Fic - What if the End was Now - J/C Mpreg (7/?)
Title: What if the End Was Now (7/?)
Characters: Jared/Chris
Rating: M (I've upped it for mentions of smexing in passing)
Warning: Mpreg, angst, M/M
Word Count: 17,747 overall, +4,100 this part
Beta: None for this! Sorry!!
Summary: Jared feels some pain in his stomach... Rushed to the hospital all he can think about is that seven months pregnant is too soon.
A/N: Is kinda a sequel to this, but can be read without it!
A/N: I'M SOOOOOOOO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! BUT ALL MY EXAMS ARE DONE! WOO! To make up for it though this chapter is about double the length of all my previous ones! :p
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6
It was dark, and the silence was deafening. He tried to lift his head to look around, but he felt so tired and his arms and legs felt as heavy as lead. He didn’t know what was going on, one moment everything seemed to be going well; the next, everything was different. He felt completely numb, as if his limbs weren't a part of him. He didn't know how long he had been just drifting there, but it gave him plenty of time to think, the main thing on his mind being how he and Chris had met and started.
It was about three years ago, Jensen introduced them when he took Jared to one of Chris’ concerts. The music was loud and pumping through his veins. He could hear the older man’s voice over all the others, his husky southern voice filling his ears. Jared sat down at a sticky table in the small hole-in-the-wall club where the alcohol was flowing freely and the lights were on low. He sat back and listened to Chris' set, Jensen joining him once he got a couple beers from the bar.
They met up after the gig ended, it was late and everyone was mostly drunk, but it didn’t make a difference, Jensen simply stated their names and that was it. The two of them seemed as opposite as day and night. Chris was rude and rash while Jared was compassionate and thoughtful, but they still hit it off in a matter of moments. Chris smiled with his bright blue eyes and pulled Jared under his shoulder, which wasn’t an easy feat for the much shorter man, and declared them best friends.
The night ended with the three of them stumbling home together, jokes and easy banter being yelled at one another. They staggered through the door and collapsed onto the couch in a heap, laughing.
“Boy, it’s been a good night. We should have gotten together sooner!” Chris laughed, throwing his arm over Jared’s broad shoulders and pulling him in close.
Jared curled his hand over Chris’ chest and rested his head in the crook of Chris’ neck, nodding in agreement; “Mm, yeah, we definitely should have!” he slurred.
“Come on Jay, I think it’s time we put you to bed. Chris, you’re right to take the couch yeah?” Jensen asked suddenly sobering up.
Chris’ eyes hardened for a moment before he shrugged Jared off of him, “Yeah, man! You know I’m fine with it. Night, guys,” he said, used to his friend’s attitude towards him.
“See you in the morning!” Jared smiled, wide and bright, allowing Jensen to lead him towards the spare bedroom in Jensen’s large house.
Jensen tossed Jared onto the mattress before sitting down next to him, “Jay, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked watching as the younger man curled himself into the pillow, just as he had with Chris.
“Mm, yeah, just poke me if I fall asleep,” Jared yawned.
“Jay, look man, just be careful around Chris okay? He’s a decent guy, a good friend, but I mean... just watch out with Chris, he isn’t like you Jared...” Jensen said.
“I... I don’t think I know what you’re saying?” Jared asked, sitting up more.
“Just guard your heart Jay, don’t get too carried away with him okay?” Jensen urged.
“So is this why you never introduced us sooner? You thought I’d what? Get my heart broken by him or something?” Jared scoffed.
“Well-” Jensen tried.
“Don’t, I can take care of myself. I can make up my own mind about the guy,” Jared said with conviction, “Now if you don’t mind, I’m drunk and tired, all I want to do is sleep so you can see yourself out,” Jared said, his annoyance towards Jensen obvious.
Jensen nodded and got up to leave, “Just be careful Jay, please,” he asked again before walking out and closing the door behind him.
Jared sighed and sat up in his bed, his mind racing with what Jensen had told him. Jared couldn’t see Chris as being like that, sure he knew Chris’ reputation as ‘Christian fucking Kane’, but talking with the man tonight he saw someone completely different. But the thing that got Jared the most was the way Jensen spoke about his friend, never had he heard Jensen warn anyone against someone else, which had to mean something. Didn’t it?
Jared stood and stretched beside the bed before walking out of the room, he needed a drink, nothing alcoholic, just something to calm him down. He slowly walked down the stairs, aware that everyone else in the house was asleep and headed towards the kitchen. He was stopped in the hallway however by a strange sound. In his alcohol filled mind made him think that his dogs were in the other room whimpering, but then he remembered that he was actually at Jensen’s house and that Chris was in the other room alone.
Jared carefully walked into the lounge room, slowly pushing the door open waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. Jared could see the hunched figure on the couch; he had found the source of the near pathetic whimpering sounds. It was the man he always saw as indestructible was breaking before his very eyes.
“Chris..?” Jared asked hesitantly, tentatively approaching the distraught man.
Chris jumped in surprise, leaping off the couch and whipping around to face Jared. He rubbed at his eyes with the backs of his hands furiously before shooting Jensen a shaky smile. It was in that instant that Jared knew Jensen was wrong, that Chris wasn’t the man everyone thought he was.
“Jared! Man, I thought you had gone to bed?” Chris asked, laughing nervously.
“I had... but I had a lot on my mind and it kinda sobered me up, I came down to get some water and thought I heard something...” Jared responded.
“Oh, right, yeah...” Chris tried, not knowing what to say.
“Are you okay Chris?” Jared asked.
“Yeah!”
“You sure, cause I mean, I might be taking this the wrong way or something but I noticed how Jensen was with us, and let me tell you, he... he had no right to say anything,” Jared pressed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking...” Chris started only to be interrupted by Jared’s lips colliding onto his own.
“I think I know what I’m talking about, I know I want to try this, regardless of what the other’s think,” Jared said, his lips only mere millimetres from Chris’.
“Jay..?”
“Trust me man, give me a shot...” Jared asked, his hand coming up to run through Chris’ hair.
“But...”
“I think we both know not to listen to Jensen, he could never know what we could potentially have here,” Jared said.
“You sound so sure, we’ve just met today man, stop pulling my leg, you’re young, you’re drunk and you’re most likely horny...” Chris said, trying to push away from the younger man.
“No, I know what I want, and I have wanted you for a while now, sleep on it, then tomorrow we can really talk,” Jared replied, brushing off Chris’ words and leaning in for a chaste kiss.
The next day the two men had left Jensen’s house long before he had woken up and had gone for breakfast in a small and quiet cafe, there they talked about everything, they figured out what it was they wanted and why Jensen seemed to feel the need to warn Jared against Chris. They both agreed that it seemed like an unlikely pairing, but they also realised that it was definitely worth a shot. They had to figure out if they could work for themselves.
They had been going out for a few months before they had even thought about telling Jensen or Steve about them being together, and while neither man really took it well to start, only concerned for Jared’s wellbeing, they eventually warmed up to the thought. Jared had stood by Chris’ side through the whole ordeal, calling his friends out by asking them why they weren’t thinking of Chris’ wellbeing when they were saying all the things about Chris to him. Both Jensen and Steve had hung their heads in shame and had agreed that they had been out of place and too quick to judge Chris, just because of some past mistakes.
Jared had approached both Jensen and Steve the night they told them about being together. He had cornered them individually and asked specifically why they thought to warn Jared against Chris. Jensen seemed hesitant to reply, but eventually he explained how Chris had a poor track record with keeping women, how Chris was more of a ladies (or was it mans) man who would love ‘em and leave ‘em. Steve came right out and said that he thought they were polar opposites, and that he was worried Jared wouldn’t be able to handle it if Chris got bored, ‘like he usually does’ Steve had said. Jared reigned in his anger enough to explain that Chris wasn’t like that at all, and that if they took a moment to talk to the other man that they would find that out for themselves.
Jared did however realise that if they were warning him against trying with Chris before they even knew they were interested in each other that it had to mean that somewhere along the lines both of them had seen something that would make Jared and Chris a good match. They would eventually see how much they actually did care for each other, and anyway, only Jared knew the real reasons for Chris’ outward behaviour.
The dream-like memory seemed to fade, Jared was back in the endless darkness, still floating and drifting around, his limbs still heavy and the silence still pressing. He couldn’t understand what was going on, but before he had the time to even question it he was pulled into another memory.
He remembers coming out to his parents. He had been sure at fifteen that he was gay, and then on his sixteenth birthday he sat his parents and big brother down and had told them that he was certainly gay. There were a few tears, his mom weeping over lost grandbabies, but that was all. They all smiled and told Jared that they still loved him, no matter what.
The first boyfriend he had introduced to his family was Kyle. He wasn’t as tall as him, even though he was a year older, had brown eyes and sandy coloured hair. His parents had welcomed him easily, his brother and sister on the other hand told him he was making a mistake and that Kyle was no good. He later agreed with them when he found Kyle going through his wallet and stealing all his money for... well Jared hadn’t asked what it was for.
He thought introducing Chris to his parents would be easy in comparison, they hadn’t ever not liked any of Jared’s boyfriends, but Chris seemed to be different. His parents immediately tried to shun Chris, the man with the warm smile and easy attitude, who never went anywhere without his cowboy hat or boots, the man Jared loved. They shut him out from family gatherings and even went so far as to invite Jared’s old boyfriends to parties.
Jared confronted his parents one night. And things took a turn for the worse, they said Jared was too good for Chris but wouldn’t give any other reasons as to why they thought that way. Jared stood tall and stood up for his lover. He could see Chris crumbling under his parents harsh words, and without a moment’s hesitation, Jared turned around and stalked to the room they had been using, he packed their things and took Chris’ hand in his before storming out of the door. His parent’s shouts and curses following him all the way out.
That night, in some random hotel, Jared reminded Chris of how much he loved the older man. They took their time with each other, learning each other’s bodies. Jared kissed and sucked at every inch of skin he could find before carefully opening and entering Chris. They made love, it wasn’t their first time (far from it) but it was probably their most important. Jared showed Chris that he meant more to him than his parents, that he was worth fighting for. Something Chris had never experienced before.
His older brother Jeff and his younger sister never knew about their fight. But Jared assumed that they knew once he got a message saying that it was either Chris or them. Jared and Chris heard the message over the home phone, he saw Chris shut down and shake slightly, frozen in his spot at the door, Jared pushed one button, that was all it took, and the automated message filled the room; ‘message deleted’. They were in this together, no one else.
Chris collapsed into Jared’s open arms and Jared whispered words of reassurance to his lover. Only Jared knew exactly what Chris had gone through, and no one was going to stop them from being happy, even if Jared had to keep them strong and fight for them.
Jared’s somewhere else now. The skies are clear and bright, but he immediately realise that he is still dreaming, because while Chris is there he is laying still and people are swarming towards him in a rush. Shouts are being called and Jared feels sick all over again, the unwanted memory hitting him hard and fast.
Jared had decided to visit Chris in Portland, Oregon while the older man was filming for his TV show Leverage. He wasn’t filming anything at the moment and there were no cons lined up so it was perfect. The day he arrived, Chris was scheduled to do a massive fight scene with the bad guy of the week, tumbling over objects and flying through what was meant to be candy glass, but Jared knows that sometimes even big productions can forget to replace the real glass with the fake kind.
Everything was going fine until that last moment. Both men went through the glass, Chris first then the other man, the other man stood when the director yelled ‘cut’ and dusted himself off, Chris on the other hand stayed where he was. Completely still and unmoving. Jared had never been more scared.
After being rushed to the hospital, Jared to follow with Aldis and Beth, Jared later found out that Chris had suffered from a severe injury; a large piece of glass had imbedded itself in Chris’ back, too close to his spine for the doctor’s comfort so they surgically removed the offending piece. Chris had lost a lot of blood, but they expected him to be able to leave in the morning, twenty stitches and pain as his reminder of the event.
That night, Jared had sat by Chris’ side murmuring words of love to the slumbering man, while at the same time warning him against even thinking about getting hurt ever again, everyone long since having gone home to sleep in their warm and comfortable beds. The older man wouldn’t be able to lie on his back for the next few nights, so he was propped up on his side, allowing the wound to heal. The hospital room was white and it smelt like antiseptic, but Jared barely registered the room or his environment. During the night Chris developed a mild fever, the doctors suspecting an infection, possibly more glass in Chris’ back, and the older man was scheduled for more surgery come morning. Jared called Chris’ parents that night, they said they were coming straight away, and Jared never realised his mistake until it was too late.
Chris’ father was well dressed in a smart suit and his mother dressed in a nice and simple black dress. Jared immediately thought funeral. Jared stood to greet them, calling them ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ and being called ‘Son’ was weird, but his Momma had raised him right and he knew how to act around these kinds of people. They sat stiffly in the plastic hospital chairs, Chris’ mother holding Chris’ hand, his father sitting stoic, it wasn’t how most parent’s would be with their children and Jared didn’t know what to do. There were no words being exchanged between them, everyone just waiting for Chris to wake up.
Chris had come out of the surgery well, smaller pieces of glass had been found in the same area, but he was expected to wake up with no other problems other than a sore back. Chris woke a few hours later confused and disorientated, his eyes searching the room for Jared, but when they landed on his parents’ faces instead his eyes became blank. He greeted them the same way Jared did and lay still as his father explained to him how it was his own fault he was injured and how he could have injured the other man.
Jared sat in the background hearing the cruel words pour from Chris’ father’s mouth. Jared was in shock, no matter how bad things got between his family, they never once blamed him for anything, especially not his career choices. He saw Chris absorb the words and accept them, and more than anything Jared wanted to rush up to his lover and convince him otherwise, but he knew it would only make things worse.
“Chris, we told you not to do this, no respectable person becomes a singer or an actor, and especially not both. You should come back home and work on the farm or the factory; an honest hard working job should straighten you out. Maybe even get you a wife,” Chris’ father said, his mother nodding beside him.
“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I think you’re wrong,” Jared said standing and moving beside Chris. “I understand the fact that you don’t agree with Chris’ choice in career, but you have to know that he is an amazing singer and actor, and he is definitely well-respected between his co-workers...” Jared said, trailing off.
“Son, I don’t think this is your place to talk about any of this, I don’t even know why you are still here, his family is here now to look after him, and this is a family matter,” he replied.
“I am a good friend and I care deeply for Chris, Sir, I just want to make sure he is okay. Have you heard your son sing? Or seen anything he’s been in? He’s really good...” Jared tried again.
“You should learn to mind your place,” the elderly man scolded, “seeing as you have all of this handled I think we can return home, a waste of airfare money if you ask me,” he said to his wife, picking up her hand and turning away.
“Sir wait,” Chris struggled to say, he waited until his dad had turned around before continuing, “Jared is family Sir, and I care deeply for him too, they way you were talking to him was out of line Sir...” Chris started.
“Are you saying you are a fag, son?” he asked snidely.
“I...I uhh...” Chris started turning desperate eyes towards Jared.
Jared looked down and Chris and tried to give him a reassuring smile even though he was just as scared as Chris was. He grabbed Chris’ hand and gripped it tightly in his own before nodding for Chris to continue.
“Yes Sir, we love each other...”
“You are no son of mine, remember that when he leaves you with nothing,” Chris’ father said, his voice calm and controlled before leaving the room.
Chris physically deflated. He didn’t cry any tears this time, not when there were too many people who could see them, see him, but the hand wrapped around Jared’s tightened fractionally, his arm shaking with effort.
“I want to go home,” he said.
“You can’t, not yet, tomorrow we’ll go home, sleep in and not worry about anyone else,” Jared said running his fingers through Chris’ long hair.
Chris looked up at Jared, his eyes shining with moisture, “You’re my home Jared, anywhere you are is home to me now, will you stay?” he asked.
“Nothing could keep me away,” Jared nodded, slightly surprised with Chris’ honesty. Without relinquishing the hold he had on Chris’ hand, Jared brought a chair closer for him to sit on and sat beside Chris, his thumb tracing random patterns into the skin on Chris’ hand. “How is your back feeling?”
“Fine,” Chris simply replied.
Jared knew that was all he would get, knew how much Chris would be hurting, both from his back and in his heart, “slide over,” he asked. Chris looked at him with confusion but did as he was asked, a soft smile gracing his face when he saw Jared climb into the bed beside him.
Jared slotted himself into the tiny bed, the two large me barely keeping themselves from falling off the sides. Jared’s body was pressed right against Chris’, Jared still ensuring that he wasn’t aggravating the wound, his arm came up and wrapped around Chris’ chest, encircling the older man as his long leg also hooked over the shorter ones. Chris leaned back into the offered embrace, clutching at Jared’s large hand and holding it over his heart. He sighed when he felt Jared bury his nose into the crook of his neck, no words were needed, no one else was wanted. They had each other and that’s all that mattered.
“You’re a lion Jay,” he said breaking the silence a few minutes later, “You’re strong and fierce, you’re loyal and have pride... and god I know how cheesy this all sounds, but you even care about your family, you put everyone before you and you have been my rock for so long I don’t know if I could ever repay you,” Chris sighed closing his eyes as some stray tears managed to squeeze past his defences.
“I love you Chris, I know I probably don’t say it enough, but I do. And that means that you don’t have to repay me, you are my everything as well, and there is nothing you can do about it,” Jared replied drawing the older man impossibly closer towards him.
“I love you too Jay...”
Jay
Jared
Please baby
Come back to me
I need you here with me
I need you to come back home
Jared was pulled away from the memory by a familiar voice. He was back in the pool of black, but this time he could feel himself moving around. He was being drawn towards something, and there, in the distance Jared could see a bright white light. He knew about the old wives tales about staying away from the light at the end of the tunnel, but something deep within him knew that this wasn’t the same thing. He had to go, leave this darkness and he had to do it now.
“Oh thank god I’ve found you! Chris, its Jared...” Steve said rushing up to Chris and grabbing the older man by the biceps. “We have to go, we have to get back to him, the doctors say he’s waking up, like soon, he’s been making sounds and moving around. He’s coming around!” Steve explained as the trio rushed back through the hospital entrance and ran to Jared’s private room.
Chris skidded to a stop beside Jared’s bed, the other two men hanging back to give Chris some privacy. He barely took notice of the monitors and machines surrounding his lover’s body as he took hold of Jared’s cool hand in his. Chris crouched down low and brushed his lips over Jared’s chapped ones.
“Jay? Jared? Please baby, come back to me. I need you here with me... I need you to come back home...” Chris whispered, his lips brushing against Jared’s as he spoke.
“I need you, I need you to come back so we can look after our baby, we have a cub to look after now, I need my lion to protect us...” he begged, letting his tears fall freely.
It seemed like hours, but in reality it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, before Chris saw a flicker in Jared’s eyes. It didn’t take much longer after that. Jared came back to them slowly, his eyes blinking against the glaring light. He still looked tired as his eyes roamed around the room not really stopping on anything in particular.
“Jared? You with us? Please say something?” Chris asked.
Jared’s eyes focused on Chris’, and with everything he had he managed to push out; “-ris?” his chest heaving with the effort.
“Oh thank god!” Chris sighed in relief burying his head into Jared’s hair, inhaling Jared’s scent and kissing the crown of his head.
“Chris?” Jared coughed, his eyes searching Chris’ when Chris finally pulled back, “Baby?” he asked, his eyes immediately filling with tears at Chris’ sigh.
Next Chapter >>
PS you can go here and give me a prompt to write ya something :)
Characters: Jared/Chris
Rating: M (I've upped it for mentions of smexing in passing)
Warning: Mpreg, angst, M/M
Word Count: 17,747 overall, +4,100 this part
Beta: None for this! Sorry!!
Summary: Jared feels some pain in his stomach... Rushed to the hospital all he can think about is that seven months pregnant is too soon.
A/N: Is kinda a sequel to this, but can be read without it!
A/N: I'M SOOOOOOOO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! BUT ALL MY EXAMS ARE DONE! WOO! To make up for it though this chapter is about double the length of all my previous ones! :p
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6
It was dark, and the silence was deafening. He tried to lift his head to look around, but he felt so tired and his arms and legs felt as heavy as lead. He didn’t know what was going on, one moment everything seemed to be going well; the next, everything was different. He felt completely numb, as if his limbs weren't a part of him. He didn't know how long he had been just drifting there, but it gave him plenty of time to think, the main thing on his mind being how he and Chris had met and started.
It was about three years ago, Jensen introduced them when he took Jared to one of Chris’ concerts. The music was loud and pumping through his veins. He could hear the older man’s voice over all the others, his husky southern voice filling his ears. Jared sat down at a sticky table in the small hole-in-the-wall club where the alcohol was flowing freely and the lights were on low. He sat back and listened to Chris' set, Jensen joining him once he got a couple beers from the bar.
They met up after the gig ended, it was late and everyone was mostly drunk, but it didn’t make a difference, Jensen simply stated their names and that was it. The two of them seemed as opposite as day and night. Chris was rude and rash while Jared was compassionate and thoughtful, but they still hit it off in a matter of moments. Chris smiled with his bright blue eyes and pulled Jared under his shoulder, which wasn’t an easy feat for the much shorter man, and declared them best friends.
The night ended with the three of them stumbling home together, jokes and easy banter being yelled at one another. They staggered through the door and collapsed onto the couch in a heap, laughing.
“Boy, it’s been a good night. We should have gotten together sooner!” Chris laughed, throwing his arm over Jared’s broad shoulders and pulling him in close.
Jared curled his hand over Chris’ chest and rested his head in the crook of Chris’ neck, nodding in agreement; “Mm, yeah, we definitely should have!” he slurred.
“Come on Jay, I think it’s time we put you to bed. Chris, you’re right to take the couch yeah?” Jensen asked suddenly sobering up.
Chris’ eyes hardened for a moment before he shrugged Jared off of him, “Yeah, man! You know I’m fine with it. Night, guys,” he said, used to his friend’s attitude towards him.
“See you in the morning!” Jared smiled, wide and bright, allowing Jensen to lead him towards the spare bedroom in Jensen’s large house.
Jensen tossed Jared onto the mattress before sitting down next to him, “Jay, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked watching as the younger man curled himself into the pillow, just as he had with Chris.
“Mm, yeah, just poke me if I fall asleep,” Jared yawned.
“Jay, look man, just be careful around Chris okay? He’s a decent guy, a good friend, but I mean... just watch out with Chris, he isn’t like you Jared...” Jensen said.
“I... I don’t think I know what you’re saying?” Jared asked, sitting up more.
“Just guard your heart Jay, don’t get too carried away with him okay?” Jensen urged.
“So is this why you never introduced us sooner? You thought I’d what? Get my heart broken by him or something?” Jared scoffed.
“Well-” Jensen tried.
“Don’t, I can take care of myself. I can make up my own mind about the guy,” Jared said with conviction, “Now if you don’t mind, I’m drunk and tired, all I want to do is sleep so you can see yourself out,” Jared said, his annoyance towards Jensen obvious.
Jensen nodded and got up to leave, “Just be careful Jay, please,” he asked again before walking out and closing the door behind him.
Jared sighed and sat up in his bed, his mind racing with what Jensen had told him. Jared couldn’t see Chris as being like that, sure he knew Chris’ reputation as ‘Christian fucking Kane’, but talking with the man tonight he saw someone completely different. But the thing that got Jared the most was the way Jensen spoke about his friend, never had he heard Jensen warn anyone against someone else, which had to mean something. Didn’t it?
Jared stood and stretched beside the bed before walking out of the room, he needed a drink, nothing alcoholic, just something to calm him down. He slowly walked down the stairs, aware that everyone else in the house was asleep and headed towards the kitchen. He was stopped in the hallway however by a strange sound. In his alcohol filled mind made him think that his dogs were in the other room whimpering, but then he remembered that he was actually at Jensen’s house and that Chris was in the other room alone.
Jared carefully walked into the lounge room, slowly pushing the door open waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. Jared could see the hunched figure on the couch; he had found the source of the near pathetic whimpering sounds. It was the man he always saw as indestructible was breaking before his very eyes.
“Chris..?” Jared asked hesitantly, tentatively approaching the distraught man.
Chris jumped in surprise, leaping off the couch and whipping around to face Jared. He rubbed at his eyes with the backs of his hands furiously before shooting Jensen a shaky smile. It was in that instant that Jared knew Jensen was wrong, that Chris wasn’t the man everyone thought he was.
“Jared! Man, I thought you had gone to bed?” Chris asked, laughing nervously.
“I had... but I had a lot on my mind and it kinda sobered me up, I came down to get some water and thought I heard something...” Jared responded.
“Oh, right, yeah...” Chris tried, not knowing what to say.
“Are you okay Chris?” Jared asked.
“Yeah!”
“You sure, cause I mean, I might be taking this the wrong way or something but I noticed how Jensen was with us, and let me tell you, he... he had no right to say anything,” Jared pressed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking...” Chris started only to be interrupted by Jared’s lips colliding onto his own.
“I think I know what I’m talking about, I know I want to try this, regardless of what the other’s think,” Jared said, his lips only mere millimetres from Chris’.
“Jay..?”
“Trust me man, give me a shot...” Jared asked, his hand coming up to run through Chris’ hair.
“But...”
“I think we both know not to listen to Jensen, he could never know what we could potentially have here,” Jared said.
“You sound so sure, we’ve just met today man, stop pulling my leg, you’re young, you’re drunk and you’re most likely horny...” Chris said, trying to push away from the younger man.
“No, I know what I want, and I have wanted you for a while now, sleep on it, then tomorrow we can really talk,” Jared replied, brushing off Chris’ words and leaning in for a chaste kiss.
The next day the two men had left Jensen’s house long before he had woken up and had gone for breakfast in a small and quiet cafe, there they talked about everything, they figured out what it was they wanted and why Jensen seemed to feel the need to warn Jared against Chris. They both agreed that it seemed like an unlikely pairing, but they also realised that it was definitely worth a shot. They had to figure out if they could work for themselves.
They had been going out for a few months before they had even thought about telling Jensen or Steve about them being together, and while neither man really took it well to start, only concerned for Jared’s wellbeing, they eventually warmed up to the thought. Jared had stood by Chris’ side through the whole ordeal, calling his friends out by asking them why they weren’t thinking of Chris’ wellbeing when they were saying all the things about Chris to him. Both Jensen and Steve had hung their heads in shame and had agreed that they had been out of place and too quick to judge Chris, just because of some past mistakes.
Jared had approached both Jensen and Steve the night they told them about being together. He had cornered them individually and asked specifically why they thought to warn Jared against Chris. Jensen seemed hesitant to reply, but eventually he explained how Chris had a poor track record with keeping women, how Chris was more of a ladies (or was it mans) man who would love ‘em and leave ‘em. Steve came right out and said that he thought they were polar opposites, and that he was worried Jared wouldn’t be able to handle it if Chris got bored, ‘like he usually does’ Steve had said. Jared reigned in his anger enough to explain that Chris wasn’t like that at all, and that if they took a moment to talk to the other man that they would find that out for themselves.
Jared did however realise that if they were warning him against trying with Chris before they even knew they were interested in each other that it had to mean that somewhere along the lines both of them had seen something that would make Jared and Chris a good match. They would eventually see how much they actually did care for each other, and anyway, only Jared knew the real reasons for Chris’ outward behaviour.
The dream-like memory seemed to fade, Jared was back in the endless darkness, still floating and drifting around, his limbs still heavy and the silence still pressing. He couldn’t understand what was going on, but before he had the time to even question it he was pulled into another memory.
He remembers coming out to his parents. He had been sure at fifteen that he was gay, and then on his sixteenth birthday he sat his parents and big brother down and had told them that he was certainly gay. There were a few tears, his mom weeping over lost grandbabies, but that was all. They all smiled and told Jared that they still loved him, no matter what.
The first boyfriend he had introduced to his family was Kyle. He wasn’t as tall as him, even though he was a year older, had brown eyes and sandy coloured hair. His parents had welcomed him easily, his brother and sister on the other hand told him he was making a mistake and that Kyle was no good. He later agreed with them when he found Kyle going through his wallet and stealing all his money for... well Jared hadn’t asked what it was for.
He thought introducing Chris to his parents would be easy in comparison, they hadn’t ever not liked any of Jared’s boyfriends, but Chris seemed to be different. His parents immediately tried to shun Chris, the man with the warm smile and easy attitude, who never went anywhere without his cowboy hat or boots, the man Jared loved. They shut him out from family gatherings and even went so far as to invite Jared’s old boyfriends to parties.
Jared confronted his parents one night. And things took a turn for the worse, they said Jared was too good for Chris but wouldn’t give any other reasons as to why they thought that way. Jared stood tall and stood up for his lover. He could see Chris crumbling under his parents harsh words, and without a moment’s hesitation, Jared turned around and stalked to the room they had been using, he packed their things and took Chris’ hand in his before storming out of the door. His parent’s shouts and curses following him all the way out.
That night, in some random hotel, Jared reminded Chris of how much he loved the older man. They took their time with each other, learning each other’s bodies. Jared kissed and sucked at every inch of skin he could find before carefully opening and entering Chris. They made love, it wasn’t their first time (far from it) but it was probably their most important. Jared showed Chris that he meant more to him than his parents, that he was worth fighting for. Something Chris had never experienced before.
His older brother Jeff and his younger sister never knew about their fight. But Jared assumed that they knew once he got a message saying that it was either Chris or them. Jared and Chris heard the message over the home phone, he saw Chris shut down and shake slightly, frozen in his spot at the door, Jared pushed one button, that was all it took, and the automated message filled the room; ‘message deleted’. They were in this together, no one else.
Chris collapsed into Jared’s open arms and Jared whispered words of reassurance to his lover. Only Jared knew exactly what Chris had gone through, and no one was going to stop them from being happy, even if Jared had to keep them strong and fight for them.
Jared’s somewhere else now. The skies are clear and bright, but he immediately realise that he is still dreaming, because while Chris is there he is laying still and people are swarming towards him in a rush. Shouts are being called and Jared feels sick all over again, the unwanted memory hitting him hard and fast.
Jared had decided to visit Chris in Portland, Oregon while the older man was filming for his TV show Leverage. He wasn’t filming anything at the moment and there were no cons lined up so it was perfect. The day he arrived, Chris was scheduled to do a massive fight scene with the bad guy of the week, tumbling over objects and flying through what was meant to be candy glass, but Jared knows that sometimes even big productions can forget to replace the real glass with the fake kind.
Everything was going fine until that last moment. Both men went through the glass, Chris first then the other man, the other man stood when the director yelled ‘cut’ and dusted himself off, Chris on the other hand stayed where he was. Completely still and unmoving. Jared had never been more scared.
After being rushed to the hospital, Jared to follow with Aldis and Beth, Jared later found out that Chris had suffered from a severe injury; a large piece of glass had imbedded itself in Chris’ back, too close to his spine for the doctor’s comfort so they surgically removed the offending piece. Chris had lost a lot of blood, but they expected him to be able to leave in the morning, twenty stitches and pain as his reminder of the event.
That night, Jared had sat by Chris’ side murmuring words of love to the slumbering man, while at the same time warning him against even thinking about getting hurt ever again, everyone long since having gone home to sleep in their warm and comfortable beds. The older man wouldn’t be able to lie on his back for the next few nights, so he was propped up on his side, allowing the wound to heal. The hospital room was white and it smelt like antiseptic, but Jared barely registered the room or his environment. During the night Chris developed a mild fever, the doctors suspecting an infection, possibly more glass in Chris’ back, and the older man was scheduled for more surgery come morning. Jared called Chris’ parents that night, they said they were coming straight away, and Jared never realised his mistake until it was too late.
Chris’ father was well dressed in a smart suit and his mother dressed in a nice and simple black dress. Jared immediately thought funeral. Jared stood to greet them, calling them ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ and being called ‘Son’ was weird, but his Momma had raised him right and he knew how to act around these kinds of people. They sat stiffly in the plastic hospital chairs, Chris’ mother holding Chris’ hand, his father sitting stoic, it wasn’t how most parent’s would be with their children and Jared didn’t know what to do. There were no words being exchanged between them, everyone just waiting for Chris to wake up.
Chris had come out of the surgery well, smaller pieces of glass had been found in the same area, but he was expected to wake up with no other problems other than a sore back. Chris woke a few hours later confused and disorientated, his eyes searching the room for Jared, but when they landed on his parents’ faces instead his eyes became blank. He greeted them the same way Jared did and lay still as his father explained to him how it was his own fault he was injured and how he could have injured the other man.
Jared sat in the background hearing the cruel words pour from Chris’ father’s mouth. Jared was in shock, no matter how bad things got between his family, they never once blamed him for anything, especially not his career choices. He saw Chris absorb the words and accept them, and more than anything Jared wanted to rush up to his lover and convince him otherwise, but he knew it would only make things worse.
“Chris, we told you not to do this, no respectable person becomes a singer or an actor, and especially not both. You should come back home and work on the farm or the factory; an honest hard working job should straighten you out. Maybe even get you a wife,” Chris’ father said, his mother nodding beside him.
“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I think you’re wrong,” Jared said standing and moving beside Chris. “I understand the fact that you don’t agree with Chris’ choice in career, but you have to know that he is an amazing singer and actor, and he is definitely well-respected between his co-workers...” Jared said, trailing off.
“Son, I don’t think this is your place to talk about any of this, I don’t even know why you are still here, his family is here now to look after him, and this is a family matter,” he replied.
“I am a good friend and I care deeply for Chris, Sir, I just want to make sure he is okay. Have you heard your son sing? Or seen anything he’s been in? He’s really good...” Jared tried again.
“You should learn to mind your place,” the elderly man scolded, “seeing as you have all of this handled I think we can return home, a waste of airfare money if you ask me,” he said to his wife, picking up her hand and turning away.
“Sir wait,” Chris struggled to say, he waited until his dad had turned around before continuing, “Jared is family Sir, and I care deeply for him too, they way you were talking to him was out of line Sir...” Chris started.
“Are you saying you are a fag, son?” he asked snidely.
“I...I uhh...” Chris started turning desperate eyes towards Jared.
Jared looked down and Chris and tried to give him a reassuring smile even though he was just as scared as Chris was. He grabbed Chris’ hand and gripped it tightly in his own before nodding for Chris to continue.
“Yes Sir, we love each other...”
“You are no son of mine, remember that when he leaves you with nothing,” Chris’ father said, his voice calm and controlled before leaving the room.
Chris physically deflated. He didn’t cry any tears this time, not when there were too many people who could see them, see him, but the hand wrapped around Jared’s tightened fractionally, his arm shaking with effort.
“I want to go home,” he said.
“You can’t, not yet, tomorrow we’ll go home, sleep in and not worry about anyone else,” Jared said running his fingers through Chris’ long hair.
Chris looked up at Jared, his eyes shining with moisture, “You’re my home Jared, anywhere you are is home to me now, will you stay?” he asked.
“Nothing could keep me away,” Jared nodded, slightly surprised with Chris’ honesty. Without relinquishing the hold he had on Chris’ hand, Jared brought a chair closer for him to sit on and sat beside Chris, his thumb tracing random patterns into the skin on Chris’ hand. “How is your back feeling?”
“Fine,” Chris simply replied.
Jared knew that was all he would get, knew how much Chris would be hurting, both from his back and in his heart, “slide over,” he asked. Chris looked at him with confusion but did as he was asked, a soft smile gracing his face when he saw Jared climb into the bed beside him.
Jared slotted himself into the tiny bed, the two large me barely keeping themselves from falling off the sides. Jared’s body was pressed right against Chris’, Jared still ensuring that he wasn’t aggravating the wound, his arm came up and wrapped around Chris’ chest, encircling the older man as his long leg also hooked over the shorter ones. Chris leaned back into the offered embrace, clutching at Jared’s large hand and holding it over his heart. He sighed when he felt Jared bury his nose into the crook of his neck, no words were needed, no one else was wanted. They had each other and that’s all that mattered.
“You’re a lion Jay,” he said breaking the silence a few minutes later, “You’re strong and fierce, you’re loyal and have pride... and god I know how cheesy this all sounds, but you even care about your family, you put everyone before you and you have been my rock for so long I don’t know if I could ever repay you,” Chris sighed closing his eyes as some stray tears managed to squeeze past his defences.
“I love you Chris, I know I probably don’t say it enough, but I do. And that means that you don’t have to repay me, you are my everything as well, and there is nothing you can do about it,” Jared replied drawing the older man impossibly closer towards him.
“I love you too Jay...”
Jay
Jared
Please baby
Come back to me
I need you here with me
I need you to come back home
Jared was pulled away from the memory by a familiar voice. He was back in the pool of black, but this time he could feel himself moving around. He was being drawn towards something, and there, in the distance Jared could see a bright white light. He knew about the old wives tales about staying away from the light at the end of the tunnel, but something deep within him knew that this wasn’t the same thing. He had to go, leave this darkness and he had to do it now.
“Oh thank god I’ve found you! Chris, its Jared...” Steve said rushing up to Chris and grabbing the older man by the biceps. “We have to go, we have to get back to him, the doctors say he’s waking up, like soon, he’s been making sounds and moving around. He’s coming around!” Steve explained as the trio rushed back through the hospital entrance and ran to Jared’s private room.
Chris skidded to a stop beside Jared’s bed, the other two men hanging back to give Chris some privacy. He barely took notice of the monitors and machines surrounding his lover’s body as he took hold of Jared’s cool hand in his. Chris crouched down low and brushed his lips over Jared’s chapped ones.
“Jay? Jared? Please baby, come back to me. I need you here with me... I need you to come back home...” Chris whispered, his lips brushing against Jared’s as he spoke.
“I need you, I need you to come back so we can look after our baby, we have a cub to look after now, I need my lion to protect us...” he begged, letting his tears fall freely.
It seemed like hours, but in reality it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, before Chris saw a flicker in Jared’s eyes. It didn’t take much longer after that. Jared came back to them slowly, his eyes blinking against the glaring light. He still looked tired as his eyes roamed around the room not really stopping on anything in particular.
“Jared? You with us? Please say something?” Chris asked.
Jared’s eyes focused on Chris’, and with everything he had he managed to push out; “-ris?” his chest heaving with the effort.
“Oh thank god!” Chris sighed in relief burying his head into Jared’s hair, inhaling Jared’s scent and kissing the crown of his head.
“Chris?” Jared coughed, his eyes searching Chris’ when Chris finally pulled back, “Baby?” he asked, his eyes immediately filling with tears at Chris’ sigh.
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