Boys With Girlfriends -- Chapter Nine
Title: Boys With Girlfriends
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Jacob, Bella, Edward (genderswap)
Genre: Romance/Humor/Angst
Warnings: Bad language and explicit sexuality.
banner courtesy of FatedFeathers
banner courtesy of blink_1nce
Summary: A boy gets dumped by a vampire and a wolfgirl tries to cheer him up. A genderswap rewrite of New Moon and Eclipse. ( Click here to start from the beginning.)
Eclipse Scene Three:
i've been living in the shadows of your song
Arcade Fire, "Suburban War"
"You're wearing your ring," Lucas says, staring at Mary's left hand.
Her smile is sweet as she holds up her fingers in the early light, which is clear this far above the clouds; the diamonds sparkle nearly as much as she does. "I thought it was time." Her voice is sweet, too, but there's a steel behind it, and she's wrong, it is not time.
"Please don't," Lucas finds himself saying. Mary's golden eyes widen with hurt, and that stabs at him like always, but he holds his ground. Just this once. "Soon, but not today. Today's bad."
"Today's perfect." Mary winds her arms around his neck. They make him shiver, because it's still really cold out and the snow is soaking into his shoes. "I'm tired of hiding," she murmurs. "I'm not embarrassed. Are you?"
"No, but--"
"Then there's no problem."
There's a hundred thousand problems. "Listen, I know you're upset--" she has every right to be upset, God he's such a fuck up "--but I mean it."
"So do I. I'm proud that I'm going to be Mrs. Lucas Swan. I want the whole world to know how happy you've made me."
It isn't the whole world that he's worried about, and he knows it's not the whole world Mary's worried about, either. It's one person. The person who makes a noise behind him because of course she's walked up at that moment, because that's how everything is going right now.
"You're getting married," Ruth says flatly. "You're getting married."
Lucas twists out of Mary's arms, half-expecting her not to let him go but she does, at least there's that. "Ruth, hang on--"
She doesn't.
He wheels on his fiancee, angrier than he can ever remember being in his life. "You knew she was listening."
Mary gives him a level stare. "I think she deserves to know the truth, don't you?" she says, and again yes Lucas gets that Mary's upset and that there would have to be consequences for what happened but this is not okay, none of this is okay, and he's going to have to make it better even if he has absolutely no idea how.
He chases after Ruth.
***
He'd asked Mary not to tell people; she hadn't understood, but when he'd pointed out that everyone in school would immediately start asking when the baby was due, the ring disappeared into her pocket. And Lucas had heaved a sigh of relief.
It wasn't that he was ashamed of being... engaged, shit, how did that happen? He'd asked, of course, it was his idea... anyway, the problem wasn't shame nearly so much as needing to make sure he had an explanation that didn't involve a broken condom. Lucas thought that was kinda funny, in a way, given that that was about as far from the truth as it was possible to get. As it could ever get, for that matter.
Well, he'd make an awful dad anyway.
Mostly, though, he had needed a plan of some kind to tell Ruth, because it wasn't like she wouldn't hear about it. When Charlie found out -- a nightmare in and of itself -- he would tell Billy and then it was going to be bad. Fuck, things were already bad, except 'bad' no longer seemed like the right word for what was going on. 'Bad' was what you said when your car broke down -- which his had, it wouldn't start for some reason, but when he'd poked at the engine it made a scary noise and he'd backed away before his attempt at repairs made it explode. This situation needed a stronger word than 'bad', because he had the sneaking suspicion that Ruth was not going to take the news well. And he'd suspected that before she climbed naked into his bed while he was sleeping.
Which, by the way, had been another thing that 'bad' didn't cover. 'Fucked up' didn't do it either. He needed a whole new language to explain that night.
Not that there'd been anyone to use the language with, because he and Ruth weren't speaking again, and he sure as hell wasn't going to tell Mary.
***
Lucas misses the desert, but he has to admit that the scenery here in Washington is really amazing. He kind of wishes he had the chance to, y'know, look once in awhile instead of only seeing it when something terrible is happening. "Ruth, wait!"
"Fuck you."
"Just hang on for a--"
"No. Fuck you." Ruth turns to face him, and her black eyes are bright with a sort of manic gleam that Lucas has never seen before but doesn't like at all. "I'm done. I am so done."
He says the only thing he can think of: "Tell me what to do." There has to be a solution to all this, something he can do that isn't just going to shove someone off a fucking cliff.
Ruth snorts. "I've got a battle to get to," she says instead of answering. "Have fun up here with the corpse."
Shit. "Wait for a little bit." Fuck, she has to wait. He can't let her storm off to fight a bunch of vampires when she's like this, her head's not in the game and the they'll rip her apart-- "Just take a few minutes, okay? Walk around or something."
"Nuh-uh. I'd rather go play with some bloodsuckers." Ruth's gaze flicks over Lucas' shoulder, back towards the tent. "Unless you'll let me at yours."
He can't speak, because what is he supposed to say?
Ruth gives him the wolf-smirk that he hates. "Yeah, I didn't think so," she says. "'Bye now. Have a great fucking life."
"No!" Lucas shouts quickly. "Jesus, just don't go like this, you'll get yourself killed!"
"So what?"
His heart stops.
***
The Pack had made it very clear -- in about as many ways as possible that didn't involve hieroglyphics or billboards -- that they could care less whether Lucas lived or died. The only reason they were helping with his protection was because they weren't interested in letting a vampire army run around eating people and otherwise causing havoc near their territory. We're going to kill the leeches, Sam had said at the How To Destroy Newborns training session, then you're all on your own. Then he'd glared at Lucas so hard that Lucas had literally taken a step backwards. And I do mean all of you.
Ruth had been there too. Ruth hadn't acknowledged his presence. At the time he'd thought that had been for the best, since he was still pissed about the late night visit thing -- because, seriously, what the fuck -- but afterwards he'd really wished he'd tried to talk to her. Even though whatever he'd have come up with to say would have made things worse. It was becoming increasingly clear that was all he could do, just keep making things worse.
At least Mary was happy. She and Alice had been picking out wedding invitations.
For distraction purposes and a general interest in keeping the only human out of the line of supernatural fire, Lucas had agreed to hide up on a cliff side for the duration of the battle. To hide his human scent Embry had carried Lucas up the mountain, slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and somehow that Lucas was sure was completely by accident, Embry kept dropping him on rocks. By the time they arrived at the campsite Lucas felt like he'd fallen off the motorbike again.
Mary was staying with him and sitting out the battle. I have to make sure you're safe, love. Which at least had meant she would be safe too.
Ruth had been there too, but she'd refused to phase to human, so Lucas had had to ask Mary what was up. The wolves want to keep track of us before the battle, and it seems she's the only one who won't attempt to injure you, Mary had said.
Lucas hadn't been entirely sure of that.
The problem -- well, one of them -- had been the snowstorm that hit in the middle of the night, which led to Mary bemoaning Alice's lack of weather-related foresight and Lucas to go basically incoherent with hypothermia. During one of his moments of lucidity he reflected that it was sort of anticlimactic to just freeze to death in a tent, and also that it would be really hard for people to explain what the hell he'd been doing out here, considering his idea of camping was staying at a Motel 8.
He'd heard the conversation, but had a hard time understanding it. Fine, whatever, but get the fuck out.
I'll do no such thing.
Then no deal. I'm tired too, bitch, and your stink'll keep me up. Beat it or I'll let him freeze.
I know that you wouldn't.
Really? Read my mind.
A few moments later a wonderful heat had curled up against his body, and it only took about thirty seconds for Lucas to fall asleep.
***
"Don't joke about that," Lucas says slowly. "That's not funny."
"Who said I was joking?" Ruth's short hair ruffles in the breeze and her breath's coming in short bursts and shit fuck goddamn it she's fucking serious-- "It'd make your life way easier if I got killed down there."
"That is not fucking true." He feels like he's going to pass out. "Don't say that shit when you know it's not--"
"It'll be great! You and your corpse bride can sparkle off into the sunset--"
"I won't--"
"--she'll bite you and that's almost like a hickey--"
"Goddamn it, Ruth--"
"--you can stop by my tombstone once a century or something--"
"Shut the fuck up!"
His voice echoes through the valley, and even the birds are quiet for a second. Lucas hadn't known he could shout that loud, but then again, he's never really had a reason to. Even Ruth looks surprised.
"C'mon," he begs, quieter and everything hurts. "Don't do this to me. Not you."
But Ruth's smile shows all her teeth. Did the wolf put this coldness in her, or was it the vampires, or was it all him? "Oh, I get it. If I'd tried jumping off a cliff, you wouldn't've gone to Italy. That's how it works. I should've done this months ago, yeah?"
Jesus fucking Christ. "Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Anything."
"Bullshit."
"I mean it." He does.
There's a long beat while Ruth looks at him, then down at the valley, then back again. "Why should I stick around?" she asks, and it's like she's trying to be haughty but the tone's not right. "What do you want me for? Does the leech need a bridesmaid?"
Lucas doesn't take the bait. "You know how important you are. Don't pull that girl-riddle crap and act like you don't."
"Uh-huh." Ruth steps forward a few paces. "Prove it, then."
"How?"
She looks him right in the eye and says, "Kiss me."
***
Lucas had found himself having the most vivid dream yet. He was in his bedroom, and Ruth was back, but she was different -- or, rather, the same as she'd been before everything got fucked eight ways from Sunday. This time he didn't tell her to leave. She'd straddled him, and leaned back and pulled off her sweatshirt and grinned and oh shit this was not going to take very long at all. She kissed her way down his chest, he had literally the hottest girl in the world on top of him and--
--no, wait, she wasn't on top of him. She was on her side and so was he, she was spooned against him, and he could smell her hair and her sweat--
--and the mildew of the tent.
Lucas had opened his eyes to find his arm locked around Ruth's waist, holding her body against his. He was grinding against her ass like some kid humping a pillow. Even through like eight layers of clothes he could feel her heat against his dick.
He'd frozen and prayed to whoever might be listening -- probably no one -- that she hadn't noticed.
Like he had that kind of luck.
Ruth made a plaintive noise and pressed herself backwards and closer. Keep going, she'd whispered, and her voice was all thick with sleep too. Don't stop.
Lucas was tired. And he was cold. And he missed Ruth. And he really, really didn't want to stop.
So he didn't.
Acting on instinct because that was basically all he'd been capable of he bowed his body around hers, pressing against every inch he possibly could and grinding hard, and he let go of her waist and just flat out reached under her shirt without stopping to even apologize and she whimpered, actually fucking whimpered like wanted him to do these things and her hand came around to hold onto his shoulder and it didn't matter that they were both still clothed and in a snowstorm and he had bruises all over from being dropped on rocks. Lucas was positive it couldn't be any better if he was actually inside her.
Which he could have been. He'd known he could.
But he didn't even get to make a decision about that because the thought alone did the trick. It just felt too good. After about three more hard thrusts the friction had him moaning against the back of her head, and he came so hard he'd seen spots.
Holy fuck.
After a few hazy moments Ruth had shifted, then reached out to fumble with the duffel bag, and the next thing he realized she'd pressed a wad of toilet paper into his hand. He'd automatically rolled away from her and reached down into his jeans to clean himself up as best he could, but man, what a mess.
Ruth sat up and looked down at him. If she'd used her sunny smile in that moment that probably would have been it.
Instead she'd smirked and said, You owe me one.
Lucas stared at her, and a moment later his face had started to burn. He turned onto his side quickly, facing the opposite side of the tent and wondered what he was going to do about the smell before morning, because it wasn't like Mary wasn't going to notice.
Ruth stretched out against his back. He didn't push her away because it was still freezing, but when she'd said Feel better now? he seriously considered frostbite as a reasonable alternative. He'd never been so fucking embarrassed in his life.
Fine, he'd said bitterly. I'm human. What's your point?
There hadn't been any movement for a long moment, but then Ruth had wrapped her arms around him from behind like one of her old hugs. You're human. That's my point.
When he woke up in the morning Ruth was gone from the tent and Mary sat in the corner, just looking at him. Before he'd even had a chance to say anything she'd whispered, It's okay. I know it was her fault.
He'd basically wanted to die.
***
"Kiss you," Lucas repeats.
"Uh-huh. That's not so much, yeah?"
No, it's not. In fact it's suspiciously not so much. "But we've already kissed."
Ruth shakes her head and takes another step closer. "Nah, see, that was me kissing you. Not the same. So you do it this time. You kiss me."
It's a trap! "I don't know how that's supposed to prove anything." Shit, is there a point system or something? It's obviously not just a kiss that she wants, so what's she expecting, is he about to spend the next six months of his life staring at a wall going over this conversation again and again and again wondering what it was he was supposed to have said that would change everything?
Too much time is passing as he tries to think.
"Well, then, forget it," Ruth says. She turns away. "I've gotta be--"
"No, stop." He lunges forward and grabs her arm. "I'll do it." The look of suspicious disbelief that Ruth gives him is awful, so Lucas closes his eyes so he won't have to see it. He leans down and presses his lips to hers.
He doesn't know what she's looking for and he doesn't know a lot of ways to kiss and he's engaged and shouldn't be doing this.
A moment later he pulls back and searches her expression for some sign of approval or, well, anything. Ruth exhales slowly, then looks up at him and says, "That sucked. No wonder all the girls you kiss want to kill themselves."
And it is way too much.
He grabs the back of her head and kisses her again but it's not nice or sweet or anything remotely like he'd tried to go for or has ever done because he's too angry to be nice or give a shit in general and Lucas knows he's a screw up and knows he deserves stuff like this but fuck, she'd promised she wouldn't hurt him, and he'd actually believed that promise because Ruth was the one who made it but they're still here and it hurts as bad as anything he can imagine.
Lucas expects her to shove him away with all of that wolfstrength and say something even worse, probably with the same smugness she'd thrown at him last night in the tent. He does not expect her to gasp and kiss him back just as hard. Harder, maybe.
It makes something shift and crack and then it's not too rough or too soft or half-asleep. It's not based on how she's hot or how he's hard up or all those other things he'd thought. Her mouth molds to his and it's not any of that, it's just the kiss Lucas has been wanting to give Ruth for months, and it doesn't hurt at all.
She mumbles something obscene against his lips as her fingers tangle in his hair.
He loves the way she curses.
Shit, he loves her.
And in that moment, when Ruth pulls away and looks like the girl who used to trip over her boots, Lucas knows that they are all completely, totally screwed.
***
Next: The Second Breakup
Author: audreyii_fic
Fandom: Twilight (Team Jacob)
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Jacob, Bella, Edward (genderswap)
Genre: Romance/Humor/Angst
Warnings: Bad language and explicit sexuality.
banner courtesy of FatedFeathers
banner courtesy of blink_1nce
Summary: A boy gets dumped by a vampire and a wolfgirl tries to cheer him up. A genderswap rewrite of New Moon and Eclipse. ( Click here to start from the beginning.)
Eclipse Scene Three:
i've been living in the shadows of your song
Arcade Fire, "Suburban War"
"You're wearing your ring," Lucas says, staring at Mary's left hand.
Her smile is sweet as she holds up her fingers in the early light, which is clear this far above the clouds; the diamonds sparkle nearly as much as she does. "I thought it was time." Her voice is sweet, too, but there's a steel behind it, and she's wrong, it is not time.
"Please don't," Lucas finds himself saying. Mary's golden eyes widen with hurt, and that stabs at him like always, but he holds his ground. Just this once. "Soon, but not today. Today's bad."
"Today's perfect." Mary winds her arms around his neck. They make him shiver, because it's still really cold out and the snow is soaking into his shoes. "I'm tired of hiding," she murmurs. "I'm not embarrassed. Are you?"
"No, but--"
"Then there's no problem."
There's a hundred thousand problems. "Listen, I know you're upset--" she has every right to be upset, God he's such a fuck up "--but I mean it."
"So do I. I'm proud that I'm going to be Mrs. Lucas Swan. I want the whole world to know how happy you've made me."
It isn't the whole world that he's worried about, and he knows it's not the whole world Mary's worried about, either. It's one person. The person who makes a noise behind him because of course she's walked up at that moment, because that's how everything is going right now.
"You're getting married," Ruth says flatly. "You're getting married."
Lucas twists out of Mary's arms, half-expecting her not to let him go but she does, at least there's that. "Ruth, hang on--"
She doesn't.
He wheels on his fiancee, angrier than he can ever remember being in his life. "You knew she was listening."
Mary gives him a level stare. "I think she deserves to know the truth, don't you?" she says, and again yes Lucas gets that Mary's upset and that there would have to be consequences for what happened but this is not okay, none of this is okay, and he's going to have to make it better even if he has absolutely no idea how.
He chases after Ruth.
***
He'd asked Mary not to tell people; she hadn't understood, but when he'd pointed out that everyone in school would immediately start asking when the baby was due, the ring disappeared into her pocket. And Lucas had heaved a sigh of relief.
It wasn't that he was ashamed of being... engaged, shit, how did that happen? He'd asked, of course, it was his idea... anyway, the problem wasn't shame nearly so much as needing to make sure he had an explanation that didn't involve a broken condom. Lucas thought that was kinda funny, in a way, given that that was about as far from the truth as it was possible to get. As it could ever get, for that matter.
Well, he'd make an awful dad anyway.
Mostly, though, he had needed a plan of some kind to tell Ruth, because it wasn't like she wouldn't hear about it. When Charlie found out -- a nightmare in and of itself -- he would tell Billy and then it was going to be bad. Fuck, things were already bad, except 'bad' no longer seemed like the right word for what was going on. 'Bad' was what you said when your car broke down -- which his had, it wouldn't start for some reason, but when he'd poked at the engine it made a scary noise and he'd backed away before his attempt at repairs made it explode. This situation needed a stronger word than 'bad', because he had the sneaking suspicion that Ruth was not going to take the news well. And he'd suspected that before she climbed naked into his bed while he was sleeping.
Which, by the way, had been another thing that 'bad' didn't cover. 'Fucked up' didn't do it either. He needed a whole new language to explain that night.
Not that there'd been anyone to use the language with, because he and Ruth weren't speaking again, and he sure as hell wasn't going to tell Mary.
***
Lucas misses the desert, but he has to admit that the scenery here in Washington is really amazing. He kind of wishes he had the chance to, y'know, look once in awhile instead of only seeing it when something terrible is happening. "Ruth, wait!"
"Fuck you."
"Just hang on for a--"
"No. Fuck you." Ruth turns to face him, and her black eyes are bright with a sort of manic gleam that Lucas has never seen before but doesn't like at all. "I'm done. I am so done."
He says the only thing he can think of: "Tell me what to do." There has to be a solution to all this, something he can do that isn't just going to shove someone off a fucking cliff.
Ruth snorts. "I've got a battle to get to," she says instead of answering. "Have fun up here with the corpse."
Shit. "Wait for a little bit." Fuck, she has to wait. He can't let her storm off to fight a bunch of vampires when she's like this, her head's not in the game and the they'll rip her apart-- "Just take a few minutes, okay? Walk around or something."
"Nuh-uh. I'd rather go play with some bloodsuckers." Ruth's gaze flicks over Lucas' shoulder, back towards the tent. "Unless you'll let me at yours."
He can't speak, because what is he supposed to say?
Ruth gives him the wolf-smirk that he hates. "Yeah, I didn't think so," she says. "'Bye now. Have a great fucking life."
"No!" Lucas shouts quickly. "Jesus, just don't go like this, you'll get yourself killed!"
"So what?"
His heart stops.
***
The Pack had made it very clear -- in about as many ways as possible that didn't involve hieroglyphics or billboards -- that they could care less whether Lucas lived or died. The only reason they were helping with his protection was because they weren't interested in letting a vampire army run around eating people and otherwise causing havoc near their territory. We're going to kill the leeches, Sam had said at the How To Destroy Newborns training session, then you're all on your own. Then he'd glared at Lucas so hard that Lucas had literally taken a step backwards. And I do mean all of you.
Ruth had been there too. Ruth hadn't acknowledged his presence. At the time he'd thought that had been for the best, since he was still pissed about the late night visit thing -- because, seriously, what the fuck -- but afterwards he'd really wished he'd tried to talk to her. Even though whatever he'd have come up with to say would have made things worse. It was becoming increasingly clear that was all he could do, just keep making things worse.
At least Mary was happy. She and Alice had been picking out wedding invitations.
For distraction purposes and a general interest in keeping the only human out of the line of supernatural fire, Lucas had agreed to hide up on a cliff side for the duration of the battle. To hide his human scent Embry had carried Lucas up the mountain, slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and somehow that Lucas was sure was completely by accident, Embry kept dropping him on rocks. By the time they arrived at the campsite Lucas felt like he'd fallen off the motorbike again.
Mary was staying with him and sitting out the battle. I have to make sure you're safe, love. Which at least had meant she would be safe too.
Ruth had been there too, but she'd refused to phase to human, so Lucas had had to ask Mary what was up. The wolves want to keep track of us before the battle, and it seems she's the only one who won't attempt to injure you, Mary had said.
Lucas hadn't been entirely sure of that.
The problem -- well, one of them -- had been the snowstorm that hit in the middle of the night, which led to Mary bemoaning Alice's lack of weather-related foresight and Lucas to go basically incoherent with hypothermia. During one of his moments of lucidity he reflected that it was sort of anticlimactic to just freeze to death in a tent, and also that it would be really hard for people to explain what the hell he'd been doing out here, considering his idea of camping was staying at a Motel 8.
He'd heard the conversation, but had a hard time understanding it. Fine, whatever, but get the fuck out.
I'll do no such thing.
Then no deal. I'm tired too, bitch, and your stink'll keep me up. Beat it or I'll let him freeze.
I know that you wouldn't.
Really? Read my mind.
A few moments later a wonderful heat had curled up against his body, and it only took about thirty seconds for Lucas to fall asleep.
***
"Don't joke about that," Lucas says slowly. "That's not funny."
"Who said I was joking?" Ruth's short hair ruffles in the breeze and her breath's coming in short bursts and shit fuck goddamn it she's fucking serious-- "It'd make your life way easier if I got killed down there."
"That is not fucking true." He feels like he's going to pass out. "Don't say that shit when you know it's not--"
"It'll be great! You and your corpse bride can sparkle off into the sunset--"
"I won't--"
"--she'll bite you and that's almost like a hickey--"
"Goddamn it, Ruth--"
"--you can stop by my tombstone once a century or something--"
"Shut the fuck up!"
His voice echoes through the valley, and even the birds are quiet for a second. Lucas hadn't known he could shout that loud, but then again, he's never really had a reason to. Even Ruth looks surprised.
"C'mon," he begs, quieter and everything hurts. "Don't do this to me. Not you."
But Ruth's smile shows all her teeth. Did the wolf put this coldness in her, or was it the vampires, or was it all him? "Oh, I get it. If I'd tried jumping off a cliff, you wouldn't've gone to Italy. That's how it works. I should've done this months ago, yeah?"
Jesus fucking Christ. "Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Anything."
"Bullshit."
"I mean it." He does.
There's a long beat while Ruth looks at him, then down at the valley, then back again. "Why should I stick around?" she asks, and it's like she's trying to be haughty but the tone's not right. "What do you want me for? Does the leech need a bridesmaid?"
Lucas doesn't take the bait. "You know how important you are. Don't pull that girl-riddle crap and act like you don't."
"Uh-huh." Ruth steps forward a few paces. "Prove it, then."
"How?"
She looks him right in the eye and says, "Kiss me."
***
Lucas had found himself having the most vivid dream yet. He was in his bedroom, and Ruth was back, but she was different -- or, rather, the same as she'd been before everything got fucked eight ways from Sunday. This time he didn't tell her to leave. She'd straddled him, and leaned back and pulled off her sweatshirt and grinned and oh shit this was not going to take very long at all. She kissed her way down his chest, he had literally the hottest girl in the world on top of him and--
--no, wait, she wasn't on top of him. She was on her side and so was he, she was spooned against him, and he could smell her hair and her sweat--
--and the mildew of the tent.
Lucas had opened his eyes to find his arm locked around Ruth's waist, holding her body against his. He was grinding against her ass like some kid humping a pillow. Even through like eight layers of clothes he could feel her heat against his dick.
He'd frozen and prayed to whoever might be listening -- probably no one -- that she hadn't noticed.
Like he had that kind of luck.
Ruth made a plaintive noise and pressed herself backwards and closer. Keep going, she'd whispered, and her voice was all thick with sleep too. Don't stop.
Lucas was tired. And he was cold. And he missed Ruth. And he really, really didn't want to stop.
So he didn't.
Acting on instinct because that was basically all he'd been capable of he bowed his body around hers, pressing against every inch he possibly could and grinding hard, and he let go of her waist and just flat out reached under her shirt without stopping to even apologize and she whimpered, actually fucking whimpered like wanted him to do these things and her hand came around to hold onto his shoulder and it didn't matter that they were both still clothed and in a snowstorm and he had bruises all over from being dropped on rocks. Lucas was positive it couldn't be any better if he was actually inside her.
Which he could have been. He'd known he could.
But he didn't even get to make a decision about that because the thought alone did the trick. It just felt too good. After about three more hard thrusts the friction had him moaning against the back of her head, and he came so hard he'd seen spots.
Holy fuck.
After a few hazy moments Ruth had shifted, then reached out to fumble with the duffel bag, and the next thing he realized she'd pressed a wad of toilet paper into his hand. He'd automatically rolled away from her and reached down into his jeans to clean himself up as best he could, but man, what a mess.
Ruth sat up and looked down at him. If she'd used her sunny smile in that moment that probably would have been it.
Instead she'd smirked and said, You owe me one.
Lucas stared at her, and a moment later his face had started to burn. He turned onto his side quickly, facing the opposite side of the tent and wondered what he was going to do about the smell before morning, because it wasn't like Mary wasn't going to notice.
Ruth stretched out against his back. He didn't push her away because it was still freezing, but when she'd said Feel better now? he seriously considered frostbite as a reasonable alternative. He'd never been so fucking embarrassed in his life.
Fine, he'd said bitterly. I'm human. What's your point?
There hadn't been any movement for a long moment, but then Ruth had wrapped her arms around him from behind like one of her old hugs. You're human. That's my point.
When he woke up in the morning Ruth was gone from the tent and Mary sat in the corner, just looking at him. Before he'd even had a chance to say anything she'd whispered, It's okay. I know it was her fault.
He'd basically wanted to die.
***
"Kiss you," Lucas repeats.
"Uh-huh. That's not so much, yeah?"
No, it's not. In fact it's suspiciously not so much. "But we've already kissed."
Ruth shakes her head and takes another step closer. "Nah, see, that was me kissing you. Not the same. So you do it this time. You kiss me."
It's a trap! "I don't know how that's supposed to prove anything." Shit, is there a point system or something? It's obviously not just a kiss that she wants, so what's she expecting, is he about to spend the next six months of his life staring at a wall going over this conversation again and again and again wondering what it was he was supposed to have said that would change everything?
Too much time is passing as he tries to think.
"Well, then, forget it," Ruth says. She turns away. "I've gotta be--"
"No, stop." He lunges forward and grabs her arm. "I'll do it." The look of suspicious disbelief that Ruth gives him is awful, so Lucas closes his eyes so he won't have to see it. He leans down and presses his lips to hers.
He doesn't know what she's looking for and he doesn't know a lot of ways to kiss and he's engaged and shouldn't be doing this.
A moment later he pulls back and searches her expression for some sign of approval or, well, anything. Ruth exhales slowly, then looks up at him and says, "That sucked. No wonder all the girls you kiss want to kill themselves."
And it is way too much.
He grabs the back of her head and kisses her again but it's not nice or sweet or anything remotely like he'd tried to go for or has ever done because he's too angry to be nice or give a shit in general and Lucas knows he's a screw up and knows he deserves stuff like this but fuck, she'd promised she wouldn't hurt him, and he'd actually believed that promise because Ruth was the one who made it but they're still here and it hurts as bad as anything he can imagine.
Lucas expects her to shove him away with all of that wolfstrength and say something even worse, probably with the same smugness she'd thrown at him last night in the tent. He does not expect her to gasp and kiss him back just as hard. Harder, maybe.
It makes something shift and crack and then it's not too rough or too soft or half-asleep. It's not based on how she's hot or how he's hard up or all those other things he'd thought. Her mouth molds to his and it's not any of that, it's just the kiss Lucas has been wanting to give Ruth for months, and it doesn't hurt at all.
She mumbles something obscene against his lips as her fingers tangle in his hair.
He loves the way she curses.
Shit, he loves her.
And in that moment, when Ruth pulls away and looks like the girl who used to trip over her boots, Lucas knows that they are all completely, totally screwed.
***
Next: The Second Breakup