Fanfiction: Awkward Love (one-shot)
Characters: Tackey and Tsubasa
Pairing: TakiTsuba
Genre: Fluff
Rating: G
Summary: Unspoken love tears Takki up. But would the consequences of confessing it be even more unbearable?
Disclaimer: It's no secret.
Density of Love
My fingers are all wrinkled like that of an old man's. It's as if time has suddenly sped forward and I've become Hideji, the ojisan (grandfather) that I've so often portrayed in my butais. I wonder what kind of future awaits me. What kind of future would I have created? Would we still be friends or more than friends? Would he even still be there or would he have died before me like I so often played out? Or would he be like now, waiting for me in bed? I smile a little. That thought warms my heart and twitches mini-me.
No! Think Mother Mary! I chide myself at my impure thoughts. For distraction, I splash water up my arms then envelope my legs to my chest. But like a persistent mosquito in the night, my aikata surfaces again and this time he's wearing an ero grin on his face. Damn it! I bury my blushing face as if somehow he can see through the walls and detect my suspicious behaviour and lecherous thoughts.
But what would Tsubaji look like? I concede defeat. There's just no way of getting him out of my mind. Would he be sporting a hige or maybe even a beard? Noooo! The horror! Childishly, I scold myself for even contemplating it for a split second. Would he still be as hot, sexy-?
'No! Mother Mary!' I say aloud this time, as if voicing it is any help.
But whatever the future holds, there's no escaping the present. If I stay any longer in the bath, Tsubasa's not going to recognise me anymore.
When I'm finally ready for bed, it's already very late. Is he asleep? Part of me hopes so. It has already taken everything in me to say a cool, unaffected, 'Sure,' when he asked if he could sleep over, just like old times. What should I do or say if he's still awake? But I also want to hear his voice. I miss it. I miss him, everything about him. I miss his smile, his scent, his light brushes and accidental touches.
My bedroom is dark, illuminated by only the occasional beams from the street below. But I can tell that his eyes are closed. God, he's beautiful. You must have loved him so much to lavish that much attention on him. I'd even be a little jealous if I'm not that bad-looking myself.
As I silently ninja my way into bed, Tsubasa suddenly said, 'Finally.'
'You're still awake?'
'No, I'm sleep-talking here. Please just ignore me,' he jests, then turning a little more serious, he confesses, 'I'm waiting for you.'
'Hahaha, that sounded so wrong,' I make light of the statement, pretending that it didn't make me feel so good.
'Are you tired?'
'Dead beat, like an old man!'
'Hideji?'
'Hahaha. Yes, yes, Tsubaji.' Promptly, I turn to my side and pretend to sleep. I can't let Tsubasa see the flush on my face. Although I'm quite certain he doesn't have infra-red vision, it's still better to be careful.
So this is it, our first night together in the longest time and I have my back against him. Why? What happened? When did everything become so hard? How did even breathing around him seem so diffic-?
'Tsubasa?' He is suddenly very close and has his left arm around my waist.
'Is it all right if I do this for a while?'
Despite my tense muscles and irregular breathing, I mumble a grunt. Is this all I'm capable of, when Tsubasa has already done so much? I feel sick, sick to the core of my meekness, my helplessness, my stupidity. I feel so sick that my eyes moist and my nose sour. I'm such a girl. I hate myself. I despise myself.
'I love you.'
Wait.... what just happened? What did I just say? No, he didn't hear it. He didn't hear it. It's too soft. It can't be heard. We're safe. I'm saf-.
'I know.'
What?! He heard it. But wait... what did he say? What does that mean? He knows and... ?
The silence is killing me.
'When did you know?' That's such a stupid question; even I don't know the answer.
'When we did that song RUN RUN RUN at that SMAP concert. You know, way back in October 99.'
'But that was aeons ago?!' Flabbergasted, I turn towards him, forgetting all prior embarrassment.
'Yeah. When we were singing that song, at one point, you looked at me and smiled. I knew then.'
'You knew what?'
'That you love me.'
'What?! That's crazy!'
'Love's crazy.'
'So you mean I've been loving you so long and I didn't know?'
'Yap, you've been loving me all this while and you just didn't realise it. Actually, it's not that hard to believe. Because I'm that hot and you're that dense.'
'Damn it, Tsubasa! Just because I love you don’t mean I won't hate you.'
The next thing I know, Tsubasa pounces on me and pins me down with a tight bear hug.
'Nay, you love me too much.'
I giggle a little too girlishly. But I can't help it, I'm too happy.
'You're such a love expert, Tsubasa,' I gush.
'Nope, I'm not that good. I'm just a Takki-expert.'
'Ne, Takki-expert, then do you love me?' That was my most saccharin impersonation. You'd better say yes. But dropping me like a hot potato, my beloved turns around and feigning indifference says, 'I'm tired. Let's talk about it tomorrow.'
'I don't care! Say you love me now!' I demand. Nobody denies the Takki the Great. I tickle the older boy with all the fervour of a scorned woman on a vengeance. And since I know all his sensitive spots, he surrenders in no time.
'Love you!' He shouts as he gasps for air.
'You love who?' I'm not going to let him off so easy.
'I love you.' He struggles as my fingers closes in on chin chin ii.
'Who?'
'Takki. I love Takki!'
'Who loves Takki?'
'Tsubasa loves Takki!' Bingo, I release my death tickle, a little grudgingly, though. I just love pawing all over him.
'Since when?'
'Since.... I first saw you,' he answers with palms hiding his face, 'I can't believe I actually said that.'
'Love at first sight? But we were only 13.'
'I just knew, okay?' Tsubasa replies from behind his hands.
'Wow, you must really be an expert. Wait, even when we hated each other's guts?'
'Yeah, it's a love-hate relationship. There were times I didn't like loving you either, but the heart wants what the heart wants. And it wants you. I want you.' With that, the uncharacteristically shy boy abruptly sinks into bed and pulls the cover over him. But sensing no sign of objection from me, he resurfaces soon.
'What's wrong, ba-baby?
'I'm sorry,' I apologise, tearing up again.
'For what?'
'For not loving you sooner. I feel so bad. You've been loving me so long but I-'
'Baka! Love's not a competition.' He chides gently as he strokes my cheeks lightly. I like that; he can do that all night. But apparently, he has other plans.
'You can make up for it, if you want.'
'How?' I ask a little too eagerly. Then he pulls my right hand and places it on not-so-Little Tsubasa.
Suddenly distracted, I ask, 'But what if our relationship goes south?'
'You're really not very bright, are you? I'm Hentai Tsubasa and you're Ero Takki, we're a match made in heaven! And right now, I actually wouldn't mind our relationship going down south, if you know what I mean.' Tsubasa's eye signal is hard to miss, but so is the evidence of his desire.
Getting the hint and very keen on paying my love debt to Tsubasa, I make this promise, 'Tsubasa, I'll make you a very happy man!'
Stroking my cheeks again with his thumb, then my lips, Tsubasa smiles and says, 'You already have, everyday for the past 15 years of my life.'
A statement like this simply fires up the X-chromosome in me. Forsaking sex, I dive into him and kiss him, kiss him like my life depends on it.
Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe we're getting old, sometime in between our needy smooches, we fall asleep. Pity about the sex. But then again, we still have tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that and...
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