empress (of the lost)

[brainpanned]

who: river and doctor
what: forgiveness?
when: aug. 8
where: Bluebird
rating: G?
status: incomplete

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[brainpanned]

Her knee pushed hard into his chest, digging into his ribs; River the Soldier narrowed her eyes and wondered why she had not yet killed him

[brainpanned]

River's eyes glowed with love and nostalgia as she delicately stroked the sketch. "Serenity," she murmured, then with a finger began pointing at the small, etched compartments off of the cargo bay. "River. Simon. Preacher." - then at the compartments along the causeway to the bridge. "Kaylee. Wash and Zoe. Captain. Jayne." She gestured to one of the shuttles. "Inara." Frowning, she added, "But she's leaving. Thinks no one knows yet."

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

"Simon's your brother, yeah? The doctor?"

He knew Kaylee of course, but none of the other names were familiar. But they were obviously important to River, her family. "Where is Inara going?" he ask curiously.

[brainpanned]

She smiled at him like he was the fool now. "All my brothers have been doctors."

Inara puzzled her - always had. Such a strong woman, whose job was to love but when faced with Real Love, she ran. River didn't quite understand that kind of love.

"Got scared," she finally answered, "She's a big girl now. Wants to go far far away from Captain. Doesn't make sense."

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

The Doctor laughed. "So they have," he agreed. When River's mind was clear and calm, her wit tickled him to bits.

"Sometimes running is the only thing you can think of when you're scared," the Doctor answered softly.

[brainpanned]

"They catch up to you, though." The smell of books permeated her skin and made things more clear - it made the Doctor both easier and harder to read.

"Can't run forever. Sometimes you need to come home." She grinned wryly and patted his hand. "Even when you can't."

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

"I've got the TARDIS!" he said, spinning away, not wanting to go any further the topic. "I'm always home!"

He walked to the shelves, his eyes perusing the familiar titles. He climbed one of the ladders scattered through out the room. "Aha! Here we go!" he cried, pulling a book from the shelf.

The Doctor went back to River, setting it on the table before her. The Ancient Race of Dragons. "Galreth's in there. Has a whole chapter devoted just to him. Couldn't happen to a nicer dragon."

[brainpanned]

River moved her hand thoughtfully along the edges of the book before opening it. "He told me things," she said, "About you. You were a soldier. Didn't want to- no - that's wrong - you did."

Finally, the heavy pages turned to the image of the white dragon she had met. "There was a war...burnt the orange skies."

As if this was a better topic.

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

The Doctor froze, his eyes darting to River. Despite everything, there were times he forgot that she could see things almost as clearly as him.

"It was a long time ago," the Doctor said, moving away from the table. "Time to move on." Whether he was speaking to himself or River, he couldn't have said.

[brainpanned]

"You were angry, then!" she called after him, a pitch of desperation in her voice as he moved away. "Never moved on. You wonder: is it worth it? Shattered glass cities. Planets ripped in two..." Her vision swam with stars and she leaned back to stop feeling quite so dizzy.

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

"River!" the Doctor snapped. "Stop," he said through clenched teeth. He couldn't do this, not now. Frankly, he didn't it have it in him.

He took a deep breath and blew it out with puffed cheeks. When he spoke, his voice was gentler. "We're not going to talk about that, River. Not now. Not ever."

[brainpanned]

The way she flinched was visible, her hand half-raised in self defense against nothing.

She continued because the images in her head gave her no other choice. "Different now," she whispered, counting on her fingers, "One, two, three...ten times you're different. Ten fingers, ten changes. So different, carrying the same heaviness...your eyes never change. That's an oddness. Everything but the eyes..."

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

"River," the Doctor warned, his whole body tensed. "You need to stop now," he said softly. "Look at your book, think of the dragons and the peace you felt with Galreth. Reach for that, River, not for me, not right now."

[brainpanned]

When River lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes had once more attained the unfocused thoughtfulness she classified as "typical." She smiled wide and dropped her head to one side - the image of a confused (but blissful) puppy. It was incredible - and more than a little sad - how quickly she was able to lose clarity.

"How many colors are there in a C'tharas rainbow?" she asked dreamily. "Saw it in his head but couldn't count the stripes. The spectrum was undetectable. Why do you always wear suits? How many do you have? This information is quintessential, Doctor."

[xx_doctorwho_xx]

The Doctor sighed. River had disappeared into a safe corner of her mind, and he was to blame.

"Thirty-seven colors, though you'd be hard pressed to see the majority of them. I like suits, they suit me," he grinned. "Used to wear a stalk of celery on the jacket, so glad I outgrew that phase," he said, tugging on his earlobe. "Honestly, who wears a vegetable on their coat?"

Shaking himself out of his nostalgia he continued. "Nine suits, one for every day of the week. Well, not an Earth week, but a week nonetheless."

[brainpanned]

"Thirty-seven..." River repeated the number and began to scribble something on the back of a found paper with a found pen. She made a "tsk" noise and stared at what she had written. "That's not a good number. Neither is nine. It's imperfect."

River had - indeed - retreated someplace safe. Doctor was upset with her for seeing things. Hurting him. She couldn't handle that added shame.

"I can take these with me?" She made a gesture at the books she had picked out before.