossible Genma had failed to notice what was going on Kakashi's life, even if he didn't know the specifics.

"Nothing's happened, really," he said, keeping his voice as light as possible. "We just decided to call it off. It had gotten kind of boring, anyway."

Genma smiled brightly, and it had so many teeth in it Kakashi was tempted to run. "Oh well, if that's the case--" he said climbing on top of Kakashi and pulling down his mask in one swift move. Kakashi almost flinched, the impulse to shove Genma away from him almost overwhelming. "You won't mind me doing this."

Genma kissed him then and Kakashi stiffened, his blood frozen in his veins. He narrowed his eye and glared at Genma, who had his eyes opened and was glaring right back at him. It was ridiculous, honestly. Kakashi relaxed, chuckling a little and finally curling his arms around Genma's back.

"You're a bastard," Kakashi said amused. Genma was worried about him and had even resorted to that, though both of them were just friends, and that was what they would always be. But Kakashi's depression had to have been quite obvious for his friend to jump him.

Kakashi leaned forward and pressed his lips against Genma's, enjoying the way his friend recoiled. That was a game both of them could play.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"You're not." Genma licked Kakashi's lips, almost managing to hide his annoyed expression. Almost.

"I will be." Kakashi responded with a sharp bite on Genma's lower lip, his look challenging.

He was having fun for the first time since the break up, and he wanted to know how far Genma was going to push for information. Both of them knew where the line was, it was just a question to see who would get there first.

Genma looked at him with a calculating expression. "Really?" he leaned forward, straddling his hips firmly and pressing him mouth against Kakashi's neck. "I don't believe you."

Kakashi bit back a laugh and a shudder when Genma's tongue licked a trail down his neck. Genma seemed determined to get the truth out of him. He opened his mouth to say something when the door opened, Iruka standing in the middle of the living room staring at them.

Suddenly all the amusement left Kakashi. He wanted to explain that things weren't the way they looked. Instead he just forced the smile to remain on his face.

He wasn't sure what words were escaping his lips, but Iruka's smile seemed as frozen on his face as Kakashi's was. He could feel Genma's eyes intent on his face, and knew there was going to be no hiding it from him anymore.

He didn't want to anyway.

He wanted out.

Genma followed Kakashi to his room, his act a lot more convincing than Kakashi's until the door was closed.

"Nothing, uh?" Genma said snidely once the two of them were alone. "You're perfectly fine, Hatake, I can see that."

Kakashi turned to look at him and this time didn't bother to put up any front or mask his feelings.

"No. It's not nothing," he finally admitted. "Iruka wanted to become friends again and I just didn't want to lose that on top of everything else, so I agreed."

Genma shook his head. "Well, I can see you're not fine. Anyone with eyes can fucking see you're not fine, except obviously Iruka," there was an animosity in Genma's voice that Kakashi had never heard directed to Iruka, who was also a friend of Genma's.

"I know."

"Have you told him?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No."

"Well, you're going to. Right now." Genma moved to the door.

Kakashi stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "No, there's no need--"

Genma shook his grip and shot him a glare. "Kakashi, you're going to come with me and stay at my home for however long it takes for you to get over this," Genma's tone brooked no argument and Kakashi knew he was going to do it. He actually wanted to, he was sick of pretending. "But first, you're going to talk to Iruka and tell him, so he knows what he's done. Or I will. And trust me I won't hold my tongue for his sake."

…

Kakashi was home when Iruka arrived, and he wasn't alone.

In the month since the change in their relationship Iruka had seen less of Kakashi that he'd have liked, but there was nothing he could do about it. Kakashi was always busy and had many friends, and now that he wasn't tied down to Iruka it was natural for him to be out and having fun.

It didn't make Iruka miss him any less, but it was the way things were, and besides, Iruka was also busy most of the time.

He realized that before they had to make a conscious effort for their schedules to match, and now they were just living together as friends, Kakashi didn't seem to think he needed to make that effort anymore.

It irked Iruka to no end.

"Hi Kakashi," he said entering the living room to find him sprawled lazily on the couch with a very entertained Genma on top of him. Iruka froze, blinking slowly at the image.

Kakashi was unmasked, his hands tangled in Genma long locks, his mouth curled in a smile while Genma, straddling his hips, licked a trail down his neck.

Iruka felt the bile rise to his throat.

"Oh Iruka," Kakashi said opening his eye and looking at him with something like surprise. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon, I thought you had shift at the mission desk." Kakashi gently removed his hands from Genma's hair and Genma from his lap. "Sorry for the show, we'll go to my room," he grinned sheepishly, though he didn't seem to be sorry at all.

Genma just shrugged and stood up, following Kakashi out of the living room with a friendly wave to Iruka.

It took Iruka a few seconds for his mind to process what he had just seen, a few more for his numb body to move to the recently vacated couch and fall on top of it.

Kakashi was with Genma, and he was about to have sex with him.

That was ok, Iruka himself had brought a couple of girls home and Kakashi had said nothing. They weren't a couple anymore, they were just friends. And friends didn't feel like their heart was splintering in a million shards because their friends were having sex in the other room.

He should be feeling happy for Kakashi, he was getting laid and Iruka had been wondering for the past month if he was really ok with the break up. Apparently he was.

And Iruka should be feeling happy for him, he shouldn't be feeling like--oh God, he was an idiot.

Iruka closed his eyes, squeezing them hard. He was a fucking moron.

What in seven hells had made him believe he wasn't in love with Kakashi anymore? How had he convinced himself of such foolishness?

He was very much in love with him, or he wouldn't be feeling like his heart was being ripped out of his chest right now. He remembered this particular feeling, it was the same one he had at the beginning of their relationship when Kakashi dared look at someone else. Or when he was late from a mission and Iruka feared he wouldn't see him again.

He stayed there, on the couch, with his eyes closed and his ears trying to pick any kind of sound from inside Kakashi's room. He desperately didn't want to hear, but at the same time he needed to. And he thought about what he'd done and what he'd said.

They had been together for a long time and it was normal, almost expected, for their passion to cool a bit, for their feelings to settle. It didn't mean they were gone, he was realizing just now. Of course he had not felt jealous lately when Kakashi talked to other people; he had not doubted Kakashi's love for him so he had not felt threatened.

He had known Kakashi was his.

As for his peace of mind when Kakashi was out on a mission, wasn't it him who had given Kakashi a reason to come back in one piece every single time? At the beginning he had been frantic because he had known of Kakashi's disregard for his own life, thinking he wouldn't be missed. It had taken ages for the stubborn bastard to be convinced that there was someone waiting who would be affected by his death.

And he had said--God, what a fucking mess. He remembered the words he had said to Kakashi. It wouldn't break me, not anymore. No wonder he had been so worried when Kakashi took a mission right after the break up.

Well, this time he had lost Kakashi. And it was entirely his fault.

He had told Kakashi they weren't in love anymore and ended their relationship. And Kakashi had been fine with it. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Well, at least he had been right in half of his assumptions.

He needed to compose himself before Kakashi came out of the room; he couldn't let them see him like that.

Iruka had barely finished that thought when Kakashi's room door opened and Genma and Kakashi entered the living room. They didn't look like people who had just had sex, Genma was glaring daggers at Iruka and Kakashi looked--broken, there wasn't another word for it.

Iruka wondered what had happened.

"Kakashi?" he asked, concern and something else, something like guilt, swirling in his gut. He had a very bad feeling about this.

"I can't do this anymore Iruka," Kakashi said sadly. Genma approached him from behind and put a hand on his shoulder, still glaring darkly at Iruka, offering comfort. Iruka frowned, confused and hurt at their closeness. "I thought I could, but I can't."

"What--" he began, but he was interrupted by Kakashi's raised hand.

"No, let me--" Kakashi took a breath, as if visibly steeling himself. "I'm moving out. I'll be staying with Genma while I look for my own place." Iruka felt the bottom of his stomach dropping. No. They said they would keep living together as friends; now he realized what he had lost he didn't want to lose that as well. "You said you weren't in love with me, Iruka, and I respect that. Unfortunately you were wrong about my feelings. I was very much in love with you, I still am. And it's terribly painful having you here and not being allowed to touch you, seeing you with other people and having to force myself not to listen as you make love to them. I can't stand it anymore. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I guess I'm not ok with this."

Iruka just stared in horror at Kakashi, nausea roiling in his stomach at his words, unable to move or say anything. He just watched, completely frozen, as Genma shot a parting venomous look at him and jutsu-ed him and Kakashi out of there.

What have I done?

…

Iruka wasn't sure how he ended up knocking at Naruto's door.

After Kakashi and Genma had left Iruka stayed in the same place, rooted to the couch with a million unwanted thoughts and emotions swirling in his head. Kakashi's parting words were repeating themselves over and over in his head, each time more painful than the last.

I'm sorry I lied to you, but I guess I'm not ok with this.

He'd replayed that conversation in his head, this time with the knowledge of Kakashi's feelings in it, and had winced at the callousness and cruelty of his words. He'd just dropped on his unsuspecting partner that he wanted to break up a seven years relationship. Then, as if that wasn't cruel enough, had gone on explaining how they didn't have sex enough, how he didn't feel jealous anymore and didn't care if Kakashi died in a mission.

That last one alone was enough to make him feel like throwing up.

And to top it all he had denied Kakashi's feelings and then asked him to keep being his friend and living together.

He'd even thanked him for being the best friend in the world.

And that had only been the beginning.

Iruka didn't want to imagine how Kakashi had felt when he'd seen the girls Iruka brought back home. If it was just a part of what Iruka was feeling right now, it must have been hell.

And he'd endured it for a month.

Iruka felt wretched. He had been a right bastard.

He wanted to go back in time and make his past self shut the fuck up, never to open his mouth and destroy with his careless words everything they'd worked for in the past years.

And all for what? Just a quick tumble with a girl who'd made him feel special for a moment? Kakashi had always made him feel special, he'd just gotten so used to it he had taken it for granted.

But there was no way to turn back time; all that was left for him was to make amends.

"You've finally noticed, haven't you Iruka-sensei?" Were the first words out of Naruto's mouth when he opened the door. He was staring at Iruka with something he had not seen directed at him before, and he wondered how he had missed the anger in those eyes for the past month.

"Who is it Naruto?" Hinata's voice reached him from inside the house and she peered around Naruto to look at him, her soft expression hardening immediately. "Oh. Iruka-sensei." She put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and forced him to move from the door. "Please come in."

He did, following them inside the house in a daze.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Iruka asked when they were sitting down with a cup of tea in their hands. No words had been spoken while they waited for Hinata to come back with the drinks, Naruto just looking at him with an expression which
reminded him of Genma's.

"Kakashi-sensei asked us not to," Hinata answered his question. He had already imagined that much, but hearing it confirmed that way made the guilt already drowning him increase.

"He said that if you didn't love him there was nothing he could do," Naruto spat, his fierce protectiveness clear in his voice. It was funny how people assumed Naruto's father figure was Iruka. He was, in a sense. But it was Kakashi the one who had trained and lived with him in the field; it was Kakashi the one who had shaped his skills and part of his personality. Iruka didn't doubt Naruto's love for him, but he had never wanted to put it to the test against his love for Kakashi. "He said he'd rather have your friendship than nothing at all. And then you just kept rubbing it in his face. Bringing girls to his home and fucking them in his bed."

"Naruto!" Hinata shouted horrified.

"What? He's put Kakashi-sensei through hell," Naruto shouted hotly, still glaring at Iruka. Iruka had though it was impossible to feel worse than he had before. He'd been wrong. "And now he's left, you've just realized that maybe you do love him after all, haven't you Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka didn't need to answer, the guilt plainly written on his face more than enough confirmation.

"You--"

"Naruto!" Hinata snapped interrupting him, taking one of his hands between hers and squeezing. "Calm down, take a breath and think about what you're going to say. Remember who you're talking to."

Surprisingly, Naruto did exactly as Hinata said. "Iruka-sensei," he said after a few seconds, his voice and expression resembling more what Iruka was used to identify with him. "I'm sorry I shouted at you, she's right. You were the first person to ever acknowledge me, to care for me. And I love you. You will always be my friend. But so is Kakashi-sensei, and had he been the one to hurt you I'd be hunting him down to kick his ass, Sharingan genius or not. "

Iruka found a small smile in him for Naruto. "I know, and you're right. You have all the reason to be angry with me, and Kakashi as well--"

"He's not angry," Naturo cut him off.

"He should."

"He's not. He's hurt and depressed, but not angry."

Iruka though about it and knew Naruto was right. Kakashi had not said or done anything to imply he was, even moving out of his own home had been a way to protect himself from more hurt, not a way to punish Iruka. Funnily enough, knowing Kakashi wasn't blaming him only made him feel more guilt.

"I'm sorry, I've been very stupid," Iruka said looking down at his hands.

"Iruka-sensei, it's not us you should be saying that to," Hinata said softly.

Iruka looked up at that and saw all the coldness had left her face, she was looking at him with sympathy. "I know, but I can't face him. Not yet."

"Well, you better get ready to face him soon," Naruto said and Iruka was glad to see he didn't appear to be furious with him anymore. "If there is something Kakashi-sensei is good at is cutting his loses. It's already affecting his work so he's bound to snap out of it sooner rather than later. You want him back, you get your arse into gear or you'll find he's already over it."

Naruto was right, Kakashi would sooner rip out his own heart than let his feelings interfere with his work.

It still didn't make it easier to know what to do.

But he had to do something.

…

It was easier said than done, Iruka realized after a week of sleepless nights which amounted to nothing.

That wasn't the only thing he realized.

He couldn't believe how he had not seen it before, but though his and Kakashi's break up wasn't the latest piece of gossip, those in the know treated Iruka with a coldness he had not felt directed at him previously. Genma was openly hostile, though he was the only one.

Gai wasn't, but that was probably due more to his weird personality that anything else. But he didn't approach Iruka to talk to him anymore, and when he did, he didn't bother with long flowery speeches. For Gai, that was as close as it got to an insult.

There were other jounins who talked to him when he met them in the mission room, but they didn't stop him in the street anymore. Nor did they invite him out as they used to.

And he never, ever managed to find Kakashi alone. He knew he was staying with Genma, but until he knew how he was going to apologize, Iruka had no intentions to go there.

Also, a quick check through his file told him Kakashi wasn't taking any solo missions, which in a way, made him feel slightly better. Only he never handed his reports anymore, so there was no chance for Iruka to see him there.

It was all a big mess. One he had created himself.

And he needed to find a way to fix it before it was too late.

…

Kakashi entered the mission room after five minutes of hesitation at the door. He had been getting confused and sympathetic looks from the people milling about while he decided whether to step in or not, depending if they knew or not, and he had finally snapped out of it and opened the door.

He had to face Iruka sooner or later.

The first thing he noticed was that Iruka looked like hell. His skin had a greyish pallor and there were shadows under his eyes, his lips were pinched in an unhappy line and his entire body seemed taut with tension. He wondered what had happened to him and couldn't help the stab of worry he felt at the sight.

Iruka didn't look up until Kakashi was standing in front of him, deciding that if he was going to do this he might as well do it properly and talk to him as well as see him. "Hello Iruka," he said, and Iruka's head snapped up at his voice, his eyes widening and an expression of pain crossing his features.

Kakashi frowned.

"Hello Kakashi," Iruka said, his voice sad and low. "Back already from your mission?" He extended his arm to receive the scroll Kakashi was holding, opening it on top of the desk and quickly scanning its contents.

Kakashi forced a smile which felt more like a grimace. "Yes, it was an easy one," he said not elaborating. Iruka had the specifics on top of his desk if he cared to check them, and he was bound to notice he had been in a joint B-rank mission. It was a bit embarrassing to say the least.

"I expected Naruto to hand your report, you haven't been coming to the mission room lately," Iruka said and Kakashi was surprised that there was no recrimination in his voice, just guilt and an infinite sadness.

It had not escaped Iruka that he was being avoided.

"Well, I'm hoping they decide to take me off the suicide watch if I prove to them I'm fine," Kakashi said in as light a tone as he could manage when he realized the words which were escaping his lips. He could have kicked himself when he saw Iruka's reaction to them, the little colour he still had draining from his face.

"Suicide watch?" Iruka breathed, horrified. "Are you--"

Kakashi shrugged, still berating himself for saying something like that. He didn't want to appear weak in front of Iruka, not did he want him to worry about what he might do. He wasn't suicidal--he had just been dumped, nothing to kill himself about.

"Maa, just one of Naruto's stupid ideas. He convinced the Hokage I wasn't fit for solo missions for a while, in case I didn't come back. So far I've been forced to go with Naruto, Genma, Shikamaru and Gai; the last one alone was enough to make sure I really kill myself," he said, a lopsided smile on his masked lips. It was enough for Iruka, who sagged in his sit and seemed to relax again. "And how are you, Iruka," he asked seriously again, looking at Iruka in the eye. "You don't look good."

Iruka shrugged minutely, looking at his hands. "I've been better," he said, barely a whisper.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked concerned. Iruka wasn't supposed to look like that, it had been some time already and even Kakashi was looking and feeling better each day. It still hurt, and he missed Iruka terribly, but he was getting over it. Iruka had been over it from the beginning, which had been sort of the problem.

"When I was about nine or ten years old," Iruka began and Kakashi frowned at the non-sequitur. He leaned forward to listen anyway. "I saw the most beautiful pendant in a shop close to the Hokage tower. It was a unique pendant, made of glass and so delicate, it reflected every single colour in the spectrum and it had a very manly, fort a nine years old boy, leather cord. I remember I pestered my mother for weeks asking her to buy it for me."

There was a nostalgic smile on Iruka's face and Kakashi couldn't help but return it.

"We weren't rich. We weren't poor, but money wasn't something we were used to waste. The pendant was expensive, too expensive for a kid and way beyond our means. But I wanted it, though I knew it was too good for me."

Kakashi's frown deepened. Iruka wasn't talking just about a glass pendant, was he?

"So my mother bought it for me, she made it look as if it was nothing but even then I knew it had cost most of her savings to get such a birthday present for me. I loved that pendant like I'd never loved a thing before. I was the happiest boy in Konoha and refused to let go of it for even one second."

Out of the corner or his eyes Kakashi noticed Naruto entering the mission room and looking at them, a frown marring his usually sunny features. The rest of the people seemed to be hanging on to Iruka's every word, Kakashi wanted to get them away from the room but that would mean interrupting Iruka, and he couldn't do that.

"The first few weeks I would wear it under my clothes so nobody else could see it, I feared the other boys would look at it and say it didn't suit me at all. It was too good, too expensive for me. I would take it out and admire it when I was home, and I kept touching it to make sure it was really there. I remember my mom used to laugh and say it was the first time I'd been so happy with a present."

Naruto gestured to Genma and got a nod in reply, and both of them began herding the people out of the mission room. Kakashi felt a rush of gratefulness for having such good friends before returning his whole attention to Iruka, who seemed not to notice anything around him, lost in his memories.

"After a while I got used to it, and really believed it was mine and I deserved to have something so beautiful. I had it on me all the time, still admiring occasionally the beautiful way it reflected the light, but usually I just wore it over my clothes for everyone to see. I did for a couple of years, until I got so used to it I didn't even acknowledge the fact that it was still there."

Kakashi just listened to Iruka's words, his heart clenching painfully with a mixture of hope and sadness.

"I finally forgot it was there and it was the most beautiful thing I had. It had been close to my heart all those years and I didn't see it anymore. One day I was walking home after class and I saw something in a shop. It was a pendant, a cheap and cute thing that sparkled and caught my attention. It was nice and pretty, I'm not going to say it wasn't. It was plastic instead of glass, exactly what a boy like me could afford, so I entered the shop and bought it. I was so excited with it when I got home that I just rushed into my room and took off the other one, dropping it I don't know where, and not really caring."

Kakashi almost winced at that, feeling sympathy for that once-loved glass pendant now being carelessly discarded. He knew how that felt. Iruka smiled sadly at him, nodding a bit seeing Kakashi understood what he was telling him.

"For a while I was the happiest boy again, it felt strange to have something cheap and light on me, but it wasn't a bad feeling. And if I missed the weight of the glass I told myself I didn't, and thought no more of it."

The mission room was in complete silence, almost as if they were alone though Kakashi could feel Naruto's and Genma's presence close by.

"One day my mother asked me what had happened to her present, wondering if I didn't like it anymore. I said I did, but I liked the new one better. She looked at me disappointed, she said she knew I would find other things I liked sooner or later, but that she expected me to be more careful with it. It was precious and had been costly to obtain, she thought I would take better care of it. She had found it under my bed when she was cleaning, dusty and forgotten like so many other toys I outgrew with time. She had hoped I knew how especial this thing was but I was too young and selfish then to know." A wistful smile. "I don't seem to have changed much."

"You--" he tried, not knowing what to say but aching to relieve the hurt he could see in Iruka's face. Iruka shook his head, still smiling that sad, longing smile.

"I didn't know how precious it was, but she did. She started wearing the glass pendant and seeing it on her, I wanted it back. Suddenly the plastic one I bought was just a cheap thing next to the beautiful one I once had, but I didn't know how to ask for it again. She was right; I had been careless and lost something especial. Seeing it on her every day was hard, and the more I didn't have it the more I appreciated what I lost. But I still didn't know what to say to get it back."

There was a strangled noise and Kakashi realized it had come from him. He didn't want to hope, but every one of Iruka's words made him believe there was a reason to.

"What happened then, with the pendant?" He heard himself asking when the silence stretched.

"She was still wearing it that night," and there was no need to say which night he was talking about. "I had almost gathered the courage to tell her I wanted it back, and I decided I would when they came back from the fight. I didn't know, I couldn't know, I would never have that chance again."

Kakashi stood frozen, still staring at Iruka and waiting for something. He knew Iruka had told him that story for a reason, and it wasn't so difficult to imagine why.

"You asked what was wrong. There it is: I'm still not wiser than when I was twelve. I had something beautiful and precious, something I probably didn't deserve, and let it go. I had to see someone else touching what was mine to figure it out, and now I have no idea how to get it back. I'm just wondering, after what you just said, if it might be too late again when I finally gather my courage."

Kakashi saw how Iruka stared at him, his expression serious and a bit hopeful. The seconds stretched in silence and Kakashi still couldn't move. Part of him wanted to tell Iruka he could have his precious thing back, but he had been discarded once and he was wary. This time it might not have broken him completely, there was no telling what would do to him the next time Iruka changed his mind again.

"I guess I am too late already," Iruka muttered under his breath and stood up. "For what is worth, I'm sorry," he said circling the desk and moving past Kakashi towards the door.

Kakashi was still frozen on the spot, a thousand different thoughts swirling in his head. It was the sound of the door opening what snapped him out of it. "Iruka wait."

A heavy silence answered him and the door closed. Kakashi didn't turn around, just closed his eyes and hung his head, defeated. Maybe it was better that way.

"Yes?"

He opened his eyes again, still not turning around. "Maybe that glass pendant never wanted to be someone else's, just yours. Maybe, if it wasn't too late, it'd want to be back with you, against your skin, but it'd be wary. How long would it take for you to find plastic prettier again? Would it be forced to see you wearing something else sooner or later? Remember that glass might appear to be very hard, but it actually is very fragile, it might have survived being discarded once, a second time would shatter it."

The very room seemed to hold its breath at Kakashi's words, not just at his candid admission of his fear and hurt, but also waiting for Iruka's reaction. Kakashi was glad it was just them and Genma and Naruto still in the room or he wouldn't have been able to say it.

And it needed saying.

"I can't promise to never fall out of love with it," Iruka's voice was close, almost next to Kakashi. "But I can promise to treat it with care this time, never let it fall carelessly or forget its value. And I will never, ever, let it break."

Kakashi turned around at that, Iruka was standing right in front of him, his expression one of wonder and hope. Kakashi smiled at him.

"Iruka, I'm not even going to pretend I need to think about it," he said unable to keep the amusement off his voice. He was terribly amused at himself and how easy he was, but the truth was he wanted his relationship back and he wasn't going to risk it trying to salvage his pride. At least not risk much of it. "You know my answer is going to be yes, you can have your precious thing back." Iruka smiled at him and took a step closer, their bodies almost touching. Kakashi took a step back. "But you hurt me and I'm not ready to go back to the way things were."

Iruka nodded, looking determined and serious, his smile dimming a bit. Kakashi felt slightly bad for that. "I understand. What do you want me to do?"

"I'll be staying at Genma's for a little while." It didn't escape his notice the glare Iruka shot Genma at those words and he suppressed a chuckle at that. Iruka was jealous. Things were looking up again. "I can't just move back home if I want to take things slowly, and I want to take them slowly."

Another nod. "I see. I can't kiss you yet, then?" Iruka said and he sounded so disappointed Kakashi was about to say the hell with it and do it.

"No. But I'll let you hold my hand in our first date," he said, unable to resist teasing Iruka a bit now.

They stared at each other I silence and, suddenly, they burst out laughing, the last bit of tension vanishing from the room. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed the sound until just then.

"Fine, I'll pick you up tonight and treat you to dinner," Iruka said before turning to Naruto. "The show is over Naruto, I think we need to reopen the mission room before the Hokage breaks down the door wondering what's going on."

"Tsunade-baba helped me clear the room Iruka-sensei," Naruto said grinning and Iruka blushed. His expression turned serious again and he fixed Iruka with a glare. "Remember, last chance. Next time I'll kick your arse, regardless of what Kakashi-sensei says."

"I know. Now move it, I have to finish my work here quick if I want to go back home and get ready for my date tonight," he looked straight at Kakashi and smiled at him. "I have a very important date and I want it to be perfect."

Kakashi smiled back, feeling a rush of warmth healing all the hurt from the previous month.

Suddenly he couldn't wait for the night to come.

…

*Fin*