Because I said so...

[auntbijou]

Dear Principals, Teachers, and other concerned adults,

You wanna prevent bullying in schools? Really? Want me to tell you how? Okay, stop with all the "Oh, let's build up self-esteem and tell the bulliessocially awkward and overly enthusiastic children that bullying is wrong and hurts people!!" crap, because y'all have been doing that for

Comments

[elfwreck]

You tell them it won't be tolerated, and then you don't tolerate it. You call the police and file charges on the behalf of the school and the victim. You fine the parents. You do whatever you have to do to make it damn hard for them to get away with it. You give the damn bullies consequences.

Ah, hell, most of 'em don't even need consequences. They just need to be caught. They need an adult--someone in a position of authority--to say I see what you're doing; STOP IT NOW..

Immediately, in public, not later in private with soft weasel-words. They need someone to physically put herself between the bully and the target and say NO, NOT THIS TIME. No, not text time either; I'm still watching.

They grow up thinking "I can do anything I want to if I'm willing to pay the price later." And usually, the price-later is tiny, but they grow up aware that hey, even if it's big, nobody's going to stop them, they just *might* be made to pay. Later. If anyone (of higher rank) noticed

[auntbijou]

Ah, hell, most of 'em don't even need consequences. They just need to be caught.

That's the problem here, mostly. I think too many teachers are overwhelmed with everything they're expected to do, along with teaching, and they're turning their heads to look the other way when the bullying starts, telling themselves it's just a game, or boys being boys, or the girls are just play-acting...

And then they're surprised when something happens, or when a parent goes ballistic and shows up at the school to file a complaint.

It's infuriating, and so unnecessary!

[luci0logy]

IN THE RESTROOM!!!

I had a tour of the new academy that's been built to replace the failing local secondary school and was impressed to see that the restrooms don't have doors on them so you can see the sinks clearly; only the cubicles where one does one's business have doors on. Seems obvious now.

[auntbijou]

Yeah, it does, doesn't it? When I was in elementary, the restroom doors were always left wide open during the day and only closed and locked at night when no one was around. By the time I got to junior high, the doors were closed, and oh, boy, was that bad news.

How hard is it to have custodial staff pop a head into the restrooms every thirty minutes? Especially if you have a large custodial staff where at least half spends 3 to 4 hours sitting around waiting for something to do?

It's a start, at least.

[auntbijou]

You can't be your kids' best friend, or their buddy. You have to be their parent, and that sometimes means having to do things kids don't like. As I've told both my kids when I've had to ground them, or take away privileges and they protest about not liking it, "Hey, it's a punishment, you're not supposed to like it!"

[acoustics1220]

HEY! I was pointed in this direction by a fellow flister, and I just wanted to ask if it was okay that I promote this post on my LJ as well?

:)

[auntbijou]

It's fine by me. Maybe it will hit someone who can start an avalanche.

[dane_wiltshire]

You sing it, sista!!

My parents used to barge into the school office -- and I do mean BARGE -- when I was constantly bullied in junior high. I remember my mother, screeching at the top of her lungs in her deep voice, "OH, HE'LL SEE ME NOW...or he can wait five minutes for the sheriff to escort me in!"

I would suggest a postscript to your open letter: Children who are allowed to get away with bullying, become adult bullies -- try having one of those as your boss for a year!