Relationships become very complicated very quickly, don't they?

[evil_admiral]

The last time I posted in here, I had just been dumped. But since then I have met a really nice guy, and I am starting to develop some serious feelings for him. We've been dating for about three months now, and I really like what he offers. I would like to move to serious dating with him, and I have told him that. The great thing is that his

Comments

[sourdick]

Just stop being a whore, and try being honest with yourself and your partners. God, its not rocket-fucking-science here.

[derflughafen]

Lol

[shuffle81]

I have to say, I couldn't agree more.

[keinaubergine]

yeah its pretty common sense

[weekend_play]

You referred to the other guy as your boyfriend's partner.

That should answer any questions you have.

[rogonandi]

You should date someone who isn't 'on hiatus' from a previous/another relationship.

[derflughafen]

God wtf, are boyfriends falling out of trees or something? Maybe there are benefits to hooking up...

[derflughafen]

Nooooooooooo

[evil_admiral]

Yay for manhunt (and Grindr)...

[shonokin]

So basically this guy loved his partner to the extent that rather than move on after they separated, he is willing to wait five years for him to return

[evil_admiral]

So basically this guy loved his partner to the extent that rather than move on after they separated, he is willing to wait five years for him to return.

Well they were together for four years. So there's something there. At the time (and until me) my bf's assumption was that since he works night shift in his job (usually like 10pm to 6am) with odd weekly blocks of days (like his "Monday" might be on a Thursday), he was unlikely to meet someone who would put up with that.

Thanks for the advice, though #1 is unfeasable to do our strong chemistry and emotional connections at this point; I respect boundaries too much to attempt #2 (it has to be his decision and his alone); and while I have nothing against poly relationships, I don't think its for me.

[_candide_]

it sounds to me like they moved to an open-relationship due to the separation. They may not have discussed polyamory.

They need to.

When it comes to polyamory … real polyamory, not covering-up-being-an-asshole-by-calling-it-polyamory … all parties have to maintain "nonstandard" relationships with each other. Ferinstance, if Ed is in love with Jude and Alan, he loves Jude for who Jude is, not because he's not Alan. And Jude and Alan will have a form of relationship with each other, not merely, "through Ed," but because of who they each are as people - and it won't look like what we're used to when we hear the word, "relationship."

(Lotta extra maintenance there, far more than what's required for a 2-person relationship. That's why polyamory isn't very common, not because it's, "immoral," but because it's too much effort.)

So your beau needs to have a long, honest talk with his partner. Mainly, about what makes their relationship. That, by definition, has nothing to do with you. You're not involved, nor should you be.

Your

[evil_admiral]

I don't know about my bf or his former partner, but polyamory (in general) just wouldn't work for me. At least when it comes to a relationship, more than one guy is enough (hell, just casually dating two guys at once was enough of a headache!). Plus, it would be hard for me to get past the jealousy and insecurity from that type of arrangement.

Your responsibility is realizing that you're not the primary. You're not, "the other woman," not in true polyamory. You're not, "lesser than." You just weren't there first. You have to respect that.

That hard, especially knowing that the bf and I have amazing chemistry, I rock his world in bed (apparently unlike his former partner when they would have sex), and it feels so right with him.