On a Mission

[atok104]

Watched the World Swimming Championships with Hirakoba-kun today. He was rather helpful in explaining the different events. You know, I've never been to Kazan, Russia, but it seems nice. Particularly nice this week, in fact.

I wonder how difficult it would be to procure a gold medal...

[ooc: back from hiatus, and now in UTC -5:00!]

Comments

[highonwaves]

... Definitely not.

[highonwaves]

Dear unspecified advice column,

My best friend and my half-brother are conspiring together to try and get me back together with my ex-boyfriend. Because my best friend thinks I'd be happier and my half-brother fell in love with him after seeing him on television. I think they're honestly trying to help him out fulfilling my request for an olympic gold medal.

What do I do?

Regards,

Kind of bemused

[zenzaitensai]

Dear Bemused,

Give up and eat another slice of pizza.

[highonwaves]

Next time I'm going to a different advice column, this one is terrible.

I'm going to eat all the mochi pizza and only leave the anchovy slices for sharing.

[zenzaitensai]

It's realistic.

I guess I'll starve and die.

[highonwaves]

If you do, I'll eat you.

[zenzaitensai]

Go ahead.

[highonwaves]

I'll savour every bite.

And eat it with maybe fish sauce. Do you think I'd gain your powerknitting skills if I ate you?

[zenzaitensai]

Probably. You could put some of my hair and blood into your crab meat can to find out.

[highonwaves]

Do you think semen would function as a viable substitute for blood and/or hair?

[zenzaitensai]

I'd rather bleed.

[highonwaves]

I prefer my idea if I have to eat anything.

I can give you a helping hand if you want.

[zenzaitensai]

Can't I just stab myself instead?

[highonwaves]

I'm surprised you didn't just turn down my offer of a helping hand and say you could do it yourself like you did with washing yourself between the legs.

[zenzaitensai]

I don't do that, it's boring.

If you want to help, just stab me somewhere unimportant.

[highonwaves]

Stab you in the penis?