I don’t know.
Neither of them know what the other wants.
Mblaq/T-ara; mir/jiyeon. 852 words.
❦for
firequakes who wrote me
awesome seungho/soyeon fic.
Chulyong had a smile that lights up a room - that’s what first drew her towards him. His smile was so carefree and so constant and more than anything, Jiyeon wanted to feel like she had a piece of it. She hadn’t counted on falling in love with it. He was attracted to her curves and her dominating stage presence, and the tinkle of her laugh in his ear when he kissed down her neck.
Her breath catches in her throat when he pulls away right after a hand slips under her shirt, fingers exploring up her stomach. He’s fierce when he’s in love; he’d text her all the time, take her out to eat at night to small hole-in-the-wall places that have some of the best food she ever ate, and for all that he was the biggest pervert she’d ever met, she really liked him.
But after a while, all of that started to wear down at her. They were eating in another small restaurant, both wearing disguises so that fans wouldn’t recognize them (just in case) and he was smiling, humming a little song as he ate his sangyupsal. She shifted her legs under the table, sitting back in her seat and watching him.
He wore a mask - and she was surprised to realize that it took this long to notice. She never had any idea what he was thinking, and you’d think it’d be her who would be hard to read, but no, he read her like a book.
“Chulyong,” she started, placing her chopsticks on her plate.
He looked up suddenly, “are you full? Want to go for a walk by the river?”
The smile he gave her was charming and sharp, showing off the perfect rows of teeth. She smiled back, a little taken aback.
“Sure,” she said, listening to his mindless chatter without hearing anything he was saying. It was hard for her to try to talk about each other when he looked so happy.
-
She liked him, maybe even loved him. But she wasn’t the issue - it was him, she was sure of it. She wanted to ask him what he thought about them, what he thought about their relationship. She wanted to ask if he ever got tired of making out and if he ever wanted to go onward with their relationship. She wanted to ask if he ever thought about coming public with it even if his fans would tear her apart. It’d be good publicity, the managers all told her, but no one wanted that stress.
Jiyeon tore at the napkin in her lap and stared down at the spaghetti on her plate. She’d hardly touched it. This time, he’d taken her to some Italian restaurant, although she wasn’t sure how Italian the side bowl of kimchi was. When she looked up, he was looking at her with an expression so open and thoughtful that she was surprised that he could even manage it.
“Are you happy?” He asked, and she could see by the way he was working his fork in his hands that it took a lot for him to ask it. “I mean, I don’t really know what’s on your mind and I hope it’s not anything bad,” he said, scratching his cheek.
Surprised, Jiyeon laughed, poking at her spaghetti with her fork. “I’m thinking that you’re going to make me fat on purpose.”
He frowned, “no I mean, I asked my hyung’s why you’re distant, but no one knows.” He shrugged. The frown looked wrong on his face.
“I don’t know what’s on your mind either,” Jiyeon said, digging at him. “We’re both two different people. I’m not you.” She huffed a little, dragging her thumbnail across her lip and wondering why she was acting like this.
She watched him give a small, breathless little embarrassed smile. “I mean what do you think…about me?” She was a little surprised that they were both wondering the same thing. They never really talked about themselves - they talked about everything else instead.
Chulyong wasn’t really good with words, but she knew that he was also incredibly honest. So when he asked, she tried to give a good answer. Even if he was stupid, he was also smart in some things, other things. He was weird, he had this weird sense of humor and laughed at things that weren’t funny. She was sure he was an alien half the time, and he had a very good argument for why they could be real.
She folded her napkin and placed it on her plate, reaching across the table to take his hand. “If you let me pay today, and if we can go to an amusement park, I’ll tell you.”
Tell him someday, that she maybe, quite possibly, loves him. She couldn’t read his mind, he was too weird for that. But she could open up her heart to him a little, day by day, until she had all of it laid open and bare because she knew that Chulyong wouldn’t break it. Not on purpose. He wasn’t that kind of guy.