Just found this thing locked in one of the third floor cupboards. It had chewed through three drawers, by the looks of things. As soon as I picked it up it attempted to do the same to me.
I have no drawers. You might have noticed. I do, however, have fingers, all of which are now swollen to roughly the size of breakfast sausages.

Very fucking ( Read more... )

You two.
Make a show of dragging me into this... party thing so it looks like I'm not attending of my own free will.

As my yearmates have developed a sudden, inexplicable fascination with stringed things that make noise, I have taken to sleeping on one of the flatter bits of roof I can access through the dormitory window.

Unfortunately, this has led to the rather perturbing discovery that Filch prowls the rooftops when he should be in bed like the rest of you ( Read more... )

Goldstein Anthony.
Why the hell are you talking to her?

An open letter to all first-years:

Yes, my nose is large and perhaps a little bumpy. Yours would be too if your housemates stuck clothespins on it every night.
If you continue to stare, and point, and whisper, you will all sprout bloody great trunks so you know what I have to deal with.

How can people survive being so short?

Someone's put unicorn stickers all over this thing.